Social media is a blessing, but it can also rob you of your joy as a parent if you’re not aware of its negative impacts.

On this episode, I discuss why I feel social media can be harmful to parental (especially maternal mental health) and how to create balance to reclaim our joy as we consume or share on social media.

Links & Resources Mentioned in this Episode:
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0747563216309104

00;00;01;04 – 00;00;24;10

Dr. Mona

Social media is designed to make you think that maybe I should be somewhere else, doing something else with someone else. But if you are always thinking that your happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are at the current moment. Hey everyone. Welcome back to the PedsDocTalk podcast. This podcast continues to grow because of you and your reviews.

 

00;00;24;10 – 00;00;49;10

Dr. Mona

So thank you for coming back each week and for writing those reviews and leaving those ratings. It means so much to me. And on this finding Joy episode, I am going to be talking about social media and five ways that it affects our parental mental health. The last finding Joy episode I did was episode 122, where I talked with my husband and you all loved it.

 

00;00;49;10 – 00;01;09;09

Dr. Mona

I love this series and I love sharing all of my insight and also talking to my husband, where he also shared his insight as a father. So many of you resonated with that episode and left these amazing reviews which I want to share, not only talking about that episode, but the finding Joy series and the podcast in general.

 

00;01;09;12 – 00;01;28;20

Dr. Mona

The first review, the podcast I actually need in my life. Let me start by saying that I have never left a podcast review, but after listening to the latest finding Joy, marriage and parenting episode, I felt compelled. I listened to this episode twice, once in the car and a second time to take notes. There are so many excellent and relatable points in this episode.

 

00;01;28;22 – 00;01;47;00

Dr. Mona

My husband and I had our first child in August of 2020, and we’ve struggled with communication and staying connected. I love the idea of a state of the Union check in. I’m a scientist and a follower on Instagram and love your content. I trust it and have recommended your content to so many people. Keeping you and producing amazing content.

 

00;01;47;01 – 00;02;04;23

Dr. Mona

Thank you doctor Mona, thank you so much for this review. It means so much to me to hear how you listened to it twice and took some notes. I really love talking to my husband about things that we actually talk about on our own, but we were able to share our insight with all of you, so thank you for that.

 

00;02;04;26 – 00;02;25;03

Dr. Mona

The next review, the finding Joy series, is amazing. Understandably, we are all a little worn down from the last three years or so, so I take peace where I can find it. With that being said, the finding Joy series from Doctor Mona is one of those things I enjoy and find peace in. It’s a must listen for any parent, but especially tired and anxious parents like me.

 

00;02;25;05 – 00;02;43;21

Dr. Mona

I can relate to this. I have found joy in parenting and have gone through those ups and downs and understand that it’s not all rainbows and butterflies, but it’s not all dread and fear. And I want to share this with you. In the finding Joy series and in this podcast in general. So Charles, thank you so much for that review.

 

00;02;43;23 – 00;03;07;04

Dr. Mona

The final review I want to share. Amazing podcast. I followed Doctor Mona for a while on Instagram, and I finally listened to my first podcast episode and wish I would have started sooner. I have a ten month old and I listened to the episode with her husband discussing marriage parenting and it’s so relatable. The dynamics of my marriage definitely shifted from the birth of our daughter, and they have had some really great insight and tips on how to make their marriage work.

 

00;03;07;05 – 00;03;28;04

Dr. Mona

I can’t wait to listen to more episodes. Well, number one, I can’t wait to share more finding Joy episodes with you all. And number two, I can’t wait to have my husband on again. We have so much that we want to share based on how we were parented, things that we are undoing as we’ve become parents to Ryan, and we cannot wait to share more with you, not only together but also solo in this finding Joy series.

 

00;03;28;06 – 00;03;48;21

Dr. Mona

So please leave a review if you have not already. Leave a review again and a rating. And also if you have not already, make sure to listen to episode 122 where I speak with my husband. The first finding Joy episode where I had a guest and it was someone who means so much to me, my husband. So make sure to take a listen to that and write a review if you loved it as well.

 

00;03;48;23 – 00;04;13;21

Dr. Mona

Now on this finding Joy episode, I am talking about five ways social media affects or impacts our parental mental health. Ooh, there’s a lot of good in social media, but there is a lot of not so great that I see. And this is a topic that is near and dear to me. Being on this platform is both a blessing and a curse.

 

00;04;13;24 – 00;04;38;23

Dr. Mona

Blessing in that I’m able to share my voice with so many people on my Instagram account through this podcast, and it’s because of this that I’ve been given these amazing opportunities that I do not take for granted. The curse at the time I was starting Pete’s Doc talk about three years ago, I was actually getting deep into a more mindful and peaceful life and part of it was limiting the time I spent on my personal social media account.

 

00;04;38;26 – 00;05;01;12

Dr. Mona

You know, some of the blessings of social media is that it can help you connect with people that you really relate to, that you wouldn’t have connected with otherwise. People who are actually strangers, but they share stories or share experiences that you also resonate with. It also has been an amazing place of education and inspiration. Whether you want to learn parenting tips, health tips, get a different perspective.

 

00;05;01;13 – 00;05;30;07

Dr. Mona

I love the varied opinions, but with all of this comes over stimulation over information comparison game, the misinformation that runs rampant on social media and also how being on our phones, especially being on a social media app, can really take away our mindfulness from activities such as being with our family and just being present with ourself and not being occupied with scrolling social media.

 

00;05;30;08 – 00;05;56;24

Dr. Mona

But I found ways to make social media work for me and create common sense boundaries so that I wasn’t getting consumed with the algorithm, and with checking on posts and checking on likes and all of the things that really can be very stressful for a lot of content creators. And if you’re listening to this, and you are not someone who creates content, but you are someone who solely consumes content, I want to give you a perspective that actually is a reality, that I don’t think a lot of your favorite accounts talk about.

 

00;05;56;26 – 00;06;21;17

Dr. Mona

I see this all the time, fellow educators and influencers, and I know that there is an unhealthy reality from the content creators end that not being consistent with posting goes against the Instagram algorithm and then your page won’t be visible, which is so frustrating. So you spend all this time creating content. You go on a vacation, or you take five days off, two weeks off, whatever, and your posts may not be visible to your followers.

 

00;06;21;24 – 00;06;43;00

Dr. Mona

And so you create all this new content after your much needed break to just decompress from social media. And Instagram doesn’t love that. They do not like the lack of consistency in how you are posting. And I really feel like this goes against every principle that I want to teach my fellow mom, in that we all need breaks, we need to normalize breaks.

 

00;06;43;03 – 00;07;08;14

Dr. Mona

But when you’re scrolling social media and all of your favorite accounts are never taking breaks, it sits inside your head that this is normal, that we are not supposed to take breaks. So I purposely like to take breaks to remind people, hey, breaks are healthy, breaks are normal. Taking a social media break is very important for our mental health, but to constantly be on is very difficult and I know a lot of larger accounts have help, right?

 

00;07;08;14 – 00;07;37;15

Dr. Mona

They are not actually the ones who are constantly on the pre-record things. They have people that help them post things that they can get time off. But it’s that consumer looking at that content and saying, well, why are they on vacation and posting? Why are they doing this and posting? Why are they always creating content? How do they have the time, which I will get into, and that constant need to post and that constant feeling of trying to stay relevant is really hard, and I think it can really rob your joy if you are a content creator.

 

00;07;37;15 – 00;07;57;19

Dr. Mona

So it’s really important to remember this. And if you are consuming content from your favorite creator, make sure you respect them. When they do, take time off. When they come back from a hiatus, really engage with their post, even if it’s not something that you really wanted to see. Because the more people that engage with their posts, the more people will see that post and they’ll get back into the rhythm.

 

00;07;57;19 – 00;08;21;26

Dr. Mona

So that is just my one little ask. If you are consuming content from the people that you love and they do take a break. I applaud the break. We should all have breaks. So five way social media affects our parental mental health. Let’s do number one. And this is in no particular order. Number one is the collective highlight reel social media Instagram is a highlight reel and I refer to it as a collective highlight reel, which I’ll explain.

 

00;08;21;28 – 00;08;45;17

Dr. Mona

So not only are you consuming content from an individual who sometimes may share, you know, picture perfect images, even if their content or caption is more vulnerable, you still see filtered images, you know, photos that are staged, photos that everyone seems to be smiling, or there’s a filter on it. So your brain is saying, okay, this is vulnerable, but your eyes are seeing a filter.

 

00;08;45;20 – 00;09;06;20

Dr. Mona

So not only are you seeing that highlight reel, you’re also seeing the collective highlight reel. So when you’re consuming content, you may follow many types of accounts. So if you are on Instagram and followers and parenting accounts, you may follow someone who shares play ideas. And then you also follow someone who shares cooking recipes and someone who shares how they keep their house tidy.

 

00;09;06;20 – 00;09;38;02

Dr. Mona

And then another person who’s sharing education content, and then another one who’s sharing parenting content. You see one woman doing their niche great. So in your head you’re like, wow, they’re so awesome. How do they know all these play ideas? How do they know all these cooking ideas? But they’re individuals who are great at individual things. And then when you see that person who creates a great play, ideas, all of a sudden you see that person cook one meal, organize one thing, keep something tidy, and your brain now tells you, wow, she’s amazing at everything.

 

00;09;38;04 – 00;10;00;26

Dr. Mona

The truth is, no human being can be amazing at everything. We all have strengths and weaknesses and sometimes social media makes you forget it, even if you are staring right at it and you know, okay, this person isn’t perfect. We all have our strengths. You are seeing them succeed or thrive in one area, and then you see them do something else and you’re like, wow, they’re just perfect at everything.

 

00;10;00;26 – 00;10;23;05

Dr. Mona

No, they are perfect at their power and they are doing great or good at the other areas, but they’re not amazing at everything. You’re consuming all of this content from individual people that are great at certain things, that you sort of forget that they’re individuals and that they’re not going to be perfect at everything that they’re doing. This matters because it can make you feel lesser.

 

00;10;23;05 – 00;10;44;14

Dr. Mona

Then why am I not doing enough? Why is she amazing at everything? So you’re constantly going on social media to learn, but you leave feeling a little more crummy about yourself. And I think this is really important to remember. And this is why I’m creating a finding Joy episode, because you can consume social media content, but you have to be very aware of what that content is doing to your mental health.

 

00;10;44;16 – 00;11;02;06

Dr. Mona

How is it impacting how you view yourself? If you’re following an account and you feel like, wow, I feel kind of like a not so great person after watching their feed and stories and all of that, I feel like I need to be doing more. I want you to really pause and saying, well, what are you doing? Well, what are you focusing on?

 

00;11;02;06 – 00;11;23;18

Dr. Mona

What are your strengths? We all have different strengths, and remember that one person cannot be amazing at everything, and I want to use myself as an example. You know, I feel like my niche is parenting and education on health and wellness for children. This is something that I’m really good at. And as a pediatrician you do see a lot of different things.

 

00;11;23;20 – 00;11;44;29

Dr. Mona

What am I not good at? And I want to be very forthcoming about this. I am not good at creating amazing recipes, and when I started on social media, I would watch these accounts and I’m like, okay, I’m doing all of my stuff, and then I’d watch these amazing accounts, do these recipes, and I’m like, okay, I’m going to do these recipes, but I don’t have the time to do the things that I do and all these amazing recipes.

 

00;11;44;29 – 00;12;10;02

Dr. Mona

I’m not this natural cook. I can learn and be better in interests that inspire me, but I can also be okay in saying I’m amazing at certain things and I’m not so amazing at certain things, but that doesn’t make me an inferior person overall. It’s just making me someone who understands that I have strengths and I have weaknesses, and I’m going to work on the weaknesses that I feel are important and really amplify the strengths that I do have.

 

00;12;10;05 – 00;12;39;24

Dr. Mona

Number two, the Insta grid worthy photos, filters, and everything looks perfect. The kids are smiling. Everything just seems so amazing in that person’s life on their grid. The grid is beautiful and this is Instagram. Instagram is a very visual place. Everything has to look pretty, and I want you to remember that when you are consuming images and content, especially from influencers, you never know what sort of photoshopping has been done.

 

00;12;39;24 – 00;13;06;17

Dr. Mona

You never know what’s been happening behind the scenes. I miss the days when people just posted grainy photos with the five filters that we all had. I remember when Instagram first started, you could see a amazing holiday family photo and you see the one picture, but you don’t see the hundreds of pictures that didn’t make the cut. You could see a child eating all of the meals, but you do not see them refusing meals and the screams when they didn’t want to eat what was served.

 

00;13;06;20 – 00;13;28;11

Dr. Mona

You could see a child sleeping beautifully, but you don’t know all of the regressions that happened. Because sometimes we don’t talk about those things. You could see all of the picture perfect moments with relationships and all of that, but you are not seeing the reality behind the scenes because social media is that highlight reel, and everyone’s constantly posting the Instagram worthy photos and images.

 

00;13;28;13 – 00;13;57;15

Dr. Mona

This is so important because when you are scrolling and scrolling through social media and you are constantly bombarded with picture perfect images and things that are always going well for people, again, that highlight reel it is going to make your brain feel that you are not good enough and things are not perfect enough in your life, and you are going to feel lesser than the endlessly perfect posts where everybody’s skin looks flawless, they’re dressed up, kids are behaving will kind of make you feel not so great when your hair is up in a bun.

 

00;13;57;20 – 00;14;22;13

Dr. Mona

You have zits because you’re on your period and you’re in clothes with spit up on it. This can have the reverse effect, generating feelings of not measuring up when you’re going on a platform for community and being heard and being understood. So I want you to be mindful and aware of this. And like I mentioned, I notice it also, even if someone is posting a vulnerable caption, the image usually doesn’t match the vulnerability of the caption.

 

00;14;22;13 – 00;14;48;11

Dr. Mona

The image is filtered, there is brightness to the photo. They edited the photo. So your brain is reading something that is vulnerable, but your eyes are seeing something that’s curated and that’s a mismatch. So what is it? Is it vulnerability? Is it honesty? Is it filtered? I want more accounts to share the real life honesty. But the reality is the Instagram algorithm likes prettiness, quote unquote.

 

00;14;48;11 – 00;15;07;14

Dr. Mona

And that is why people have to post these things sometimes or feel like they need to. I love following accounts that share both sides, right? Because sometimes we are done up and things are looking kind of perfect, but that’s not always so. I like that mix of the vulnerability, honesty, and also the real life beauty that we all have.

 

00;15;07;14 – 00;15;30;20

Dr. Mona

So that mix really helps. I really love the pandemic only because everyone was kind of doing the same thing. So you’d go on social media and you didn’t have to see extravagant parties, travel, etc.. Again, the highlight reel, right? Everyone’s sharing the good in their life and not the real life vulnerability in the pandemic. We all just stayed home and maybe we went online for jokes, memes, education.

 

00;15;30;22 – 00;15;49;11

Dr. Mona

And as much as I do like seeing people’s activities and excitement for the things that they’re doing, there is a small amount of FOMO that can happen if you are kind of not doing much and you’re watching everyone else live their life. So in the pandemic, I don’t like that we were in a pandemic, but everyone was kind of doing the same thing.

 

00;15;49;11 – 00;16;07;04

Dr. Mona

So there was no FOMO or fear of missing out. And when you have that fear of missing out, that is when loneliness can set in. I don’t often feel this, but I feel it more when it’s a long weekend or holiday and my husband is working the entire weekend. I do get a little bit of FOMO or a little bit of man.

 

00;16;07;04 – 00;16;34;06

Dr. Mona

I just kind of wish I had something to do and that is me being a social person. I do like to do activities, but also then you are in solo parenting mode. You have no help and that can be very tiring and then you feel a little bit lonely. I read a quote by Stephen Bartlett, who is one of my favorite Instagram accounts and has a great podcast called diary of CEO, and he said, social media is designed to make you think that maybe I should be somewhere else, doing something else with someone else.

 

00;16;34;08 – 00;17;04;10

Dr. Mona

But if you are always thinking that your happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are at the current moment. Oh, and isn’t that so true? Going back to me taking more time off, part of my mindfulness was finding more peace in nature, away from a cell phone and just taking more breaks. You know, we are constantly hooked on a cell phone with our text messages and social media that we become a instant gratification society and our brains aren’t given time to relax and rest.

 

00;17;04;12 – 00;17;28;15

Dr. Mona

And so part of this was spending more time away from social media and also the comparison game that exists, the FOMO, all of those things. When you see people posting their highlight reel, it sometimes even subconsciously affects you without even understanding that it is. And I was becoming very aware of this. Even now I take breaks for one day on weekends, or extend it when I feel myself dipping into the feelings of loneliness.

 

00;17;28;15 – 00;17;54;09

Dr. Mona

Like I said, when my husband is working, I tend to take more of a break off social media and social media just doesn’t help the loneliness feeling. Unless you are actively communicating with someone on there and truly connecting with someone, the one way connection just doesn’t really help sometimes. Sometimes reading a post that really resonates with you about all this can help, but if you are constantly seeing that highlight reel, it can really impact you.

 

00;17;54;11 – 00;18;23;03

Dr. Mona

A study examine the connection between social media comparison and mothers parenting behaviors and mental health. They found that mothers who frequently compare themselves to others on social media cited more depression and overwhelm, and felt less competent as parents. An estimated 15 to 20% of new mothers report experiencing mental health issues during the perinatal and postpartum period, so social media can and will play a role in our mental health, especially.

 

00;18;23;03 – 00;18;46;08

Dr. Mona

Like I said, if you are constantly looking at people’s highlight reels, there house renovations, the travel that they’re doing, all the things that are looking perfect in their life and not the vulnerability and honesty that exists in everyone’s life. Everybody has ups and downs and sometimes on Instagram people do not post that, and your brain is going to continue to tell you that everyone’s life is perfect and yours is not.

 

00;18;46;08 – 00;19;03;27

Dr. Mona

So you want to be careful of that. The comparisons will never end and it can consume you if you’re not careful. And this comparison goes in so many different ways. You know, why is she producing so much content? Why is she getting more sleep than I am? Why does she have help? Why does she get this? Why does her body look like this?

 

00;19;04;02 – 00;19;26;04

Dr. Mona

Why is your baby meeting every milestone? I mean, you’re going to constantly compare yourself if you’re looking at everyone’s highlight reel. The next way social media impacts are parental. Mental health is what I call the timeline. Why does everyone seem to have more time than you? So look, I do believe time management is really important, and I do feel like some people do have really good time management skills.

 

00;19;26;06 – 00;19;46;17

Dr. Mona

But to be completely transparent, the accounts that you follow who are posting content on a regular basis, whether they are, you know, an educational account, they have a big following. And our moms will answer if you want to use that term. They have help in little ways or have made some sacrifices to do this. And I’m speaking from my own experience as well.

 

00;19;46;17 – 00;20;10;14

Dr. Mona

So to build Pete’s doc talk, I worked evenings and weekends before having Ryan on all of my staff, and then usually this was when my husband was working and sometimes with him there. So sacrifice being time with my husband to build this after Ryan, I utilize nap times and bedtime because I was working full time sacrifice here being my own downtime, and this was a huge thing and a huge sacrifice that I made.

 

00;20;10;14 – 00;20;36;16

Dr. Mona

And you see me playing with Ryan, engaging on social media, etc. but I also only have 24 hours, and it meant that if I wanted to build this brand, I had to work around those 24 hours. Sometimes conversations with my husband were sacrificed. Sometimes during playtime I had to answer emails or DMs. The truth is, nobody on social media has more hours in a day than you do.

 

00;20;36;21 – 00;21;00;24

Dr. Mona

They may be managing it well, but they are also utilizing the resources when they can. Child care kid in school, a partner and if they are creating content, they have to work around their own downtime. So it’s not completely a free thing, and it’s not completely that everyone has more time than you. Yes, people have to make some sacrifices if they want to build a brand or build a business.

 

00;21;00;27 – 00;21;27;27

Dr. Mona

But we all have 24 hours. Nobody has more time than you do, and you are also capable of accomplishing the things that you want, but it really requires you to look at your schedule. Look at how you are spending your free time. Maybe saying to yourself, I usually scroll Instagram for an hour and I want to build this new platform or build this new hobby that I’ve been working on, and you’re going to now do 30 minutes of scrolling and then spend 30 minutes a night on building that passion.

 

00;21;27;29 – 00;21;50;19

Dr. Mona

But remember, the timeline exists. People on social media do not have more time than you, and even the big accounts do have help. I have help and it wasn’t always like this, but my goal with my brand was to do all of the work and put all of the energy in upfront. And then when I started making money, I use that money to hire people to help me with things that took my time or energy that really didn’t need me.

 

00;21;50;21 – 00;22;22;10

Dr. Mona

Editing my podcast, editing my YouTube video, uploading my YouTube videos, people who helped me answer emails from brands or just field emails and really organize things for me. These are the things that I wanted help with, and I prioritized it so that I can free up that time. The sacrifices that I made to make it here. The next way that I believe social media impacts are parental mental health is a topic that’s actually really near and dear to me, because I actually feel a little bit of overwhelm looking at all of the education accounts and the wealth of information.

 

00;22;22;12 – 00;22;46;06

Dr. Mona

But also, if you’re consuming all of it together, it’s going to be all consuming. So maybe you follow a pediatrician account, me, a physical therapist, an occupational therapist, a speech therapist, a parenting account, five different parenting accounts. You are getting a lot of opinions and a lot of information. And I find this to be very overwhelming, you know, especially when it comes to play and parenting.

 

00;22;46;08 – 00;23;08;00

Dr. Mona

You’re getting all of the strategies. But the reality is that you do not have that many hours of a day to do it all, especially when we talk about play. So you see a physical therapist who is amazing at motor skills, you see a speech therapist who’s amazing at speech education, and then you see an OT who’s really good at fine motor education, and they are fantastic at their niches.

 

00;23;08;02 – 00;23;25;13

Dr. Mona

But then in your head you’re thinking, I need to do all of this. I need to be great at motor skills. I need to be great of speech. I need to be great at OT. But maybe your kid doesn’t need all of that. Maybe your kid only needs certain things from each of these accounts. So you really want to minimize how many people you are following in a certain niche.

 

00;23;25;15 – 00;23;43;29

Dr. Mona

And you really want to remember that if you’re starting to hear repetitive things that you kind of remove the clutter. You know, really at the end of every year I detox my social media. I remove accounts that are kind of getting repetitive, or I maybe feel like it’s not serving me an educational purpose anymore, and that is perfectly reasonable to do.

 

00;23;44;01 – 00;24;16;18

Dr. Mona

It’s also really important to remember that in general, child development is very basic. When you go down to the core principles of the four major domains and to not get caught up in, I must be doing this information. And education is so useful, but not when it’s overwhelming and you’ll know when it’s starting to feel overwhelming. I describe it as you’re getting all this information, but you’re not actually doing anything with it because you’re just so overwhelmed with the information that’s coming at you that you can’t process and actually do it because you spent so much time reading, but not actually implementing.

 

00;24;16;18 – 00;24;35;02

Dr. Mona

And then you hear a few different things from different experts, and you feel confused as to how do I apply this for my child. So you need to make sure you reassess and see what the needs of your child are. Do you need help with feeding? Do you need help with this aspect? Do you need help with milestones?

 

00;24;35;09 – 00;24;55;23

Dr. Mona

And then you find the accounts that really can help you in the areas you need, rather than trying to do it all. The last way social media affects our parental mental health is when you are posting content. So you go on to post a picture of your baby and then it doesn’t get as many likes as you would expect.

 

00;24;55;25 – 00;25;16;15

Dr. Mona

Wait, is my baby not cute? I took an amazing photo. Why didn’t it do well? And you just start feeling like what’s going on? Like I had this amazing idea for a cute photo or real. This is concerning because we are seeking external validation from social media, and it’s one of the worst things we can do because number one, the Instagram algorithm doesn’t care about you.

 

00;25;16;15 – 00;25;38;09

Dr. Mona

Okay, so the Instagram algorithm will sometimes not show your posts to people. And it’s not anything personal. Truly. It’s that maybe people didn’t see it or maybe people are busy. It doesn’t mean that your baby’s not cute, or that what you posted isn’t useful or whatever, and number two doesn’t define you or your value. It’s why I actually stopped sharing my like counts on my feed posts.

 

00;25;38;11 – 00;25;56;08

Dr. Mona

I wish they would do that for reals also, but I started hiding the like count even on posts that did really well because I don’t want it from a psychological perspective for someone to look at it. And maybe another account thinking, wow, why am I not doing as great as this post or page? And they feel lesser then I don’t want that.

 

00;25;56;08 – 00;26;14;17

Dr. Mona

And I know that it happens. I know that when you are looking at other accounts, or when you are a content creator, or whether you are a parent or whatever you’re using social media for, if you start to see like counts, not at the level that you would expect to have, then you can feel that your content or what you posted, whatever may be, is not good enough.

 

00;26;14;20 – 00;26;34;22

Dr. Mona

And I really want people to post what they really feel is important for them and their following. Obviously, if you are a content creator and posting things that are never getting likes or engagement, then you have to readdress. But if you really feel like this content is important, I want you to post it sometime because your post is going to hit and sometimes it won’t.

 

00;26;34;25 – 00;27;01;24

Dr. Mona

But visibly showing likes number of followers, it creates this weird hierarchy and I see amazing accounts with less than 10,000 followers, and I see some with 2 million plus followers that are like, wait, what? Like it’s not always a popularity thing. Like, it feels extremely junior high or high school of us to be utilizing and looking at like counts and views and all of that as the gold standard of validation.

 

00;27;01;24 – 00;27;24;19

Dr. Mona

And from a psychological perspective, I mean, social media is a drug. You know, there is a dopamine response. So when you post on social media and people like it, it causes you to have this dopamine release and you want to post more and you want more of that feel good hormone. And then when you don’t get the likes you feel and slip into a sort of funk, that dopamine is not there and you want that drug.

 

00;27;24;22 – 00;27;54;03

Dr. Mona

And that is what I want people to realize, that social media, if you’re not using it correctly, can become a drug where it can actually truly impact your mental health. You feel less about yourself. You can actually slip into a depression, have more anxiety by over using it, and it’s so important for me to relay this to you so that you can be aware and cognizant of the impact it has on our mental health, and that is something that we have to be very mindful of when we are consuming content, and also when we are adding to Instagram or adding to Facebook.

 

00;27;54;07 – 00;28;11;10

Dr. Mona

What is the purpose of me posting this? Do? Am I posting it because I want attention? Am I posting it because I want people to like it and comment? Or my posting it because I really love my baby and I don’t care if anyone comments on it. I just want people to see my baby, my people who are following me, my loved ones and that is why I am posting it.

 

00;28;11;17 – 00;28;27;08

Dr. Mona

So now, how do you consume social media and create this balance of your mental health and protect your peace? So these are tips that I have learned over the past three years with my account. You know, I have gone through the ups and downs, the comparison game, the why are my posts not hitting and why am I not doing this?

 

00;28;27;08 – 00;28;44;20

Dr. Mona

And Instagram used to rob me of my joy. I tell my husband that the algorithm stresses me out. Posting on social media sometimes stresses me out and I don’t want social media to be a source of stress. As a mother and as a pediatrician and as a wife, I have so many other things I need to think about.

 

00;28;44;23 – 00;29;01;16

Dr. Mona

So I protected my peace and brought back my piece number one, you need to have a strong sense of who you are before you are active on social media. If you are not really going to post, that’s fine. But if you are going to be posting on social, it is important to know your why and have a strong sense of self.

 

00;29;01;18 – 00;29;25;06

Dr. Mona

My husband and I talk about how you have to have thick skin on this platform, and it’s true. And that also means that I can’t seek my worth from my follower count and my engagement, which literally goes against Instagram’s algorithm. As a consumer. It means knowing what makes you tick, what makes you feel not so great, and not being afraid to unfollow or mute accounts, which I’ll get into later.

 

00;29;25;08 – 00;29;41;05

Dr. Mona

That’s how you have a strong sense of self. You are not feeling bad if you unfollow someone. You are not feeling bad for whatever you’re doing. Obviously you should be nice in your comments section and be cordial I believe. But if someone is making you not feel like a great parent or great person, it’s okay to mute them or unfollow.

 

00;29;41;08 – 00;30;04;16

Dr. Mona

Number two have your why on why you on social media? Are you on social media to learn to laugh or to be inspired? These are the three reasons you should be following accounts. If they are not teaching you something, if you are not laughing by something that they’re posting, or if you are not inspired by them or your content, you’re not meeting my rules for a follow.

 

00;30;04;23 – 00;30;25;26

Dr. Mona

Besides, you know, friends and family, of course. And this is important because why are you going to follow strangers that you are not inspired by? You’re not learning something from, or that are not making you laugh because these are strangers? You don’t want to invest your mental energy and your peace and your life into someone that you don’t admire or that you don’t want to learn from, or that doesn’t make you laugh.

 

00;30;26;04 – 00;30;43;03

Dr. Mona

And this is important for not only the strangers you follow, but also the people you invest into your life, right? The family members, the friends, the people that you can control in your life. Why are you going to surround yourself with people that do not uplift you, that do not educate you, that do not make you laugh and do not inspire you?

 

00;30;43;05 – 00;31;08;11

Dr. Mona

That is not the life that we should be living. We should be surrounding yourself with people that bring us energy and are part of our vibe. And so this is really important not just for social media, but in real life as well. And I really encourage you to really evaluate these relationships and look at these three roles to see if it fits, if that relationship can continue in a way that can uplift you, the next one is have the courage to unfollow or mute someone.

 

00;31;08;11 – 00;31;26;20

Dr. Mona

And I mentioned this already. Unfollow someone who just doesn’t meet your overall ideals or you just don’t like as a person, the latter being very important. You don’t have to love everybody and vice versa. But if you don’t like the person you’re following, why are you following them? Like, even if they’re giving good educational content, you’re the only one who knows how you feel.

 

00;31;26;20 – 00;31;42;02

Dr. Mona

So if you don’t like the person, don’t follow them because then you’re more likely to just be irritated by them. And why live a life of irritation? Especially on social media? We have so many other things we need to think about mute accounts who you do like, but may be speaking about things right now that are triggering for you.

 

00;31;42;02 – 00;32;02;01

Dr. Mona

For example, you’re trying to conceive and someone is sharing their baby news. If you are not able to emotionally handle that right now, I think it’s pretty reasonable to mute that account, meaning that you are still following that person to support them, but you’re muting them just so that you can protect your peace. I think it’s wonderful that these people are sharing the good and the bad or whatever they share.

 

00;32;02;01 – 00;32;22;08

Dr. Mona

You know, every content creator is entitled to share what they want, but if you are triggered, meet them. Unfollow celebrity accounts and Insta famous mom accounts that you just can’t relate to. They share things that are financially things that you just can never afford all the time. Buying all these things that you just cannot afford. They do things that you will never do.

 

00;32;22;11 – 00;32;41;14

Dr. Mona

Looking at these people as idols will make you feel lesser. Then you have to think about why are you following these people? Why are you following celebrities, and why are you following these people who are just doing these things that you will never be able to do? Do you think that you want that life? Do you like looking at it and just saying, hey, cool, that would be great to have.

 

00;32;41;16 – 00;33;01;00

Dr. Mona

If you are looking at those people and having any feeling of envy or jealousy, you need to protect your peace and either mute them or unfollow, especially when they are real people and not celebrities like if they are a famous mom silencer that really is not in movies or TV or a musician. These people are going to seem like relatable to you.

 

00;33;01;01 – 00;33;24;06

Dr. Mona

They’re going to seem like they’re your friend and you’re going to be like, wow, like they’re doing so many amazing things, and then they can start to make you feel lesser than when they have different means than you do, because you related to them. So much. You have created this reality that they are like you, but in reality they are actually a micro celebrity on social media with different means, different finances, different access to resources.

 

00;33;24;09 – 00;33;41;01

Dr. Mona

And I don’t want you to feel lesser than by consuming their content. Number four when you consume content and think to yourself, wow, I wish I had that or I wish I, you know, my kid was doing that. I want you to really take a moment. And that day, I want you to focus on writing down or telling yourself something that you do have.

 

00;33;41;04 – 00;33;59;05

Dr. Mona

It’s so easy in our life to think about the not without realizing what we do have. And this is a very important aspect of reframing. So using an example for me, the hardest weekend for me are holiday weekends are pretty much any weekend where my hubs is working. And I’ve mentioned this and I’m home alone. Solo parenting this is really hard for me.

 

00;33;59;08 – 00;34;21;18

Dr. Mona

I limit my social media use because it does trigger me to see people together and enjoying or whatever, but I also remind myself of the reality here. Number one, my husband is at work saving lives, which I think is very admirable, and providing income and resources for our family so that is a positive number. Two, I get to spend time with Ryan and really see him grow.

 

00;34;21;18 – 00;34;40;12

Dr. Mona

Although I will say sometimes that is very tiring to do that solo parenting thing. And I get it. I do have to remember that this is a very important time that I’m not going to get back. And so in this moment I can say this is hard, but then I also get to spend time with my amazing son number three is when he does nap or goes to bed at night.

 

00;34;40;12 – 00;34;58;16

Dr. Mona

I really start to focus on the things that bring me joy. So maybe I do a peloton workout, or maybe I work on content or call a friend, really try to fill my cup, even if I might not be physically doing any social activity. So it makes the weekend not seem so draining, and I actually can fill my cup with things that bring me joy.

 

00;34;58;18 – 00;35;19;15

Dr. Mona

Number four as I try to create a new adventure for me and Ryan now, sometimes it’s not going to happen because I’m tired, but I really like to either take him to somewhere new, plan an activity to kind of break up the day. And so this is all the reframing that I can do that really helps in those moments when you’re feeling, wow, I wish I had a party to go to or a barbecue or something like that.

 

00;35;19;15 – 00;35;38;21

Dr. Mona

And that FOMO is real, but you can control it with reframing, and it is really easy, as mothers and parents, to focus on the things that you’re not doing. And by reframing, you are seeing that this is a reality. I’m not doing certain things, but let’s look at all the things that I get to do in this moment, and then I get super grateful when I do have help.

 

00;35;38;28 – 00;35;56;25

Dr. Mona

When someone is able to come and help me with Ryan, maybe we have a nanny or babysitter come or when my husband is home. I really value those moments and they are great. Those moments will come. I feel very grateful that I have those moments, although they may not be whenever I want. Number five so important take social media breaks.

 

00;35;56;27 – 00;36;14;03

Dr. Mona

I tell my fellow content creators this all the time, being on all the time on this platform is hard, even if we’re just sharing real life stuff because you’re, you know, you’re with your child or you’re with your partner or your family, and then you have to go on social media and share something. It takes you away from the moment.

 

00;36;14;05 – 00;36;35;19

Dr. Mona

And sometimes you just don’t want to share your business or educate or show your face. I mean, I’m speaking from personal experience, so take breaks. Even a 24 hour once a week. Also, as someone consuming content, make sure that you are taking breaks and go into nature or do a phone call or something more interactive, right? I don’t want you to just consume content mindlessly all the time.

 

00;36;35;19 – 00;36;51;01

Dr. Mona

I want you to engage and actually feel that connection. So really start to look at your social media use. You can even go on Instagram and look at how many hours you are in the app. And I want you to start to cut that down by half an hour. If it’s a lot, right, cut that down by fraction.

 

00;36;51;04 – 00;37;11;18

Dr. Mona

Use that time instead to focus on something else that brings you joy. Whether it’s a new hobby, whether it’s watching TV, but not doing two things at once, just focus on something else that brings you peace. These social media breaks are going to become especially important when there’s heaviness in our world. Tragic events you’re going through something difficult.

 

00;37;11;21 – 00;37;35;05

Dr. Mona

Disconnecting from our phone can help us be more mindful in our relationships. So with your partner, if you have one with your child, but also more mindful with our feelings and our self. If you are feeling anxious and then you go on your phone and start scrolling, this from a psychological perspective does not help your anxiety. It actually can feed your anxiety the scattered ness of your brain.

 

00;37;35;05 – 00;37;58;02

Dr. Mona

The thinking about all the things that you should be doing or that you’re not doing. You need to still your mind, which is the opposite of what we do when we go on our phones and on social media. You know, I’m going through IVF and then the stress of work and life and all of it. And then you have these world events, you know, school shootings and shootings at parades and Roe versus Wade being overturned.

 

00;37;58;02 – 00;38;20;07

Dr. Mona

All of these things that can actually, for me had an emotional impact. And so I had to take a little bit of a break from social, from posting on stories, from showing my face, because I just needed a moment to myself before I can come back in my full self on social media for all of you all. And like I said, taking breaks from our phone and from scrolling social media really brings us back to the moment.

 

00;38;20;09 – 00;38;37;25

Dr. Mona

Nature. The people that we love, the things that we love, and social media isn’t going anywhere. It’s always going to be there. But take the break. Know when you reach your limit and you are the only one who’s going to know that. But really start to implement these social media breaks so that you can bring back peace into your mental health.

 

00;38;38;01 – 00;38;55;09

Dr. Mona

Thank you for tuning in. I could talk about social media for a long time. I get so many DMs from people asking me for tips as a content creator. They ask me about why are their posts not doing well? And then I get a lot of people who tell me that they feel more lonely by consuming social media.

 

00;38;55;09 – 00;39;14;07

Dr. Mona

So I hope this episode was helpful. Understanding what social media can do to our brains and also understanding how we can consume it responsibly to protect our peace. I’m curious how you feel about social media. If you like this episode, make sure to tag me on your Instagram Stories. Yes, I’m asking you to go on social media to share this.

 

00;39;14;09 – 00;39;35;01

Dr. Mona

Send me a DM and let’s just be more mindful about how we consume social media and how we can integrate it into our daily life. As always, if you love this episode, leave a review and I can’t wait for our next finding Joy episode and all the future episodes here on the PedsDocTalk podcast, and I’ll talk to you next time.

 

00;39;35;02 – 00;39;50;22

Dr. Mona

Thank you for tuning in for this week’s episode. As always, please leave a review. Share this episode with a friend. Share it on your social media. Make sure to follow me at PedsDocTalk on Instagram and subscribe to my YouTube channel PedsDocTalk TV. We’ll talk to you soon.