There are many things we do as women and as mothers than can block our happiness.

Tune in as I talk about 15 behaviors that we do as women/mothers that can rob us of our joy.

I lay down some tough love so we can become better versions of ourselves so we can find joy in the craziness that is motherhood.

00;00;06;12 – 00;00;36;16

Dr. Mona

Hey, everyone, welcome to the PedsDocTalk podcast. I’m your host, Doctor Mona, where each week I hope to educate and inspire you in your journey through parenthood with information on your most common concerns as a parent and interviews with fellow parents and experts in the field. My hope is you leave each week feeling more educated, confident and empowered in decisions you make for your child.

 

00;00;36;18 – 00;01;01;18

Dr. Mona

Hello and welcome back to the PedsDocTalk podcast. I took a week off because I had released seven episodes between the sleep series and the introduction of food and baby led weaning series. So I took a break. It was much needed. And I’m back with an episode that is really, really near and dear to me. 15 things We Need to Stop Doing as Mothers and the reason why I love these types of episodes.

 

00;01;01;18 – 00;01;21;19

Dr. Mona

I actually did an episode similar to this one, episode two, which was 15 Things We Need to Stop Doing as Parents. I love these episodes because I just think it can really empower us as mothers, as parents, to do better and be better. So if you haven’t already, you should also listen to the 15 things We Need to Stop doing as parents.

 

00;01;21;22 – 00;01;40;25

Dr. Mona

And this is really focusing on mothers and women. So you don’t even have to be a mother to appreciate the things that I’m saying, because these are just behaviors that I think we as women commonly do, not all of us, but we do tend to do this. And then when we become mothers, we can tend to do these things, even more.

 

00;01;40;27 – 00;02;00;15

Dr. Mona

And my goal of this episode is to recognize these behaviors, because these behaviors can rob us of joy, right? They can rob us of the joy of being a mother. It’s not to tell you that you’re doing something wrong. I’m not shaming anyone. That’s never my intention. That’s not what the energy I’m trying to put out there. It’s really more for being aware and understanding.

 

00;02;00;15 – 00;02;19;16

Dr. Mona

You know what? I actually do do that. And she’s right. I actually maybe should kind of remedy that because it’s not bringing me joy in my life. And as a mother. So I hope that as you listen to all these things, you know, maybe you’ll learn from that, from the things that I talk about. You’ll grow from this and realize that joy in motherhood is attainable.

 

00;02;19;19 – 00;02;35;20

Dr. Mona

What this means is that I’m not expecting every mother to go around with a happy face all the time. That’s not what I mean by finding joy, right? Finding joy meaning, understanding that there’s going to be good and bad, but that you’re focusing on the good you’re embracing the good. And when the bad does come, you’re able to ride those waves, right?

 

00;02;35;26 – 00;02;59;06

Dr. Mona

That’s what I mean by finding joy. It’s just truly appreciating the roles that we are privileged to have. Right. And I hope you understand that being a mother is a privilege, right? Not many. Not many women can become mothers. Not many women choose to become moms. But it’s not always easy for someone to become a mother. So I think as mothers, if we are lucky enough to be one, we you know, it’s kind of our duty to show the world that.

 

00;02;59;06 – 00;03;18;21

Dr. Mona

You know what? I’m handling this. It’s hard. It’s not easy. But I’m going to take it in stride. And we’re going to get through this together. So as I go through these 15 things, I’m going to speak openly about each thing, how it applies to me as a pediatrician and mother, how I’ve changed myself in a little bit of these, you know, these things and why I think it’s important for us.

 

00;03;18;21 – 00;03;33;05

Dr. Mona

Right. And it’s also things that I want to teach our kids, too. Right. So in order for us to teach our children to stop doing these behaviors, we also have to stop doing it ourselves, right? So you’re going to hear a lot about that as I go through some of these things may apply to you. All of it may apply.

 

00;03;33;06 – 00;03;53;06

Dr. Mona

None of it may apply. Right. But I hope you do learn something about being a better person, being a better mother, and just being an overall agent for change. Right? That’s my goal, is that we are here because we want to be better. We want to be a better mother. We want to be a better person. And a lot of that is self retrospection, right?

 

00;03;53;06 – 00;04;15;05

Dr. Mona

Understanding the things that we may need to change that is robbing us of our joy. So here we go, 15 things we need to stop doing as mothers. And it’s in no particular order. I kind of maybe did a little bit of an order, but we’ll start with number 15. Stop thinking that you can control everything. So this is just not possible, right?

 

00;04;15;05 – 00;04;40;18

Dr. Mona

We as mothers are nurturers. We’re protectors. We want to protect our young. We want to protect our loved ones, our partners. We are just lovers, right? And protectors. And that’s just the reality. But the reality is that we cannot control every outcome in our lives. We cannot control every outcome in our child’s life. Right. And this is really hard because, you know, you may have a vision of what kind of parent you want to be, what kind of child you want your child to be, right?

 

00;04;40;19 – 00;05;06;17

Dr. Mona

Maybe you wanted to do something when you were a child and you want your child to do that activity. But the reality is, we can’t control every thing and every situation around us. I learned this heavily through my birth trauma right? I, you know, wanted things a certain way. I thought I’d have this special kind of delivery I was expecting in a natural, quote unquote, birth with no epidural and a vaginal delivery, and I would recover quickly.

 

00;05;06;23 – 00;05;27;29

Dr. Mona

And it didn’t happen, right. I tried to do everything in pregnancy, I ate right, I worked out I was super healthy and something is just are not in our control. For example, the birth trauma, right. And I learned that the hard way. I learned that I tried to control, I tried to control and in some situations you just can’t control everything.

 

00;05;28;06 – 00;05;47;27

Dr. Mona

And that is okay. There is power and understanding that you cannot control the universe. We can only focus on the things that are in our power and everything else we have to leave up to the universe. And I, I talk about the universe a lot, right? What does that mean? It is it faith? Is it this? The universe is an umbrella term you can describe however you like.

 

00;05;47;29 – 00;06;07;17

Dr. Mona

If you’re a faithful person, if you’re more spiritual, it’s it’s the activities and things that happen around us that sometimes we don’t even put effort into. Right? It’s just the way things work out. And I’m a firm believer in this, that sometimes we can’t control everything, and everything else just happens because it’s meant to happen that way. And that’s really hard, especially as I record this.

 

00;06;07;17 – 00;06;22;23

Dr. Mona

You know, we’re in the middle of the pandemic. So if you’re listening to this after 2020, you know, we we are trying to control things as a mom, right? We want to keep our children safe, our loved ones safe from this virus. And I hear a lot of moms on my Instagram saying, well, you know, what are you doing?

 

00;06;22;23 – 00;06;37;28

Dr. Mona

Like, are you washing your are you washing your clothes? Are you stripping in the hallway when you get home from work? What are you doing to stay safe? And you know, they’ll say, oh, are you wiping down the packages that are there? And I tell them, you know, I’m going to focus on what I can control. And for me, that’s hand washing.

 

00;06;38;03 – 00;06;59;14

Dr. Mona

For me, it’s limiting my exposure by social distancing and being smart about it. Right? I still do activities, but I’m very mindful about what is the best way to reduce risk. And so when you are trying to control everything, the reason why I get concerned of this is that it can really rob your joy when you’re trying to focus on everything ten steps ahead, right?

 

00;06;59;16 – 00;07;13;23

Dr. Mona

This is kind of the definition of anxiety, right? You’re trying to focus on the things that you can’t control. So you’re always worried about, okay, well I’m going to be stuck in traffic or I’m going to have to do this, or I have to do this because this is going to happen. But that’s why mindfulness becomes very important, right?

 

00;07;13;23 – 00;07;34;19

Dr. Mona

Being in the moment and being in the moment is what’s going to bring you that joy. Because if you’re constantly thinking about, okay, well, I have to do this because if I don’t do this and if I do this and this won’t happen, you’re missing out on that moment with your child. And I find that the parents who are more anxious, the mothers who are more anxious in my office, are the ones who are thinking too many steps ahead.

 

00;07;34;21 – 00;07;54;08

Dr. Mona

I get it in a protective sense. Anxiety is good, right? Some anxiety helps us stay vigilant and makes us, you know, feel ready to start the day and protect our young. But too much of it can be a problem where it overwhelmed our life. So if you’re finding that you’re trying to control everything, I really hope that you can incorporate some mindfulness into your life.

 

00;07;54;08 – 00;08;17;24

Dr. Mona

And what that means is meditation. Mindfulness guides, you know, things like that, yoga, whatever it is to kind of reset the mind because I get into waves of this, right? I’m not I’m not perfect by any means. And there are some times where I forget that I can’t control everything, you know, with schedules and this and that, and I break down because I’m like, I’m trying to do too much and I’m trying to control when I realize that I can’t do it, all right.

 

00;08;17;24 – 00;08;34;18

Dr. Mona

I can’t do everything, and I can’t control the outcomes of everything in my life. I think when you can start to, you know, recognize this and say, you know what, I’m going to focus on the things I can control and celebrate the things that I did, did, do. You’re going to find that you’re going to find way more joy.

 

00;08;34;20 – 00;08;58;05

Dr. Mona

So that was number 15. Stop thinking you can control everything. Number 14, stop thinking you have to do this alone. What does that mean? That means that as moms, you know, if you are lucky enough to have a partner or help, right? Whether it’s a grandma friend who comes over a nanny, whatever it is, you really, really need to allow those people to help you.

 

00;08;58;07 – 00;09;20;18

Dr. Mona

I think when I, you know, look at moms, I come into my office, the ones that I’m seeing that are happy are ones that obviously are happy with themselves, but the ones that are also utilizing the resources that they have. And we all have different resources, right? I understand especially in the middle of a pandemic, we may not have all the resources that we would have hoped, but we may have a partner or we may be lucky enough to have one or have someone who comes in help.

 

00;09;20;23 – 00;09;37;12

Dr. Mona

And we need to utilize that as much as we can. One of the biggest pieces of advice that I got for my sister and one of my best friends before I had Ryan was this was that they both said, they’re like, you have to let go of help. You don’t feel like you as a mom. You have to do it alone, right?

 

00;09;37;19 – 00;09;55;14

Dr. Mona

Whatever you’re doing, the feeding, the diaper changes, utilize him. Have him help you and ask him for help. And it was a really simple piece of advice, but it resonated very much so with me, right? That I’m lucky enough to have a partner. And I know, you know, if you are listening to this and you have a partner, please realize how fortunate you are.

 

00;09;55;16 – 00;10;21;18

Dr. Mona

Definitely utilize them and verbalize how they can help you, right? Don’t become passive aggressive and say, oh, I’m fine, I’m fine. No you’re not fine. You need to say and communicate with them, especially postpartum. I need your help. I need your help to just do this one thing and set this ground was actually before you even have a baby, you know, if you are listening to this in your pregnant, I want you to, you know, have that communication with your partner and say, look, postpartum may be rough.

 

00;10;21;18 – 00;10;39;14

Dr. Mona

I may be tired, I may break down. And that’s normal, right? That’s not anything bad. That’s not being hyper emotional. That’s hormones guys. Postpartum. There’s a lot of hormones. And it’s important to recognize that it’s going to be tough. And utilizing those resources to get you through that difficult time. And that transcends as you get older, as the child gets older.

 

00;10;39;14 – 00;10;58;06

Dr. Mona

Right. Because it’s not just postpartum. It’s as the child gets older, into the infancy and toddler years, utilizing your resources that you get a mental break. Right. We need help. Mothering is a community. Mothering is a village, right? It takes a village to raise a child. You know, in a lot of other countries, it’s a group thing, right?

 

00;10;58;06 – 00;11;18;26

Dr. Mona

The mother has a baby and the grandma and all that. Everyone comes to stay. And it’s a, you know, a lot of help in America that’s not really happening. And we’ve lost that. And it actually can have a huge effect on mental health. Right? You just don’t have those moments for yourself. You don’t have that camaraderie. You don’t have that togetherness which is so important in motherhood.

 

00;11;18;29 – 00;11;47;00

Dr. Mona

So remember that you do not have to do this alone, right? We’re all in this together. Utilize your resources that you can get alone time, and also just utilize your resources so you understand that this is a group effort, that raising your child is not only on you, it is not a burden that’s being put on you. I find that when mothers come in and they’re feeling that burden and I can sense it, guys like I, I’m sitting in my office and I’m talking to the family, obviously, about the child, but I sense from the mother that she’s unhappy or something’s not right.

 

00;11;47;00 – 00;12;04;13

Dr. Mona

Right. And, you know, I, I dig a little bit, unfortunately, with time that I can’t dig too much about what’s happening with the mom I wish I could. And then I find that they just feel that they have this pressure, that they have to do this alone, that if they don’t do this, the child will not love them or that they have to be there, that if the child, if they leave the child, the child cries that they’re a bad mom.

 

00;12;04;16 – 00;12;21;15

Dr. Mona

And that could not be further from the truth, right? You have to incorporate the people that you want your child to be, you know, around, and the people that you want your child to be familiar with. You want to start incorporating that early, right? So I’m going to use if you are married and obviously partner’s a dad. Dad.

 

00;12;21;15 – 00;12;46;23

Dr. Mona

Right. Have dad get involved with the diaper changes. Have dad get involved with many things. Obviously if you’re breastfeeding, that’s going to be on you, but the dad should be in charge of certain things as well. And that’s a partnership, right? It may not be 5050 because of whatever, you know, work schedule, whatever it is, but you want to talk about that before you have the baby because it’s going to become important for your relationship, your relationship with your partner.

 

00;12;46;25 – 00;13;04;02

Dr. Mona

And also, like I said earlier, for your mental health, because if you are feeling like you’re doing it alone, oh my gosh, it’s always me. Why is it me? Why am I the only one who does this? Why am I the only one? Those are just words that can be hurtful to your partner, who is obviously maybe working and trying to do good things, right.

 

00;13;04;04 – 00;13;23;17

Dr. Mona

And that also is not always the truth, right? When you say it’s always me, it’s always me because it is a team, right? Just see, you are home with your child and your partner is working full time. That partner is working because they’re trying to provide for the family. They may not be doing the childcare that you would envision, but you have that conversation with them and show that respect for each other.

 

00;13;23;24 – 00;13;46;08

Dr. Mona

Right? So please remember that you’re not doing this alone, right? You have a community. If you feel like you don’t have that community in real life, turn to social media. But truly surround yourself with people that uplift you, right? Because you do not have to do this alone. And when you start to think that you’re alone and that you are solely responsible for that child, you can lose sight of your happiness.

 

00;13;46;14 – 00;14;07;15

Dr. Mona

And you can also lose the joy that’s associated with motherhood. The next one is number 13. Stop judging other moms. So judgment is so annoying to me, right? I know we all may judge right in the in your thoughts. I don’t expect you guys to live a pure life where you feel no judgment. You obviously see someone and you don’t think something.

 

00;14;07;15 – 00;14;24;22

Dr. Mona

It’s okay to have thoughts. We all do guys. I have them too. I think a lot of things. But I don’t say a lot of things because I have to understand that it comes from bias a little bit, and it also it serves no purpose to be judgy with somebody else. And judgment comes from a negative place, right?

 

00;14;24;22 – 00;14;46;15

Dr. Mona

Meaning the way we word our judgment. If you do judge, ask yourself, is this a useful thought or is it a useless thought? Right? When you talk about mindfulness, you can kind of categorize useful and useless useful thoughts are oh wow, that flower is pretty useless, is like, oh, I don’t like her hair. What purpose does it serve to have a useless thought, right?

 

00;14;46;18 – 00;15;12;03

Dr. Mona

What purpose does it serve to not like someone or say something about them? It serves no purpose, right? You have to make sure that you kind of recognize that, hey, this is not a useful thought. It doesn’t provide any love. It doesn’t provide anything useful into the situation. Right. And that’s something that will go a long way if you can recognize that, because you can really watch your words and it can spread a lot of love in the mommy groups and in mommy hood.

 

00;15;12;03 – 00;15;31;26

Dr. Mona

Right? So the example I use is, you know, if you see a friend posting something about their child sleeping in an unsafe sleep practice, right? Whether it’s with a stuffed animal and they’re too young for that, you know, under the age of one and they have a stuffed animal or blanket, you have two options and your tone is huge.

 

00;15;32;02 – 00;15;51;05

Dr. Mona

You could say, wow, I, I saw that you posted a picture of your daughter sleeping with a stuffed animal. You don’t you know that’s wrong. I mean, what kind of mother are you? That’s judgy. That comes from a negative place. You could have chosen to say that in a much nicer way. Which is, hey, I saw that you posted a picture of so-and-so.

 

00;15;51;05 – 00;16;11;26

Dr. Mona

You know, sleeping with stuffed animals. You know, I just, you know, wanted to let you know, and I, I, I’m curious of where you’re coming from, but, you know, it’s it’s thought that it’s not safe to have a stuffed animal in the crib before one. What are your thoughts? Right. Like, you notice the difference. Like it really can come off as negative versus, hey, I’m trying to just have a conversation with you and learn.

 

00;16;11;29 – 00;16;30;09

Dr. Mona

You have to be willing to be open and understanding of the situation. To be a kid, to come from a non-judgmental place, right? Like if you obviously are so precious, safe sleep, which most of us are, you’re not going to be able to understand if someone maybe was misinformed or didn’t know, right? Because maybe your friend just didn’t know.

 

00;16;30;12 – 00;16;46;10

Dr. Mona

And if you come at them like how? What kind of mother are you? I mean, that’s not the nicest way to speak to someone. Is that how you would want to be spoken to? So with judgment, you know, it’s a very interesting thing because I find the most judgmental. Mothers are mothers who are actually very insecure with their own mothering.

 

00;16;47;01 – 00;17;03;18

Dr. Mona

So they end up having that tone. And it really has to do with the tone, right? Sarcasm is another thing that I say. Sarcasm is a humorous way of being negative, and I. I don’t think you know that, but I used to be very sarcastic. I still kind of am, but I’ve learned to check it a lot.

 

00;17;04;01 – 00;17;34;12

Dr. Mona

Because it can actually be very off putting because it is a form of humor, but it’s also humor at the expense of the person, right? That making them feel belittled. So you have to watch the tone. Obviously this is not walking on eggshells. This is just being kind, right? Understanding that you’re going to be kind, understand that someone may not know safe sleep and you have an opportunity to teach them or educate them and have a conversation about it versus being judgmental and shutting them off.

 

00;17;34;15 – 00;17;49;21

Dr. Mona

I’m actually really big on this on my social media and in my office is two that I really try not to shut people down, because then it really stops the conversation. Rather, if I’m open and understanding and saying, well, this is what I believe, let me see where you’re coming from. It can lead to a lot more happiness.

 

00;17;49;21 – 00;18;04;23

Dr. Mona

And like I said, just a lot more love in the Mormon community. And that being said, there are just some things. Of course, that, you know, for example, I’m pro-vaccine there are some things that I’m not going to budge on per se. Like, I’m not going to be convinced that vaccines are not good and that you shouldn’t vaccinate your children.

 

00;18;04;25 – 00;18;24;00

Dr. Mona

But it is okay to kind of educate and come from a place of, hey, this is what I think. I’m just letting you know how you know what I know and how I feel. And I’m just curious, your thoughts, you know, and being on social media, I’ve kind of learned when someone is being judgmental or when they’re actually willing to learn.

 

00;18;24;09 – 00;18;40;15

Dr. Mona

It’s very obvious to me, and it’s something that I encourage you guys to if you’re found, if you’re finding that you’re always having a very judgmental tone and that you’re always saying, well, why would you do that? And, you know, that’s not how I would do it. Maybe kind of checking yourself and seeing, can I change the way I speak?

 

00;18;40;18 – 00;19;00;03

Dr. Mona

Because those words have a huge effect on our relationships, right? And I’m talking about the relationships we have with other mothers. So if you come off, as always, commenting about everything your friends are doing right, they’re going to not want to really be around you. And I’ve seen this right. Sometimes you’re with people and you’re like, wow, everything you say is just so judgmental.

 

00;19;00;03 – 00;19;18;20

Dr. Mona

Like it’s like, what are you doing? Like, why are you always commenting? Right? You can just have an opinion but not say it. But it’s really important to stop judging other moms because everyone’s trying to do their best. You also are trying to do your best, right? If you’re a judge or two, and you wouldn’t want anyone to talk to you that in that way either.

 

00;19;18;27 – 00;19;41;07

Dr. Mona

So recognize that and stop judging other moms. Number 12 stop being jealous. Ooh, jealousy. It’s such a interesting emotion. I actually, you know, it’s so interesting about it. I spoke to my sister a while back about this because, you know, obviously we’re in the same family. And I asked my sister, I’m like, are you a jealous person? I don’t think you are, because I obviously grew up with her and she’s like, no, I’m not very jealous at all.

 

00;19;41;07 – 00;19;57;13

Dr. Mona

And I’m like, yeah, I agree, I’m not either. And we’re trying to pinpoint why we’re not jealous women. And, you know, I also talk to my mother, one of my really good friends, Jess, about this. I’m, you know, I’m talking to her because she also is not a jealous type. And I talk to her about it. I’m like, why do you think that we’re not jealous people?

 

00;19;57;16 – 00;20;18;12

Dr. Mona

And my husband is also amaze. He’s like, you’re not a jealous woman. Like, you never get jealous. Like you never want what someone else has. And I’m like, I don’t. And it comes from a place of self-confidence, right? It’s key. Self-confidence is key, and self-confidence is different than being cocky, right? Cockiness is. I’m perfect. I don’t need to change.

 

00;20;18;12 – 00;20;41;21

Dr. Mona

I am, you know, God’s gift to this world. Self-confidence is knowing that you are not perfect, but understanding that you are aware and that you have insight to change. So being happy with the person you are at the current moment, that’s my definition of self-confidence. So my sister, my, my friends who are super self-confident, these are women that obviously have ups and downs.

 

00;20;41;21 – 00;20;58;19

Dr. Mona

Obviously struggle, right? Doesn’t mean a self-confident person doesn’t struggle, but they understand that you know what I am doing what I can to be a better person, and I love the person I am. And when I look at myself in the mirror and I feel like when you have self-confidence, you’re not going to be jealous of other people, right?

 

00;20;58;19 – 00;21;19;14

Dr. Mona

You’re not going to envy what they have because you have the confidence. What does it matter what someone else is doing? If you’re happy with who you are? Right? The saying, you know, grass, the grass is always greener on the other side. But if you focus on watering your grass, if you focus on, you know, enriching yourself, you’re never really going to care about what other people are doing.

 

00;21;19;16 – 00;21;36;27

Dr. Mona

This is really important on social media also, right? I see the jealousy, I it’s palpable. And I’m like, man, like, come on guys. Like we are in this together. And I hate jealousy because if women if we could stop being jealous of each other, imagine what we could do in this world like Hillary Clinton. You can say this.

 

00;21;36;27 – 00;21;53;28

Dr. Mona

You know, you may not have liked her as a candidate, whatever it is, but I have a feeling like if she was a man, women probably would have voted for her, but women didn’t vote for her. A lot of women didn’t vote because maybe they felt jealous. Maybe they felt felt threatened. A lot of women in power get this right.

 

00;21;54;04 – 00;22;13;19

Dr. Mona

Other women just don’t like the success that they have. And I just, I hate that because as women, we should really be supporting each other and especially as mothers, right? I mean, this is hard work. We should be embracing each other’s successes. If one of if your friends, you know, your friend has a child who accomplished something, you should be proud of them.

 

00;22;13;22 – 00;22;33;01

Dr. Mona

You know, it doesn’t mean that you’re any less or any more you know, than they are. But we should be celebrating the triumphs your friends have, whether it is, you know, something professional or with their children. I really, really hope that if you are a jealous type and you know if you are, if you’re listening to this right, you don’t even need me to tell you you have that feeling.

 

00;22;33;01 – 00;22;58;06

Dr. Mona

You see something on social media, you hear someone doing something. You’re always feeling like, man, I want that. I wish I had that. I really want you to do some self introspection. Right? See what makes you happy. See the ways that you can build that self-confidence. Right. Gratitude exercises, self affirmations, whatever you need to do. And the reason why this concerns me is that this is a huge, huge emotion that can rob you of your joy, right?

 

00;22;58;10 – 00;23;21;20

Dr. Mona

You start comparing yourself with others. You start thinking that, oh well, they have this and whatnot and you become very jealous. And jealousy is not a fun emotion to have. It’s not a fun emotion to have around your child, right? You want to be present for them. You want to be happy in front of them. So I encourage you to look inside yourself, see the ways that you can become more self-confident, and stop being jealous of other moms.

 

00;23;21;22 – 00;23;40;26

Dr. Mona

Number 11 stop the negative self-talk. Look, I’m guilty of this one too, right? I can’t do it. Oh my gosh, I don’t have enough time. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t it this is really hard. And you know, it’s as women we are pretty good that if it’s our best friend, we speak to our best friend in the most loving way.

 

00;23;40;26 – 00;23;59;20

Dr. Mona

Right. You’re amazing. What do you mean? That you don’t look good in that outfit? What do you mean? You’re awesome, right? Speak to yourself. How you would speak to your best friend, right? Stop the negative self-talk. Be proud of the person you are in the mirror, right? We would never speak to our friends like that, right? If we obviously wanted to support them.

 

00;23;59;20 – 00;24;19;03

Dr. Mona

And if they were down in the dumps, we wouldn’t say, yeah, you suck. You would say, you know what? You made a mistake, I love you. You’re going to get through this, right? Think of yourself the same way. Talk to yourself like you are your own best friend, right? This includes body image, right? Honestly, yes. I have friends and we’re very honest with each other.

 

00;24;19;04 – 00;24;38;12

Dr. Mona

Things don’t look like good outfit wise, right? Like, maybe it doesn’t, you know, fit the body frame. But what you really want to focus on is looking in the mirror and being proud of who you are and saying, I love myself. I’m going to find clothes that fit my body right. I’m not going to do it. The other way, where I try to make my body fit into a certain piece of clothes.

 

00;24;38;19 – 00;24;57;03

Dr. Mona

But that’s what we should be doing with our friends at work. That’s what we should be doing with ourselves, right? I really want you to stop the negative self-talk, because this one is one that your your children will see, right? If you look at yourself in the mirror and you’re like, I hate this. I hate my mommy pouch, I hate this, I hate this, and I just want to look better.

 

00;24;57;06 – 00;25;15;20

Dr. Mona

Your kids are going to see that. And body image is something that they take on from us guys, right? Especially if you have a daughter, right? Mothers and mother mothers and their daughters and then fathers and their sons, they are going to look to us to see how we view our body. And again, this doesn’t mean that we’re perfect and you know that we don’t need to change anything.

 

00;25;15;20 – 00;25;38;19

Dr. Mona

But maybe we are perfect, right? Maybe we are, you know, perfect in the skin that we’re in. And I think it’s really important to remember that. Right? Stop the negative self-talk, not just for yourself, but also for your children. Number ten stop feeling bad for wanting to be something else besides a mom. I find, you know, mommy guilt is really rampant that maybe you had a career prior to becoming a mom.

 

00;25;38;19 – 00;25;56;19

Dr. Mona

Maybe you want to pursue a hobby and you feel that if you do that, that you’re denying this part of you, this this role that you were supposed to have, you know, this mommy thing that is so important and you can feel that guilt that you’re letting that go. Right? I dealt with this a little bit that I, I love Ryan, but I also love being a pediatrician.

 

00;25;56;19 – 00;26;11;01

Dr. Mona

And I also love Pete’s dog talk. And I was finding that sometimes, like when I was off, I’d be working on Pete’s Dog Talk stuff and I would look at Ryan. I’m like, oh, maybe I should be with him, because, you know, I work and I do all this. My husband would be with him or my nanny would be with him.

 

00;26;11;03 – 00;26;32;05

Dr. Mona

And I’m like, no, I actually am spending so much time with him. I have all this amazing quality time and the fact that I’m able to do something else that brings me joy allows me to have more impactful time with my child. Right? So I don’t want you to feel bad for wanting to be something else besides being a mom, because sometimes it’s those things that can bring you more joy in life, right?

 

00;26;32;13 – 00;26;47;01

Dr. Mona

Because if you just say you have a hobby and you’ve been wanting to pursue something, well, whatever it is, if you start to pursue that and make the time for it, it’s going to make you so much more happy that it’s going to make the time that you spend with your child so much better, right? Because you’re going to be a happy mom.

 

00;26;47;03 – 00;27;02;18

Dr. Mona

So stop feeling bad about it. I really encourage you guys to pursue the hobbies or the interests that you’ve always wanted to write. I promise your child is going to love you. Try to find the time for it. It may mean you have to. Your child will go to bed and then you’ll, you know, work on your hobby.

 

00;27;02;18 – 00;27;21;14

Dr. Mona

After. But I don’t want you to lose sight of the things that made you, you before becoming a mom, because that is your identity, right? Your identity is you. Before being a mom, right? It’s not being a mom. Maybe it is to some degree because that’s now a part of you. But I want you to remember the person you were before.

 

00;27;21;17 – 00;27;43;11

Dr. Mona

You’re not going to be able to go partying. You’re not going to be able to do all the all the crazy things that you used to do before becoming a mother, but you are going to be able to be that person. Don’t lose sight of the person you were in motherhood. You don’t have to. Right? I, I constantly, you know, when when we were pregnant and we were, you know, obviously waiting to have Ryan, I get some people who are like, oh, are you ready?

 

00;27;43;11 – 00;28;00;16

Dr. Mona

You’re going to not be able to do this and that. And I, you know, just shrug my shoulders and say, actually, I, I’m a pediatrician. I know that kids are extremely hard work. I think if you ask any pediatrician, they know the most because they see all types of kids. So of course I know kids are hard work, but I also know that they can bring you a lot of joy.

 

00;28;00;20 – 00;28;24;17

Dr. Mona

Right? And that is so important, right, that if you can remember that you can still have an identity after having, you know, having children, it’s going to bring you so much more joy and you’re going to stop feeling bad for wanting to be something else besides being a mom. Number ten stop constantly looking for external validation and a little disclaimer, especially from your children.

 

00;28;24;19 – 00;28;45;02

Dr. Mona

So I see this behavior a lot, right? And this kind of goes into what I was mentioning before about wanting, you know, feeling bad for wanting to be something else besides a mother. I know a lot of mothers that that being a mother is the role they were meant to be. And I think that’s fantastic. It’s also a role that I’m so grateful for, but it’s not my my whole identity.

 

00;28;45;18 – 00;29;02;12

Dr. Mona

And I think that’s why I have so much joy being a mom in that my identity is not just being a mom, it’s something else. Also. And when you have that identity and you have that passion for something else, it doesn’t have to be a job that gives you a lot of money, doesn’t have to be anything crazy.

 

00;29;02;12 – 00;29;23;23

Dr. Mona

I’m just talking something that brings you joy. Besides being a mom, it really emanates into your motherhood, right? It emanates into the person you are. And so when you’re constantly looking for validation from your children, I kind of get concerned because you are pouring all of your work into your child. Your child is sometimes not going to be happy with the things that you do.

 

00;29;23;28 – 00;29;40;04

Dr. Mona

That’s not you being a bad parent, guys. That’s just you. That’s just reality, right? That’s just you being a a parent and setting boundaries. Sometimes your children will be upset, sometimes you’ll do something for them. They’ll throw the food in your face. Sometimes they’ll say, I hate you, mommy. You’re a mean mommy. But that’s not personally on you.

 

00;29;40;11 – 00;30;01;23

Dr. Mona

That’s them not knowing how to handle their emotions. And that’s what you’re going to teach them as a mother, right? But if you’re constantly looking for validation, my worry is that you’re going to constantly cave in to whatever they need. And as they become a toddler and as they become older, this can become really problematic. And you can, you know, go down a slippery slope of constantly trying to cater to your child.

 

00;30;01;25 – 00;30;21;22

Dr. Mona

There is a balance of providing them love, affection, resources, you know, things that they need. But there’s also boundaries that need to be set right with sleeping, with behavior, with eating. There are boundaries that we need as a parent for your mental health and for their behavior. So I worry that if you’re constantly looking for validation from them.

 

00;30;21;22 – 00;30;44;02

Dr. Mona

And what I mean is that they do something and they tell you you’re a good mommy, and then that’s what makes you always feel like you’re a good person. When you’re constantly looking for validation from them, you’re not. You may you’re more likely to not set those boundaries right. And it’s it can be a concern with motherhood and obviously rob you of your joy if you’re constantly trying to cater to them.

 

00;30;44;04 – 00;31;00;28

Dr. Mona

This also goes to partners, right? So if you’re constantly looking for validation from your partner, I need my partner to tell me I’m doing a good job. You you should know you’re doing a good job, right? You know, you know that you guys are awesome mothers. I mean, if you’re listening to this already, you’re halfway to being an awesome mom.

 

00;31;01;00 – 00;31;18;28

Dr. Mona

So I want you to stop looking for that validation. Obviously, in a relationship, you should feel loved and you should have that person speak your love language, but you should not be basing your entire existence on what they say, right? Your partner, your child. Because then you’re not. You’re right. You’re not having your right own identity. So that’s number nine.

 

00;31;19;04 – 00;31;40;08

Dr. Mona

Stop constantly looking for external validation. Number eight, stop thinking you have it worse than everyone else. This one’s tough. I actually personally know people like this and it’s hard to be around it. You know, it’s it’s draining. It’s that woe is me mentality that I. My life sucks. Why is my life so hard? Everyone seems to have it better.

 

00;31;40;10 – 00;32;05;01

Dr. Mona

And this kind of goes into insecurities and, jealousy, right? Everyone guys. Everyone struggles. I can’t stress this enough. I’m a pediatrician. I see tons of moms. No one is perfect. I’m not perfect. You’re not perfect. Nobody is perfect. A narcissistic personality is not perfect. Obviously, we’re all struggling, right? We’re all trying to manage and navigate this crazy life that is motherhood.

 

00;32;05;04 – 00;32;22;23

Dr. Mona

So when you start, when you start to think that you have it worse, right? It can be very emotionally draining. And it also can affect the people around you when you’re constantly saying, oh, this sucks, I hate this. Why me? Why me? Woe is me, why me? And it’s extremely draining and it also robs your joy, right? It’s not that bad.

 

00;32;23;00 – 00;32;42;02

Dr. Mona

You can find joy. And I know it because I’ve seen mothers come in and I, you know, I’m like looking at their child and I’m like, mom, stop. And I lay down the tough love. I say, why do you think it’s so bad? And she’s like, you don’t understand. Like I actually do understand. Like, I know mothering is hard, but find the joy, find the one thing.

 

00;32;42;02 – 00;33;01;19

Dr. Mona

And if you’re struggling to find that joy, right, that you think that you have, it’s so bad. I really want you to again, look inside yourself, see the things that you can change. Right? Because you don’t have to go through motherhood thinking that everything’s so bad. I have mothers that come into my office who I’ll be honest, I look and they’re struggling with a lot of things, right?

 

00;33;01;19 – 00;33;17;06

Dr. Mona

They maybe I’m going to give examples, maybe a single mom with a child with a severe medical diagnosis, and they come in and taking it in stride and, you know, they’re happy and they’re smiling. And I talk to them and I’m like, mom, I’m so, you know, I’m just so proud of you. I’m so proud of what? The job that you’re doing with your child.

 

00;33;17;13 – 00;33;34;12

Dr. Mona

And I need to know your secret. What brings you joy. And you know, when you’re dealing with these hard things, these hard diagnoses in these hard days. And she’s like, it’s tough. You know, I I’m exhausted. And, you know, mothering is hard, but I just am grateful to have this role. I’m grateful to be a mom. And it’s such an interesting perspective.

 

00;33;34;12 – 00;34;05;10

Dr. Mona

Right. The gratitude. Right. Focusing on the things you can control. Focus on the positive. Right. Remember these things because the negativity and saying that everything is bad, why me, why me, why me? It is truly going to rob you of your joy and you’re just not going to enjoy motherhood and you’re going to miss out on those months and those years that go by, especially in the early years, because I find most parents struggle in the first four years, right when their child is, you know, infancy and tantrums and, you know, their child creating their identity.

 

00;34;05;18 – 00;34;26;18

Dr. Mona

But you can actually enjoy those years. It doesn’t have to be all bad. So that was number eight. Stop thinking you have it worse than everyone else. Number seven stop comparing yourself to others. I you know, this kind of goes in line with jealousy, guys. But you are amazing. You’re amazing for who you are. You are amazing mothers.

 

00;34;26;18 – 00;34;45;06

Dr. Mona

I know you guys are. You’re listening to this. Like I said, you want to be better. You want to be a good mom. You are a good mom. Stop comparing yourself with others, right? What they have, what they’re doing, what vacations they’re going on. Right? That your insecurities can lead to this. And of course, I know social media can make it worse.

 

00;34;45;08 – 00;35;02;05

Dr. Mona

So I don’t want you to surround yourself with anyone that makes you feel lesser than right. If you feel like you’re constantly with someone that makes you feel belittled, or you’re following someone on social media that makes you feel smaller, I need you to stop following them. I need I need you to create boundaries with those people, right?

 

00;35;02;12 – 00;35;22;22

Dr. Mona

But when you do that, I also want you to take a look inside yourself. If you’re finding that you are jealous and that you are having a hard time comparing yourself with everyone, right? One two people like it. But if you’re just comparing yourself with the whole world, everyone that you come in contact with, I really want you to look inside yourself and focus on the things that can make you happier, right?

 

00;35;22;22 – 00;35;39;28

Dr. Mona

The things that can build your self-confidence. This is important because I don’t want the comparison game to fall down to your children. Where you start comparing your child in front of them, right? This actually is something personal to me because me and my sister talk about this. My mother and father compared us a lot with other friends, right?

 

00;35;40;00 – 00;35;57;05

Dr. Mona

And they never compared me and my sister with each other. And that’s why we think maybe we’re not jealous people, because me and my sister were they thought we were awesome in our own right, but they never said, oh, Mona, you did this. And Cheryl, you did this. But they did compare us with other children, right? Other friends and their kids.

 

00;35;57;07 – 00;36;19;02

Dr. Mona

And me and my sister grew up understanding that we didn’t want to do that for our children. Right. We had the insight to say, no, I don’t like that behavior. But what I don’t want you to have what happened is that because you’re so concerned about what other people are doing and what other people are thinking and what they have, that you start comparing your children to those people, that you start forcing your child to do activities that they may not want to do because you’re trying to keep up with the Joneses.

 

00;36;19;02 – 00;36;45;00

Dr. Mona

Right? We all have different paths in life, guys. Everyone is on this journey of motherhood. The journey may be a little different, the paths may be different, but the destination is the same. So comparison is the thief of joy, right? If you are constantly looking at what everyone else is having, you are truly missing out on what’s in front of you, which is you, your amazing child, and the milestones that they’re creating and the the things that they’re doing.

 

00;36;45;02 – 00;37;01;24

Dr. Mona

So stop looking at what other people are doing. Stop looking at it and saying, well, I want that too. If you are comparing yourself with others, look at it as a motivator. Look at it to say, I saw them doing that. That’s awesome. I’m going to incorporate that into my life because I want to do it for myself.

 

00;37;01;28 – 00;37;19;14

Dr. Mona

I want my child to be better and reach milestones for themself, not because I want it to be a competition, right? We should not be doing things in life to one up, one each, one up, one another. We should be doing things in life because it’s what makes us more successful individually and what makes us happier human beings.

 

00;37;19;16 – 00;37;43;14

Dr. Mona

So that was number seven. Stop comparing yourself to others. Number six, stop surrounding yourself with negative people. Your vibe attracts your tribe. We have this hanging in our bedroom. I love this quote. This is a tough one because sometimes you may have friendships that are, you know, long term friendships that maybe they’re more negative and maybe, you know, you you’re not wanting that energy if you’re able to block it out.

 

00;37;43;14 – 00;38;01;26

Dr. Mona

Right. But if you’re finding that you’re being sucked down by that negative energy, you need to create distance, whether it’s emotional distance, physical distance, saying, you know what, I love you, but I just can’t talk to you right now. Whatever you need to do, we do not need negative people in our life. I after my birth trauma, I completely changed this.

 

00;38;01;26 – 00;38;16;16

Dr. Mona

I used to hold on to some friendships that I’m like, okay, you know, it’s agreed we’ve been friends. But then I thought about I’m like, no, like, I don’t want negativity in my life. I don’t want someone to. I don’t want a friend in my life who’s constantly telling me that I’m not doing this right, or I need to do this and this and that.

 

00;38;16;16 – 00;38;34;20

Dr. Mona

When you know it’s only coming from one person, it’s different. If all of your friends are telling you that, hey, you are doing this wrong and your partners telling you that you’re doing this wrong, but if it’s one person that is constantly bringing you down, I really want you to have a conversation with them and say, look, it’s really hard being friends with you, right?

 

00;38;34;25 – 00;38;58;19

Dr. Mona

The negativity, it’s consuming and it’s very exhausting. Like, I work or I work with someone who’s very negative and it is extremely, extremely exhausting working with someone who’s negative. Right? So create boundaries. Life is too short and things are too busy to surround yourself with people who just don’t feed your soul, right? So circle yourself with non jealous, uplifting people.

 

00;38;58;22 – 00;39;19;14

Dr. Mona

I personally like to surround myself with people who are also honest. Right? Going now to number five, stop people pleasing. I don’t like surrounding myself with people pleasers. I used to be a people pleaser. What that means is, oh, everything’s great. You’re perfect at it. A no, no, no. We need to be honest in friendships, right? If someone’s doing a behavior that’s toxic, we need to be honest.

 

00;39;19;14 – 00;39;36;28

Dr. Mona

But we also have to look inside ourselves, too and say, you know what? What am I? What can I do differently? Right? People pleasing is a very common thing. I think a lot of women do. Not every woman. But, I find a lot of successful women do this, especially a lot of my doctor friends include, myself included.

 

00;39;37;00 – 00;39;56;25

Dr. Mona

You know, we have become successful, you become successful, and you constantly meet and you’re trying to make people happy. And, you know, especially if you’re in a helping feel like, you know, nurses, teachers, doctors, whatever it may be, you’re constantly wanting to help and make people feel good. But the problem is, people pleasing can lead down a very slippery slope as well, right?

 

00;39;56;25 – 00;40;16;16

Dr. Mona

My mom is a ultimate people pleaser. My sister and I both became people pleasers, and as we got older, we learned that this can be very, you know, have a lot of negative impact. Because when you start to become a people pleaser, you don’t say no, right? You say you say yes to everything because you want to make people feel happy and you don’t create emotional space for yourself, right?

 

00;40;16;23 – 00;40;38;29

Dr. Mona

Because if you’re a people pleaser, you’re always doing things for other people. You’re not doing things for yourself. And in motherhood, we have to do things for ourself. We can only do so much, right? So we have to learn to say no. My friend Jess and I, we always talk about this when she used to live here in Florida, when we used to hang out, we’d schedule something and we were very open and said, look, if you’re not feeling up to it when it comes around, you just tell me.

 

00;40;39;05 – 00;40;54;03

Dr. Mona

And we were so open about this, it was amazing. So one day, you know, we’d have a plan and she’s like, she’d be like, I don’t want to hang out. I’m like, okay, no problem. Me neither. And it wasn’t anything personal. We’re not people pleasers, right? We’re not sugarcoating. We’re not creating white lies. I’m sick. I don’t, you know, I don’t feel good.

 

00;40;54;03 – 00;41;09;11

Dr. Mona

No, we just didn’t want to hang out. We should be able to talk like that to our friends, right? We shouldn’t be living a life of being a people pleaser. Oh, well, you know, I don’t want to, you know, look, I’m not feeling up to it. I would love to reschedule. I, you know, I love you. We can say that.

 

00;41;09;11 – 00;41;29;02

Dr. Mona

Right? And this also goes when you’re working on things together as a group or, you know, obviously with projects as other women. And again, it’s all goes back to that tone, right? How you say it and how you deliver it. Right? Hey, I don’t think this is a good way to do this. X, Y, and z. Maybe we can work on this like hear me out rather than saying, you know, oh, I wouldn’t do it that way.

 

00;41;29;02 – 00;41;48;29

Dr. Mona

Right. But there’s a way of stopping to be a people pleaser, right? And just also being honest at the same time. Not everyone’s going to love you, right? But that’s not on you. You just need to live a life of kindness and love and everything else will work out right. People pleasing can really rob you of your joy.

 

00;41;48;29 – 00;42;06;20

Dr. Mona

Because as a mother, like I said, you only have enough time to do certain things. So if you’re constantly saying yes to play dates and if you don’t want to do them, if you’re constantly saying yes to activities at work and you can’t do them, you need to learn to say no. I swear to say no. Probably a year and a half ago when my job would say, can you do this?

 

00;42;06;20 – 00;42;22;02

Dr. Mona

I’m like, nope, I can’t do that. Nope, I’m not going to switch. Nope, I’m not going to do that. And it actually brought me so much more joy because it created boundaries for myself, and it really helped my mental health. So a lot of these things that I’m talking to you guys about has to do with bringing you join.

 

00;42;22;02 – 00;42;42;21

Dr. Mona

A lot of it has to do with, you know, expanding our mental health, right? Things that we can do that really serve us in a positive way. And if you’re constantly pleasing others, you’re losing sight of the most important person, which is you, right? And that’s going to rob you of your joy. Number four, stop taking other people’s advice but not listening to your own.

 

00;42;42;24 – 00;43;05;19

Dr. Mona

So I get it. We are constantly looking for other people’s opinions, right? But I really want you to take those opinions, but also remember, the most important opinion is your own. You’re the mom. That’s your baby. Nothing else matters, right? The most important relationship, in my opinion, is the relationship between you and your baby, you and your partner.

 

00;43;05;21 – 00;43;26;02

Dr. Mona

Right? You and any other caretaker that’s involved in the baby. Obviously just because you guys are all caretakers and obviously you and your child’s doctor or your child’s clinician, right? Why I say that’s an important relationship is medically, you do need to get the advice of a doctor, obviously for safety things and things like that. But the ultimate decision for how you raise your child is you.

 

00;43;26;04 – 00;43;42;27

Dr. Mona

So if you constantly are taking other people’s advice and you’re on social media and someone says, oh, you know, you’re terrible, mom, you should do this, I need you to block out that noise, learn to block out that negativity and block out the advice that doesn’t serve you. Take the things you can from it that serve you right.

 

00;43;42;27 – 00;44;00;13

Dr. Mona

Obviously, if someone tells you like about a product or something, learn from it. But stop when it starts to affect you in an emotional way, right? Listen to your own advice. I use the example of sleep training, right? If you want to see train, sleep, train your baby. If you don’t want to sleep, train don’t, don’t sleep, train your baby right.

 

00;44;00;20 – 00;44;22;13

Dr. Mona

You have to listen to yourself. If you’re constantly looking at other people’s opinions and taking other people’s advice, you really are just going to forget the most important person in mothering. And that’s you. And so I really want to empower you to really listen to yourself, right? You got this. I know as a new mom or even as a seasoned mom, you want opinions and it’s important to be open to other people’s opinions, right?

 

00;44;22;13 – 00;44;42;11

Dr. Mona

I’m not saying to shut it down, and you should be nice and accepting and want to change, but ultimately the decisions on you, right? Ultimately, the decision is between you and your partner. It’ll bring you so much more joy when you block out that noise. And remember that you are mom and you are in charge. Number three stop letting mommy guilt remove your joy.

 

00;44;42;14 – 00;45;04;13

Dr. Mona

So mommy guilt is a very healthy emotion, right? Obviously, we’re loving people. We want the best for our children, right? But it’s when that mommy guilt becomes consuming, right? When it’s robbing you of the enjoyment that it becomes a huge issue. I want to give you a newsflash your child will love you if you just provide love in the time that you are able to provide it right.

 

00;45;04;15 – 00;45;27;02

Dr. Mona

You don’t have to be with your child 24 hours a day for your child to love you. You want to focus on quality time with your child and not quantity. It’s I cannot express this enough. So if you feel like you constantly need to be with your child, I much rather have a mother who takes time for themselves and spends two hours of quality time with their child, than a mom who feels like she always has to be with their child.

 

00;45;27;02 – 00;45;45;14

Dr. Mona

You know that 12 hours of the day and is not present for that child emotionally, right? You got to take the time for yourself and remember to remove the guilt. What does that mean? So I use the example of obviously a working mom, right? There’s a lot of guilt with working mothers that we need to be there with our children more.

 

00;45;45;14 – 00;46;06;19

Dr. Mona

And I obviously went through that as well, that I, you know, my Ryan’s so young, I want to be there. But I also remember that this is my life. This is the choice I made. And I have to work right now, and I’m just going to be impactful with my time. My little mommy guilt mantra is I’m doing my best with the information and resources I have at the current moment.

 

00;46;06;21 – 00;46;27;23

Dr. Mona

So what that means is that I’m going to focus on the things I need to focus on. I’m going to focus on the things that are in my control. Like I mentioned the first thing on this podcast episode, and I’m doing an amazing job by focusing on these things. The example I give is obviously as a working mom, you’re working because you want to or you’re working because of financial reasons.

 

00;46;27;23 – 00;46;45;27

Dr. Mona

Those are your resources, right? You have to work. That’s okay. I’m doing the best with the resources I have. The other example I use is mothers who are sending their kids back to daycare during a pandemic. They feel guilty because they’re like, well, I just want I want my kid home. Like I’m putting them in danger. No, you are doing your best with the information and resources you have.

 

00;46;45;29 – 00;47;09;03

Dr. Mona

Information. Information being that children are not as affected by complications with Covid resources being, I can’t keep them home because I don’t have the finances and I’m working so I have to send them to daycare. That’s fine. I don’t want you to let the guilt consume you. It’s important to kind of feel a little bit so that you know that, you know, oh yeah, I obviously want to be better for my child, but drop the mommy guilt, right?

 

00;47;09;03 – 00;47;29;17

Dr. Mona

Drop it. And don’t let other women and other mothers guilt you as well. Right? If you’re finding that you’re surrounding yourself with women who are constantly shaming, you’re making you feel like you’re, you know, this awful mom. Stop it. Stop communicating with them. It’s not worth it, right? Your vibe attracts your tribe. Number two, stop being insecure with who you are.

 

00;47;29;19 – 00;47;54;13

Dr. Mona

Love yourself. Right? This is so key. Love yourself. I can’t tell you enough. The mothers that are most happy in my opinion. Why I why I’m a happy mother? Why all the mothers that I like I said that come into my office are happy is because they love themselves. And again, this isn’t cockiness, this is self-confidence. And loving yourself first is going to make your child love them selves too.

 

00;47;54;16 – 00;48;14;08

Dr. Mona

Guys, it is so important. I wish I could, you know, print this on fliers and drop it from a plane. Your child will not love themselves if you don’t love yourself. Also, they can sense this. They can sense if their mother does not love who they are. So focus on your self. Focus on the things that make you happy, right?

 

00;48;14;10 – 00;48;37;23

Dr. Mona

Please remember that you are the most important person in your child’s life, and your mental health and your well-being is extremely important for the success and happiness of your family. I’m not putting pressure on you guys, right? This is not a you know, we’re responsible and that it. But I find that the outlook of a mother, right is what permeates through the family.

 

00;48;37;26 – 00;49;02;11

Dr. Mona

I use the example of my mom. My mom is a bright light. She’s super positive. Me and my sister are super positive. We grew up around a mother who is extremely positive and it helped a lot. I think Ryan is going to grow up in a very positive household because I am very positive. My husband, on the other hand, grew up in a household where his mother was very glass half empty, very negative.

 

00;49;02;16 – 00;49;27;13

Dr. Mona

Everything was a problem and he got that sort of mentality. I’m not saying that this is scientific, I’m just using examples. Positivity comes from a mother. It really does. I see this commonly and I, I can’t stress it enough. And it’s not making you feel like if you’re not a positive person that you’re ruining your child. No, it just I’m giving you the power and I’m giving you the tough love to say at this point, this day that you’re listening to this podcast.

 

00;49;27;15 – 00;49;49;26

Dr. Mona

If you are a glass empty type of person, I really want you to try to find ways to make it where you can make your glass half full right? It’s a switch. It’s looking at the things that are going right, rather than focusing on the things that are going wrong. Right. It’s the duality of every situation. Every situation has a bad and a good, but you are choosing to look at the good.

 

00;49;49;28 – 00;50;10;05

Dr. Mona

Stop being insecure with who you are. Love yourself. Be happy with who you are. Be happy with the person that’s looking back at you in the mirror, right? Like I said, love yourself like a child. Love themselves when they look in the mirror, right? Have you seen a kid look in the mirror? They’re just so happy to see that person smiling back at them.

 

00;50;10;07 – 00;50;31;06

Dr. Mona

I need you to wake up and look at yourself in the mirror like a child looks at themselves in the mirror. This is so key, guys, because being secure with who you are, being happy with you, with who you are, it really, really has a huge effect on your family and has a huge effect on your child. Number one, stop putting others needs before your own guys.

 

00;50;31;06 – 00;50;51;03

Dr. Mona

This kind of goes for what I said. Always prioritize you. We are the rocks of our family, okay? I hate putting pressure on us like that, but it’s it’s inevitable. And it’s true that women we are of your sphere being. You know, we work, we are home with our kids, we take care of them. We juggle so many things.

 

00;50;51;10 – 00;51;12;19

Dr. Mona

Men can’t do this, guys. Men are not capable of handling nearly as much as we do, which is why we’re the ones who have babies. And I need you to understand that because we are powerful. And when we become a mother, we’re even more powerful. I talked to my friends about this, that when I became a mom, it was almost like the super human superpower that I could juggle so many things all of a sudden.

 

00;51;12;19 – 00;51;34;10

Dr. Mona

Obviously, I have to create boundaries, but I almost felt like I could manage so much more where my husband couldn’t write. It’s so important to recognize that we are amazing human beings that. But we have to have boundaries. We have to have emotional boundaries, physical boundaries. We have to put our needs before anyone else. We cannot be a good mom if we’re not taking care of ourselves.

 

00;51;34;13 – 00;51;57;15

Dr. Mona

And this means self-care in whatever way you can. If it means waking up 20 minutes early, 30 minutes early to work out, meditate, whatever you need to do, do the things that bring you joy, right? Focus on your self. Focus on being a better version of yourself also, right? This is so key. And like I said, positivity emanates positivity.

 

00;51;57;17 – 00;52;14;03

Dr. Mona

I really feel and I know this is a bold statement, but happy mamas do make happy babies. And what this means is that our energy emanates through a household, right? As mothers, it doesn’t mean that you’re not entitled to have a bad day. It does not mean that you’re not entitled to have a bad week, a bad year.

 

00;52;14;11 – 00;52;43;28

Dr. Mona

Remember, we’re all human. I have bad days. You guys, if you follow me on my Instagram. I recently just had a bad week. It was awful. But I do see that there is a correlation with the happiness that we bring into our home and the way our children are. They sense our energy. So what I’m not trying to say is that if you’re not happy that your child is upset and not happy because of, you know, I’m empowering you to say that if you’re not happy overall with being a mother, I want you to find ways to bring that joy back into your life.

 

00;52;43;28 – 00;53;06;29

Dr. Mona

Right? That’s what I want. That’s what I want for you guys. I want us to feel the joy. I want us to overall, 80% of the time, feel the joy in motherhood. It doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to have a bad day. Please remember that, right? It just means that when you go to bed every night, you have to remember that it’s a new day tomorrow and I’m ready to tackle motherhood, right?

 

00;53;07;01 – 00;53;32;03

Dr. Mona

I love, love, love talking about children, but I love even more talking about mothers. I am a mother. I’ve seen and met so many mothers, and this episode was basically, you know, birthing because I wanted to talk about the things that I just see mothers do and the things that I want us to stop doing that was robbing us of our joy.

 

00;53;32;06 – 00;53;50;22

Dr. Mona

I hope this really resonated with you. I hope you understand that these are all things that small things that we can do right. Things that if you looked and you’re like, well, maybe I can do a little bit less of this or, tweak this a little bit because it can really bring back the joy of motherhood. I know firsthand how difficult motherhood is.

 

00;53;50;22 – 00;54;14;17

Dr. Mona

I obviously my start of motherhood was a show I am still dealing, obviously with trauma, with the pandemic and whatever it may be. But I have found that joy, that joy exists. It’s there. I laugh with my son, I enjoy it, and I want you to know that if you are not laughing, if you’re finding that you just can’t be happy as a mom, I need you to talk to your partner.

 

00;54;14;17 – 00;54;38;11

Dr. Mona

If you have a partner, I need you to talk to your loved ones. I need you to talk to someone who’s a professional. Because motherhood is enjoyable, it can be enjoyable. And I want to empower you to find that joy because you and your children will benefit from it. Thank you again guys for listening to this episode. As always, if you loved it, please write a review.

 

00;54;38;15 – 00;54;57;11

Dr. Mona

When you write a review on my podcast episodes, it allows more people to hear the episodes because it reaches further. It’s kind of like sharing on Instagram and as always, please make sure to follow me and stuff on Instagram if you’re not already, and definitely comment on this post for today if you like this episode. I love doing this for you guys.

 

00;54;57;13 – 00;55;07;04

Dr. Mona

I’m empowering you to go forth and stop doing these behaviors. As mothers. You all are awesome. Have a great rest of your day. Take care. Talk to you soon!