Keeping your home clutter free and “tidy” doesn’t have to be a scary task and you can utilize your children in developmentally appropriate ways to do it. I welcome Tyler Moore known as @tidydad on Instagram, who is a teacher, father of three, and writer who helps families find a rhythm, system, and routine to complement the current state of life that they’re in.

We discuss:

• How to incorporate our kids into household routines
• Why chores don’t need to be rewarded
• Tips for things like getting out of the house or tidying up toys

Find out more about Tyler Moore at thetidydad.com or connect on Instagram, Facebook or Pinterest @tidydad

00:00:01:04 – 00:00:23:03

Tyler Moore

You know, how are we designing systems that obviously help to give our girls independence, but also help to lift some of the mental and physical load that we feel because is, you know, caring for children, having a career, managing home. Each of those individually feel like full time job. And then when you put it together, there can be this feeling of overwhelm.

00:00:23:05 – 00:00:37:06

Tyler Moore

And so what we’re trying to do is really just simplify and really be present in this current stage of life, because there’s so much beauty to be found in the mess that is living with really young children.

00:00:37:08 – 00:00:59:06

Dr. Mona

Welcome to the PedsDocTalk Podcast, a top 50 parenting podcast in the United States. Thanks to you and your reviews, and we are here to guide you on your parenting journey. And I get to chat with the most incredible people in the field of child health, development and parenting. And my guest today is Tyler Moore, known as Tidy Dad on social media.

00:00:59:08 – 00:01:12:02

Dr. Mona

So he’s also a teacher, father of three, and writer who helps families find their rhythm, systems and routine to compliment the current state of life that they’re in. Thank you so much for joining me today, Tyler.

00:01:12:04 – 00:01:14:07

Tyler Moore

Yeah. Doctor. Mona, thanks for having me.

00:01:14:09 – 00:01:34:21

Dr. Mona

And you are a busy guy. I was just chatting. You’re a teacher. You’re obviously a father. You’re writing. And also you have this Instagram platform helping guide families. You know, into creating boundaries with space and clutter in their home, which is what we’re going to be talking about. Tell us more about yourself and what brought you to create Tidy Dad and balance it with all you do today?

00:01:34:23 – 00:01:55:07

Tyler Moore

Yeah. So I feel like even hearing you say that, it’s like summing it up, I’m still in the thick of it. So I have three daughters. They’re eight, six and three. For the first time, they’re all going to school. And so I’m working on systems and routines in the morning, getting them out the door to school. And then I spend my day teaching seventh grade math.

00:01:55:12 – 00:02:18:01

Tyler Moore

And then we do it all in reverse at the end of the day. And so I feel like what we’re always trying to do, my wife and I is trying to figure out, you know, how are we designing systems that obviously help to give our girls independence, but also help to lift some of the mental and physical load that we feel because is, you know, caring for children, having a career or managing home.

00:02:18:06 – 00:02:39:16

Tyler Moore

Each of those individually feel like full time job. And then when you put it together, there can be this feeling of overwhelm. And so what we’re trying to do is really just simplify and really be present in this current stage of life, because there’s so much beauty to be found in the mess that is living with really young children.

00:02:39:17 – 00:03:03:18

Tyler Moore

And so through Instagram and through my writing, I try to help other parents navigate their own personal messes while drawing from my experiences as a teacher of 16 years and also having been a parent for the past eight years. I’m not perfect. There is no perfect parent out there, but I do try to share some of the little things that are just helping to make life just a little bit tidier.

00:03:03:20 – 00:03:29:20

Dr. Mona

I love it! Oh, that’s so great. And using all of those experiences together, what makes it more relatable? You’re obviously working outside the home. You have three children, you have a partner. There’s so many different relationships, connections and things that are make our routine. When you have all stuff going on. And like I mentioned, we’re talking about how we can involve kids in this routine to create boundaries with space and clutter in the home.

00:03:29:20 – 00:03:50:15

Dr. Mona

And I mean, maybe even talk about how you get kids out the door and all that. But yeah, what would be your tips for everyone listening? And I know you probably have so many. Your platform is a great source of information, but starting off, where would you kind of want to start with in terms of helping people kind of understand how to create some boundaries and create some routine in their household?

00:03:50:17 – 00:04:11:20

Tyler Moore

Yeah. So one sort of guiding philosophy that I talk about with my girls a lot is this idea of teamwork makes the dreamwork. And it’s funny because yesterday, so with our eight year old, she’s sort of navigating friendship relationships outside of school. And so she gave her friend my wife an Ice phone number. So we’re on the receiving end of getting these texts from her friend.

00:04:11:22 – 00:04:28:05

Tyler Moore

And, you know, we’re giving our girls sort of this like, screen time and freedom of talking with their friends. And my oldest said, I have to get off. I can’t, you know, like, message with you, right now because I need to get ready for bed. I’ve got to make sure that my snack is ready to go for the next day.

00:04:28:08 – 00:04:49:18

Tyler Moore

I’ve got to put away my clothes, and I need to make sure that I have everything so that I’m ready for bed. And her friend responded back. What kind of family do you. You know, it’s so funny because it’s like this idea of teamwork has just become normal with our girls, and it comes from these boundaries that we’ve set around time and space.

00:04:49:20 – 00:05:11:04

Tyler Moore

And I feel like what’s so important is that our girls understand that we’re always working together, and we live in a very small space at 750ft² or four. So a lot of ways to confront the physical items that are coming in and out of our home, our girls, obviously, they have changing developmental needs all the time. They’re interests change all the time.

00:05:11:06 – 00:05:30:18

Tyler Moore

And so, first of all, my wife and I, we’ve had to had that orientation of teamwork makes the dreamwork. And when the time the girls were babies, the team was really my wife and I is, you know, we can’t expect our babies to do anything except for cry when they need us and we have to respond to their cues.

00:05:30:20 – 00:05:53:04

Tyler Moore

But my wife and I had to realize and work on, how are we going to balance all of this care that goes into, you know, bringing up this little baby? And then as our girls transition from babyhood to toddlerhood to preschoolers, then now to being school aged, it’s incredible to think about what work they’re able to take on, how they’re able to support us.

00:05:53:05 – 00:06:18:12

Tyler Moore

And when I use that word work, I think that it is important because a lot of time, they’re distinctions drawn between work inside the home and work outside of the home. And when I’m using the word work, it actually just means that sort of concept of things getting done. And so there are things like, we need our girls to get the dishes from the kitchen to the table so that mealtimes can happen.

00:06:18:18 – 00:06:54:02

Tyler Moore

We need them to know after I’ve taken a bath, I take my clothes and I put them in the dirty clothes hamper so that then on Sunday, daddy’s able to walk the laundry over to the laundromat and wash it. There’s so many little things that go into making work happen, but when as families, we really establish that teamwork approach and then equip our kids with the skills in order to be able to help, you know, it really helps to foster, I believe, that sense of belonging and that sense of togetherness, which is the core of what I really think you want as a family.

00:06:54:03 – 00:07:15:14

Dr. Mona

Absolutely. And, you know, you’re talking already about basic things around the house, like obviously putting things away once you use them, laundry, things like that, which are such small things that add up. And I think that’s wonderful. Has it just kind of been this matter of fact that you’ve raised your children with, or have they ever pushed back a lot with it or not really, because it’s kind of part of the family?

00:07:15:16 – 00:07:33:01

Tyler Moore

Yeah, it’s a question I get a lot. And what’s funny is, is it was last week. I was like, girls. It was the end of the night. It was a long day of teaching. The playroom was a mess. Everything was out and I was like, girls, I really just need you to tidy up right now. And my oldest was like, you’re tidy, dad, don’t you want to do it?

00:07:33:07 – 00:07:56:19

Tyler Moore

And I was like, no. So, you know, in funny ways I do get pushback. Like their kids, of course. And there are times when I have to say, like, you just played, it’s now time to clean up. I am stating the expectation, which is I need you to put the things away. There are Sunday afternoons where they’re like, we really don’t want to fold laundry.

00:07:56:21 – 00:08:18:10

Tyler Moore

To which I respond, I don’t really want to fold laundry either, but everyone wear clothes, and everyone needs to learn how to fold their clothes and manage their own clothing. And so I feel like there’s so many joyous moments that we gift our girls with throughout the week. And as we know, as adults, we don’t only get to do things that are fun.

00:08:18:12 – 00:08:41:16

Tyler Moore

There are the practical realities of taking care of ourselves and taking care of others. And I feel like as parents were equipping them with skills, but doing it in a developmentally appropriate way. You know, there are really small tasks that we give our girls from the time that they’re little, and then developmentally they take on more. But the idea is, is that we want, you know, the things that we give them to be reasonable.

00:08:41:16 – 00:08:51:06

Tyler Moore

But there is this understanding that we’re all working together in order to make our home function, so that then we’re able to enjoy those joyous moments together.

00:08:51:08 – 00:09:09:04

Dr. Mona

Yeah, I’m very similar, and I like that. You know, we have a very big we’re very big on routine community. Teamwork makes the dream work, which is doing things together to help our living space and we also have a smaller living space, too. And I wonder if it’s because of that, that we end up doing this because we can’t have all this stuff all over the place.

00:09:09:04 – 00:09:11:09

Dr. Mona

We have no where to walk then.

00:09:11:11 – 00:09:29:05

Tyler Moore

Yeah. And it’s one of the benefits of a small space, because I feel like we’re forced to confront it because there’s no place for anything to hide. You know, we don’t have a basement, that you can just close the door. We can’t just put things in an attic. Not to be seen again for years. Like our playroom. It is.

00:09:29:07 – 00:09:46:02

Tyler Moore

We’re in a railroad apartment, which is means that it’s really long and narrow, and you have to walk from one room into the other, into the other. There playroom is essentially a glorified hallway. It’s about 6.5ft wide, 14ft long, and if there’s stuff all over the floor, we literally can’t walk through in order to get to the bedrooms.

00:09:46:04 – 00:10:10:21

Tyler Moore

And so I do feel like we have to confront the mess every single day, which really is almost a metaphor for life. Like things can’t really get swept under the rug. The example that I gave when my daughters do give pushback or question like their children, they are naturally designed to ask questions and to push back when adults are giving them directions around what to do.

00:10:11:02 – 00:10:32:06

Tyler Moore

But I feel like explaining the why is what is really important. We’re by no means a perfect family. Our home is not always perfectly tidied, but we’ve learned that the goal isn’t always tidy. The goal is for things to be easily tidied, and I feel like even explaining that orientation to the girls has been really powerful.

00:10:32:08 – 00:10:49:04

Dr. Mona

And I’m sure that depends on developmental age. So you have like a night. Obviously the nine year old for your three year old, how is your three year old, for example, helping in terms of the stuff that you’re trying to implement in your home? Obviously from a developmental perspective, knowing that they may not follow as much as a nine year old would.

00:10:49:06 – 00:11:09:17

Tyler Moore

Absolutely. And I feel like going back to the example of laundry, that if you think about laundry, there’s actually this like developmental progression with teaching kids how to manage laundry. So it starts with you have the really big laundry bag and what kids at the age of 2 or 3 are able to do is help with that process of sorting.

00:11:09:19 – 00:11:28:23

Tyler Moore

Obviously sorting. You can take the big pile of clothes and say, can you find your clothes? Or can you find daddy’s clothes? Can you find mommy’s clothes? Let’s put these into piles. Putting things in piles is developmentally appropriate for a 2 or 3 year old. But then the next stage is teaching kids how to manage their own pile.

00:11:28:23 – 00:12:05:09

Tyler Moore

So like once you have that pile of things, how can you break that pile into categories like shirts, pants, underwear, socks. Then within those, there’s the next progression of how do you fold pants? How do you fold shirts, how do you match socks? And then there’s the process of can you independently put it away? And even breaking down just that cycle is really important for naming to older kids because, you know, our Mabel, my oldest, she has said, but why doesn’t Margaret, the youngest, have to do X, Y, or Z?

00:12:05:11 – 00:12:25:00

Tyler Moore

And I will say, because Margaret doesn’t have those skills yet, she’s really just focused on sorting. But someday she is going to learn how to fold her own clothes, and that will be a day that we can celebrate because we no longer have to help her do it. And so I feel like with the older kids, you really can break down those steps.

00:12:25:02 – 00:12:42:16

Tyler Moore

And even as a parent, when you can name for yourself, what are all of these steps that go into an individual task? It can be really helpful because we can become very frustrated when we’re like, why won’t you just pick up? Like, why won’t you just go and clean up the things that I’ve asked you to clean up?

00:12:42:18 – 00:13:02:06

Tyler Moore

But the teacher inside of me and even is you, the pediatrician, you can stop and ask yourself, like, have I equipped the kids with the skills in order to be able to do the tasks that I’ve just asked them to complete, and if there’s a breakdown or if there’s a no, that’s what they can then cause frustration for you.

00:13:02:10 – 00:13:05:05

Tyler Moore

And it can also cause frustration for the kid.

00:13:05:07 – 00:13:22:17

Dr. Mona

No, that makes a lot of sense. Especially knowing what they’re capable of doing. And if you don’t know that as a parent, you can get more frustrated, right? So if you think that your three year old will be able to do laundry like your eight year old, it’s going to be leading down a path of disappointment. So it’s one thing, like you said, to be able to expect them to do it.

00:13:22:17 – 00:13:28:23

Dr. Mona

But how can you create a system in the home where they actually do these things?

00:13:29:01 – 00:13:45:15

Tyler Moore

Yeah. So I feel like this is when the idea of accessibility is really important. And so for example, going back to laundry, like if you want your kids to eventually be able to put away their clothing, you have to have a system that’s in place that they can access. So like we designed a wardrobe system in our girls bedroom.

00:13:45:15 – 00:14:07:05

Tyler Moore

We live in a building that was built in 1914. There are no built in closets, so we had to design our own system, which actually had some benefits because we were able to establish a system that has a low hanging bar, and it has drawers that are at their level that’s accessible, so they’re able to open those drawers and close them and they’re able to see all of their clothing.

00:14:07:05 – 00:14:25:15

Tyler Moore

But it’s similar to if you want your kids to be able to get out the door, like to go to school with independence, I feel like that’s such a pain point for many parents, but we had to think about, okay, if we want the girls to be able to do these things independently, how do we then set up a system for them to be able to do that?

00:14:25:15 – 00:14:48:21

Tyler Moore

Which is why we installed like hooks that are on a low level. So they’re able to pull down their jacket, they’re able to pull down their backpack. We have shoe trays where they’re able to put their shoes in. They’re able to grab them sitting right on the floor next to the door we just updated are getting out the door station, because my middle daughter was having a lot of stress with socks and her stocks were stored back in the bedroom.

00:14:49:00 – 00:15:10:05

Tyler Moore

And so undoubtedly, I mean, it happened again this morning. She put on a pair of socks. She did not want to wear those pairs of socks, and she was like, I need to hurry and switch it. And I was like, we’ve got to get out the door. But last week I decided to just move the socks from the bedroom into a bin and are getting out the door station, which now means that when she needs a different pair of socks, it’s right there by the door.

00:15:10:07 – 00:15:32:11

Tyler Moore

So I feel like with our kids, if you want them to be able to do something independently, it’s one thing to teach them the skill and it’s another to actually have the physical sort of things in place for them to be able to independently do those items, which goes back to the system, like you have to set up a physical system in order for the skill to be executed independently.

00:15:32:13 – 00:15:46:13

Tyler Moore

And you also want a system that can grow and evolve, because last year, our middle daughter didn’t have an issue with socks, and this year she does. So we had to adapt that system to meet the new sort of need that she has.

00:15:46:15 – 00:16:05:04

Dr. Mona

Oh, that’s such a great example and I love that you’re using getting Out of the door as the example, because that is a huge source of stress for a lot of parents, especially parents who may have a job outside of the home because they gotta get to work and I can attest that this morning, same thing. It was like sledging along, like, I don’t want to go, I don’t want to go.

00:16:05:04 – 00:16:19:23

Dr. Mona

And it’s like, okay, you know, and you’re trying, you’re trying this balance of like not being rushed as well and being like, okay, come on. Like, let’s go. But you’re like also like, okay, we need to move. I love that idea. You know? And that’s so much in just reading your child because it’s not like all three of them need it.

00:16:19:23 – 00:16:42:04

Dr. Mona

It’s your middle girl who is the one who’s having that that sort of I want this, I want that. So you’re like, let me read the situation. How can I make this easier for you in terms of, you know, other places, other examples in the home? You know, obviously with like cleaning up, toys. Do you have an example of like how you kind of create this sort of routine and boundary for toy cleanup or clutter, for example?

00:16:42:06 – 00:17:00:12

Tyler Moore

Yeah. So I feel like, you know what my wife and I are fully in charge of is setting the boundaries around physical space, and we are in charge of what comes in our home and what goes out of our home. And so one of the things that we did early on when the girls were little was because we have a very small play space.

00:17:00:12 – 00:17:30:12

Tyler Moore

I was describing sort of the size of our playroom, and we knew that the girls had a lot of different developmental needs and interests. My wife at the time was also doing some preschool at home with the girls, and so there’s so much stuff that just comes with teaching your kids and engaging them in play. And so what we did was we set up a toy rotation for our girls, because we realized that we didn’t want them to have access to all of our toys all at the same time, because our oldest daughter, she was that classic like dumper.

00:17:30:14 – 00:17:48:15

Tyler Moore

So we had one of those, you see them all over the place. They’re sold all over Amazon. It’s those bins. It’s those organizers that have all of the different bins, and the kids are able to get to all of those toys at the exact same time. And so we set up the system. You know, she was two. We carefully told her, like, this is where the balls are.

00:17:48:15 – 00:18:05:00

Tyler Moore

This is where the blocks are. This is where your baby doll items are. We walked out of the room and what did she do? She took all the bins and she just. And she just dumped them all on the floor. And so we were like, okay, we want to set up a different sort of system. So that’s when we set up our toy rotation.

00:18:05:00 – 00:18:22:18

Tyler Moore

The idea is, is that not all toys are out at the same time. The girls can always ask for toys from the rotation, but we try to have a one in, one out sort of system. But then we also like to set up new play experiences and refresh the toys that are out. And so I feel like one.

00:18:22:20 – 00:18:42:19

Tyler Moore

It helps with the issue of things feeling like they’re cluttered because they don’t have access to everything too. I feel like developmentally it helps us because we’re able to set up new play and learning experiences for the girls. But three it helps toys feel new because there’s that idea of where, like swapping and moving things in and out.

00:18:42:19 – 00:19:06:00

Tyler Moore

And so, you know, now that our girls are older, they really are very independent at asking for and getting one thing out and then putting it back. Even the three year old today, she really wanted this like ice cream doll set. You know though, it’s like a little doll set and as you know, if you have all of the small sets out at the same time, they all get mixed together, which then creates frustration.

00:19:06:02 – 00:19:24:09

Tyler Moore

And so I feel like a toy rotation is example where you’re able to design and organize toys in the way that are based on your kids interests and the toys that they like having and the developmental needs that they have. But it helps to create a boundary on the amount of things that are all out at one time.

00:19:24:11 – 00:19:47:01

Tyler Moore

And this was also particularly helpful when we had like a three year old and a five year old, but also a newborn or a new crawler, because Legos could not be out when market was freely crawling. And as you know, as a pediatrician, there are so many issues that you deal with and safety is so paramount when you have toys and when you have older children and a baby.

00:19:47:06 – 00:20:04:21

Tyler Moore

And so I feel like the toy rotation also helped us. I don’t know, just to have that little extra safety net, because it was a closet that we could lock, which meant that the toddler and the preschooler couldn’t bring things out when the baby was crawling. And we had this fear of, oh my goodness, what’s going to go in the mouth?

00:20:04:23 – 00:20:10:05

Tyler Moore

Which then causes a whole host of issues that we then have to go to the pediatrician for?

00:20:10:07 – 00:20:26:11

Dr. Mona

No, I, I going back to like the smaller space. You know, my husband and I, we are in also a very small space. And sometimes he’s like, oh man, I wish our kids had like a larger playroom and it would be so nice. And I tell him I’m like, oh yeah, be nice one day to have more space if we need it.

00:20:26:11 – 00:20:43:01

Dr. Mona

But yes, the beauty of this is we do a lot of toy rotation too, and so clean up isn’t daunting. And we have an organizational system where, you know, his trucks go in one bin, his puzzles go in another bin, this goes in another bin. And for us it’s like, okay, if we want to do the next thing, time to clean up.

00:20:43:01 – 00:20:59:02

Dr. Mona

Let’s put this away and then we go on like if he wants to watch Screen time, which is coming next, clean the toys and then we watch. Not like a, not a bribe. It’s literally the order of life. And so it’s so matter of fact and it’s not overwhelming the clutter anymore because we just don’t we’re not able to.

00:20:59:02 – 00:21:10:16

Dr. Mona

And I love in a way it’s so nice. And you’re right. And it keeps it fresh, it keeps it new. And even I’m sure your eight year old feels new as well, like with the toy rotation and gets excited again when things come out.

00:21:10:18 – 00:21:38:11

Tyler Moore

And I love what you said. Just there about this is the order of life because we talk with our girls about this too. It’s like we choose what we want to play with. We then play with the item. Then we put away the item that we’ve just played with, and then it’s like that cycle. Continue to repeat, because what feels overwhelming is when everything is all out at the same time, that mess feels super overwhelming, and that’s when it’s going back to like the developmental skill level of a kid.

00:21:38:13 – 00:21:57:17

Tyler Moore

You know, some older kids can handle the like, let me put away Legos. Now let me put away this. They don’t just see that for mess. They’re able to identify like what is the entry point for me to tidy up this space. But much younger kids just feel completely overwhelmed. And that’s when, you know, they just feel completely defeated.

00:21:57:21 – 00:22:20:12

Tyler Moore

And even as a parent, it can feel really overwhelming to walk into a space where you’ve seen that everything is out all at once. And so again, it’s that idea of spaces aren’t always tidied, but being easily tidied. It goes exactly back to what you were saying of like, we have the one thing out, let’s pick it up and then let’s move on to what we want to do next.

00:22:20:12 – 00:22:47:00

Tyler Moore

Well, also having the flexibility of like our older girls, they love their Lego sets right now and they don’t always want to clean up and put away all of their little creations. And so it’s also saying it is perfectly fine for you to leave that out right now. Let’s just make sure that it’s not on the floor so that when we’re walking through or stepping on things, because we’ve all stepped on Legos and it’s horrible, or we’re vacuuming and then it sets up the, you know, the Legos.

00:22:47:02 – 00:23:06:21

Tyler Moore

But with all of these things, it’s about flexibility, not that rigidity, that there are boundaries and there are rules that we have set. There are norms for how we are living in our space, but there’s also flexibility and being able to lean into the rhythms of our family, and being able to hear from our kids of what’s important or not important.

00:23:06:21 – 00:23:09:15

Tyler Moore

In that moment. I feel like there’s value in that too.

00:23:09:17 – 00:23:28:03

Dr. Mona

Oh, I could talk to you all day about this. This is so wonderful. I love again, it’s just taking what you have in front of you and just making it work for you as a family is what this is all about. In terms of like, you’ll say you’re your oldest child or even all three. Do you feel like they’ve because of just kind of this repetition and this sort of this is what we’re doing.

00:23:28:03 – 00:23:42:05

Dr. Mona

The order of things do feel like they, they now take to this on their own. Like for the most part, I’m sure as a child there may be still some reminders. But do you feel like they’re innately starting to realize the importance of this as a family unit?

00:23:42:07 – 00:24:11:15

Tyler Moore

Yeah, I think so. And it’s funny because my oldest daughter has started leaving messages for my wife and I, like I just found one that she left on her bedroom door, which was, please don’t turn on the robovac to come in here. I’m still looking for my necklace and I. Yesterday morning I found a note next to the refrigerator door, which is where their task list for the mornings are listed and it said, can you please fill up the water bottles before you go to bed so that there’s cold water in the refrigerator for the morning?

00:24:11:17 – 00:24:38:17

Tyler Moore

And so it’s like cute to see how they’re sort of like leaning into this idea of something that I do now will have a payoff later. Like even the cold water bottle in the refrigerator, like the routine is, somebody has to fill it when they’re the last one to empty it. And so her even being able to acknowledge that, like filling that water bottle up at the end of the night, it’s going to help me in the morning.

00:24:38:23 – 00:25:02:10

Tyler Moore

I feel like was just like, oh, she’s like starting to get it. Or when I hear the girls say, we’re finished with this, like, let’s clean this up so that then we can go move on to something else. Like, it takes, as you know, years and years of building these habits, of providing the reinforce, you know, both positive and negative thinking about what motivates your child.

00:25:02:10 – 00:25:19:03

Tyler Moore

And even you’re talking about your son with the screen time, like screen time, can be incredibly motivating for kids. So tie it into that play cycle that they’ve just gone through. Like even as adults, we have things that motivate us in order to do the things that we don’t want to do. And even as adults, which is how we started.

00:25:19:03 – 00:25:36:13

Tyler Moore

Like there are things in life that we have to do even though we don’t want to do them. And it’s not that we’re making our kids do all of those tasks all the time, but the earlier you recognize in life that there are things that I’m going to really love doing, and there are things that I don’t want to do, but I can deal with that.

00:25:36:15 – 00:25:37:20

Tyler Moore

I feel like the better.

00:25:37:22 – 00:25:53:04

Dr. Mona

Oh, I have to follow the questions. And then I, you know, we’ll wrap up. But the first one is, you know, on your platform, you have a great platform here. Do you get a lot of this comments about how we’re not allowing our kids to be kids when we’re quote unquote, forcing them? And I don’t believe we are to do these chores.

00:25:53:04 – 00:25:55:00

Dr. Mona

Do you get that comment a lot?

00:25:55:02 – 00:26:16:16

Tyler Moore

I do, and it’s funny because it also is followed up with questions of people who have kids that are going off to college and they don’t feel like they are able to care for themselves. Or let’s push it even further, women who send me messages complaining about their husbands and their husbands, lack of being able to do things around the home.

00:26:16:18 – 00:26:46:03

Tyler Moore

It’s this huge cycle and I’m like, okay, like where does this actually start? And it starts from the time that kids are very young and normalizing the work that goes into just being able to live. And so that’s the pushback that I get, you know, for people who have older kids, you just have to start and explain to them, like, I didn’t expect this from you when you were little, but now I’m realizing we should probably start spending some time together as a family doing this.

00:26:46:05 – 00:27:05:21

Tyler Moore

I feel like nothing is ever too far gone. There are always opportunities, and even if you’re in a relationship where you feel like you’re doing the bulk of the physical load of caring for the home, it is never too late to sit down with that partner and say, hey, we need to have a conversation about how we’re dividing things up.

00:27:05:23 – 00:27:27:15

Tyler Moore

And if someone says, well, I don’t know how to clean, just tell them that they can follow tidy dad and I’ll teach them a few things, but it’s never too late, and I feel like not knowing something is not an excuse for not doing it. And what you have to do is, is you have to break down what are all of the skills that go into being able to do that.

00:27:27:17 – 00:27:42:13

Tyler Moore

And that is your entry point. You’ve got to start small and figure out what is that entry point, whether you’re a child, whether you’re a teenager, whether you’re adult. And oftentimes just getting over that mindset of, well, I don’t know how to do it is the first step.

00:27:42:15 – 00:28:04:16

Dr. Mona

Oh, and you’re you’re raising three daughters. I have a son and a daughter. My daughter four months. So she’s not doing much of anything right now, obviously. Yeah. But no, my, you know, it is important for me, like, from a cultural standpoint, a lot of boys in my culture and especially a lot of men were raised not to have a lot of household tasks, you know, and my husband tried full transparency.

00:28:04:16 – 00:28:25:20

Dr. Mona

He’s one of those guys. And it wasn’t until he got we started dating, we got married that he had to really understand that he can’t expect someone else to do his stuff. He would do his laundry, but I’m talking putting the ball in the scenes like putting, rinsing the dishes, all of that. And so it’s really important for our son and especially our daughter as well, to see that, hey, this is not a gender role thing.

00:28:25:20 – 00:28:42:21

Dr. Mona

This is stuff that you said is part of our home. We all can help keep our home tidy and clean and whatever terminology you want to use. And my second question to kind of wrap up is do you do allowances for all of this, or is this more like how what are your kind of philosophies on that?

00:28:42:23 – 00:29:05:18

Tyler Moore

Yeah. So we don’t have an allowance with the girls. But what we do say is we work really hard Monday through Friday, the school week is already very regimented and routine without anything else going on. Like we are forced into the school week schedule. And so what we talk about is that we work hard and then we play hard.

00:29:05:18 – 00:29:28:22

Tyler Moore

And so Saturday is really our day as a family to go out and enjoy. We live in New York City. There are so many wonderful adventures to go on. And so Monday through Friday I have a weekday cleaning routine that I follow, which is I wake up very early before the girls get up, and I deeply clean one area of our home each weekday, but it’s really difficult to clean a space that isn’t tidy.

00:29:29:03 – 00:29:51:23

Tyler Moore

So what the girls help me do the night before is to tidy that space, and I’m about to deeply clean the next day. But then there are expectations that we have for them, which are their morning expectations. Then there’s the evening expectations, which are really just like the opposite of what the morning is. You know, we expect them to help out with meal times of like setting the table, clearing the table.

00:29:51:23 – 00:30:06:03

Tyler Moore

They’re responsible for picking things up when they’re finished playing with them, you know, and again, goes back to adulthood. Nobody is giving us money for all of the meaningless tasks that we do. I mean, apart from the salaries that we earn at school.

00:30:06:06 – 00:30:06:18

Dr. Mona

Your job.

00:30:06:20 – 00:30:26:14

Tyler Moore

Yeah, it’s your job. But like, no one is standing there celebrating, saying, good for you, Tyler. You put that bowl in the sink. Woohoo! I’m going to give you $0.50. Like, why do I put the bowl in the sink so that I’m then able to easily clean it and put it away so that the bowl is ready for me later?

00:30:26:14 – 00:30:47:03

Tyler Moore

I feel like there are a there’s a time and a place for rewards. I feel like with household work, I really want it to become a normal part of living, because then when they go out to school and they see something on the floor, when they see something in the cafeteria, it’s not their trash, but they pick it up and they throw it away.

00:30:47:07 – 00:31:06:08

Tyler Moore

Like there are just basic things that I do feel like would help humanity. And part of that is if you see something and you have the skills to deal with it, just do it without somebody telling you to do it or expecting that somebody is going to give you an allowance in order to do that.

00:31:06:09 – 00:31:30:08

Dr. Mona

But I am on the same page about that. And I feel like, you know, I hear a lot of families do, rewards or allowances for chores. And I personally, that’s not something we’re going to be doing as a family. It’s not something that was done for us as children. And you’re right on. And what I the reason is, and I know we could talk a lot about this as its own topic, is I meet a lot of families, like teenagers that come in and the dad is like, we used to give him all this, you know, incentive.

00:31:30:08 – 00:31:44:07

Dr. Mona

But now he has no desire. I’m like, why doesn’t he have the desire? Because he never learned the innate desire to want to clean up after himself. It was always a reward. And at some point, that child is going to be when they have a little more cognitive development, they’re going to be like, I don’t want to do this.

00:31:44:09 – 00:31:47:07

Dr. Mona

I don’t need $10. I’m good, and I agree.

00:31:47:07 – 00:31:53:15

Tyler Moore

And don’t you want to stay as a pediatrician to say, I don’t care if you don’t have a desire? You have to.

00:31:53:15 – 00:32:11:23

Dr. Mona

I mean, and you said it already, you know, you said it. You said there’s so many things in our life and this is not child labor. It isn’t anything like that. This is if I’m going to do it unpaid as a mother. And it’s something that my child developmentally can do. He’s going to help me trying to make our kids do things that they’re not capable of.

00:32:11:23 – 00:32:13:20

Dr. Mona

That’s the message, you know? Yeah. No.

00:32:13:21 – 00:32:38:20

Tyler Moore

Which is like one day I was disinfecting the girls toys. Like, we went through this whole bout a sickness and somebody sent me an Instagram DM and said, when are you going to start having your girls clean their own toys? And I said, I am not giving my daughters cleaning supplies. They can help me tidy, but they are not of an age to be able to handle cleaning supplies.

00:32:38:20 – 00:32:58:10

Tyler Moore

Now they love a spray bottle with water in it and they will walk around with me. And sometimes that actually does help. Like for dusting or cleaning, like just give them water and a rag. But I’m like developmentally it does not make sense for them to have cleaners in their hands, but they can tidy. So that is then easier for me to clean.

00:32:58:12 – 00:33:26:04

Tyler Moore

So I feel like there’s this tension that I know that you and I are both sort of navigating, but I do feel like the goal is we want to raise children who will be able to transform into independent, fully functioning adults who are able to care for themselves and go on to do whatever it is that they would like to do in life, and being like a contributing, meaningful, helpful member of society.

00:33:26:04 – 00:33:35:16

Tyler Moore

I do feel like it’s part of that and knowing that instead of throwing that trash on the sidewalk, I put it in the trash can like that is a very important, like skill.

00:33:35:18 – 00:33:54:15

Dr. Mona

Yeah. And it all starts in the home and tidy. Dad Tyler, thank you so much. This is such a great conversation. I you know, I know you’re an author. I know you have books in the works. I can’t wait to have you back on the show. I’m sure to share even more information with us. Where can people stay connected with you and learn so much more about your tips and tricks?

00:33:54:17 – 00:34:01:10

Tyler Moore

Yeah, so you can follow me on Instagram. I’m at Tidy Dad and I also have a website, the Tidy dad.com.

00:34:01:12 – 00:34:16:18

Dr. Mona

Wonderful. Thank you again for joining us. I you know I know we’re on the same page about a lot of this stuff, but a lot of it is so much more than the home. It’s child development, which is why I really love this conversation. And that final message you just shared with everyone about it all starts in the home.

00:34:16:18 – 00:34:32:14

Dr. Mona

How we create these things that they become better members of society, picking up trash, helping people who need the help. All of these things without feeling an incentive is out there that I’m doing it because someone is going to give me something in return. It’s like innately there. And that’s awesome. So thank you.

00:34:32:16 – 00:34:34:17

Tyler Moore

Yeah, yeah, thanks for having me.

00:34:34:19 – 00:34:52:01

Dr. Mona

And for everyone listening. If you love this episode, make sure you leave a review, call out Tyler Tidy Dad on how much you love this information, and definitely give him a follow to learn so much more from him. And I can’t wait to have another guest next time. Thank you for tuning in for this week’s episode. As always, please leave a review.

00:34:52:03 – 00:35:03:01

Dr. Mona

Share this episode with a friend. Share it on your social media. Make sure to follow me at PedsDocTalk on Instagram and subscribe to my YouTube channel, PedsDocTalk TV. We’ll talk to you soon.