Do you have a strong-willed child? How do you know you have one? Are you approaching their behavior in a positive way? I have recorded ⁠a solo episode⁠ about strong-willed children and power struggles and I always enjoy it when I can chat with fellow parenting coaches about it. 

I welcome back Zack Kasabo who is a certified school counselor and parent coach. He was on the show before talking about how to encourage positive behaviors in kids without enabling them. 

We discuss: 

• Misconceptions about strong-willed children and parenting strong-willed children

• The power of “mutual submission”

• The number one rule when addressing strong-willed children 

To connect with Zack Kasabo follow him on Instagram ⁠@coachkasabo⁠, check out all his resources at ⁠https://coachkasabo.info/⁠

⁠

00:00 – Modeling Cooperation

00:22 – Intro: Parenting Strong-Willed Kids

00:50 – Meet Zack Kasabo

02:28 – What Makes a Child Strong-Willed?

05:00 – Reframing Strong-Willed as a Strength

06:45 – The Problem with Labels 08:18 – Parenting Starts with You

09:44 – Breaking Generational Patterns

12:11 – Power Struggle Example: Clean Your Room

14:10 – Why Lectures Don’t Work

17:27 – Teaching Through Experience

20:21 – Start Before Grade School

22:02 – Don’t Ignore “Normal” Behavior

23:05 – Final Tips & Where to Find Zac

24:11 – Encouragement for Parents

Our podcasts are also now on YouTube. If you prefer a video podcast with closed captioning, check us out there and ⁠subscribe to PedsDocTalk⁠.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on the ⁠PedsDocTalk Podcast Sponsorships⁠ page of the website. 

00;00;00;18 – 00;00;21;15

Zack Kasabo

There’s this principle that I’m a big believer in that I coach my clients on this call mutual submission. And again, just to reiterate, it’s you are modeling cooperation and consideration so that your child internalizes that model and those experiences. And on the back end they reciprocate and show this, give those qualities back to you.

 

00;00;21;18 – 00;00;49;15

Dr. Mona

Welcome to the PedsDocTalk podcast. It’s me, Doctor Mona, your trusted pediatrician, confidant and mom friend here to support you through every twist and turn of parenting. Whether you’re raising a spicy toddler, a headstrong grade schooler, or a future lawyer who’s already arguing bedtime like it’s a courtroom trial. This episode is for you. We’re diving into the world of strong willed children, how to parent them with confidence, how to avoid those exhausting power struggles, and how to set boundaries that are loving and not rigid.

 

00;00;49;18 – 00;01;17;06

Dr. Mona

I’m joined by Zack Kasado, certified school counselor and parent coach and one of my favorite guests, to talk all things behavior. One of the reasons I love chatting with Zach is that, like me, he sees how often parents feel stuck between parenting styles, especially when gentle parenting quietly slides into permissive parenting. He knows what it looks like when things start to unravel, and he brings so much wisdom around loving boundaries, self-reflection, and real life strategies for all children, including your strong willed child.

 

00;01;17;13 – 00;01;36;16

Dr. Mona

And hey, before we get into it, if you’ve been learning from the show, please hit that subscribe button and download episodes. It might seem small, but those clicks help us grow and bring you more expert conversations like this one. All right, let’s get into it.

 

00;01;36;18 – 00;01;39;18

Dr. Mona

Thank you so much for coming back on the show again, Zach.

 

00;01;39;20 – 00;01;42;16

Zack Kasabo

Thanks for having me, man. I’m looking forward to our conversation.

 

00;01;42;18 – 00;01;58;07

Dr. Mona

Same. We had a great conversation last time. Like I mentioned, you all have to listen to it. How we approach parenting. Just the things that we want you to know. Listen to that episode. But for anyone who may not have listened to that episode or who may not be familiar with your work, tell us a little bit more about yourself.

 

00;01;58;09 – 00;02;20;29

Zack Kasabo

So my name is Zach. I’m a I’m a certified school counselor. I’m right outside of Philadelphia right now. I work as a K to eight school counselor, but I have experience with kids from kindergarten 12th grade. So I’ve I get to I have experience with all the different developmental stages. And through all my experience, I’ve worked closely with parents, teachers, administrators to make sure that kids are supported and they have what they need.

 

00;02;21;01 – 00;02;27;16

Zack Kasabo

And then I also have a private coaching business where I help parents, confidently manage their child’s challenging behavior.

 

00;02;27;19 – 00;02;48;23

Dr. Mona

I love it. And, you know, like I said, our last episode was just pure joy and pure amazingness. So I cannot wait to chat about this topic, which is about strong willed children, which I know a lot of parents navigate and I’m sure you deal with in a school system. And so the first question is for anyone who’s not familiar, like, how do kids, in your opinion, become strong willed or why are they?

 

00;02;48;28 – 00;02;51;22

Dr. Mona

And what are some signs that they may be strong willed?

 

00;02;51;24 – 00;03;18;27

Zack Kasabo

Yeah. So I want us I want to speak strictly from experience. So just just from throughout my career. So I there’s definitely an inherent peace. So there’s there’s some inherent things going on with their disposition. But I do think that the environment, either exacerbates the strong wellness or mitigates it. So one thing, one thing to keep in mind is that, you know, these kids like to be independent.

 

00;03;18;29 – 00;03;43;21

Zack Kasabo

They like to do things on their own. Sometimes they can be skeptical of authority figures. Now, how did you know? How did they come to being skeptical? It could. They could completely have misperceived someone’s redirection or some interactions. So, you know, if your mom or dad could be acting completely in good faith, but because of their natural disposition to want to do it by myself, I can do this.

 

00;03;43;24 – 00;04;15;10

Zack Kasabo

They might look at it as like a threat to that autonomy. Yeah. So, you know, there’s definitely some inherent, you know, the, the nature aspect. But again, I’ve seen these kids, when we look at the nurture lens, develop, find and learn how to harness that, that, the strong convictions and appropriate ways. You know, so, you know, some signs that you can look forward, just be taking longer to be redirected and needing more time to process situations.

 

00;04;15;10 – 00;04;36;09

Zack Kasabo

So when they’re told no, they might they might need some more time. And we’ll talk about how sometimes if they’re if if they feel as though there’s like a shot clock on them for like you have like 10s, they might feel like their freedom is being jeopardized and that can make things worse. So, you know, there’s just this, you know, that’s something in particular that you could that would be a sign that you might have a strong willed child.

 

00;04;36;12 – 00;04;58;13

Dr. Mona

Yeah. And I love that you start off by saying in your experience, because of course, there’s no like data or research because it’s a personality trait. And so that is exactly how I feel too. And then also, I love that sort of nature nurture perspective. Right? Some people can just be strong willed personalities, but there is a way that we can nurture those people where it doesn’t become they’re over dominating, where they can’t function.

 

00;04;58;13 – 00;05;20;07

Dr. Mona

That everything is oh, well, he’s just strong willed and he’s strong willed. I say that because I am strong willed, like I by nature, and my parents didn’t know how to parent a strong willed child. And I, I ended up in my adulthood taking that strong willed and affected relationships that affected how I looked at jobs. And it was a huge thing until I realized how to hone it in as an adult.

 

00;05;20;07 – 00;05;37;15

Dr. Mona

And now I have a four year old who is like me in temperament. And I’m like, I’m. And like you said, it’s about how am I going to approach him and not let this be a going back to your enabling behavior. How am I not going to let his strong will just enable and be the narrative where, okay, well, Ryan’s just strong willed.

 

00;05;37;20 – 00;05;50;18

Dr. Mona

He’s not going to do that. No, I’m going to teach him and we are going to figure out how to work with your personality so that we can actually get you what we need you to do and be a member of society. I mean, that’s just what this is.

 

00;05;50;21 – 00;06;09;02

Zack Kasabo

I love him and something something that’s awesome that you just said is that. Excuse me. Is that strongly like this, this idea that it’s entirely bad to be strong willed? One of the best qualities you can have in a kid is that they’re that they feel convicted in what they believe. Yes. Especially when they hit their, their teenage years.

 

00;06;09;04 – 00;06;24;13

Dr. Mona

I completely agree. And I was just going to ask you like what what do you feel people get wrong about strong willed. And I think it’s kind of like we put these labels on children. Strong willed, shy, like the we end up in a way, when you put these labels on personality traits, it almost makes it feel like it’s a negative.

 

00;06;24;13 – 00;06;42;23

Dr. Mona

When I completely agree I am a go getter because of my strong wilderness. I fight for what I believe in and I think that’s such a beautiful thing and my son will probably do the same thing, you know? But like you said, it’s we don’t look at it as a negative. We look at it as, okay, how am I going to take this nature of my child and really work with him?

 

00;06;42;26 – 00;06;48;13

Dr. Mona

Is there anything else that you feel like parents get wrong about, or people get wrong about strong willed kids?

 

00;06;48;15 – 00;07;16;28

Zack Kasabo

Well, just continuing with that theme is that there’s this idea that it could be like a life sentence, like, oh, Johnny’s going to be, you know, this is just how he is. He’s going to be stubborn. And then, like you said, when that label, when, when, when labels are attached to a kid, you know, that is such an internalizing, it’s such an impactful part of their life and it just becomes part of that internal dialog, you know, you know, so not not only this mom, dad, teacher, whoever think I’m strong willed, you know, I’m just this is just how I am.

 

00;07;16;28 – 00;07;38;23

Zack Kasabo

So I’m I’m going to operate within those parameters instead of, no, wait a second. You know, I’m very opinionated. I believe in myself, but I’m still part of society. I’m still part of this family. I still need to. I still need to find ways to to adapt reasonably and in positive ways. So for parents out there, it’s not a life sentence.

 

00;07;38;23 – 00;07;57;18

Zack Kasabo

And in fact, I’ve seen plenty of examples where kids respond in weeks to a month to certain parenting interventions. So, you know, if you’re if you’re a parent and you feel defeated, the scourge. First of all, I empathize with that. It is overwhelming to have a strong willed child when they’re dug in and they’re doing their thing. But there are.

 

00;07;57;21 – 00;08;17;20

Zack Kasabo

But you said there are things you can absolutely do to help manage that where you’re not fully eradicating their, their, their, you know, their sense of autonomy because you don’t want to do that. But, but but you’re still you’re still expecting them to, to display behaviors within reason, you know, certain behaviors within reason, you know.

 

00;08;17;22 – 00;08;27;26

Dr. Mona

Yeah. And I’m sure, like you said, there’s so many strategies which we’ll kind of get into like the the tip of the iceberg on this conversation. But what would you say is the number one rule when addressing strong willed kids?

 

00;08;27;28 – 00;08;42;20

Zack Kasabo

Yeah. So here’s the bottom line is that if you want your child to cooperate, you first need to model cooperation. And you know that that can be really hard because there’s this idea of, of you’re going to have to surrender.

 

00;08;42;22 – 00;08;43;01

Dr. Mona

Yeah.

 

00;08;43;02 – 00;09;11;03

Zack Kasabo

This, this, this, concept of like, total compliance all the time. Like I said, you’re going to clean your room, stop talking back. You’re going to do it. You know, right now. And, you know, there’s this principle that I. I’m a big believer in that I coach my clients on is called mutual submission. And again, it just to reiterate, it’s you are modeling cooperation and consideration so that your child internalizes that model and those experiences.

 

00;09;11;06 – 00;09;32;25

Zack Kasabo

And on the back end they reciprocate and share this, give those qualities back to you. But but again, if they don’t have that model, they don’t have that compass, you know, don’t expect them to to make the changes that you’re looking for. You know, you can swipe through Instagram all day, you can plug and play these different skills.

 

00;09;32;25 – 00;09;44;17

Zack Kasabo

But if you’re not grounded in those principles, like I’m going to, I’m going to be cooperative without without enabling, like there’s going to be limits, you know, it always starts with the parent. You know.

 

00;09;44;19 – 00;09;59;11

Dr. Mona

It does. And we talked about that in the last episode. And I love I love that terminology you’re using about mutual mutual submission. And it’s exactly what I describe. You know, I grew up in a house where my dad, it was a very my way or the highway to a type of parenting style. Right. Like you’re not listening.

 

00;09;59;11 – 00;10;16;04

Dr. Mona

You’re going to get punished. There was there was physical. You know, we I’m sure a lot of parents can relate to that physical, abusive if you didn’t cooperate and stuff that we don’t want to do anymore. And like we talked about on the last episode, I could go the complete other way and say, well, let me just let him, you know, our son do whatever he wants.

 

00;10;16;04 – 00;10;36;26

Dr. Mona

But no, it’s a balance of I’m not going to hurt. I’m not going to put my hand on my child, but I’m also going to have this sort of modeling of the cooperation. And I see this as someone who is strong willed, who didn’t have a parent who was able to nurture her strong wilderness. It can feel really hard to model cooperation when you never got it modeled to you.

 

00;10;36;26 – 00;10;57;01

Dr. Mona

And that’s part of the work that you I know you work with your clients on really getting into. Why is it that you can’t just let it go? Because it’s strong willed kids. I’ve learned you got to let some things go. Like you said, you’re not letting boundaries go, but you got to step back and say, ooh, what am I bringing to this fight?

 

00;10;57;03 – 00;11;07;10

Dr. Mona

Because it is. You get into a power struggle because you’re just wanting to get your point across. When it’s a four year old, it’s a seven year old. They don’t have the cognitive development and it’s not it’s not going to go anywhere.

 

00;11;07;13 – 00;11;25;13

Zack Kasabo

Right. Thank you for sharing your experience on me. I’m sorry that you yeah yeah yeah that that happened. And I think I think that’s another great point that and we talked we talked a lot about this on the last last episode. But just parents being mindful that there’s a balance and it’s natural to want to kind of swing completely in the other direction.

 

00;11;25;16 – 00;11;52;14

Zack Kasabo

But that that is having you know, as we’re seeing in schools and throughout society, there’s lots of unintentional unintended consequences that we’re experiencing now. Yeah. So so really aiming for that balance and important part of the balance is, you know, overcoming this generational, components that were passed down that you might not even be aware of. And if you’re not sure what to do, like, it’s, you know, having the humility to be like, I just I don’t know, like, who can, you know, consult with the friend first.

 

00;11;52;20 – 00;12;11;01

Zack Kasabo

You don’t have to go right to an expert, like, talk to a friend, see what’s working for them or what’s not working for them, you know? But I do think, you know, just just having some grace and some empathy for yourself. And, you know, this is an area I’m struggling and clearly what I’m doing isn’t working. So taking that responsibility, instead of putting it on your child, you know, something needs to change here.

 

00;12;11;03 – 00;12;30;20

Zack Kasabo

Yeah, I do, I do, just to make the mutual submission because it’s very abstract. Just to make a little more clear for, for your listeners. So what it’s typically and I’m gonna, I’m gonna I’ll lay out an example, but it typically looks like for the parent surrendering the idea of total compliance and the child surrendering the idea of total defiance.

 

00;12;30;22 – 00;12;31;10

Dr. Mona

 

00;12;31;12 – 00;12;49;03

Zack Kasabo

So the end results are the same. But the way in which you get to the end might look a little different. So for example a parent says clean your room. Child says no. Some parents might want to get into a power struggle right away. You might the next step. You might empathize. I know you don’t want to clean your room.

 

00;12;49;05 – 00;13;10;02

Zack Kasabo

You need to clean your room. So, you know, given that opportunity, showing them that you’re emotionally available, maybe they come back at you again. Maybe you give them one more opportunity again and show modeling cooperation, you know, repeat repeating the expectation with some empathy. They’re still battling you. You you give them some choices, one of them being a consequence.

 

00;13;10;02 – 00;13;15;09

Zack Kasabo

And then you surrender the idea of complete control and you let them choose.

 

00;13;15;11 – 00;13;15;29

Dr. Mona

Yeah.

 

00;13;16;01 – 00;13;25;19

Zack Kasabo

So so again, you’re not giving up. The expectation about the room is to be clean. It’s just the way in which you get there might look a little different.

 

00;13;29;17 – 00;13;33;19

Dr. Mona

You this show.

 

00;13;33;22 – 00;13;43;13

Dr. Mona

And what other practical strategies can parents use to address that? And if you want to use the cleaning of the room as an example, since we already talking about that, what else would you add to that?

 

00;13;43;16 – 00;14;09;20

Zack Kasabo

Yeah. So I have a video about this on you can find it on my social media, but and this can sign to the, to the mutual mutual submission. But step one would be instead of attacking them and them making their wall stronger would be just to find a way to, to acknowledge them. All right. So, so the idea is that, you know, strong willed kids, sometimes naturally, they put a wall right away before it, before the conversations even had.

 

00;14;09;20 – 00;14;37;03

Zack Kasabo

Because in their mind, well, my autonomy is being threatened. Mom and dad, don’t get me, you know, so I’m not even I’m not even going to hear them out. So one way that you you protect your boundary without negotiating or debating is you just empathize, you know, like, this is tough. I understand this is tough, but and you follow up with that, that, you know, that what is expected of them and then after your so I call it like getting behind their wall with them.

 

00;14;37;05 – 00;14;55;06

Zack Kasabo

So, so literally like taking on their perspective, having the empathy instead of jumping right down to like, you need to do it now. I don’t want to hear it, after that, giving them the freedom to choose. And this I think this is where Paris get caught up because, you and I talked about before how we’re doing a good job with the empathy.

 

00;14;55;06 – 00;15;17;22

Zack Kasabo

I think a lot of parents are, But, you know, if they’re not responding to that, you got to be mindful that the longer that this thing plays out, the more likely it’s going to reoccur in the future. So you need to be very intentional with how long you’re choosing to interact with your child in these situations. So when after you’ve acknowledged them, the the next step would be to give them choices.

 

00;15;17;25 – 00;15;35;22

Zack Kasabo

And after you give them a choice, you have to give them time to process. So strong willed kids. Again, a lot of it’s about autonomy and freedom. If you if you give them choices and it’s like, you know, you need to choose now, sometimes again, they feel like that freedom is threatened and then they start questioning the empathy in the first place.

 

00;15;35;22 – 00;15;53;24

Zack Kasabo

They didn’t really mean the empathy because they just got behind my wall, made me do it right away. So now is there a time and a place where it’s like, you’ve got a couple seconds? Absolutely. But if you’re talking about like significant, like really strong, like kids that dig in and this becomes like a, you know, it could be a parent.

 

00;15;53;25 – 00;16;12;17

Zack Kasabo

Some parents have said it, it could be like an hour, you know, they might they might need a couple minutes where you just you let them go and then you let them decide, you know, that they need that space. And then, going back to, to the rules with the kids, with the first one being it’s really important to model the cooperation.

 

00;16;12;22 – 00;16;34;23

Zack Kasabo

The second one is you’re like, get rid of the idea of lecturing, as you know, being a, a meaningful way of, inspiring change. Yes. Learn from experience. Yeah. That is how a strong willed child learns. They learn from the experience, not from the lecture. Because going back to, like, you know, being being independent and like, naturally being a little skeptical, like they believe what they think is true.

 

00;16;34;29 – 00;16;49;21

Zack Kasabo

So until they can hit that boundary that mom or dad sets over and over and over again, you know, that that is when they’re going to internalize that mom and dad’s message is not from mom and dad saying, because I said so. That was a long winded answer, but yeah.

 

00;16;49;22 – 00;17;07;13

Dr. Mona

Oh, it’s a great one. Yeah. And exactly this. And I love how you ended it with that because I said so. Like because that is something that I think a lot. That’s what I grew up with. And again, when you’re dealing, when you are strong willed and that’s all you heard and you’re trying to undo that. Now for a kid, I it’s, it’s, it feels because it’s what you’re used to.

 

00;17;07;13 – 00;17;27;13

Dr. Mona

And I think a lot of parents want to be that authority figure, and they think that lecturing is a good thing. And don’t get me wrong, we have to teach our children, and they have to learn by sometimes lecturing. But we know that there’s a way to do it. And a time to do it. And maybe we can have a whole episode on how to lecture, like, you know, like how to how to actually teach our children the things that they want.

 

00;17;27;13 – 00;17;45;26

Dr. Mona

Because I think one of the biggest things I see about that issues is that we try to lecture them when they’re dysregulated. We know that that’s not going to go anywhere. And then we really just try to lecture a child that may not be developmentally appropriate. Right? I mean, you got to understand that a two and a half year old three year old is not going to understand the cognitive ability why we can’t do something right.

 

00;17;45;26 – 00;18;14;11

Dr. Mona

Like you said, they need to learn through maybe a, related consequence or maybe through, repetition. But that’s so hard. And, you know, me and you have the educational background and also the experience to kind of get child development. And you also have worked with so many different ages and myself included, to understand, well, this isn’t going to work for a maybe a younger child and an older child, but that, you know, we got to get into that mindset of what are, again, going back to the other episode, what are my principles?

 

00;18;14;14 – 00;18;20;29

Dr. Mona

What is it that I’m going to model here? And then why am I not going to really lecture at this point? And what can I do instead?

 

00;18;21;01 – 00;18;30;07

Zack Kasabo

Yeah, I love it. It’s all great. Yeah. You know, it’s it’s just I think it’s natural for us, especially when we feel like we’re, it’s personal.

 

00;18;30;09 – 00;18;30;29

Dr. Mona

 

00;18;31;02 – 00;18;50;00

Zack Kasabo

I think that’s when the, that’s when the lecture really comes out because it’s not like like I’m validating you. You’re not, you’re not acknowledging my perspective. And then it goes into like that thing where in reality, in reality your child is going, they’re going to develop positive behaviors based on how they relate to you. Not but not necessarily.

 

00;18;50;07 – 00;19;17;12

Zack Kasabo

Like you said, there’s a time and a place for the explanations, but not it’s from hitting the boundary repeatedly and mom and dad tolerating certain behaviors. That is how they’re going to integrate these positive behaviors. It’s not going to be because, you know, when you grow up or, you know, are your friends going to want to talk to you, if you’re if you’re cursing or if you’re being yeah, no, it’s going to it’s going to be because mom, mom didn’t tolerate me cursing and she expected me to speak like I was allowed to be upset.

 

00;19;17;12 – 00;19;26;18

Zack Kasabo

But I had to, you know, express myself in this way. She gave me choices, you know, that is how your child is going to develop and integrate these, these positive behaviors.

 

00;19;26;21 – 00;19;49;20

Dr. Mona

Yeah. That that taking it personal, I think that’s a huge, huge detriment. You know, and I and I get that feelings are going to be involved. This is human interaction. And you know I kind of described it with adult relationships. Right. We tend to take things like with our partner, for example, maybe a little too personal and really not getting to the core of what are the belief systems that we have in this moment that are causing us to feel this way, and how can we better communicate?

 

00;19;49;27 – 00;20;09;19

Dr. Mona

I really a lot of my parenting advice to adult relationships, and I know, children are not developed as well as adults in terms of, brain development, but the concepts are there, you know, not to take your personal not to lecture during dysregulation. If I’m upset, if your husband starts to lecture me, well, you shouldn’t have done that as we know it, children, it’s going to fall on deaf ear.

 

00;20;09;19 – 00;20;21;10

Dr. Mona

It’s like you need to meet them where they need to be met. So yeah, I relate to this and I think it’s such great advice. Is there any other like final message you would want to add about, you know, parents or parents a strong all children.

 

00;20;21;12 – 00;20;31;07

Zack Kasabo

Yeah. So so one thing just to give everyone a full disclosure is you like, you really want to get on top of this before the middle of elementary school.

 

00;20;31;13 – 00;20;31;25

Dr. Mona

Yeah.

 

00;20;31;25 – 00;20;59;15

Zack Kasabo

Now, even like, even even before grade school is best. But this this is unfortunately, what happens is that when kids hit about fourth grade. So and there’s this huge developmental, huge, huge bursts of growth cognitively, physically. And they start to naturally if, if they’re, if they’re in school, they start to naturally gravitate towards what their peers think of them and they become more impressionable.

 

00;20;59;21 – 00;21;19;00

Zack Kasabo

And when that shift happens, mom and dad start to slowly lose some authority. And, it can make it can make these, these things, these, trying to change behaviors more difficult because instead of looking up to mom and dad is like the primary person that they’re trying to work with in a PS now it might be more so what does my classmate think?

 

00;21;19;02 – 00;21;48;01

Zack Kasabo

So, if you are, and I get a lot of questions about this, if you find yourself in middle school, high school, and you and and you feel behind the same principles apply, it just takes longer for the child to adapt to them. Yeah. So it’s super discouraging. I know, because now you have a, you know, a two year old tangent, not a tangent, but, what once was a strong willed three four year old and a grown child’s body, which can feel very overwhelming.

 

00;21;48;01 – 00;22;02;09

Zack Kasabo

And for some parents, it can feel scary if if it’s escalated. Yeah, it’s, you know, something more extreme. So really, really. Excuse me. Try to get on top of the, of these things, but before, hopefully before grade school.

 

00;22;02;12 – 00;22;20;02

Dr. Mona

You know. Oh, I think it’s a reasonable thing. I mean, I, I have this I tell a lot of my patients and a lot of my followers that just because things may be seemingly normal or that, okay, it might be space, like, let’s use tantrums, for example, a lot of families are told tantrums are normal, so picky eating is normal.

 

00;22;20;02 – 00;22;42;08

Dr. Mona

But you got there are things that we can do in that phase that so it doesn’t become permanent. Like you mentioned at the beginning of this episode, that it doesn’t become strong willed is who I am and I can’t do anything else. And it impacts schooling and relationships and things like that, because I don’t like that narrative that just because it’s normal, quote unquote, in children that we don’t do anything about it.

 

00;22;42;08 – 00;23;05;04

Dr. Mona

And it’s like a big gripe of mine, because a lot of pediatricians will say that too, right? Like, oh, yeah, it’s normal. Yes. Sleep progressions are normal, that it is normal. Absolutely. It’s typical. But that doesn’t mean that we don’t do anything about it, just like you said. And so again, another wonderful conversation. I said it already in the last episode, but if we want to start a podcast, we can because I can talk to you all about this stuff.

 

00;23;05;04 – 00;23;16;16

Dr. Mona

No, I’m joking, but I wish I had time for that. But like, it’s just so nice. I love your perspective. So thank you so much. Where can people go for more information about your resources and to stay connected.

 

00;23;16;18 – 00;23;33;26

Zack Kasabo

There so you can find me on on Instagram and TikTok at Coach Casaba and on Facebook, you can just search Casaba Behavior Management. And then my website is is coach casaba.com. And that wonderful resource for parents who are looking for ways to help learn how to manage their child’s behavior with confidence.

 

00;23;33;28 – 00;23;47;22

Dr. Mona

Yes, and definitely give them a follow at the very least on social. You are going to learn so much there and again, get that advanced, you know, resources if you need it. Again, thank you so much for joining me. This was a pleasure. Like a pleasure to have you. And it was a great conversation.

 

00;23;47;24 – 00;23;52;07

Zack Kasabo

I appreciate it. So we got many.

 

00;23;52;09 – 00;24;11;06

Dr. Mona

And there you have it, a small masterclass in parenting strong willed kids from someone who sees a daily in schools and works with parents in the trenches. Honestly, my mind is still reeling a little because here’s the mic drop. Your child’s resistance isn’t a threat, it’s a message. Your calm is more powerful than your control, and your kid doesn’t need a weaker will.

 

00;24;11;06 – 00;24;33;09

Dr. Mona

They need a stronger guide. Hello, you. And if this episode hit home, that’s probably because you’re like me. Hi, I’m Doctor Mona, a pediatrician, parent educator, and a very strong willed former child. So yes, I butt heads with my son Ryaan sometimes because, spoiler alert, he’s like me and it’s wild how many of those childhood patterns come full circle when you’re raising your mini mirror?

 

00;24;33;11 – 00;24;50;21

Dr. Mona

So if you’re parenting a strong willed kid, you’re not doing it wrong. You’re doing something really important. And if this episode helped you, tag me at the PedsDocTalkPodcast and at Coach Casado, that’s called Ach Casa b o because we want to hear what stuck with you. Share it with a friend who’s deep in the battles.

 

00;24;50;21 – 00;25;10;26

Dr. Mona

Bedtime, breakfast, or just socks. And make sure to subscribe and download so we can keep delivering these powerful conversations straight to your ears. You’re not alone in this, and your strong willed child isn’t a problem to fix. There are stories still being written. Let’s help them write it well. See you all next week. Stay strong willed, stay kind and stay well.