We’ve all been there.
Those days or weeks where you feel like nothing is going right.
You’re wondering if everybody has it this hard.

In this episode of the Finding Joy series, I discuss some tips on getting yourself out of that negative spiral and those moments/days when negative thoughts and energy seem to consume you.

00;00;08;28 – 00;00;36;07

Dr. Mona

Welcome back to the PedsDocTalk podcast and the finding Joy series, one of my favorite series where I get to talk about reframing our mindset. As parents. I go over topics that I discuss with fellow moms and dads in my office and things that I go through as a mother as well. So on this episode, I am talking about how to reset those days where you just feel like things are crumbling.

 

00;00;36;07 – 00;00;58;20

Dr. Mona

And I know we’ve all been there. I have had these days, from time to time they can seem very overwhelming. You know, you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, your child woke up on the wrong side of the crib, and everything just seems to snowball in a negative way. It doesn’t feel good when these days happen, and I do believe that we can reset a negative day before it ends.

 

00;00;58;23 – 00;01;28;09

Dr. Mona

And if by chance it does end and it’s been a negative day or just a really difficult day, we can call it a throwaway day, which I discussed in the finding Joy parenting in a pandemic. That’s okay to say that, and you can start over fresh tomorrow. But I do believe that before the day and we can end the day on a positive note or even just look for the positive so that we can start fresh and reset that negative spiral that we sometimes find ourselves in.

 

00;01;28;11 – 00;01;47;27

Dr. Mona

Remember that if you feel like you’re spiraling for a long period, I’m an advocate of always getting professional counseling if you need it, you matter, and I don’t want you to ever feel like you’re alone, or that you have to handle life’s ups and downs all by yourself. Sometimes you need help. This episode is going over those moments.

 

00;01;47;27 – 00;02;10;20

Dr. Mona

Maybe a day or two, or a few days in a row where you just feel like the energy in your life is just so negative and you’re like, how do I get out of this? Now, many times in our life, there may not be a reason as to why these things are happening, obviously, right? Negativity and bad things happen to us, but it’s when we’re starting to feel and you tell yourself, wow, why is everything just seem to be going wrong lately?

 

00;02;10;23 – 00;02;28;29

Dr. Mona

And it really has a lot to do with reframing, resetting, and trying to turn around this negative energy that may be plaguing our lives. So how can we reset or turnaround a day, or a week or period in our life that seems to be crumbling? And again, I know you’ve all been there. Sometimes you’re just like, wow, is it just me that’s going through this?

 

00;02;28;29 – 00;02;50;15

Dr. Mona

Why does it seem like nothing’s going right for me? So first, it’s accepting that it’s okay for things not to be going how you envisioned and not fighting the emotion that you’re feeling. So just say you’re feeling anxious. Then you start feeling anxious about your anxiety. And that’s just a whole other realm of anxiety. Accept the feeling and don’t resist it.

 

00;02;50;15 – 00;03;12;14

Dr. Mona

So if you’re feeling upset, if you’re feeling sad, if you’re feeling anxious, you want to say, hey, this is a moment. I’m feeling anxious. I’m feeling sad. I’m feeling overwhelmed. The more you resist things, the more it’s going to persist. But when you accept it as a reality, you’re more likely to move through that emotion quicker rather than stifling it down and saying, no, no, no, I’m not anxious, I’m not tired, I’m not overwhelmed.

 

00;03;12;21 – 00;03;33;19

Dr. Mona

Accept it. And say, yes, I’m feeling this way so you can move forward to the next positive feeling that’s in your life. The next thing is adjusting expectation and reality. Remember, when these two things are not meeting, that’s when we get friction. That’s when we feel uneasy. Maybe we expected things to go a certain way in our day or in your life, and then that’s not reality.

 

00;03;33;22 – 00;03;56;25

Dr. Mona

So sometimes it’s accepting that, hey, this is not my reality right now. And that is also okay. My expectation is not matching what my reality is. And this may be something that is happening right now, but it’s not forever. The next thing is letting it go, whatever it is that’s causing you angst. Think about if it’s going to matter in five years.

 

00;03;56;27 – 00;04;18;21

Dr. Mona

If it’s not going to matter in five years, you need to actively tell your brain to spend no more than five minutes thinking about it. When I say actively tell your brain, sometimes it may be going into a different room and telling yourself you are feeling some way about this certain feeling or event is it really going to matter in five years?

 

00;04;18;23 – 00;04;39;16

Dr. Mona

If it’s not going to matter in five years, you need to tell yourself, I can be upset about it right now. I can be in the moment, but I am going to move forward from this. You also need to focus on taking a deep breath when you feel like things are crumbling. When we’re stressed and anxious, we forget to breathe.

 

00;04;39;16 – 00;04;58;11

Dr. Mona

And I am guilty of this too. I feel like when I’m stressed, my breath is in my chest rather than being in my stomach. Think about this from breathing being the first thing that we do when we’re born. When you’re born, you have to take a breath in to live. And it’s the core and foundation of all that we do.

 

00;04;58;11 – 00;05;21;15

Dr. Mona

That’s so when you hear all these mindfulness people and meditation people, they always talk about their breath. They always go back to the breath. And it is really important. And you’re going to notice that when you’re feeling overwhelmed, you’re feeling anxious, you’re feeling like those days are crumbling and it’s just a negativity cycle. You probably are realizing that your breaths are more shallow when you want to make them deeper.

 

00;05;21;18 – 00;05;40;07

Dr. Mona

So focus on breathing deep into your core. So I want you to put a hand on your belly. And when you’re feeling overwhelmed or that you’re having a negative day, you need to take those deep breaths in where you feel your belly move when you breathe. The next thing has to do with focusing on the power of thought.

 

00;05;40;09 – 00;06;05;00

Dr. Mona

We attract the thoughts we want. So if you are in this feeling of this sucks, this sucks, this sucks. I just hate this. Everything is going bad. I hate my life, I hate this. Everything sucks versus wow, I’m really tired right now, but how can I reset this? Well, I’m really tired and I’m feeling really overwhelmed. But let me reframe and focus on some things that are going really well right now.

 

00;06;05;07 – 00;06;29;15

Dr. Mona

How can I get through those moments of negativity and overwhelm that all of us face? When you start to get into that cycle of this sucks, this sucks, my life sucks, my life sucks. Not only are you getting into that woe is me mentality that everything sucks, but you’re not able to break out of that cycle. And so by doing this, by being in control over your thought, you are now having power over the situation.

 

00;06;29;17 – 00;06;47;20

Dr. Mona

Our thoughts become our reality. So holding onto a thought for more than 45 seconds or longer, that is what we’re feeding energy into. So if you for 45 seconds are constantly saying this sucks and I hate this, and I hate this, that is going to be your vibe. But if you for 45 seconds say, oh, you know what?

 

00;06;47;20 – 00;07;08;14

Dr. Mona

Today was a really beautiful day. And then I saw the sun shine and I saw a rainbow. And it really was really nice. Your brain is focusing on positive energy, and you’re going to get more positive energy out of that moment. This doesn’t mean that what you’re going through isn’t difficult, right? I mean, I think there’s a misconception that we’ll know sometimes life is really hard.

 

00;07;08;16 – 00;07;28;01

Dr. Mona

Absolutely. I mean, I’ve been through it too, right? You’ve had some really tough days, some tough times. It’s not about being toxic positivity. It’s about understanding that, hey, I’m going to really try to get out of this negative spiral of everything is bad, everything is bad. Everything is bad because our mind can control a lot of our outcomes.

 

00;07;28;01 – 00;07;55;26

Dr. Mona

And this practice, you know, is really about channeling positive energy in your mind to reset negative energy. It’s replacing negative vibes and negative energy in your brain, in your life so that more positive energy can come in. Energy is contagious. So how can we do this if you’re struggling with the mindset, right. So this is a lot of training in terms of the breathing in terms of really trying to tell yourself that, okay, I’m not going to let this negative spiral control me.

 

00;07;55;29 – 00;08;16;29

Dr. Mona

So what other things can you do? Number one, change the scenery. So if you’re feeling like you’re in that negative spiral where your kids are throwing tantrums, you are about to meltdown, get out of the house or do something different or change the scenery. So if you’re stuck indoors and you’re in the kitchen or in the living room, maybe go to a different room, open the windows, get light in.

 

00;08;17;02 – 00;08;40;08

Dr. Mona

Changing the scenery can really help because sometimes energy exists in certain parts of our house. So if you have some negative energy, sometimes that can exist in your living room or your kitchen at that moment. So by changing the scenery, you are now changing your energy. The next one has to do with getting those endorphins going. So dancing, putting on music or laughing, this is a no brainer.

 

00;08;40;08 – 00;09;09;00

Dr. Mona

These things are going to really help boost your mood and bring positivity. I mean, tell me the last time you danced or laughed and you didn’t feel good and you didn’t bring some positivity. So when you’re having one of those really hard days with your children and you just feel like everything is crumbling, tell yourself, this is not going to be how we end this day and try to reset it with putting on some music, laughing, doing something that brings you joy or your children joy or whoever is in that mood.

 

00;09;09;02 – 00;09;25;24

Dr. Mona

And that brings me to the next tip, which is physical touch. So if you’re feeling tapped out, if you’re feeling like you’re in that negative spiral, giving a loved one a hug, giving your child a hug, physical touch like a hug, it can really help reset a negative day. Now, if this isn’t your love language, you can just bypass this.

 

00;09;25;26 – 00;09;50;00

Dr. Mona

But I think sometimes we forget the power of physical touch like a hug, because it can really help with an emotional boost that we all need. Now, if you’ve done all this, you know you tried to change scenery, you put on music, you have gone outside, you know you’ve done all these things to try to reset the energy that you’re in physically at the end of a negative day, or you just felt like things were spiraling out of control.

 

00;09;50;03 – 00;10;16;10

Dr. Mona

My goal is that you don’t carry that energy to the next day. Now, this isn’t a foolproof method, but we can reframe and reset at the end of a negative day. You can call it a throwaway day, like I say, but I don’t want you to just dismiss it and not think about the emotions from that day. So one of the biggest practices that I do after a day that was really tough, that I felt like things were spiraling and I couldn’t reset because those days will happen, is I practice something called a cancel.

 

00;10;16;10 – 00;10;37;17

Dr. Mona

This journaling exercise. So what this means is that you write down all the things in that day that caused you angst or worry or anxiety, and you give a counter example or something that is good about that situation or what you’re learning from that situation. So it’s a practice of reframing at the end of your day when you are in a calm place.

 

00;10;37;20 – 00;10;54;13

Dr. Mona

Journaling doesn’t take long. I think sometimes we feel like, oh, I don’t have time to journal or meditate. Fine. But journaling can even just be 5 to 10 minutes. And this is a really important practice at the end of a negative day, because I, again, don’t want you to carry on that energy to the next day. And the next day and the next day.

 

00;10;54;16 – 00;11;11;19

Dr. Mona

So giving you an example, I have had these days where again, I just felt like I was in that negative spiral. And, you know, my dog had an accident. I just felt overwhelmed with work. And I want to give you some examples on how I reframed at the end of a negative spiral day. So my dog vomits, right?

 

00;11;11;19 – 00;11;35;06

Dr. Mona

Or has accidents. It happens from time to time. It’s not every day, but it happens. So the frustration or anxiety thing was my dog vomit or you know, he had an accident. And that’s very frustrating because I don’t like cleaning that up. But the cancel this journaling exercise is that he didn’t mean to. He’s a dog. He brings us so much joy and he must have just thought on, well, how sucky it is to have an accident when he’s a trained dog.

 

00;11;35;09 – 00;12;02;00

Dr. Mona

I could have taken him out, or I could have done this, and I’m reframing it and kind of giving him some empathy and understanding that, okay, this isn’t something he does all the time. It’s an accident. We’re going to get through it. Or the other example is work is driving me crazy that I have so much stress or that, you know, they change some things that they’re doing, and I just feel overwhelmed and rather than saying, I hate my job or I hate this because I think we all do that, right, we get into that negative spiral of, I hate this, I don’t like this.

 

00;12;02;07 – 00;12;20;22

Dr. Mona

And that could be a reality that your circumstances are not ideal at that moment. But for example, I would love to leave my job, my clinical job and find something new, but I need it for health insurance and I do like the clinical aspect that I am getting. So I reframe and say I’m so grateful to have my job.

 

00;12;20;24 – 00;12;37;23

Dr. Mona

Not only does it give me this amazing opportunity to see patients that I do love, it also gives me health insurance and I get to practice my skills as a pediatrician. So although there may be some things about the job that may not be something I love overall, I do get to see some positive things out of it.

 

00;12;37;25 – 00;13;01;06

Dr. Mona

So this cancel this journaling exercise can be really helpful so that you don’t end your day on a negative note that you go to sleep putting everything on paper. It’s out of your mind. The energy is out of your body and you also wrote down cancel this meaning you saw the negative thought, which is whatever it may be, and you are in control and you put something positive out of that situation.

 

00;13;01;09 – 00;13;19;25

Dr. Mona

And many times there may not be anything positive that you can think of. Remember, positive is not only something uplifting, it can be something that you’re going to learn from that experience or that moment. So I don’t want you to think that you have to think of something so amazing, but there can be some little small thing that can really say, you know what?

 

00;13;19;25 – 00;13;38;13

Dr. Mona

I’m either learning from the situation or yeah, I can actually see a positive because then you’re programing your brain to bring in that positive energy. So I hope that you use these tips. I hope the next time you find yourself in that negative spiral, or maybe a day or a few days in a row, that you just feel like things are not going well, that you try to practice these things.

 

00;13;38;15 – 00;14;07;10

Dr. Mona

If you are struggling with something in parenthood, motherhood that is really robbing your joy, causing you more guilt, shame, you know those feelings that don’t feel so great all the time? If you want some tips and advice, make sure you call it in to this podcast (954) 526-2641. Not only do I answer questions about child development, health and education and parenting, but I also help with reframing our mindset, especially as moms.

 

00;14;07;12 – 00;14;21;17

Dr. Mona

I am a mom so I can speak to the whole motherhood experience that I go through. But of course, these topics will resonate whether you are a mom, a dad, or any caregiver. So make sure you call it in if you have a question and I will talk to you next week.