We need to discuss some things about postpartum so we can normalize experiences.

On this episode, I welcome Chelsea & Caitlin, founders of Mama Psychologists. They are best friends, authors, Registered Psychologists, and moms to discuss:

• The things people don’t always talk about in postpartum
• Why it’s important to discuss these things
• How feeling less alone helps us as moms

 

Chelsea & Caitlin
Get the book: Not Your Mother’s Postpartum Book
Find out more about Mama Psychologist at mamapsychologists.ca or connect on Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest or Twitter @mamapsychologists

00;00;01;02 – 00;00;19;10

Chelsea & Caitlin

Some of the big things that come up that we both have personally experience, but also that we, our community shares with us all the time is, you know, really being unaware of how much guilt and shame and, you know, burnout would come with being a mom. You know, we talk all the time about how moms are burning the candle at both ends, right?

 

00;00;19;10 – 00;00;43;28

Chelsea & Caitlin

They’re so exhausted. They’re you don’t know how to pull themselves out of this. They don’t know even how to take care of their basic needs anymore. And so we often will talk about burnout and those struggles that come with that. Right. And the guilt sounds, you know, wanting to do something for yourself but not feeling like maybe you have the option to or that the support to and and you know, how do you navigate that when you’re battling almost yourself in terms of can I take time for myself or not?

 

00;00;44;00 – 00;01;07;11

Dr. Mona

Welcome to the PedsDocTalk Podcast, a podcast that continues to grow because of you and your reviews and how you tune in each and every week. A podcast where I get to welcome the most amazing guests to chat about all things parenting, child health, child development, and also really important to me parental, physical and mental health. Today’s guests are Chelsea and Caitlin, founders of Mama psychologist.

 

00;01;07;17 – 00;01;31;04

Dr. Mona

They are best friends, authors, registered psychologists in Alberta, Canada, and most importantly, moms to four kids five and under. On their platform, they do deep dives into all the things no one talks about in the postpartum period and normalizing parenthood struggles. And we are talking about just that not your mother’s postpartum, but the things that no one talks about in the postpartum period.

 

00;01;31;10 – 00;01;35;04

Dr. Mona

But we should thank you so much for joining me today, Chelsea and Caitlin.

 

00;01;35;06 – 00;01;36;19

Chelsea & Caitlin

Thank you for having us.

 

00;01;36;21 – 00;01;52;25

Dr. Mona

I’m so excited also to have Double Guest. I don’t always have two guests on my podcast at the same time, so this is always a treat when it’s a duo coming on. Well, I’m so glad that we could connect. I’m so glad that I discovered your Instagram account and also all the resources that you provided provide for everyone around the world.

 

00;01;52;25 – 00;02;00;04

Dr. Mona

Not just Canada, obviously, but tell everyone who’s listening who may not be familiar with who you are. More about yourself.

 

00;02;00;06 – 00;02;33;23

Chelsea & Caitlin

Yeah, so I’m Caitlin, I am one half of mama psychologist. I am a psychologist and I am a mom to two kids, one that just turned sex and one that’s three and a half. And prior to giving birth and having children, I specialized in children’s mental health, teens and adults and trauma. But after my own experience with debilitating postpartum anxiety and really feeling not prepared for the postpartum period, I really took an interest in postpartum mental health.

 

00;02;33;23 – 00;02;39;10

Chelsea & Caitlin

And how can we share? Know what? That moms aren’t alone in their struggles.

 

00;02;39;12 – 00;02;40;04

Dr. Mona

Love it.

 

00;02;40;06 – 00;02;50;04

Chelsea & Caitlin

Yeah, absolutely. My story is very similar to Caitlin. So I’m Chelsea and the other half of mom, a psychologist. I have two kids. Oh my gosh, one and three now.

 

00;02;50;07 – 00;02;54;09

Dr. Mona

It laughs. Yeah, I just had a together.

 

00;02;54;12 – 00;03;11;19

Chelsea & Caitlin

And yeah, I’m a registered psychologist. I specialize in child and adolescent mental health and perinatal mental health. So after my son was born 12 weeks early, I really became passionate about working with birth trauma and families who journeys aren’t as expected and are difficult to navigate.

 

00;03;11;22 – 00;03;27;11

Dr. Mona

Well, I know you all have this book as well. The not your mother’s postpartum book, and we’re talking a little bit about that, but also just about the things, again, that no one talks about in the postpartum period. And I know there’s probably way more than what we’re going to discuss on this episode today. So for everyone listening, make sure you follow them.

 

00;03;27;11 – 00;03;39;03

Dr. Mona

And I’ll make sure to touch all of their resources on the show notes as well. But let’s talk about the things. Let’s just get into it. What would you say starting off the bad is one thing that we kind of deal with but don’t really talk about.

 

00;03;39;05 – 00;04;07;19

Chelsea & Caitlin

Yeah. So for myself, postpartum anxiety and intrusive thoughts were such a big part of those early, early days. And even as a psychologist, I thought, oh yeah, I got it. I know the signs of postpartum depression. I didn’t even really think about postpartum anxiety. But then like three days after he was born, I was sitting there at the computer like frantically googling SIDs rates.

 

00;04;07;21 – 00;04;31;02

Chelsea & Caitlin

It just exploded and I couldn’t sleep. I really couldn’t leave the house driving a car with my son in the back was like a no no for me at the time. And I’m like, okay, this is not normal. My partner was like, this, this is not okay. Like, yes, there’s normal mom worry and anxiety, but it’s like, this is a different level.

 

00;04;31;04 – 00;04;32;07

Dr. Mona

Absolutely.

 

00;04;32;10 – 00;04;51;26

Chelsea & Caitlin

Yeah. And for me, I think some of the big things that come up that we both personally experience, but also that we our community shares with us all the time is, you know, really being unaware of how much guilt and shame and, you know, burnout would come with being a mom. You know, we talk all the time about how moms are burning the candle at both ends, right?

 

00;04;51;26 – 00;05;16;12

Chelsea & Caitlin

They’re so exhausted. They don’t know how to pull themselves out of this. They don’t know even how to take care of their basic needs anymore. And so we often will talk about burnout and those struggles that come with that. Right. And the guilt of, you know, wanting to do something for yourself but not feeling like maybe you have the option to or that the support to you and, and, you know, how do you navigate that when you’re battling almost yourself in terms of can I take time for myself or not?

 

00;05;16;14 – 00;05;35;20

Dr. Mona

Yeah. And going back to the intrusive thoughts that Caitlyn was mentioning, if anyone’s not familiar with that terminology, because I think you don’t realize it’s happening until it happens to you, or maybe someone told you about it. So do you mind actually elaborating? For many people who don’t know what that is, and maybe they have experienced it, but they didn’t know that there was a term for it.

 

00;05;35;22 – 00;06;03;22

Chelsea & Caitlin

Absolutely. Yeah. And for myself, like I was experiencing it. But I didn’t necessarily know that it was a normal part of my life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, a term for it. So intrusive thoughts are those thoughts that research shows I’m like 90 to 100% new moms will experience intrusive thoughts of harm coming to their baby. So it’s walking down the stairs and like you fall and baby tumbles down the stairs.

 

00;06;03;24 – 00;06;24;15

Chelsea & Caitlin

Or research also shows that up to 50% of moms say they have thoughts of intentional harm towards their child. So maybe that’s, you know what? You throwing them off the balcony or hitting them against the wall. So that does not mean that you want to harm your child’s right. And that’s the big distinction that we want to say.

 

00;06;24;15 – 00;06;50;18

Chelsea & Caitlin

Just because you are having those thoughts doesn’t mean that doesn’t want to harm your child. So that is so important to make that distinction that, you know, what our brain does kind of goes back to an evolutionary standpoint where it’s like years, thousands of years ago, we were wired to look out for every single danger. And sometimes that danger was a spell that were around your baby and including yourself.

 

00;06;50;20 – 00;07;12;28

Chelsea & Caitlin

Right. So it’s remembering that, you know what our brain is just wired to look for danger everywhere. But it doesn’t mean that you want to harm your child for anything if it distresses you, that’s a protective factor that’s letting you know that. Okay, I had this thought, this is like, stressing me out. This doesn’t feel good. That’s a good thing.

 

00;07;12;28 – 00;07;19;18

Chelsea & Caitlin

It’s when you have these thoughts and they don’t distress you, that’s when you need to get some help for that.

 

00;07;19;21 – 00;07;43;03

Dr. Mona

I appreciate that distinction because like, I experienced that as well. And I’m going to be very open on this episode because I do that a lot on the show. But I remember being with my son, who again, I was not intentionally going to hurt him, but I was giving him a bath and I just for a split second, thought that his head was under the water, like imagined his head being under the water like it’s a split second intrusive thought that I was like, oh my gosh.

 

00;07;43;03 – 00;08;05;14

Dr. Mona

And then I like, I was, oh no, whoa. And I had that happen. And I remember talking to my best friend who experienced also what you had mentioned, thoughts of throwing the child against the wall. And it was just talking about that and realizing that because then there’s guilt, right? Because then you’d already mentioned, Chelsea about the burnout and guilt because then you’re like, I’m this terrible mom to have this feeling and this thought, but it’s not.

 

00;08;05;15 – 00;08;26;23

Dr. Mona

Obviously, thoughts don’t always mean actions. And I love that you’re providing that distinction of when it becomes something that needs to be evaluated. And for all of our listeners, my hope is that I will have Chelsea and Caitlin on on a future episode to talk about when these things kind of become something you need to get evaluated. Meaning when is it just postpartum normalcy blues did it it or when is it postpartum anxiety?

 

00;08;26;23 – 00;08;39;28

Dr. Mona

Depression? Maybe things like intrusive thoughts. So thank you so much for alluding to that because I think normalizing it, but also knowing, hey, you need to get this evaluated if it becomes something more prominent and serious, is such an important balance.

 

00;08;40;01 – 00;08;41;29

Chelsea & Caitlin

Exactly, exactly.

 

00;08;42;02 – 00;09;01;23

Dr. Mona

And Chelsea for burnout. I know you’re mentioning the burnout from a lot of the people you work with, and obviously your guys’s experience being on social media. Do we feel like there’s a reason for the burnout? Is it lack of support? Is it personal expectations like, can we pinpoint why this burnout is happening? I’m sure it’s very much multifactorial.

 

00;09;01;25 – 00;09;18;15

Chelsea & Caitlin

Yeah, absolutely. It definitely is. It’s coming from a few different places. I think right now one is a big one. Is that lack of support. Right. You know, it’s like everyone talks about, you know, that that village, that village of raising your kids. A lot of people don’t have that right. They’re like, where is my village that everyone was sharing about once this baby would come.

 

00;09;18;18 – 00;09;35;12

Chelsea & Caitlin

And so I think that’s a big one as well. Another one is depending on, you know, how many hats you wear, right? If you have a career outside the home, if you’re staying at home, right, that work life balance can be really hard to find. And so parents and moms who work outside the home are often feeling like they’re not successful in either area because they’re stretched.

 

00;09;35;12 – 00;09;59;09

Chelsea & Caitlin

So sad. Right? It’s like I have to do at work, and then I have stuff I have to do, and I have come home and, you know, the primary load of everything I need to do falls on me. And feeling kind of lost in that as well. And then, of course, you know, coming from the pandemic and you know, that isolation and not having that necessarily even those that general connection to people around you, I think really impacted moms as well.

 

00;09;59;12 – 00;10;15;09

Dr. Mona

Absolutely. And I’m happy you bring up that pandemic parenting. I’m I’m also, you know, you you both have children under five and I’m I have a three year old. So I had three months where I was not in a pandemic. And I got to experience the community for those three months. Right. I had my mom around. She eventually laughed.

 

00;10;15;09 – 00;10;38;28

Dr. Mona

And then, yeah, I mean, that really big reality of you’re looking for that village and even not even just to help you with the baby, but also just be your lifeline of support, you know, the emotional support, the I want to just talk to you face to face, like I’m tired of video chatting. I’m tired of, you know, phone calls like, I want to see you next to me, talk about things like that, human connection that I think I agree with you.

 

00;10;38;28 – 00;10;45;04

Dr. Mona

So many of us lost in the pandemic and so many of us expect and then don’t get. It can be really hard.

 

00;10;45;06 – 00;10;46;18

Chelsea & Caitlin

Yeah, absolutely.

 

00;10;46;20 – 00;11;06;03

Dr. Mona

Well, I’m loving this already because I feel like our listeners hopefully are feeling so much less alone. Or maybe they’re past the postpartum period and they’re already feeling like, well, I went through that and now we’re normalizing these things and we’re talking about these things. So obviously we talked about burnout and intrusive thoughts. And so what else is there that you think we really need to talk about in the postpartum period?

 

00;11;06;05 – 00;11;13;29

Chelsea & Caitlin

I would say like the mental load term mental load is so you can have like a whole podcast on this. Oh my.

 

00;11;13;29 – 00;11;15;01

Dr. Mona

Gosh, we should.

 

00;11;15;04 – 00;11;37;12

Chelsea & Caitlin

It is the the unseen load of what motherhood really is. And for for the most part that it falls to the default parent, which of course not always, but most of the time is the mom. And it’s looking at, okay, how do we get support from our partner? And if we don’t have a partner, how can we get support from others?

 

00;11;37;12 – 00;11;43;29

Chelsea & Caitlin

Like what does our community, what does our support network look like and how can we build that up?

 

00;11;44;01 – 00;12;03;03

Dr. Mona

Yeah, and we should have another episode about the mental load, because that is another thing that I agree that is not really talked about. And I think this is an important thing that we should mention in this episode is that, like, I’m not trying to scare new moms by talking about these things. This is just stuff that should be on your radar of like, hey, if this does happen to you, it’s very normal, you know?

 

00;12;03;03 – 00;12;13;29

Dr. Mona

And I think that helps. Sometimes people are like, well, talking about these things like it’s so negative. I’m like, no, it’s not negative. It’s actually like, could be your reality. And we don’t want you to feel like you’re alone in this reality. Right.

 

00;12;13;29 – 00;12;15;18

Chelsea & Caitlin

So exactly.

 

00;12;15;20 – 00;12;36;01

Dr. Mona

I didn’t know about the mental load. Like no one ever told me that terminology also. But then I experience it. You’re like, wow. Like I used to be on my A-game with so many different things. And now I’m like, feeling so pulled in so many different directions. Like, I can’t even function and think and I’m overstimulated. All those things that I think a lot of women who are listening to this episode right now probably are feeling or have felt.

 

00;12;36;03 – 00;13;00;26

Chelsea & Caitlin

Yeah. And that’s exactly it, right? I mean, you experience it, but until people actually talk about it and talk about, you know, what are experience and give a name to it and validate it, you really, really don’t necessarily know what your experience and you know what’s going on. And you know what? Maybe it doesn’t feel there. It doesn’t feel good, but it’s just like, is it me?

 

00;13;00;26 – 00;13;22;04

Chelsea & Caitlin

And that’s one of the biggest things that we want to take away. Some of that stigma of, is it just me? Even like the real that I posted this morning, so many people were like, I thought it was just me. And I was like, no, it’s not just you. This is an experience that so many parents have. But until we talk about it and you know what?

 

00;13;22;05 – 00;13;48;17

Chelsea & Caitlin

Maybe put a name to it. People don’t know that others experience it. And then they have that isolation, that negative view of self, of like, maybe it’s just me, maybe I can’t handle it. Maybe like, I’m not cut out for it. And often like social media, you see the highlight reel, right? You see all all the influencers with their green smoothies and their kind of picture perfect, like white kitchens and all that.

 

00;13;48;19 – 00;14;22;11

Chelsea & Caitlin

And one thing we see as moms, they can fall into that, that scrolling, that comparison trap like, you know, oh, it’s so wow. It looks fine for her. Wow. She has like four kids and like I have to and I’m struggling like, what’s wrong with me? So we really and I think that’s also your goal with your social media platform is to bring like normality back to like what actually is parenting and what is motherhood because it’s not picture perfect curated, kitchens and kids and clean outfits, right?

 

00;14;22;11 – 00;14;30;00

Chelsea & Caitlin

Like that’s just not real life. And we want to bring that to the forefront to to make moms and parents feel less alone.

 

00;14;30;02 – 00;14;47;15

Dr. Mona

Yeah. I mean, I feel it in my office, the amount of feeling of loneliness, you know, and so it’s just a not fun place to be, especially when you’re taking care of a child, you know, feeling like what you’re going through doesn’t matter or feeling like you. You just have to suck it up. You know? That mentality of like, suffering is kind of you get a gold star.

 

00;14;47;15 – 00;15;04;19

Dr. Mona

Like, that’s not what I want for anybody. I mean, that’s just not a fun way to parent it. That’s not a fun way to live, to feel like you just can’t talk about things and just feel supported. So already I’m just loving this conversation and loving you all. Obviously will be attaching your resources. I’m looking I’m actually looking at the real right now.

 

00;15;04;22 – 00;15;27;29

Dr. Mona

And so we’re recording this in advance, like when it finally goes live, obviously you may not be at her most recent real as you probably right. But the date is March 28th, the day of her recording. But she was talking about basically, how high functioning depression doesn’t always look like staying in bed all day. Like you still can get out of the bed, do things, and it can appear to people outside of your world that things are okay, but you’re not absolutely okay.

 

00;15;27;29 – 00;15;40;00

Dr. Mona

And I think, I mean, we know that, like, we know that there’s so much ability for people to put on a front because we kind of have to and we’ve been told to do that. And that’s really sad. And thank you for this conversation.

 

00;15;40;03 – 00;16;02;18

Chelsea & Caitlin

Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. So one that’s really come up recently that I think it’s been highlighting more in terms of struggles is related to feeding, feeding your baby. And, you know, the guilt and the struggle that can come with, you know, if you’re wanting to breastfeed and you can’t breastfeed, if you’re wanting to choose the formula deep or needing to formula feed and then hearing about, you know, some feedback on that and how other people view that.

 

00;16;02;18 – 00;16;22;20

Chelsea & Caitlin

And so, you know, a lot of moms we find will like, push themselves, especially in the perinatal period, to a place where maybe it’s not good for their mental wellbeing in general. And so, you know, a lot of times we’ll hear moms feel again, coming back to that guilt and shame around, you know, I, I tried to breastfeed my baby and I decided to formula feed because I at that.

 

00;16;22;20 – 00;16;39;06

Chelsea & Caitlin

So best for our family. And now I feel all the stuff and shame because it’s not what my friends did. My family did what I see on social media again. And, and so we we talk a lot with moms about, you know, how can you make those choices and feel okay. And those choices when it comes to feeding your baby?

 

00;16;39;09 – 00;16;56;10

Chelsea & Caitlin

Another hot topic that comes up all the time in similar to that is sleep training, not sleep training. Yeah. You know, all of those things are equal time as your child gets older, right? All of these really hot topics that parents feel really uncomfortable in talking about because they feel like they’re going to get chastised about it.

 

00;16;56;12 – 00;17;13;27

Dr. Mona

Oh, I completely agree with that. Division of this is inferior, superior, inferior and superior. And of course, like I am a lactation consultant, I’m a pediatrician. I know the benefits of breastfeeding, but I also know the benefits of formula feeding, if that makes sense. I know that there is a place that it actually has the benefit of feeding a baby, which people forget.

 

00;17;13;27 – 00;17;34;27

Dr. Mona

But we are so lucky to have access to formula if a family can’t breastfeed, doesn’t want to breastfeed, and I know so many families who choose not to. I think people perceive that everyone chooses to breastfeed and if they don’t, that that was a decision that was not something they wanted. But I made so many families are like, nope, I know breastfeeding, I can do it, but I don’t want to do it.

 

00;17;34;27 – 00;17;54;23

Dr. Mona

And I’m a great parent. I’m like, good for you. I’m like, own it, own this. Your baby’s going to be perfect with a loving environment. Obviously foods, when they get bigger, we’re going to prioritize diverse foods. But I love that you all are supporting moms in that journey too, because the first three months, what you’re dealing with is feeding, sleeping, and basically soothing your baby.

 

00;17;54;23 – 00;18;14;01

Dr. Mona

And when you can’t do those things, it becomes you feel like you’re failing, right? Like if you’re not feeding your baby as you envisioned or if you’re sleep issues, right? Like if the baby’s up and you’re like, people are telling you like, well, my baby slept eight hours by that age, you’re like, well, what’s wrong with me? Or baby’s just different or, you know, with, soothing.

 

00;18;14;01 – 00;18;32;15

Dr. Mona

Like, if you can’t soothe your baby because they’re colicky, I mean, all these things. Oh, man, it really affects parents in that postpartum period. And I see it. I it hurts to see it because people feel like you said, like they just feel alone and they feel like, what’s wrong with me? And that’s the first feeling as a parent, you have a baby and you feel like something’s wrong with you.

 

00;18;32;15 – 00;18;34;19

Dr. Mona

I don’t want that feeling for you.

 

00;18;34;21 – 00;18;45;27

Chelsea & Caitlin

Yeah, exactly. Right that there’s that, you know, I have to do everything perfect or has the right, quote unquote right. And it’s like, what does that mean? You know, what is what is perfect? I don’t think I’ve ever met a perfect parent.

 

00;18;45;29 – 00;19;09;08

Dr. Mona

Yeah. And exactly. Perfect parent. There’s no perfect baby. It’s all just evolving. And I’m working with it together. And I love that we normalize that. Oh yes. We talked about feeding struggles. We talked about burnout, and we talked about intrusive thoughts and that mental load, which of course, I would love to talk about as a whole episode. And then I think you had one another thing that we wanted to talk about as well, which was like something around boundary and relationship struggles.

 

00;19;09;10 – 00;19;33;22

Chelsea & Caitlin

Yeah. So boundaries are one of the things that we found wasn’t talked about in the postpartum period. You don’t necessarily think about it or plan that. You know what I need this time after baby. Or sometimes you find that the people you thought, you know what? Oh yeah, it’ll be fine. I don’t need to explicitly say x, Y, and z with them.

 

00;19;33;22 – 00;19;59;09

Chelsea & Caitlin

That that you have to. And especially in the pandemic, we found that this was a huge topic, for many parents where people had vastly different views and beliefs and people were having to set boundaries with people that they never had to before their parents, which can often be uncomfortable because you’re used to being in that, that child role and the parent is in that parent role.

 

00;19;59;16 – 00;20;25;00

Chelsea & Caitlin

So all of a sudden, you’re setting boundaries with the people that fight you and include you and raised you, and that can be very, very uncomfortable. But it’s also knowing that boundaries are so essential to a healthy relationship, and it’s communicating those expectations. Because when we don’t communicate our boundaries, then we can’t always expect people to know where they are.

 

00;20;25;00 – 00;20;45;09

Chelsea & Caitlin

And if they cross them, it’s like, let them know it’s okay to say that. And it can be said in a tactful, respectful way, right? Boundaries don’t have to be this big wall or this huge like iron stance. Right? And it can be, you know what? This is just my limits. Yes, we’re going to do that. No we’re not.

 

00;20;45;09 – 00;20;54;21

Chelsea & Caitlin

And that’s that. And you don’t necessarily need to explain or offer strategies right for them to deal with that either.

 

00;20;54;23 – 00;21;10;12

Dr. Mona

Oh, and it can be so hard to do this when there’s triggers from childhood like, you know, if you it always happens this way, where you become a parent, you kind of realize the good and the not so great things that may have been done in your childhood. And then you see your parent doing things and you’re like, I did not like the way that made me feel when I was a kid.

 

00;21;10;12 – 00;21;21;25

Dr. Mona

And you’re kind of starting to do that with my own child, and it can be, like you said, really hard to say it in a very tactful way without emotions flying high, but it is extremely important. I agree with you.

 

00;21;21;28 – 00;21;45;22

Chelsea & Caitlin

Absolutely, absolutely. If there’s one thing that we say to moms, it’s like, just learn how to set boundaries. It seems awkward and is uncomfortable in the moment, but it’s really worth having that one moment, that one minute of, oh, this is uncomfortable. But now we can move on once we know that, like the boundary has been established.

 

00;21;45;24 – 00;22;02;28

Dr. Mona

And in terms of approaching that again, I know these things, we can talk in a whole episode, each of these things as its own entity. But is there a starting point with boundary setting, like is it just first kind of deciding what your boundaries are, for example, of how you would even tell someone to approach it if they’re unsure of what to say?

 

00;22;03;01 – 00;22;27;17

Chelsea & Caitlin

Yeah. So for example, visitors after baby, that’s a huge one, right? Where, like, your mother in law is like, we’re coming over and you’re just getting home from the hospital and you’re like, you know what? I really appreciate you guys wanting to see the baby, but we’re not having visitors right now. Maybe in a couple days you can come always to like, you know what, people are going to push back if they’re not used to you setting those boundaries, right?

 

00;22;27;17 – 00;22;48;10

Chelsea & Caitlin

They’re gonna be like, oh, it’ll just be we’ll be an hour, it’ll be fine. And then holding firm on that, it’s like, I know you really want to see the baby, but we are not having visitors. It’s really important that I rest, baby, rest. In a couple days, you can come, right? It’s holding your boundary. You don’t have to justify like, why?

 

00;22;48;10 – 00;23;01;22

Chelsea & Caitlin

But just saying no, no, we’re not having visitors right now. And knowing that you’re not responsible for any upset feelings, hurt feelings, any of that, you don’t have to caretaking anybody that you set boundaries with.

 

00;23;01;24 – 00;23;05;06

Dr. Mona

And Chelsea, anything else to add on that? No, I think she did.

 

00;23;05;06 – 00;23;29;09

Chelsea & Caitlin

A great job summarizing. I think it’s important just practicing to like starting with like a foundry and someone that you can find it kind of confident that you’re like, I can set this. It doesn’t feel like a big deal because family dynamics are hard, right? It’s hard. It’s hard to, you know, make things maybe feel uncomfortable or those kind of things because that person’s not comfortable with your boundaries, but just finding ways to slowly practice it and build up to what you feel like you need to do, I think is really important.

 

00;23;29;12 – 00;23;43;22

Dr. Mona

I love it, and like I said, I would love to even have a separate conversation about it with examples and stuff because it happens so much. And I hear it from a lot of my followers, you know, on my social media account, they’re like, I struggle with this. How do you do it? Of course, there’s different ways, and it’s such a nuanced thing, right?

 

00;23;43;22 – 00;24;01;20

Dr. Mona

Because every relationship’s different. Like, I can set boundaries easily with my mother, but with my father, it’s way more difficult because of the relationship that we have. And so, like I see people on social media like, share, like, oh, it’s so easy for me to set boundaries. Like I have a great relationship and then I can see people being like, well, that’s really difficult for me.

 

00;24;01;20 – 00;24;17;06

Dr. Mona

And then they feel bad and I’m like, well, every relationship is so unique that I don’t want you to feel bad, but you obviously need to learn how to work with the relationship that you have. And I agree, it’s so important for the child’s upbringing as well, that they are seeing the parent create healthy boundaries on things that may not serve that child.

 

00;24;17;08 – 00;24;39;02

Dr. Mona

One example is for us in our family is around feeding both of our my parents and my in-laws. Oh my goodness. Like they are in that old school mentality of stuffing the kid’s face like dragging them to the table if they don’t eat meals. And that’s something that we’re very against. And that’s like one of our non-negotiable boundaries that we’re like, look, mealtimes have to be this way, and if you can’t do it this way, then we’ll do meal times and you guys can pass.

 

00;24;39;02 – 00;24;56;16

Dr. Mona

But it’s so important for us because we see the struggles, we see the power struggles that occur. And so it’s it can be so hard. But I think it’s such an important conversation that we’re having that we have to recognize that we’re not alone. And what are we going to do to fix all these things and kind of navigate these, you know, treacherous waters that occur when we become parents?

 

00;24;56;19 – 00;25;18;17

Chelsea & Caitlin

Absolutely. I know I experienced the same thing with in-laws and my own partner. That’s like just one bite, one bite, one bite. No, no, you got to stay at the table until you die. And it’s just like, you know what? If they’re noticing what’s coming up in their bodies, if they’re saying, you know what, I’m full, then we want them to learn, right?

 

00;25;18;19 – 00;25;25;17

Chelsea & Caitlin

That limit and to recognize that in their own body, not just push past for the sake of pleasing others.

 

00;25;25;19 – 00;25;39;11

Dr. Mona

Well, this is an amazing conversation. Like I mentioned at the beginning, I’m sure we can talk about so much more, but your book is an amazing resource. If one of you wants to speak more about the book where they can purchase this, and also where people can find you all to stay connected.

 

00;25;39;14 – 00;26;10;24

Chelsea & Caitlin

Yeah, absolutely. So not your mother’s postpartum book can be purchased on Amazon. It can be purchased online at Barnes and Noble, at target, Walmart, and for the worldwide listeners, it’s available at Book Depository, uh.com and free worldwide shipping there. And we are on Instagram at Mama psychologist. Our website is Mama psychologist DCA because we are Canadian and we are on TikTok as well.

 

00;26;10;24 – 00;26;14;27

Chelsea & Caitlin

So we’re just trying to figure out an adventure over there too.

 

00;26;14;29 – 00;26;30;14

Dr. Mona

I love it. I had another guest to, actually recording today that we talked about the adventures of Tik Tok. It is an adventure. It’s a new it’s like a whole different experience. The algorithm, just the overstimulation. I agree with you all that it’s something that does reach a lot more people. But it’s a very interesting world for sure.

 

00;26;30;19 – 00;26;32;16

Chelsea & Caitlin

Oh my gosh. Absolutely.

 

00;26;32;21 – 00;26;42;02

Dr. Mona

Yeah. Well, I’ll be linking your resources. Is there any final message that you both would want to say? You can either do one of you guys or both of you? Just for everyone listening today.

 

00;26;42;04 – 00;26;53;05

Chelsea & Caitlin

Absolutely. I think the biggest thing is to know that you don’t have to suffer in silence, and you don’t have to struggle alone. There are resources, there is information, and there is support out there.

 

00;26;53;08 – 00;27;07;08

Dr. Mona

Love it. And I love the name of your book because not your mother’s postpartum book. Because what you just said, Chelsea, with this sort of we don’t have to suffer in silence. I think a lot of other generations before us kind of did. Meaning they said, well, this is kind of normal. I’m just not going to talk about my feelings.

 

00;27;07;15 – 00;27;15;26

Dr. Mona

And it is important to know that you’re not alone and talk about your feelings. So thank you so much, both of you, for joining me today. This was a great conversation.

 

00;27;15;28 – 00;27;18;05

Chelsea & Caitlin

Absolutely. Thank you for having us.

 

00;27;18;08 – 00;27;40;02

Dr. Mona

And for everyone listening. Make sure you leave a review and a rating if you found this conversation helpful. I love having people come on to not just talk about child health and development and everything going on with children. It’s so important that we take care of ourselves as parents, and I know I have a lot of information on mother related topics because, hey, I’m a mom.

 

00;27;40;02 – 00;27;47;06

Dr. Mona

I know a lot of you listening are moms, but thank you so much for tuning in. Leave those reviews and I cannot wait to welcome another guest next week.

 

00;27;47;08 – 00;27;51;29

Speaker 3

Thank you for tuning in for this week’s episode. As always, please leave a review.

 

00;27;52;02 – 00;27;53;16

Dr. Mona

Share this episode with a friend.

 

00;27;53;16 – 00;28;03;00

Dr. Mona

Share it on your social media. Make sure to follow me at PedsDocTalk on Instagram and subscribe to my YouTube channel. PedsDocTalk TV. We’ll talk to you soon.