Ever felt like you’re running on fumes, snapping at your kids, or just going through the motions of parenting with no joy left in the tank? You’re not broken. You’re burned out.

In this episode, Dr. Flora Sinha joins me to break down what parenting burnout really is from a psychological and physiological perspective and why it’s so common (especially for moms). More importantly, she shares actionable, research-backed strategies to help you move from survival mode to a place of more clarity, connection, and peace.

We discuss:

• The difference between normal exhaustion and true burnout

• What’s not helping (looking at you, hustle culture)

• How to find small but powerful pockets of recovery in real life

• Mindset shifts and scripts to release the guilt and reclaim your joy

To connect with Dr. Flora Sinha follow her on Instagram @⁠drflorasinha⁠, check out all her resources at ⁠https://linktr.ee/florasinhamd⁠ 

00:00 Intro

03:03 Personal Stories + Signs to Watch For

08:20 Burnout, Depression, and the Guilt Spiral

14:23 The Pressure to Do It All

22:48 Micro Breaks, Macro Relief

29:41 Boundaries, Self-Talk, and Asking for Help

36:01 Starting Small + Next Steps

Our podcasts are also now on YouTube. If you prefer a video podcast with closed captioning, check us out there and ⁠subscribe to PedsDocTalk⁠.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on the ⁠PedsDocTalk Podcast Sponsorships⁠ page of the website.

00;00;00;09 – 00;00;30;26

Dr. Flora Sinha

Tiredness is temporary. Exhaustion to a certain point is temporary. So for example, if your kid is going through a sleep regression or if you’re in this season of newborn life, you’re sleep deprived, you’re having rough nights. For the most part, most of us can rally through the day with that extra cup of coffee, a nap maybe that might take a couple of days to kind of prioritize yourself, and then you’re back to your baseline, ready to go now?

 

00;00;30;26 – 00;01;05;02

Dr. Flora Sinha

Burnout is very different. Burnout is a chronic state of physical, mental, emotional exhaustion that is caused by prolonged periods of stress, prolonged periods of not being or feeling supported, and really just putting yourself last for a very long time. It doesn’t go away with just a simple cup of coffee, a good night’s rest, a week long vacation. Because if you are coming back to the same scenario, the same events, the same triggering things, you’re going to go back to your burnout journey.

 

00;01;05;04 – 00;01;07;26

Dr. Flora Sinha

So burnout is this sense of dread.

 

00;01;07;28 – 00;01;33;17

Dr. Mona

Welcome to the PedsDocTalk podcast. It’s me, Doctor Mona, your favorite online pediatrician. Mom, friend and someone who supports parents equally as a support the kids because hey, you matter too, even if sometimes you forget that. In today’s episode, we’re diving into a topic that feels deeply personal for me. Parental burnout. Parental burnout is the result of constant, unrelenting parenting demands without adequate support or breaks.

 

00;01;33;19 – 00;01;55;27

Dr. Mona

And let me tell you, I’ve lived it, and I know many of you may be living it now or have. Burnout can be especially common in those early years when babies and toddlers developmentally demands so much from us. But it can also show up more often when you have a child with medical, developmental, or behavioral needs. You’re navigating parenting without a village, so no nearby family or consistent help or friends.

 

00;01;55;29 – 00;02;17;16

Dr. Mona

You’re balancing a high demand job with home life. You’re a stay at home parent doing invisible labor 24 seven. You’re solo parenting due to deployment, divorce, or work travel or you’re constantly carrying the mental load without shared responsibility. During the pandemic, both my husband and I were on the frontlines in demanding health care job. Our son was constantly sick from group childcare, which was our lifeline.

 

00;02;17;22 – 00;02;40;12

Dr. Mona

We had no help, no family nearby, no community, and it was a pandemic. We were just trying to keep our heads above water. That burnout season is one I’ll never forget and for me, it eventually tipped into depression. Which is why this conversation is so important. Because sometimes it’s stress, sometimes it’s burnout, and sometimes it’s more. Knowing the signs and knowing what to do next, that’s everything.

 

00;02;40;15 – 00;03;02;26

Dr. Mona

So I’m incredibly grateful to have doctor Flora Sinha joining me today. She’s a physician and mindset coach who shares both clinical insight and real world strategies to help us not just survive parenting, but actually feel like ourselves again. If this conversation resonates, make sure to subscribe. Download and share it with someone you love. We are not meant to parent through burnout alone and this episode will resonate with so many.

 

00;03;03;03 – 00;03;08;28

Dr. Mona

Let’s get into it.

 

00;03;09;01 – 00;03;11;19

Dr. Mona

Thank you so much for joining me today.

 

00;03;11;22 – 00;03;14;23

Dr. Flora Sinha

Thank you, Mona, for having me. I’m really excited to be here.

 

00;03;14;27 – 00;03;37;27

Dr. Mona

I am so excited. We are connecting after finally meeting in person at the Pinnacle Conference last year, 2024. I’m already losing track of yours. This has been such a great, you know, connection. Obviously, you are a physician by training. You have a passion for doing more than just being a physician. You’re taking all the things that you see and having a passion for mindset coaching and on your Instagram.

 

00;03;38;04 – 00;03;49;00

Dr. Mona

Doctor florescent, which I will be attaching. And also on your podcast, you are bringing in so much more that people can be healthier versions of themselves, body and mind. And so I really appreciate the work that you’re doing.

 

00;03;49;03 – 00;04;03;20

Dr. Flora Sinha

Absolutely. This is my purpose, and it’s something that I apply to not only my own patients, but, realize that you don’t have to see a medical doctor to build on yourself and, and, approach your self-growth journey in the way we’re doing now.

 

00;04;03;23 – 00;04;18;29

Dr. Mona

And it’s so important. I know we’re talking about how this applies to parenting burnout. And I know you focus on not just parenting, but also just burnout in general. And why it’s so important to me is that it connects, right? Obviously, if you’re burnt out at work, it’s going to show up in parenting. If you’re burnt out as a parent, it’s going to show up in your work.

 

00;04;18;29 – 00;04;25;16

Dr. Mona

So what would be something that you hope our listeners get from today by the end of the episode?

 

00;04;25;18 – 00;05;00;23

Dr. Flora Sinha

Yeah. I just want your listeners to have faith and know that there are science backed, proven strategies that they can use and build upon to not only prevent, but beat burnout. I think as parents, sometimes we faced this sense of like loss of identity when we become parents. And by giving back to yourself and whatever ways which we will talk about during this episode and making these small, habitual changes, you can not only survive as a parent, but you can thrive as an individual as well.

 

00;05;00;23 – 00;05;02;14

Dr. Flora Sinha

And they both go hand in hand.

 

00;05;02;16 – 00;05;19;18

Dr. Mona

Oh, I completely agree with that. And that loss of identity, that loss of time, the things that you may have loved, those all impact how we could show up. And I know, you know, I’ve been on your podcast talking about this as well. It’s so key so that we can have all parts of our life live together in harmony versus trying to create friction between all of it.

 

00;05;19;20 – 00;05;31;05

Dr. Mona

What does parenting burnout look like, and how can parents differentiate between normal exhaustion, which we all have at the end of the day, or a true burnout?

 

00;05;31;07 – 00;05;55;27

Dr. Flora Sinha

Right. Okay. So tiredness is temporary. Exhaustion to a certain point is temporary. So for example, if your kid is going through a sleep regression or if you’re in the season of newborn life, you’re a sleep deprived, you’re having rough nights. For the most part. Most of us can rally through the day with that extra cup of coffee, a nap.

 

00;05;56;00 – 00;06;24;03

Dr. Flora Sinha

Maybe that might take a couple of days to kind of prioritize yourself, and then you’re back to your baseline, ready to go. Now, burnout is very different. Burnout is a chronic state of physical, mental, emotional exhaustion that is caused by prolonged periods of stress, prolonged periods of not being or feeling supported, and really just putting yourself last for a very long time.

 

00;06;24;09 – 00;06;55;12

Dr. Flora Sinha

It doesn’t go away with just a simple cup of coffee, a good night’s rest, a week long vacation. Because if you are coming back to the same scenario, the same events, the same triggering things, you’re going to go back to your burnout journey. So burnout is this sense of dread that you feel for routine activities. So going to support your kid at their soccer game or just routine pick up and drop offs to school, and you’ve lost the sense of joy in these mundane things.

 

00;06;55;12 – 00;07;27;11

Dr. Flora Sinha

Like, we don’t normally wake up being like, I can’t wait to take my kid to school today. Yeah, but it is something that we’re not dreading to a certain extent. And the solution to burnout requires a deeper change from within. So building boundaries, improving on your communication styles, learning how to seek support, delegate if you have the ability to delegate, and then really reevaluating your expectations on yourself and practicing those mindset shifts and building upon that to gain balance.

 

00;07;27;12 – 00;07;50;17

Dr. Flora Sinha

So if tiredness is like, oh, my car is running low on gas, and I have to figure out the logistics behind the time to go to the Costco gas station, wait in the Costco light, fill up gas, and then move forward. That’s what tiredness is. Burnout is your tank is empty. You’re stuck on the side of the road.

 

00;07;50;17 – 00;08;10;13

Dr. Flora Sinha

And oh, by the way, you haven’t been keeping up with, like, the upkeep of your car and your engine’s about to break down. So, yeah, your car is going to have to get towed to the shop. It’s going to probably spend a week there. Not only does it need gas, but it needs internal work. And then when you get your car back, you have to keep up with filling it up with gas recharging.

 

00;08;10;13 – 00;08;19;13

Dr. Flora Sinha

And if you have an electric car like I do, and keeping up with maintenance so you prevent that burnout. So that’s kind of the the overall difference between the two.

 

00;08;19;16 – 00;08;45;08

Dr. Mona

I am a fan of analogies, especially when it has to do with cars. Can you tell me why? I think like the car analogy, if we can get a car analogy for everything, it’s so tangible because everyone has either had a car, has been in a car, and I love that. And I think, I think that really conceptualized the main difference because the, you know, the perseverance of it, the fact that it’s more permanent, that it feels like you, you have to get back to something.

 

00;08;45;08 – 00;09;03;08

Dr. Mona

And I love that you talked about when you get back that car, you got to maintain and upkeep. And that is why you can fall deeper into the burnout if you are just treating it like, okay, well, this is not anything that I have to be aware of now. I guess my biggest question is where is that fine line between is this burnout?

 

00;09;03;08 – 00;09;24;07

Dr. Mona

But is this like a depression anxiety situation? Like a true. Yeah. Like, is it a true mental health or is it burnout? Because I know I have been in situations in my life where I was burnt out, but then I definitely also had those same feelings right? Like the detachment, the overwhelm, the dreading of regular activities. And it was more that I had depression.

 

00;09;24;07 – 00;09;45;19

Dr. Mona

So how would you describe that to the listener who’s like, well, is this the burnout? And I can do the strategies that we talk about? Or is this something that I need to kind of think about? Oh, it’s something that is more elevated than this. Now let’s take a quick break to hear from our sponsors who support helps us keep bringing you this show.

 

00;09;45;22 – 00;10;06;08

Dr. Flora Sinha

Yeah. So speaking from personal experience, I do have major depressive disorder, and I was I’m trying to go to therapy, and I do all the things I’ve also experienced burnout. So burnout is reversible to a certain extent. So is depression. Let me just say that. But depression is more persistent. Depression seeps into every aspect of your life.

 

00;10;06;10 – 00;10;26;23

Dr. Flora Sinha

The fact that you can’t be driven to better yourself in one way or the other, the the from seeking, from personal experience. There was a point in time where thinking about my child and my husband did not take me out of the mindset that I did not want to be here. Yeah, that is a telltale sign of depression.

 

00;10;26;23 – 00;10;49;19

Dr. Flora Sinha

Now, on the flip side, high functioning depression and anxiety is a subset under that, meaning you’re killing it at work. You are being productive, you are maintaining the household, but you’re not content. There’s a gut instinct, that internal feeling that you’re not happy and it’s not being reversed. Now, sometimes it does take a little bit of trial and error, right?

 

00;10;49;20 – 00;11;17;26

Dr. Flora Sinha

Is this burnout? Is this depression? Is it both? And after, you know, giving it giving after putting yourself up on your priority list, giving yourself time to make sure that you are engaging in burnout prevention activities if that doesn’t improve your quality of life, if that doesn’t improve your mood, your sense of self, then it may be time to talk to a clinician.

 

00;11;17;26 – 00;11;41;07

Dr. Flora Sinha

Go to your primary care doctor and seek an objective opinion. I think that would always help and I think they would also help you differentiate. Hey, is this burnout? You really just need to take a break and work into more preventative care, action items or do we need more resources? A therapist, maybe medication, and this is going to take more time.

 

00;11;41;10 – 00;11;53;10

Dr. Mona

I love that because I have had burnout from being a full time clinician. And like you just said perfectly that the burnout it was at that point, it wasn’t depression because I could leave the burnout. When I left work, I was like.

 

00;11;53;13 – 00;11;54;05

Dr. Flora Sinha

Oh yes.

 

00;11;54;05 – 00;12;12;09

Dr. Mona

I got to release myself. It’s like there was a space where it wasn’t going into the other aspects of my, like, life, like you mentioned, and it was the dread of going back into the workplace, but it wasn’t dread of leaving. It was counting down the hours of, okay, when do I get to go home? But when I was home, I wasn’t sad.

 

00;12;12;09 – 00;12;29;07

Dr. Mona

I wasn’t having any issues doing the Daily Livings, which I think is what what is so beautifully the difference here, right, is like with parenting burnout, you’re doing everything, but it’s the parent that the the day in and day out of all the parenting tasks, all of that you just feel. Yeah. Oh my gosh again or why this?

 

00;12;29;07 – 00;12;39;10

Dr. Mona

Why am I having to do these drop offs all the time? And that feeling is more persistent than it is temporary because we’ve all, like you said, had that moment where I think probably yesterday I was like, I don’t want to do drop off today, like.

 

00;12;39;14 – 00;12;41;17

Dr. Flora Sinha

Just waiting in the valley, like.

 

00;12;41;18 – 00;12;45;26

Dr. Mona

Just in bed, like I don’t want to do it. But yeah, it’s it’s not a.

 

00;12;45;26 – 00;12;46;12

Dr. Flora Sinha

Temporary.

 

00;12;46;12 – 00;13;03;19

Dr. Mona

Thing. It’s not burnout. But I have had burnout. I have had depression. And I love the way you’re explaining the differences. And also advocating for obviously mental health resources, which we both would, given that we’re both physicians ourselves who both care about the sort of mindset and mental health stuff. So thank you for that delineation.

 

00;13;03;22 – 00;13;24;21

Dr. Flora Sinha

Of course. And I think it’s really important to add, as parents that it doesn’t make us weaker to ask for help. It doesn’t make us less than to delegate simple tasks like, look, I don’t like laundry, I will do the laundry, but folding, putting it away, I don’t know why, it’s just done. It doesn’t bring me joy right?

 

00;13;24;24 – 00;13;27;21

Dr. Flora Sinha

I delegate it out and it’s okay. Sorry. Can I curse on you?

 

00;13;27;21 – 00;13;32;16

Dr. Mona

Yeah, yeah, that’s what I do after. Sorry. Yeah.

 

00;13;32;18 – 00;13;54;03

Dr. Flora Sinha

I delegate that out again. Did my mom do it 24 hours a day? Right? She was a stay at home mom raising three kids, which I think is one of the hardest jobs in the world and the most undervalued jobs. Yeah. And growing up, seeing all of that definitely in the beginning put guilt. I put guilt and shame on myself.

 

00;13;54;03 – 00;14;18;01

Dr. Flora Sinha

Like, oh, I saw it being done by the mother, right? The mother, if it was my grandma, someone, some maternal figure in my household. Ergo, I should be doing it all to working, cooking, cleaning, maintaining. But look, unrealistic expectations are going to set you up for failure. So let go a little bit. It’s going to take some time and consistency and persistence.

 

00;14;18;01 – 00;14;23;09

Dr. Flora Sinha

But let go a little bit about the guilt, the shame and prioritize yourself. Put yourself on that list.

 

00;14;23;12 – 00;14;35;24

Dr. Mona

Oh I love that. And I think we’ll get into more of that and how that can obviously combat burnout. And what are, in your mind, the most common contributors to parenting burnout, and how do societal expectations play a role in that?

 

00;14;35;27 – 00;15;06;08

Dr. Flora Sinha

Yeah, I think they go hand in hand. Really. First and foremost, the unrealistic expectations and this idea of perfectionism, which I think from a society standpoint, links to social media, even if you are passively engaging. And we’ve all seen these reels, right, of like this, like beautifully, perfectly clean kitchen and like this perfectly organized refrigerator and like the Asmr stuff where they’re like clicking things into place and organizing it.

 

00;15;06;10 – 00;15;07;17

Dr. Mona

Oh, that sounds good though I love it.

 

00;15;07;22 – 00;15;09;25

Dr. Flora Sinha

Oh, I love it. Don’t get me.

 

00;15;09;25 – 00;15;14;02

Dr. Mona

Wrong, but it’s like a lot of work to make that video. And it’s absolutely.

 

00;15;14;05 – 00;15;41;25

Dr. Flora Sinha

Yes. And that’s like a 32nd snapshot, an edited snapshot. But just to say that I think subconsciously that also puts in a lot of on a lot of pressure on ourselves, on how we should be presenting ourselves as parents, how we should be presenting ourselves in society and school. You know, those reels where, you know, the perfect looking moms walking in for drop off and then we got like the mom with like, the coffee and the hairnet and their robe, robe.

 

00;15;42;01 – 00;16;10;11

Dr. Flora Sinha

They’re both moms. Okay. Yeah. We just, you know, overall labels, they’re both parents going in to drop off their children regardless of how they look like. So this unrealistic expectation of perfectionism is automatically setting us up for failure. There is no such thing. We are not robots. We are humans. And we need to treat ourselves as so and and neglecting our own needs to aim for perfection.

 

00;16;10;14 – 00;16;42;29

Dr. Flora Sinha

We’re setting ourselves up for failure and that leads to disappointment and burnout, right? Because we’re trying to do everything all at once. I think the second thing in this kind of along, it goes hand in hand, the emotional labor that regardless of what role you play in your family as let’s go by stereotype, right. Gendered norms, gendered norms, moms are seen as the caregiver, as the, household managers, as the default decision makers.

 

00;16;42;29 – 00;17;13;00

Dr. Flora Sinha

I can’t tell you the amount of times that I’ve gotten emails just to me from school, when both my husband and I are on the contact list. And then on the flip side, the, fathers of the household, again, all stereotypical. We get this unneeded pressure to provide and also be emotionally available. Like we can’t be all the things to everyone all the time.

 

00;17;13;05 – 00;17;33;24

Dr. Flora Sinha

Yeah. And so cutting ourselves some slack and making our own box, we I think we all grew up with these, checklists and these check boxes that we need to fulfill in order to seek and be content and be happy. And as you know, we go through life, obviously, we are making our own check boxes, so don’t forget to do that.

 

00;17;34;00 – 00;18;13;16

Dr. Flora Sinha

As a parent. It’s not a one size fits all and content and satisfaction looks different for everybody. And I think the third thing is, the structure or the lack of structural support in our society. Parenting can feel very isolating. But when you add on, inadequate leave policies, expensive childcare, limited access to mental health resources or stigma against it, it really does put this crazy amount of pressure on all of us as parents to do all the things, but we do need support.

 

00;18;13;16 – 00;18;23;10

Dr. Flora Sinha

And I think, again, that’s more on a macro level, and we have a lot of work to do on that. But there are ways to work within the system that we have been living in.

 

00;18;23;12 – 00;18;39;10

Dr. Mona

I love, you know, what you said about social, social media and our ability to peer into the lives of everyone, and I don’t I obviously am very organic on my social. I don’t sugarcoat anything. I don’t put things away that are around my house. And the amount of times people messaged me like, thank you for showing a lived in home.

 

00;18;39;15 – 00;18;52;15

Dr. Mona

And I’m like, what? Like in my head I’m like, what you want me to do? I’m not going to clean for you guys when I pull. Like, I don’t even clean for guests. So, no, but it’s because I have two small children, and, I mean, I grew up in a house that everything was put away, and that’s kind of what it was.

 

00;18;52;15 – 00;19;09;00

Dr. Mona

But I love having a lived in home. And, you know, that means like, a bunch of random assortment of items on our coffee table, right? Or toys that are just kind of stone strewn about, like, and I don’t clean until the weekend’s over, you know? And yes, our children help, you know, Ryan helps me clean sometimes. And at the end of the, the end of the day.

 

00;19;09;00 – 00;19;28;22

Dr. Mona

But there’s some things that we just leave out because it’s just cause we’re using it all the time. And I want to get so many of those messages repetitively. I’m like, wow, you are probably I don’t know who you’re following, but like, if that is what you’re not seeing, that is very problematic. And I love that you brought up the the conversation about how there’s two moms, right?

 

00;19;28;22 – 00;19;45;01

Dr. Mona

There’s a mom that may dress up nice, and there’s a mom that may wear the hair up in a pony and like, you know, have a coffee mug. And both of them are moms. And so I’m never here to say that the mom who likes to dress up is any that she shouldn’t do that. Right. And I think that’s also, you know, some people just like to dress up and that’s what brings them joy.

 

00;19;45;01 – 00;20;07;28

Dr. Mona

And it’s not because they’re doing it for anybody else, but they like it for themselves. Amazing. But I always want us to be looking at the intention of all of the things we’re doing. Are we doing it because it’s something that I want to do, or are we doing it because I think I should be doing it? And my my thing is like, if you couldn’t if you were doing something and you couldn’t talk about it or post on social media, would you still do that?

 

00;20;08;00 – 00;20;27;01

Dr. Mona

So if you couldn’t, if you dressed up for the morning but you couldn’t show anyone what you’re wearing, and if you couldn’t tell anyone what you wore, would you still dress up? Because then you’re no, you’re doing it for yourself and you’re not doing it for anybody else. And that mantra has really helped for me so that I’m not living a life of anybody else’s.

 

00;20;27;01 – 00;20;32;01

Dr. Mona

But if I’m not going to, like, I’m not going to clean because I’m not going to clean right now. And that’s what I mean. Yeah.

 

00;20;32;03 – 00;20;50;23

Dr. Flora Sinha

Yeah, that’s a really good test, actually, when it comes to how you present yourself. I have struggled with the opposite. So for all of the followers who have DM’d you saying, oh my gosh, thank you for showing a lived in home. I don’t like a lived in home for myself. I don’t want my home to look like it’s been staged, right?

 

00;20;50;23 – 00;20;53;04

Dr. Flora Sinha

Ready to sell, which is completely unrealistic.

 

00;20;53;04 – 00;20;54;05

Dr. Mona

But yes, I had.

 

00;20;54;05 – 00;21;33;07

Dr. Flora Sinha

To undo that because I also grew up where things had to be in order all the time. Regardless, I had to undo that in practice. Right? We’re talking about mindset shifts as parents. When I became a parent and I had a toddler and I was working full time, and I had a very busy husband who was also working full time, we didn’t have help for me to put that kind of pressure on myself in order to have a clean everything, yeah, was unfair to me, was unfair to my husband, and also unfair to the toddler who, you know, doesn’t have the development at that point in time to clean on her own.

 

00;21;33;10 – 00;21;55;16

Dr. Flora Sinha

Yes. So I had to unlearn and undo and practice. I literally, at one point in time would look at the kitchen and know the sink wasn’t clean. Yes, there were dirty dishes from dinner, the kitchen or the stove top was, you know, still had dried pieces of food. And I remember talking to myself saying, Flora, you are exhausted.

 

00;21;55;18 – 00;22;19;07

Dr. Flora Sinha

You just put Gia down. You have to get up at five in the morning the next day and do this all over again. See 20 plus patients in clinic, the Los Angeles commute, and then do all of this again with put dinner on the table and get the kid to bed. And then who knows when your husband’s coming home because he’s in fellowship and on call and has a very unrealistic and unexpected schedule.

 

00;22;19;09 – 00;22;47;14

Dr. Flora Sinha

I remember saying, I am choosing to choose sleep, yes for myself and rest and recharge instead of perfection. And that took me some time to let go of. And I also am very, you know, transparent online. I don’t sugarcoat things because that’s not human, that’s not normal. But it’s just funny saying that, that I have to practice undoing and unlearning and letting go.

 

00;22;47;14 – 00;22;51;14

Dr. Flora Sinha

It does take some time.

 

00;22;51;16 – 00;23;12;15

Dr. Mona

Now let’s take a quick break to hear from our sponsors who support helps us keep bringing you this show. Oh! Oh, absolutely. And I love that you shared the opposite and The Undoing because yes, I don’t share. I my kitchen is always clean like meaning after every meal the dishes are done. And that is because I don’t like the smell of caked up food in the sink.

 

00;23;12;18 – 00;23;27;28

Dr. Mona

So I may show pictures of my, my empty my messy coffee table. But for everyone, my it is my fault that I don’t. I don’t mind it because like Flora said, it’s something very important that the dishes have to be done after every meal, or at least at the end of the day, like we have never.

 

00;23;27;28 – 00;23;28;25

Dr. Flora Sinha

Maybe once.

 

00;23;29;01 – 00;23;50;05

Dr. Mona

Have we gone. And then also ants, right? Like, I don’t want ants to come in. I’m like, yeah, so it’s more than, it’s more than than that. But yeah, I will say the toys are the one area. Now I’m into some practical strategies. So what are some practical, maybe science backed strategies that parents can use to shift from just surviving to thriving in their parenting journey and combating burnout?

 

00;23;50;07 – 00;24;20;05

Dr. Flora Sinha

I think the most undervalued and overlooked thing is the ability to take and build in micro breaks. So when we think about breaks, we talk about them in a macro level vacations, spa days, a girls night out to a parents night out. But and those are all needed. Don’t get me wrong. Right. But to work, work, work work work to the point of burnout until those periods of time is not what we’re trying to do.

 

00;24;20;05 – 00;24;29;09

Dr. Flora Sinha

We’re trying to prevent. So we can enjoy those vacations, not only use it to reset, recharge, and go back to the same environment that caused the burnout in the first place.

 

00;24;29;11 – 00;24;37;09

Dr. Mona

The escape of reality, right? Like I my new yeah, like I just need to escape. I’m like, but that’s what we do to not have to escape our reality because that’s a reality.

 

00;24;37;16 – 00;24;39;05

Dr. Flora Sinha

Yeah, absolutely.

 

00;24;39;05 – 00;24;42;23

Dr. Mona

Like we need to live that life. Like we can’t always go into that. Yeah.

 

00;24;42;24 – 00;25;12;24

Dr. Flora Sinha

100%. You’re still going back to the same triggers. And there is research on Co regulation. So you know our children mirror our angst. They mirror our satisfaction our contentment our calmness. So if we are if we build that ability to regulate our system, our kids will follow. And so these micro breaks can be anything from 3 to 15 minute breaks that are built in throughout your day.

 

00;25;12;26 – 00;25;43;15

Dr. Flora Sinha

And during those breaks, you are performing tasks that are resetting or recharging your nervous system. So, for example, on my clinic days, I’m seeing patients back to back. I have a built in break of a 40 minute lunch time where it gives me time to eat, but it also gives me time. Well, it took me, what, ten minutes to to chow down my food, but it also takes me or it gives me some time to remove myself from my workspace, my desk, my tech, and go outside and walk.

 

00;25;43;21 – 00;26;08;09

Dr. Flora Sinha

I get movement and sometimes I just put on my noise canceling headphones. There is no sound, no story, no podcasts, no music, and I’m literally just walking and breathing, even if it’s as little as ten minutes. Because sometimes our clinic days aren’t as predictable. Now, on the days that I’m working for home, because I do have kind of a hybrid looking schedule, there could be times where I’m in my creative zone and I’m working, working, working.

 

00;26;08;09 – 00;26;32;17

Dr. Flora Sinha

And I don’t even realize that three hours have gone by and I haven’t even gotten up from the space. Not so great for mental health, maybe wonderful for productivity. Yeah, but I put on alarms on my phone. So if it’s a creative day, I’ll give myself, you know, a block of time. But if it is a day where I just need to get through tasks every 60 minutes, I put on a timer and I give myself five minutes.

 

00;26;32;20 – 00;26;55;06

Dr. Flora Sinha

If it’s doing box breathing to kind of regulate my heart rate, if it is doing a guided meditation, just put it on an an app. Even if it’s going downstairs, downstairs and walking around in circles, if the weather isn’t so great outside or playing with my dog, anything to remove yourself, give yourself a brain. Break it. Those are so, so important and it can look like anything.

 

00;26;55;11 – 00;27;22;29

Dr. Flora Sinha

It depending on what works for you and what your work schedule is like. I had a client who, only worked from home and she lived on the East coast, so weather was sometimes a little unpredictable. But every single day she would have two five minute breaks built in, and she would walk on out to her driveway and put her hands up and take three big, deep breaths, regardless of the weather, and walk back in that for her.

 

00;27;23;01 – 00;27;44;16

Dr. Flora Sinha

You know, that sounds so simple, right? It takes five minutes to maybe put on a jacket, go outside, breathe for a couple minutes, come back in and get right back to work so it doesn’t have to be super complicated. It doesn’t have to be expensive, and it does not have to be time consuming. And I promise you, those 5 to 15 minute breaks will increase your productivity and prevent burnout.

 

00;27;44;18 – 00;28;02;01

Dr. Mona

Like going back to your analogy about the car, right? I mean, you are maintaining the car. You are giving yourself a little oil, you know, oil checks, filling the gas. You know, all the things that can give you that sort of impetus to keep going. And I remember when I was in the burnout phase and having to do drop off and pick up for Ryan without any help, right?

 

00;28;02;01 – 00;28;25;29

Dr. Mona

I mean, my husband was this is like in the middle of Omicron of the pandemic. Oh, Jesus was sick and he was working so much. And I remember, like, I would actually pick up my son the last possible time, and not because one I was rushing to get out, but because I just wanted to sit in my car for about ten minutes and just listen to meditation or music and like, I would put away my phone and just like, close my eyes.

 

00;28;25;29 – 00;28;39;08

Dr. Mona

And I would put the alarm on so I wouldn’t fall asleep and I would just listen. But I would park my car outside of his daycare pickup or childcare pick up, and I would do that. And I, you know, that’s why when I see some reels about like, oh, like the parent who was the last one to pick up on like sometimes they may need that.

 

00;28;39;08 – 00;28;58;25

Dr. Mona

Like they may need to be the last one. And that’s again, going back to your commentary about not judging yourself and understanding that that’s normal, that you need that. And if those I love it, micro breaks, micro moments give you the ability to then enter that daycare or childcare facility and be there and mentally present for your child you are building your resiliency capacity and I love that.

 

00;28;58;25 – 00;29;05;17

Dr. Mona

I love that we are, you know, as a physician yourself, focusing on prevention, I mean, that is what the grand.

 

00;29;05;19 – 00;29;19;24

Dr. Flora Sinha

Jury care doctors preventative care is my love language. Why do we have to wait till we’re feeling at the end of our limit? Why do we wait for disease when we do have this to prevent? So that goes for parents as well.

 

00;29;19;27 – 00;29;40;24

Dr. Mona

And I was going to ask you, but I think you already answered, like, you know, self-care and all the things that we’re talking about can feel like another task, right? In our never ending to do list. And you already gave some really great ideas on how to like set timers and incorporate this into our life. Is there any way, any other tips you have on parents who are like, well, how do I incorporate this quote unquote self-care in a realistic and meaningful way?

 

00;29;40;26 – 00;30;05;14

Dr. Flora Sinha

Yeah, and you’re right. Self-care can look so different for so many people, right? I have my traditional self-care activities built in. I have my monthly massages built in. I have my exercise periods of exercise. I wake up in the morning, I move my body in whatever capacity I can. And I focus on my nutrition. Those are kind of those macro level of, levels of self-care.

 

00;30;05;17 – 00;30;35;16

Dr. Flora Sinha

But, these habits can only be formed if your inner voice is fixed. And what I mean by that is, most of us talk so harshly to ourselves, we judge ourselves. And that negative inner voice can take over and dictate your actions and your decisions. Yeah. So I always advise all of my clients, my coaching clients, to name their negative inner voice because what that negative voice is saying is not truth to a certain extent.

 

00;30;35;16 – 00;31;00;28

Dr. Flora Sinha

We all have negative voices to protect ourselves. So we aren’t, you know, we don’t become narcissistic humans. But in order to prevent that spiral that happens from that negative voice, we do need to speak kinder to ourselves. So my negative voice is named Bella E Villa is a total be like, she’s always judging me. Oh, it’s making me feel guilty.

 

00;31;00;28 – 00;31;02;15

Dr. Mona

Yeah, but.

 

00;31;02;17 – 00;31;26;22

Dr. Flora Sinha

Through affirming and through again separating what E Villa is saying to logic, to truth, to facts and maybe removing a little more emotion really helped me let go of the guilt that it takes to engage in micro breaks or those macro breaks, and truly put myself up on my own priority list and then see the benefits of it.

 

00;31;26;22 – 00;31;50;25

Dr. Flora Sinha

Right? I am a better physician. I am a better partner. I am a better mom because I am regulated, and so I’m not swinging from one end of the spectrum to the other, another quickly. Another thing that I really, would advise is learn how to come back to your middle ground. So and this is what you know, coaching is all about when it comes to mindset shift.

 

00;31;50;27 – 00;32;28;26

Dr. Flora Sinha

It’s important to feel your feelings right. If something not so great happens. Were upset. Were angry. Where feeling shameful? Guilty. All those negative emotions. If something wonderful happens, were excited, elated, joyful. But if we’re living here, we’re just swinging like a pendulum back and forth. That is exhausting. That is draining. So feel what you need to feel. But do those self-care steps right, whether it’s micro breaks or vacations or whatever, and bring yourself back to your middle ground so you can get ready for the next thing that life is going to throw at you, because that is inevitable.

 

00;32;28;26 – 00;32;31;08

Dr. Flora Sinha

That’s we can’t change that.

 

00;32;31;10 – 00;32;47;04

Dr. Mona

Such great tips, and I’m so glad you’re here and not in Avila today. I’m really happy about that. I don’t know what kind of podcast this would have been if she was here. You know, people have been like, who is this? Be coming on here and giving all this advice. I love it. Okay, my final couple questions for you.

 

00;32;47;06 – 00;33;04;22

Dr. Mona

One of the hardest things, you know, and I know you do a lot of work on this is figuring out how parents, how we can set boundaries, and especially how we can ask for help without feeling guilt or fear of judgment. Because I do believe, like you said, societal pressure, all the expectations we have, all the things that you mentioned at the beginning hold us back.

 

00;33;04;22 – 00;33;09;22

Dr. Mona

So what would you say for someone who struggles to ask for help if they have those resources?

 

00;33;09;24 – 00;33;32;05

Dr. Flora Sinha

Yeah. Kind of going back to my previous answer, reframe that negative inner voice. You are not holding boundaries because you have not been taught how to hold boundaries. If you’ve been taught how to hold boundaries, you were still not holding them because of guilt and shame and fear of judgment. So I like again to reframe, be in touch with yourself.

 

00;33;32;08 – 00;33;56;05

Dr. Flora Sinha

Figure out what you’re feeling when you’re trying to hold boundaries physically, mentally, emotionally. Are your shoulders tensing up? Is your heart beating faster? Are you sweating? Are you feeling nervous? Or is that bitch look coming back into your brain? And is she speaking unkindly to you? And if so, those are things that you must work on. And please repeat this month or with me.

 

00;33;56;05 – 00;34;28;02

Dr. Flora Sinha

Boundaries are not selfish. Boundaries are self-care. They’re all these acts of boundaries are not to put walls up. They are invisible lines to guide you on how to react according to how other people are treating you. Yeah. So boundaries are for you, not for anybody else. And so it’s really important to reframe your mindset, reframe that inner voice in order to hold those boundaries.

 

00;34;28;06 – 00;34;55;12

Dr. Flora Sinha

And I also want to add that boundaries may not always be perfect. They look different for everybody in different scenarios. There may be some trial and error, some boundaries may not go so greatly, and that’s just a sign to pivot and adapt and be flexible. But tone matters. Verbiage matters. When holding boundaries. You need to keep them short, concise, to the point with compassion not only for yourself, but with who you’re holding boundaries with.

 

00;34;55;15 – 00;35;11;08

Dr. Mona

And you’re right. So much of it comes from our own feelings of judgment or our own feelings of, oh, I got to do this all, or I have to be this for everybody. And I love that you brought that up earlier about one of your one of my favorite quotes so far from this episode was, you can’t be everything for everybody at the same time, right?

 

00;35;11;08 – 00;35;27;27

Dr. Mona

It’s not feasible. It’s not possible. And I think that’s why so many of us burn out, whether we are early in the parenting journey, whether you are working outside the home, is that sort of I got to do it all for everybody and I got to do it perfect for everybody. And we just can’t. We only have a certain number of hours in a day.

 

00;35;27;27 – 00;35;42;17

Dr. Mona

And also going back to what you mentioned about the comparison, when we look at people on social and we think, well, they’re doing it all, always remember that they’re only showing you what they’re doing. They’re not showing you the help they may have. They’re not showing you all the things they’re not doing. So your brain is thinking, everyone’s doing everything.

 

00;35;42;17 – 00;36;00;28

Dr. Mona

And I’m just sitting here on social. No, like, not everyone’s doing everything. And I, I want people to realize the reality of social and reality of human nature. And I think you really did a wonderful job bringing that together. What would be your final message for everyone listening, especially for that listener who’s like, what would be my next step now going for it?

 

00;36;00;29 – 00;36;09;01

Dr. Mona

Like when I when I’m done with this episode, I should do X, Y, and Z now to help me manage my burnout or prevent it from happening in the first place.

 

00;36;09;01 – 00;36;33;12

Dr. Flora Sinha

Yeah. So I want everyone to know out there that you can start preventing burnout. No matter what season in life you’re in. It’s gonna look different depending on what season. My newborn mamas, my newborn parents are going to be a little bit different versus, you know, I have a tween on my hands and my boundaries, and my burnout prevention looks very different with her.

 

00;36;33;14 – 00;36;56;21

Dr. Flora Sinha

But just know that small or starting small is is progress. Start small. Do something very tiny. If it is. Hey, I need five minutes to do some deep breathing, and I’m going to make this a goal to do this. Five minutes, five days a week. Again, we’re not perfect, right? We don’t have to go for seven. Start with five.

 

00;36;56;21 – 00;37;20;28

Dr. Flora Sinha

I’m going to put in a reminder on my calendar. I’m going to block out time. Do that for 3 to 4 weeks. Habits take time. None of this is going to be, a done tomorrow and conquered tomorrow. Start really, really small and build on them. So keep track of your progress. You know, put your schedule, put it on your schedule, block out five minutes, do some deep breathing or box breathing after three weeks.

 

00;37;20;28 – 00;37;44;08

Dr. Flora Sinha

If you’ve done the five days for five minutes, then build on top of that. Add on another five minute micro break. It it and if you need help with this, I’m a coach. I’m here. I’m taking new clients. But these teeny tiny things you absolutely can incorporate into your everyday life, it does not have to be this major, overwhelming overhaul of your life.

 

00;37;44;11 – 00;37;48;20

Dr. Flora Sinha

Small habits and building upon them can make really big macro changes.

 

00;37;48;27 – 00;38;07;00

Dr. Mona

Yeah, and I think a lot of those little micro moments, my my goal is always to try to limit or not have a phone involved, meaning like, social media, if you want, if your micro moment is connecting really with an amazing person, like on a phone call, fine. But like trying to have those moments, like you said, in nature, maybe taking a walk, sitting in the car.

 

00;38;07;00 – 00;38;27;02

Dr. Mona

I love cars because the warmth, but also the air conditioning, like it’s. And it’s quiet. It feels so good to take a break in a car. I remember doing that a lot when I was feeling burnt out. Micro moments. But, Flora, thank you so much. Now, where can people go to stay connected, learn about you, your resources, and all the things that you have to offer in this world?

 

00;38;27;04 – 00;38;52;11

Dr. Flora Sinha

Yeah, so I’m primarily on Instagram at Doctor Flores and how that’s Dr. Flores and her on my Instagram page. I share everything related to mindset. I’m I’m also a menopause certified practitioners. I do a lot of medical education on that. I talk about boundaries, communication, all the things so you can be the best version of yourself. I also have a website, Fluorescent Heart md.com.

 

00;38;52;16 – 00;39;12;17

Dr. Flora Sinha

I also have a bunch of free resources on there. If you want to connect with me via coaching and figure out what coaching is about, I do offer free discovery calls. You can also do that through my website. And then later this year we are going to launch a YouTube channel. So you will eventually see me on YouTube as well later in 2025.

 

00;39;12;20 – 00;39;32;06

Dr. Mona

I love it! I am so glad to attach all of these resources, on our show notes and our transcripts, and you’ll be able to follow along. And I hope you this was a micro moment for you our conversation. I hope it uplifted you and I hope that you can take some of the things that we discussed and implement it so that we can really be more present for our children and ourselves.

 

00;39;32;06 – 00;39;34;10

Dr. Mona

Thank you again, Flora, for joining us today.

 

00;39;34;13 – 00;39;37;16

Dr. Flora Sinha

Thank you Mona. I appreciate you. This is a lot of fun.

 

00;39;37;19 – 00;39;54;24

Dr. Mona

And for everyone tuning in, please make sure that you subscribe. Hit that thumbs up sign if you love this conversation, add a comment. Share the video. Remember, the more you engage the more people learn about the show and we want the show to reach more people so that they can make these impactful changes to be better parents and better humans.

 

00;39;54;25 – 00;40;14;07

Dr. Mona

Thank you again and I cannot wait to chat with another guest next time. I really hope this episode helps you feel seen because burnout can be so sneaky. It can make you feel like you’re the problem, like you’re just not doing enough or not strong enough to handle it all. And maybe you’ve heard it before. We all have the same 24 hours in a day.

 

00;40;14;09 – 00;40;36;24

Dr. Mona

But when you’re a parent navigating sleep deprivation, mental load, no village, a child with extra needs, a demanding job or doing it all alone. No, we do not all have the same 24 hours. What we do have is the ability to recognize burnout, and by naming it, you can reach out to your support system, ask for help, and prevent it from spiraling into something deeper, like anxiety or depression.

 

00;40;36;26 – 00;41;00;13

Dr. Mona

That’s why this conversation matters, because when we talk about it, we take away shame. We open the door to healing. So this episode resonated with you? Sure, it posted to your stories and tag at the PedsDocTalk podcast, at PedsDocTalk, and at Doctor Flora Sinha Drop a comment in our Instagram post. I want to hear what stood out for you and please subscribe and download so you never miss an episode.

 

00;41;00;20 – 00;41;16;21

Dr. Mona

You deserve support. You deserve space. You deserve to feel like you again. And I want to be able to continue to provide these amazing episodes for you. So your subscriptions and your downloads means so much to me. Until next time, keep taking care of yourself because your mental health is your child’s foundation.