There’s more to being rich than the number in your bank account, but finances are still important. Stress around money can impact our parenting, and kids are quick to notice. How can we talk to them about budgets and responsible spending without passing down our anxiety?

 

This week, I welcome Farnoosh Torabi, a personal finance expert, to discuss how to foster open and honest conversations about money with children and help them develop a healthy relationship with finances.

 

She joins me to discuss:

• What inspired her ambition and shaped her understanding of hard work
• The importance of fostering curiosity about finances in children
• How being “rich” encompasses more than just financial status

 

To connect with Farnoosh Torabi follow her on Instagram @farnooshtorabi, check out all her resources at https://farnoosh.tv/ and listen to her podcast So Money with Farnoosh Torabi.

 

Our podcasts are also now on YouTube. If you prefer a video podcast with closed captioning, check us out there and subscribe to PedsDocTalk TV.

 

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on the PedsDocTalk Podcast Sponsorships page of the website.

00;00;00;00 – 00;00;10;01
Farnoosh Torabi
And I think for kids it’s really important at the end of the day that they feel like despite maybe some of the uncertainties that mom and dad, the parents, the caregivers have a plan.

00;00;10;03 – 00;00;10;22
Dr. Mona
Yeah.

00;00;10;24 – 00;00;38;26
Farnoosh Torabi
So when you’re sharing some of the even the harder things, also completing it with by saying, here’s what we’re going to do or here’s what I’m thinking, so they don’t feel like you’re just leaving them with a dot, dot, dot. You know, that can create a lot of anxiety. I actually wrote a column for 17 magazine during the recession, and a lot of young girls would write in with their money questions, and they had a lot of them, which the off the bat just tells you young kids they’re thinking about money.

00;00;38;29 – 00;00;50;26
Farnoosh Torabi
They see things happening in the household. They were seeing their parents get laid off. They were seeing their parents having trouble to pay the bills. It scared them, but their questions were often far. How can I help them?

00;00;50;29 – 00;01;14;08
Dr. Mona
Welcome back to the podcast. The holidays are just around the corner, and while they’re meant to be a time of joy and togetherness, they can also bring a lot of pressure, especially for parents. And there’s often this expectation to make it magical, to buy the perfect gifts and to create those picture perfect moments. And this itself can be stressful and take away the joy of this season.

00;01;14;10 – 00;01;31;28
Dr. Mona
I saw a post the other day that said, I don’t remember what I got for Christmas when I was 7 or 12, but I do remember baking cookies with my mom, family Christmas movies on the couch, playing board games, and badly singing Christmas songs. It’s in the moments, not the gifts, that mean the most. I personally believe this so strongly.

00;01;31;28 – 00;02;00;06
Dr. Mona
I believe looking at our own resources, both time and money year round is vital. This is important to reduce comparison and ultimately stress. I also recognize that Christmas may be the only time some families do do gifts, and so it’s important to remember that every family has their reasons. But speaking parent to parent, I want to remind you that your love is not defined by your ability to purchase grand toys or do grand events, or go on grand vacations.

00;02;00;08 – 00;02;23;28
Dr. Mona
Small events and experiences are equally memorable. So focus on what you are able to do with your time and money. Today on the show, we’re tackling a topic that’s on the minds of so many parents, especially with the holidays approaching, which is financial stress. As parents, we all want to provide the best for our kids, but sometimes the weight of financial pressures can feel overwhelming.

00;02;24;00 – 00;02;43;28
Dr. Mona
Whether it’s navigating grocery bills, teaching financial responsibility, or finding ways to shield our children from adult problems, it’s not easy to balance it all. In this episode, we’re joined by Furnish Torabi, who is a favorite follow of mine leading financial educator, best selling author of A Healthy State of Panic. Follow your fears to build wealth. Crush your career and Win at Life.

00;02;44;04 – 00;03;04;27
Dr. Mona
A mother and Webby winning host of the Soul Money podcast, which is a favorite in our home. Who will help us unpack these challenges? We’ll discuss practical advice for managing financial stress, how to set healthy boundaries with spending, and what to say instead of we can’t afford it. Plus, we’ll explore the mindset shifts that can help parents navigate this season with less guilt and more confidence.

00;03;05;04 – 00;03;19;20
Dr. Mona
And as a reminder, if you loved this conversation, please subscribe to the show and share this episode on social media and tag me at Pete’s Talk Talk. And at For Torabi. Let’s get to it. Thank you so much for coming on my show today for news.

00;03;19;23 – 00;03;36;29
Farnoosh Torabi
Thank you for having me. And I was just in awe of all of your work when you were on my show, getting to talk about your advice for my audience, how to navigate health care. And I love it. Motherhood, Parenthood, babyhood. Just. You’re awesome. So I’m thrilled to be here.

00;03;37;06 – 00;03;53;09
Dr. Mona
Well, the love fest is mutual, as you know. You know, I talked about that on your show. My the origin story here is that my husband is really into financial podcasts and education. So he found your show. He loves it. He’s like, I really think you and her will vibe. And I was like, okay, well we’ll see. He’s like, no Mona.

00;03;53;09 – 00;04;03;28
Dr. Mona
Like her book. And what she says, like, I feel like I’m I’m listening to you talk the way you talk. Oh, that’s the energy you have for the world. And I was like, it’s true. We’re like vibing. So we’re.

00;04;03;28 – 00;04;16;27
Farnoosh Torabi
The same. We’re two peas in a pod. You went, you went the medical route. I went to the financial route. But that’s that’s so cool. I loved I love to hear that men are listening and enjoying the show. You know, from a female perspective. That’s so cool.

00;04;17;02 – 00;04;37;13
Dr. Mona
Yeah. I mean, he was the one who introduced me to your show and who you were, and I was like, oh, yeah, this lady, is it like, I love surrounding myself. I just love surrounding myself with women who are doing this kind of stuff, you know, like wanting to, like, you know, elevate each other, elevate themselves and help each other kind of be the best version of themselves, whether it’s as a mom or whether it’s as a professional, which you do.

00;04;37;13 – 00;04;50;19
Dr. Mona
So kudos. I love it. So I think that is that is the intro love fest, because I just wanted to share that. But for anyone who’s not familiar with who you are, tell us a little bit more about yourself. You know, the work that you do and why you love doing it.

00;04;50;22 – 00;05;16;19
Farnoosh Torabi
Thank you. So I always say how I arrived at my professional life today as a financial educator. It really there’s two stories, but they they merge. You know, I grew up the daughter of Iranian immigrants. And through my parents learned consciously and unconsciously a lot about the financial world as middle Easterners, we as a culture typically, you know, I guess compared to American culture, we talk about money more.

00;05;16;19 – 00;05;43;13
Farnoosh Torabi
It’s not as taboo in the household. And so not to say all the conversations were healthy and positive, but, you know, I was I had a lot of early exposure to the money world, whether it was my dad coming home and talking about the stress at work and the potential layoffs and my mother and my father having disagreements around the budget and I sort of being around for that house hunting, there was just a lot that they took me on their journey, and I’m very grateful for it.

00;05;43;13 – 00;06;03;24
Farnoosh Torabi
I didn’t know at the time it was going to be such a, a defining moment for me, defining moments. And then as I got older and thinking about my career, I think I’ve always loved to be a storyteller. I knew that I at my core, and of course, I guess maybe again, the daughter of a middle Easterner parent, it’s always like, well, how are you going to make money?

00;06;03;24 – 00;06;34;09
Farnoosh Torabi
Like, what’s the practical side of this ambition? Maybe this is your zone of genius, but also, how are you going to get an ROI? And I realized, well, I could tell stories through the lens of, personal finance, financial freedom. So I went to journalism school after college, after getting my finance degree and coupled those two degrees to start right away, in the world of media, financial media, as a journalist pounding the pavement, telling stories across various mediums.

00;06;34;09 – 00;06;59;25
Farnoosh Torabi
So print, television and digital. I even was podcasting before podcasting was a thing, with an employer at the time. And so got a really got sort of a taste for all the different ways to storytelling. And then I got laid off in 2009, as everyone else did, and had to figure things out. And what I realized was that I wanted to continue doing what I was doing, but independently.

00;07;00;03 – 00;07;24;14
Farnoosh Torabi
Is there a world where I can be furnish, Inc., you know, and not have to be tethered to a desk that belongs to a company that I can continue to educate and tell stories and be, you know, a financial advocate for my audience, but through my own platforms. And so I started to build that out. That was now 15 years ago.

00;07;24;16 – 00;07;44;09
Farnoosh Torabi
And it’s just been a it’s a continuum. I started with, you know, a book and then and then now in my fourth book. And then I started the podcast ten years ago, and it’s just been a quite a ride. I love it. I kind of just lean into the audience where are they? How do they like to learn and then showing up for them as prescribed.

00;07;44;12 – 00;07;50;12
Dr. Mona
I love it, I love hearing people’s origin stories. And also you had to go through a lot of, you know, roller coaster moments.

00;07;50;12 – 00;07;51;14
Farnoosh Torabi
So many losing.

00;07;51;14 – 00;08;12;02
Dr. Mona
Your job. As you know, you’re speaking about financial stress. You had a family growing up who was, you know, open about all the stresses that happened. So I love this perspective. And, you know, my show is more geared towards parents, you know, parents and the stresses that they may have related to finances or child behavior. Or like, I came on your show talking about health care woes to you.

00;08;12;02 – 00;08;31;23
Dr. Mona
You know, obviously, I know you’re working with a lot of different topics, and your audience is not only dealing with parental financial stress. What are some of the common financial stresses you see parents in your community or maybe you’ve gone through and how does it evolve as a child grows? Now let’s take a break to hear from our sponsors.

00;08;31;25 – 00;08;51;00
Farnoosh Torabi
I think it’s a couple of things. One is worrying that they may pass on bad financial habits to their children. Most of us did not grow up in a home where money was a frequent topic, or even an approachable topic. I’ve heard people say, you know, I grew up with this idea that it was rude to talk about money, so I didn’t.

00;08;51;00 – 00;09;15;17
Farnoosh Torabi
And then how does that manifest? Well, now you’re an adult having to make financial decisions and not having the language, the confidence and the curiosity even to to begin those important decisions. And as parents, we may not feel so equipped to teach our kids about money for any, you know, whether it’s because we don’t feel confident or we’ve made mistakes, you know, who hasn’t?

00;09;15;17 – 00;09;47;03
Farnoosh Torabi
You know, who hasn’t been through a financial regret or two. And I want to encourage parents in that if you’re feeling that way to to say we look, you don’t have to be an expert to teach your kids about money. Simply talking about money with your kids in a casual way. You know, when your budgeting, when you’re grocery shopping, when you’re looking for a car, when you’re, paying a bill to invite them into that, and, and make it sort of, you know, like, very casual and very normal.

00;09;47;03 – 00;10;19;21
Farnoosh Torabi
You’re normalizing these financial acts, you’re bringing your kids in, and that is like, more than most kids get. You know, we are continuing to not talk about money with our children at home. And so it doesn’t have to be this built out lesson plan. It doesn’t have nothing to bring in books or videos. I mean, it’s literally just normalizing conversations and getting kids to see that money doesn’t have to be this scary, unapproachable topic that it’s a part of your life.

00;10;19;24 – 00;10;45;02
Farnoosh Torabi
So that’s one thing, just normalizing communication around money through acts, you know, whether it’s like, again, bringing your kid to the car dealership when you’re shopping for a car and explaining kind of how that works, or when you do have a, you know, some stress at work and, you know, making it age appropriate. So, you know, a five year old won’t get that, but maybe a 12 year old or a 14 year old would get that.

00;10;45;02 – 00;10;55;05
Farnoosh Torabi
And I think for kids, it’s really important at the end of the day that they feel like despite maybe some of the uncertainties that mom and dad, the parents, the caregivers have a plan.

00;10;55;07 – 00;10;55;24
Dr. Mona
Yeah.

00;10;55;26 – 00;11;24;02
Farnoosh Torabi
So when you’re sharing some of the even the harder things are also completing it with by saying, here’s what we’re going to do or here’s what I’m thinking, so they don’t feel like you’re just leaving them with a dot, dot, dot. You know, that can create a lot of anxiety. I actually wrote a column for 17 magazine during the recession, and a lot of young girls would write in with their money questions, and they had a lot of them, which the off the bat just tells you young kids they’re thinking about money.

00;11;24;03 – 00;11;45;03
Farnoosh Torabi
They see things happening in the household. They were seeing their parents get laid off. They were seeing their parents having trouble to pay the bills. It scared them, but their questions were often far. How can I help them? So your kids, once they get it to a certain age, I would say tweens, teenager. You know, we underestimate what they can handle and they can handle a lot.

00;11;45;04 – 00;12;14;09
Farnoosh Torabi
You know, you can be honest with them about what’s going on. But then coming up with a plan as a family, like, here’s how we’re going to save or here’s how I’m going to get back in the job force. And so they want to feel like there’s resolution. The other sort of grapple, that financial grapple that I think I see a lot of households have around money and with their kids is satisfying their kids needs, financial needs today and in the future and sort they’re reconciling that with their the parent’s financial needs now and in the future.

00;12;14;11 – 00;12;34;04
Farnoosh Torabi
And one of the biggest mistakes I often see parents make, and it comes from a good place or just trying their best, is they’re protecting their children’s future over their own future. They’re investing in their college savings account for their child before investing in their own retirement accounts.

00;12;34;07 – 00;12;34;19
Dr. Mona
Interesting.

00;12;34;19 – 00;13;03;19
Farnoosh Torabi
You just it’s an I I’ve heard moms and dads proudly, you know, talk about how I fully funded my child’s college education. And in the same breath, they’ll say I have no retirement plan now. Yeah. And they’re sort of basking in the glory of being able to send their kid to college, which is wonderful. And I hope everybody, if that’s what you’re one of your goals, to be able to achieve that, but not at the cost of your own financial security in the future.

00;13;03;19 – 00;13;26;12
Farnoosh Torabi
I think that at the end of the day, that’s when the parents aren’t financially secure. It there’s a ripple effect as you get to look at the sandwich generation, right? Gen X actually, now even some millennials taking care of their own kids and their parents because the parents didn’t have they prioritized their kids, probably. Right. They they didn’t have proper retirement.

00;13;26;12 – 00;13;49;28
Farnoosh Torabi
They didn’t think about, their insurance needs in retirement or their just anything because they were so wrapped up. And again, as a parent, I get that I get that it’s it’s it’s also human nature. It’s called our inability to delay gratification, wanting to sort of manage and afford what’s in front of you today and at the expense of the future.

00;13;49;28 – 00;14;19;02
Farnoosh Torabi
But we’re just not. That’s not how we’re hardwired, you know, to, to, to that emphasis, it’s it’s hard it’s hard to like get behind that because why would I, why would I want what I want now, you know, and my kids, you know, a lot of parents would throw themselves or have a bus for their kids, you know, think they’re going to, like, fund the 5 to 9 before the fall when K of course, you know, it’s a no brainer, but I want to remind parents of the terrifying reality of then they having to retire one day.

00;14;19;02 – 00;14;37;05
Farnoosh Torabi
I would love for that to happen, but can’t as they sort of put all their resources towards the kids. And I always say college, it’s it’s a huge cost. It’s crazy. I hope something changes there in the mean. You know, between now and my kids go to school, I think it’s very and that’s a whole other podcast.

00;14;37;05 – 00;14;40;02
Farnoosh Torabi
There’s like a lot of corruption there, I think, like of struggling.

00;14;40;04 – 00;14;41;02
Dr. Mona
So.

00;14;41;05 – 00;15;02;14
Farnoosh Torabi
Like my son and I were talking today, he’s like, he was our he was like, he’s an elementary school. And he’s like, why do I have to like, learn this? I said, you know, good point. You will never need to know this in real life. Whatever he was learning in math. But then, you know, I have a I have a babysitter who’s in the in high school, and she’s also like, why do I have to learn that I’m like, yeah, I don’t know.

00;15;02;14 – 00;15;16;03
Farnoosh Torabi
I think that the education is a for profit system and oh yes, keeping you in school for as long as possible, taking weird classes that don’t mean anything. At the end of the day, you know.

00;15;16;05 – 00;15;37;13
Dr. Mona
I you know, I know this is a tangent, but I’ve always told my husband that it’s all by design to promote capitalism, right? You pay the loans, you go to school, you pay the loans. You are told that this is why you do it. You get all this debt, whether it’s from whatever you do undergrad, med school, whatever you end up doing, and then you are a, you know, you end up working to pay off the debt because you’re like, this is kind of what I’m supposed to do.

00;15;37;13 – 00;15;56;13
Dr. Mona
But I agree with you. It is. That is a whole other episode. But there is a whole future that I think needs to be recalled. And I think your your comment is right that, a lot of the perception I feel around this is that parents sometimes feel by talking about these issues, like your parents did to you, like you do for your children, like the financial struggles or financial reality.

00;15;56;13 – 00;16;12;05
Dr. Mona
And bringing them into your world is that we are bringing them into adult problems a little bit prematurely. But like you said, it’s important to kind of bring it up in a developmentally appropriate way and just, you know, how I do it with my four and a half year old is when we go to the grocery store, you know, that’s where we do a lot of shopping.

00;16;12;05 – 00;16;28;23
Dr. Mona
And right now, at the time of this recording, it’s very expensive. You know, we know that groceries are very expensive. And although we could probably afford things when he asked to buy this random umbrella, though, he doesn’t really need, I say, hey sweetie, I see that you really want the umbrella, but at this point I don’t think we really need it, so we’re not going to buy it.

00;16;29;00 – 00;16;45;22
Dr. Mona
Or he wants like a sticker book. I give this example because I have means to buy him a sticker book, meaning this like sticker by number book he likes. But I also need to teach him resourcefulness that sweetie, although we can buy that I right now, I need you to finish the one you have. When you show that you finished, then we can buy it.

00;16;45;22 – 00;17;04;24
Dr. Mona
And then, as he gets older, he has a little piggy bank. Maybe allowances, like we’ll start incorporating that. But it is possible to teach with these little micro moments of like finances. And we’re really big on that because we have privilege. And I think you do like me and my husband, our physicians, we have we have money to be able to spend discretionary.

00;17;04;24 – 00;17;20;02
Dr. Mona
And that I understand completely as a privilege. You know, we’ve paid off our loans. We’ve done that. But I still want to raise a child who understands that there is hard work that goes behind making this money and that you’re not think that everything kind of handed to you, that we got to work for this. You know, Mommy and daddy are working for it.

00;17;20;02 – 00;17;35;12
Dr. Mona
Everybody is working for money right now. And it doesn’t mean that just because you want something that you’re going to get. And I think you alluded to that, right. Like I think a lot of from what I’m seeing is that parents need to differentiate between what is actually needed for your child versus what is it that they want, right.

00;17;35;12 – 00;17;52;13
Dr. Mona
Like so much of that is like, well, my kid really wanted this toy, okay. But if you can afford it, great. But even if you can’t afford it, what are we teaching them about? Instant gratification. So what we do is, like, he really wanted this toy. And I, my husband and I are on the same page. He’s like, there’s no reason he needs a random toy right now.

00;17;52;13 – 00;18;09;11
Dr. Mona
So we said, hey, look, this is a great idea for your birthday. Like, we can get it for your birthday. We can get it for Christmas because we do celebrate Christmas, but we don’t want to just keep showering and instant gratify him, because I also want to teach him that there is responsibility with our money, you know. And it’s not that you get things when you want it.

00;18;09;11 – 00;18;13;00
Dr. Mona
And even mommy and Daddy with Amazon Prime need to control ourselves sometimes.

00;18;13;00 – 00;18;13;26
Farnoosh Torabi
And say and.

00;18;13;26 – 00;18;31;07
Dr. Mona
Say there’s no instant gratification, that it’s going to take a week to get this item. Or maybe let’s go to the store so that you understand the transaction that happens when you have to pay money for things you know, rather than go online, buy it. And it’s here on a day which I think is so healthy for parents to kind of think about, even if they have the means, you know?

00;18;31;08 – 00;18;33;04
Farnoosh Torabi
Yeah, yeah. The kids are watching.

00;18;33;09 – 00;18;34;03
Dr. Mona
Yeah.

00;18;34;05 – 00;18;52;04
Farnoosh Torabi
And so much of what they learn is just from observation and we don’t even realize it. So just being conscious of that I think is an important tip. You know, you remind me of another kind of financial conundrum that I think families have, it starts young, but especially when they get a little bit older, like high school.

00;18;52;04 – 00;19;12;00
Farnoosh Torabi
And now they’re socializing more than ever, and they are sizing each other up based on the brand names and the. Did you go to this concert and what are you doing for summer camp? And I think it gets even more stressful for families, especially those that don’t have like all the income, but even those that do, you know, you have to make choices.

00;19;12;00 – 00;19;33;02
Farnoosh Torabi
It’s like to your point, one choice means not making another choice. Financial decisions carry trade offs. Yeah, and there is so much power in being able to to leave your gratification. Studies show that, you know, just waiting a little bit to get something. You’ll appreciate that item so much more, even just waiting in line for a concert.

00;19;33;04 – 00;19;55;09
Farnoosh Torabi
They have done the studies as opposed to just walking in and like getting right to your seat. There is so much to relish in those like 30 minutes, 45 minutes. There are memories created and it builds up the anticipation for the concert. And so they’ve studied people who have gone through that, and they end up actually having a better time at the concert, and they equate it to just having a little bit of distance.

00;19;55;09 – 00;19;55;25
Dr. Mona
Yes.

00;19;55;25 – 00;20;25;18
Farnoosh Torabi
And building up that anticipation. For something that you really, really want, it is invaluable. But for parents who have these tweens and teens who want for everything, and now it’s social media, TikTok. I mean, the lines at Sephora have never been longer, and most of their customers are highly unqualified to shop. They’re like, I’m sorry if you’re 11, you don’t need retina, or, you know, like, yeah, you don’t need blush and lipstick and all the things and skincare.

00;20;25;18 – 00;20;31;05
Farnoosh Torabi
I mean, like, really, you’re destroying your skin, actually, machine is at its prime right now.

00;20;31;10 – 00;20;32;10
Dr. Mona
You’re glowy.

00;20;32;12 – 00;20;55;15
Farnoosh Torabi
I want yeah, this is and I’ve talked to dermatologists about this, or, like, this is like, we all want the 11 year old 12 year old skin. For now, they’re just ruining it and stacking it, piling it with all this gunk. And, you know, capitalism’s not going to stop that. So my advice to parents there is this is a really great time to incorporate, if you haven’t yet an allowance system.

00;20;55;17 – 00;21;10;19
Farnoosh Torabi
Or of course, when they’re older to go get a job and to not just, you know, have an allowance for the sake of an allowance to make money, but to have some rules and boundaries around that to kind of give, create some friction.

00;21;10;22 – 00;21;10;27
Dr. Mona
Yeah.

00;21;10;28 – 00;21;28;26
Farnoosh Torabi
And to put a lot of these wants in their domain. And so fine. You want to go to that concert. You want to go to get those tennis lessons. You want to get that new bike. You want to get that tumbler, you know, what is it that the gosh, now it’s not cool anymore, but those water cooler.

00;21;28;26 – 00;21;32;01
Dr. Mona
Oh, the Stanley, the Stanley probably. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00;21;32;04 – 00;21;53;03
Farnoosh Torabi
Which I apparently I heard is not like the thing anymore. It’s my. Yeah, it’s the Odwalla ones now from target. But you know what I mean. And so giving them financial runway to now have to make these decisions and realize the limitations of their money, and then they will fail. They will have moments where they will regret and make mistakes.

00;21;53;06 – 00;22;22;03
Farnoosh Torabi
Let them let them fail now with their quote unquote budgets. I mean, I’ve even heard some, you know, and I don’t know about this, but take it with a grain of salt. But some families that, these are especially families of means, like a rich entrepreneur type, you know, these guys on TikTok, and they’re like, in my household, my teens, we itemize all their expenses, you know, their food, their clothing, everything that they’re my parents are taking care of.

00;22;22;05 – 00;22;41;13
Farnoosh Torabi
Now we give them that money. So like a to $1,200 a month or whatever it is, you know, and that’s like, whatever it is, I’m just making up a random number. Yeah. But now they have to go and tackle these line items on their own. And initially, of course, they’re going to run. Sure. They’re going to like, you know, they get excited with the $1,200.

00;22;41;13 – 00;22;54;22
Farnoosh Torabi
They go buy things and they realize, oh my gosh, I don’t have food to buy at school and on money for lunch money or whatever. And I have to pack my lunch. I don’t have gas money, so I have to get a ride or ride my bike to school. Wonderful. I think, that’s like on the extreme end of it.

00;22;54;24 – 00;23;13;26
Farnoosh Torabi
I don’t know about giving, like, a kid that much money. Every month. Yeah, but I think there is there’s a lesson in that. So my advice to parents is crafted however you want. It should align with your values as a household. Some families don’t like to give money for chores because they say, well, the chores are just be what you do.

00;23;13;26 – 00;23;33;21
Farnoosh Torabi
As a member of our family, I get that. So don’t attach it to chores. Attach it to projects, right? I love this idea of kids coming up to the parents and saying, you know, the basement is a mess. I want to organize it. Or mom, your office could use like a spruce up or. Yeah, there’s a lot of weeds in the backyard.

00;23;33;22 – 00;23;52;28
Farnoosh Torabi
Let me I’m going to create a work plan, a scope of work. You’re encouraging entrepreneurship here, essentially. And then they come up with the price. You negotiate the price. You know, the kid handles it and there’s a deadline. And I love that. I mean, I would probably do that on top of in our household, some chores tied to allowance to to money.

00;23;52;28 – 00;24;15;28
Farnoosh Torabi
But meet your kid where they’re at. You will quickly learn what kind of financial kid you have. And that’s important because then you can maybe course correct or you can emphasize certain things, or you can double down on other, habits that are really good. Like my daughter, I already know she is easy. She likes she’s okay with delaying gratification.

00;24;16;00 – 00;24;21;14
Farnoosh Torabi
And love it. But she loves idea of, like, accumulating money. Like that actually makes her. She’s into it.

00;24;21;19 – 00;24;24;00
Dr. Mona
Like saving, like have fun. Yeah.

00;24;24;02 – 00;24;46;05
Farnoosh Torabi
Yeah. Where’s my son? He just wants to spend, spend, spend, spend, spend and that’s. He also has ADHD and I don’t I do think that’s correlated. I do think that, you know, he’s more impulse driven. And that shows up in all aspects of your life school, money, friendships, you know, food. I you know, I don’t have to tell anybody who’s listening who has ADHD how that can manifest.

00;24;46;12 – 00;25;01;09
Farnoosh Torabi
So I know this and so, you know, we work with him differently on that versus maybe his sister who needs, she could lose a lesson. And, you know, spending a little bit like, it’s okay, you know, you should get what? You should make a plan.

00;25;01;11 – 00;25;05;01
Dr. Mona
Now, let’s take a break to hear from our sponsors.

00;25;05;03 – 00;25;25;17
Farnoosh Torabi
And you, you brought up the grocery store. It is fertile ground for financial education. Just bring your little kid to the grocery store. They will want for things. Expect that. But you go in with a list and you talk about the list and you show them. Give them the list, have them go shopping for you. And of course, they put all the like stuff that kids want on the lower shelves.

00;25;25;19 – 00;25;54;03
Farnoosh Torabi
So they’re going to grab for that box of cookies, which maybe you already have at home, but or, you know, you have a policy at home, or we don’t eat sweets during the week, I don’t know. So, Callie, what what you buy with what your values are, the boundaries that you’ve designed or, you know, and I think the best advice I heard from a lot of the kid and money experts that I’ve had on my podcast is this idea of telling your kids we can’t afford that, which may be true, right?

00;25;54;05 – 00;25;54;23
Dr. Mona
Right.

00;25;54;25 – 00;26;09;20
Farnoosh Torabi
Is is not the healthiest message. Instead, you could say this isn’t a priority for us. Or we if you want this that’s fine. Put it on a list and we’re going to work towards it.

00;26;09;20 – 00;26;10;15
Dr. Mona
I love it.

00;26;10;17 – 00;26;29;22
Farnoosh Torabi
Don’t leave it as like a dead end because those kids who grow up have a scarcity mindset. And they do. They tend to be the ones that grow up as adults to feel like, you know, they create narratives in their mind like, well, that’s just not going to be for me. That’s just not something that we afford or I can’t afford.

00;26;29;24 – 00;26;55;27
Farnoosh Torabi
Whereas, even with a family where there’s limitations and limited resources, there is a way to raise a child who sees the world as abundant, because you have done the work of showing them how to plan and prepare and afford something in the future. You’re talking about trade offs. You’re bringing it back to your values. So whether you have, you live paycheck to paycheck or you make seven figures, you know, everybody has to make choices.

00;26;55;29 – 00;27;19;00
Farnoosh Torabi
Every choice comes at a cost. I think that’s important to relay in, again, in a way that where the kid gets it. And again, a grocery store visit is great. I was in Macy’s last weekend with my daughter and she wanted to buy a headband. She doesn’t need a headband. She’s got a million headbands. And I just said, you know, I think we should save our money instead.

00;27;19;03 – 00;27;37;00
Farnoosh Torabi
And I wasn’t sure how she was going to take it, but she was like, okay, because again, this is my saving daughter. She gets it with my son. I may have said, you know what? Do you really need that? You know, you have so many, you have so many had and whatever. Let’s say he wants a headband, too.

00;27;37;00 – 00;27;45;12
Farnoosh Torabi
You have so many headbands. Or I would say if you really, really want it because it’s nothing like you have, then we need to talk about how you’re going to use your allowance to save up for it.

00;27;45;15 – 00;28;05;15
Dr. Mona
I love this, I mean, I think this is so healthy and I, by the way, think grocery shopping, taking kids to grocery stores are probably the most amazing experience, not only for the financial aspect, but also just for the like for young kids, especially the exposure to food. Like I literally say, every kid should. If a parent can take your kid grocery shopping because they might pick out a fruit they like, they might pick out of it.

00;28;05;16 – 00;28;06;09
Farnoosh Torabi
Yeah.

00;28;06;10 – 00;28;23;13
Dr. Mona
And then we talk about it from a financial space. And, you know, one of the biggest things when I grew up, I remember learning about is unit prices. And when you go grocery shopping, right, you I actually still to this day look at the unit price, which is, you know, we see when you go on a label, you see the regular price, but a unit price is how much it cost per the ounce of an item.

00;28;23;13 – 00;28;27;19
Dr. Mona
So you have to look at unit prices. And I teach my son about unit prices because I low.

00;28;27;19 – 00;28;28;05
Farnoosh Torabi
Grade.

00;28;28;06 – 00;28;47;23
Dr. Mona
Growing up. And he now will look at, you know, see he can’t read numbers completely but he’ll he can make out like basic stuff. And he’s like, oh mommy, let’s get this. But again this is planting those seeds early. And I love that you brought up, whether you have seven figures or whether you’re living paycheck to paycheck, because it is really important to create this for whoever.

00;28;47;23 – 00;29;12;25
Dr. Mona
And I love that you’re also encouraging us not to create the scarcity mindset, and that that mindfulness shift and that terminology shift to what to say instead of I can’t afford it is huge. What advice would you give for parents dealing with financial stress, and particularly when you know they’re trying to shield their children from the pressures or basically maybe even show up for their children as like mindful parents without, you know, having that anxiety or worry.

00;29;12;25 – 00;29;20;04
Dr. Mona
Like, what would you say for those parents struggling with this that just want to be able to live with their kids and be parents, but are struggling financially?

00;29;20;06 – 00;29;40;02
Farnoosh Torabi
Well, I would say focus on you and getting you focus on you and getting you in a better place. So if you have financial stress, I mean talk therapy is really helpful, but also you want to feel more in control. Like that’s kind of sometimes what the stress is telling you is that you have felt a loss of control in your financial life.

00;29;40;02 – 00;29;54;11
Farnoosh Torabi
So how can you bring that back into your life? Does it mean automating some bill? Does it mean working with a credit counselor? Does it mean, yeah, trying to bring in more money so that you can support some of these other things that are hanging over? Is it trying to get out of debt and focusing primarily on that?

00;29;54;19 – 00;30;13;29
Farnoosh Torabi
Is it something to do with you and your partner not being on the same page? So I would say worry less about how am I going to communicate this to the kids, and more about you being able to show up yourself as your best self in your life, like nothing’s perfect and things are always a work in progress.

00;30;13;29 – 00;30;38;22
Farnoosh Torabi
But you know, kids, they they receive their cues from the parents. And honestly, if your child is of age of like I would say a tween or a teenager and you’re feeling a little bit of stress again, I experienced this as a kid growing up. I saw the stress and I saw some times where it wasn’t resolved, and then I saw them actually take action.

00;30;38;22 – 00;30;58;02
Farnoosh Torabi
And so a healthy way to bring this into your child’s life in an honest way, because, you know, they’re noticing you and what you don’t want is for them to create a narrative that isn’t true, right? That you want to be in control of that narrative and honest about that with them. So it could be like, you know, things are a little tough right now.

00;30;58;09 – 00;31;17;26
Farnoosh Torabi
As you know, my hours cut back or things are causing more inflation, blah, blah, blah. Rent went up. So here’s the plan. We have a plan for this. And sometimes it’s going to be hard. And we want everyone to help out. How, you know, maybe you can give your child something to do to feel like they’re contributing because again, that’s what they want.

00;31;17;26 – 00;31;23;28
Farnoosh Torabi
I the letters I got while I was at 17 magazine as an editor, is it even around anymore?

00;31;23;28 – 00;31;25;08
Dr. Mona
17 I don’t even know.

00;31;25;08 – 00;31;31;17
Farnoosh Torabi
I mean, maybe the website as all the. But it was it was, it was awesome to see.

00;31;31;17 – 00;31;32;04
Dr. Mona
These.

00;31;32;06 – 00;31;57;01
Farnoosh Torabi
Young girls. And by the way, 17 magazine readers are not 17. They’re 12. Right, right. 13 and they’re writing in and they’re saying, you know, I noticed my mom is stressed about money. She’s not talking about it with me. But I know because, like, I’m I’m old to know. I’m old enough to know I. And I think that’s just we have to remember our kids are more capable and smarter than sometimes we give them credit.

00;31;57;03 – 00;32;22;12
Farnoosh Torabi
And I just want to help. So maybe it’s that she gets, a babysitting job and contributes some of that money to pay some bills, or she’s just more conscious around the house of conserving energy and using up the food before getting more food and, you know, maybe selling some clothes. There’s so many things as a family you can do are actually great things to get in the habit of doing forever.

00;32;22;18 – 00;32;29;28
Farnoosh Torabi
And if a crisis and a financial stress is when you start to practice those things, I mean, that’s kind of a silver lining.

00;32;30;00 – 00;32;52;12
Dr. Mona
Well, I love that you brought up the taking care of self, because when we’re parents, we tend to obviously focus on our kids needs and wants, which is normal. I mean, obviously that’s what we want to do. But when you’re in any situation and especially in a financial burden situation, looking out for your well-being, you know, you brought up, earlier about in terms of saving for yourself in your retirement versus putting money into a child’s college education.

00;32;52;12 – 00;33;14;28
Dr. Mona
How helpful that can be. But one of the things that I hear and I see and I’m wondering if you see this, like the culture of, like, keeping up with the Joneses. Right? So just say a family is living in this community or has this sort of, you know, financial status that they’re in, and then they themselves go through a financial burden, and they live in this community where people are, whatever, more affluent than they are.

00;33;14;29 – 00;33;30;09
Dr. Mona
Do you find that that contributes a lot to the how the parents approach these financial stressful situations like this? Well, now we can’t do this. And your peers are able to do this, and if so, how can we navigate that? Like, you know, it’s such a hard situation and I sometimes see.

00;33;30;11 – 00;33;48;07
Farnoosh Torabi
I feel like I lived that when I was in high school. We moved to the suburbs of Philadelphia, the main line, my income and I, my parents and I, we rented an apartment. It was a two bedroom. There were four of us. My brother was 3 or 4 years old. He slept in my parents room for many of those years.

00;33;48;10 – 00;34;07;29
Farnoosh Torabi
They thankfully gave me my own room because I was in sophomore in high school. Yeah, but that was hard. That was a real sort of what the heck is going on? You know, I, I came from a community that was more middle class and there weren’t like, there wasn’t such a divide, you know, when there were the rich people and then everybody else.

00;34;08;01 – 00;34;34;04
Farnoosh Torabi
But here in this town, day one, I was like, whoa, you know, I’m taking the bus and most kids are drive are being driven to school or they have their own BMW, use their cars. And it was a public school, but it was again, in a very like, sort of tax rich town. And I will say that and I maybe it’s just myself, but I’ll try to extrapolate and give.

00;34;34;04 – 00;35;03;21
Farnoosh Torabi
Maybe there’s some big tips here for families that are in this. And I mean, talk about trying to keep up with the Joneses. I saw my parents struggle with that on their own level. Yeah. But for me, as the kid, I think that coming home to my family, who was very clear on values and objectives and, you know, the reason we were even there was because my parents were trying to start a business and had partnered with some friends.

00;35;03;24 – 00;35;28;21
Farnoosh Torabi
It didn’t work out, but my I saw my dad work his tail off. I saw him try to do that while also maintaining his full time job in the other state where we were previously living and commuting back and forth. And so I saw that, like even for what we had, which relatively was less, far less than what my classmates had in terms of houses and resources and access to things.

00;35;28;24 – 00;35;45;11
Farnoosh Torabi
I saw how hard my parents worked. My mother took part time jobs. She was working at the mall, you know, she was an engineer before, but she just needed to do what she needed to do to quickly start making money for the family. And I think I witnessing that was like, oh, I can’t be a snob right now.

00;35;45;11 – 00;36;02;13
Farnoosh Torabi
Like my parents are in it and I had to almost condition myself, like to kind of look for the bright spots. You know, when I go to school and it’s easy to kind of get down on like, oh, I don’t have this. And these kids are like, they’re spending their weekends in New York. The camps are this or that.

00;36;02;15 – 00;36;23;21
Farnoosh Torabi
The tutors, I didn’t have any tutors. I wish but just being exposed to that lifestyle was such an eye opener. Yeah. Like I’d never seen rich people up close so intimately in my life, you know, every day and the things they took for granted, but also the things they really, really worked hard for. So I saw a lot of privilege.

00;36;23;26 – 00;36;49;15
Farnoosh Torabi
But I also was like, maybe it was just my own curiosity and introspection, but I would see these how where it came from. Yeah, the wealth didn’t just like some of it was generational, but some of it was like their parents started businesses, their parents saved, and it was inspiring. I will say it, it allowed me to see what was possible and what comes with wealth, what comes with having resources.

00;36;49;21 – 00;37;12;06
Farnoosh Torabi
And I wanted for that, but not in a way where I would go home and go, oh, can I get the newest this? I was like, yeah, I’m going to work my tail off to get into a good college and I’m going to shoot for the stars. I love it. And then I ever try to before. And so now when I have conversations with parents, I’m, you know, adult, an adult woman now with two kids and I hear sometimes from other parents in our town.

00;37;12;09 – 00;37;31;08
Farnoosh Torabi
Oh, we have to move out of here. Everyone here is just so wealthy. I don’t see it that way. I see wealthy people, I see middle, I mean, Montclair, new Jersey, where I live. Yeah, it’s 13 miles from New York City. You know, there’s more wealthier here, here than maybe other parts of new Jersey. But it is very diverse economically, socioeconomically.

00;37;31;15 – 00;37;43;22
Farnoosh Torabi
And I always am reminded of like when I grew up exposed to rich people and how that was almost inspiring to me. And I think because I also had a very anchored home life.

00;37;43;22 – 00;37;45;14
Dr. Mona
Yes.

00;37;45;17 – 00;37;47;04
Farnoosh Torabi
Things have reopened in hand.

00;37;47;09 – 00;37;48;20
Dr. Mona
Yeah it does because it was.

00;37;48;20 – 00;37;50;07
Farnoosh Torabi
It came down to good parenting.

00;37;50;07 – 00;37;50;29
Dr. Mona
Yeah.

00;37;51;01 – 00;38;02;13
Farnoosh Torabi
And listen, my mom was my mom and I are very young, are very short. Our distance and age is very small. So she’s 19 years older than me. So when I was 15, she was 34.

00;38;02;14 – 00;38;03;18
Dr. Mona
Wow. Wow.

00;38;03;18 – 00;38;24;16
Farnoosh Torabi
Can you, like, younger than I am now. So she had a 15 year old. And so she’s in her 30s. And of course being influenced. Right. Like her friends are also wealthy. So I remember she but she worked she got a full time job at the mall and was like, okay, if I want to buy myself a purse, it’s coming out of my bank account.

00;38;24;18 – 00;38;36;23
Farnoosh Torabi
I don’t want to have to, like, ask your dad for permission to do this. So I saw how she was making it work for herself. And that was an education. Yeah. You know, I’m not saying you shouldn’t want for things.

00;38;36;25 – 00;38;55;01
Dr. Mona
One of the biggest things that I love from my childhood, you know, I have immigrant parents who, again, everyone a lot of my peers were also immigrants, right? I grew up in Southern California, went to a predominantly immigrant child school, meaning all of our parents immigrated Indian, Chinese, Korean, whatever it is. And my parents, we grew up in that same diverse socioeconomic status.

00;38;55;01 – 00;39;14;22
Dr. Mona
So you had people who maybe were lower middle class, middle class, very wealthy in our school system. And one of the biggest things is, yes, the anchor of the home. And there was never for my parents, even if they were going through financial struggles because my dad was in the, in the, in the computer industry, which was like actually very volatile in the 90s.

00;39;14;22 – 00;39;15;27
Dr. Mona
And so he had me.

00;39;16;00 – 00;39;19;08
Farnoosh Torabi
Yeah. And yeah, we worked together at Columbia.

00;39;19;09 – 00;39;35;11
Dr. Mona
I was a computer engineer, and he would lose his job, get another job, lose his job. Like he never had stability with his job. And it was very hard for me to see this. But what my parents taught me was one my mom was in the health care field. So yes, they did teach me about financial security, like looking for jobs.

00;39;35;14 – 00;39;52;20
Dr. Mona
You know, they wanted me to be secure and like, hey, think about a job that can be enjoyable to you. That can also lead to financial security. But one of the biggest things they taught was even when we were going through all that, there was no comparison and envy for other people. So just say we went to someone else’s house that had a, in-ground pool or had something bigger.

00;39;52;20 – 00;40;11;19
Dr. Mona
It was never like talking negatively about other people’s wealth or other people. It was joyous about other people. Right? Like, hey, we’re at this event and this is great. And kind of what you said it, it raised me with this mentality that things are possible. Not that I don’t have this and you have that. It was, hey, we can work towards this.

00;40;11;19 – 00;40;31;01
Dr. Mona
And my family may not have an in-ground pool. My family may not have the ability to buy Nike clothes for me. And I’m wearing like high water pants because they’re hand-me-downs and my mom and dad can’t really afford to buy all that stuff. But they built so much self-worth in me and so much like, you’re amazing, you’re doing wonderful with what you have.

00;40;31;01 – 00;40;49;23
Dr. Mona
You’re very smart, you’re kind, you know, you have qualities that make you great, that it wasn’t about, well, you are worthy because you have the car, or you are worthy because you have this. And then I grew up with that. And then now when I actually have an income and have means, I still have that worth, right? I don’t need to spend that money to show someone that I’m worthy, right?

00;40;49;24 – 00;41;12;18
Dr. Mona
Because I have that. And so you’re right, for it comes down to the parenting unit. And I, I say this so deeply because I work with a large socioeconomic diversity population like meaning in my patient population. I have families who are living paycheck to paycheck. Moms are working for different jobs. There is. And then I have people who are entrepreneurs, and I can honestly say that sometimes the happiest ones are the ones working for jobs.

00;41;12;18 – 00;41;27;10
Dr. Mona
And I say that because it’s their mindset. They understand what is that? What is the values in my family? What am I teaching? They are the more, well, sometimes the more well-adjusted ones who are not living in this comparison zone. But like this. This is what I can afford for my family. This is what I’m going to raise my kids with.

00;41;27;10 – 00;41;35;19
Dr. Mona
And it’s such an important message because it isn’t about having X amount or this amount. It’s how you approach it in your house with the resources you have.

00;41;35;22 – 00;41;57;26
Farnoosh Torabi
Yeah, I mean, really what they’re exhibiting is an awareness of what is enough for them. Yes. And I’m not saying like they’re settling, we don’t like the word enough in our capitalist culture we think is, selling out, you know, so we never want to think about our financial life in those terms. But it’s healthy. It’s important to know, you know, to a certain extent.

00;41;57;28 – 00;42;15;27
Farnoosh Torabi
I mean, the studies have been done. Yes. We need to be making a certain amount of money. There’s like, you know, the old studies had 75,000. And I think now it’s like six figures, but there’s a certain amount of money that everybody could hopefully make to sort of feel like they have enough for their if there’s the basic resources.

00;42;15;29 – 00;42;18;22
Dr. Mona
Which are worse. Yeah, I know it totally.

00;42;18;22 – 00;42;41;16
Farnoosh Torabi
But it’s not like someone making $1 million a year that’s going to make them happier than someone who’s making $100,000 a year. I think it’s to your point, your inner sense of self-worth. And I always say, you know, this is getting off topic a little bit, but for the entrepreneurs out there who are always like trying to just make more than last year because that to them is a metric of success.

00;42;41;18 – 00;42;56;27
Farnoosh Torabi
I say, you got to stop that. It’s a hamster wheel because you need to figure out, you got to get close to your numbers, figure out what’s enough for you and your family. Because there’s more to life than, like, just work, work, work and make, make, make, you know, like you have to. There’s so much more to life, right?

00;42;56;27 – 00;43;14;24
Farnoosh Torabi
And you want to create the space and the time and the energy to do those things, and feel like, okay, well, I have enough over here so I can go focus. Also on these other relationships, activities, self-improvement, family travel. That’s what life’s about.

00;43;14;26 – 00;43;36;15
Dr. Mona
It is. Yes. And one of my last question for you, because I could talk to you about this for a long time. And I think we could, but, you know, besides the we talked about chores, we talked about projects, which I love that delineation because I also, I also personally don’t think we’ll do chore, you know, give money for chores, but we will do probably the project situation you recommended, that, you know, taking to grocery store all the things we mentioned.

00;43;36;15 – 00;43;49;21
Dr. Mona
Is there anything else when when parents are feeling like they’re in financial strain or just in general, how we can teach children healthy financial habits from a young age? And I know this could be a whole episode, but maybe your biggest pearl to take home this episode.

00;43;49;24 – 00;44;20;24
Farnoosh Torabi
I think fostering their curiosity around money is so, so important and kids will start to ask questions about money. Sometimes they will not be questions that we want to invite into our lives because it’s complex or oh my gosh, it brings up stuff for us. So but as young as five, six years old, once they start going to school and really socialize, knowing and talking to friends about how is your weekend and or going to birthday parties and going on playdates and realizing that not everybody has the same life, not everybody has the same things.

00;44;20;26 – 00;44;47;28
Farnoosh Torabi
They start to get curious about it. And I want parents to not shut down those questions or say, that’s not a good question, or don’t worry about that. Like, for example, my son said to me the other day, are we rich yet? I feel like, whoa, oh, I know, and I and I the best advice I, I have received and I will give is that when your kids ask you a question that sort of unsettles you, don’t answer it.

00;44;47;28 – 00;45;12;10
Farnoosh Torabi
Ask them more about their curiosity and where it’s coming from. And so the next question for me is, that’s an interesting question. What makes you curious? And then I learn that there’s a back story to this question. Yeah, every back story might be different, but his was what? We had just come back from a playdate at a friend’s house who has a lot more stuff than him.

00;45;12;10 – 00;45;43;18
Farnoosh Torabi
Bigger house, more toys. And he is now that’s now his sort of like definition of rich. Yeah. A kid who has a lot of things. And so I said, you know, your friend has a great life, like his family, you know, is very generous. They’ve invited us over. They’re very hospitable. They have lots of cool things. It’s very exciting to go over to their home and, you know, and then the next question, he said, well, why don’t we have a pool?

00;45;43;21 – 00;46;08;28
Farnoosh Torabi
The they have a pool. And I said, well, it’s not important to us as our like your dad and I decided like, we didn’t want a house of a pool that was not important to us. We would rather use the money that we white put to have and maintain a pool towards other things. And let me tell you that you know I’m not going to answer whether we’re rich or not, because I think what you’re trying to get at is like, how much money we have versus somebody else.

00;46;09;04 – 00;46;15;29
Farnoosh Torabi
And I’ll tell you our definition of rich in this household is, you know, a measure of your health.

00;46;15;29 – 00;46;16;15
Dr. Mona
Yes.

00;46;16;22 – 00;46;35;01
Farnoosh Torabi
The love you feel there, like there’s there’s so many things that define rich and money’s important, but it’s not the only thing. Right. And I feel rich. Do you feel rich? Throw it back to the kid. Do you feel rich once you’ve explained what rich really means? Because that’s true. I’m not trying to, you know, make things up.

00;46;35;01 – 00;46;53;26
Farnoosh Torabi
It’s like true, right? We know this as mature adults. So tell that to your kid. And I said, if you want to pool when you get older, you should get that pool. You should get that pool. And that’s whatever you see right now that you want. Know that it’s possible, whether we get it or not, as your parents is up for debate.

00;46;54;01 – 00;47;13;01
Farnoosh Torabi
But, you know, it’s all coming down to like what we perceive as valuable to us. And that’s how the world goes around. Like, that’s it, you know, and I think he’s ten. He was nine at the time. He gets it. But we had a conversation about it. It lasted several minutes. And it wasn’t where the a parent could be like, that’s a silly question.

00;47;13;04 – 00;47;15;13
Farnoosh Torabi
Or you could say, I don’t know. You know who.

00;47;15;15 – 00;47;18;07
Dr. Mona
Or don’t ask. Is that right? Like you could shut it down. Yeah.

00;47;18;09 – 00;47;39;11
Farnoosh Torabi
I didn’t have a good answer right on the spot, but I wanted to just give myself some time. So I asked him more questions, fostering the curiosity and letting him know that nothing is off the table when it comes to talking about money. Because when they’re asking questions about money, they’re asking questions about relationships, earning work money.

00;47;39;13 – 00;48;01;10
Farnoosh Torabi
It’s not about money, right? It’s about everything else. And that’s why I love talking about money, because then you can get into so many different areas. Yeah, it is, a Pandora’s box. And so fostering curiosity around money with your kids is so important because when they get older, they’re going to have questions, and they should be able to feel confident to ask them and to go get those answers.

00;48;01;13 – 00;48;17;28
Dr. Mona
I love it. And also be able to come back to you to ask those questions. Right? I, I think it’s so healthy. And like we talk about with secure attachment, you know, I talk a lot about developmental secure attachment. But this is part of it, right, that your kids are going to grow up. We’ve fostered this foundation. We’ve taught them about whatever we teach them about, including money.

00;48;18;02 – 00;48;33;17
Dr. Mona
And then when they get older and they have those tough financial decisions, they will figure it out. But they know that you are also someone who gets it, who can help them in terms of figuring out solutions if they feel stuck. You know, and I, I think it’s such a healthy relationship and finish you gave all these pearls for parenting.

00;48;33;17 – 00;48;51;28
Dr. Mona
And I love it because again, I am a parenting podcast. And to tie in the parenting and the finance is so healthy and appropriate and I love it. What would be your final uplifting message? So I have my guests come on and share something to tie in this conversation. Leave people feeling motivated and empowered. What would you say to our community today?

00;48;52;00 – 00;49;16;05
Farnoosh Torabi
I would say wherever you feel on the financial spectrum, know that your kids are watching, but that’s an opportunity, right? We have an opportunity to educate our kids on the go and sometimes it’s very intentional and sometimes it’s just on the go. But use all the moments as opportunities to teach your kids about money. Fostering the curiosity shows your mistakes.

00;49;16;05 – 00;49;38;23
Farnoosh Torabi
Owning up to your mistakes, talking about the the challenges, but also talking about your plans. Listen, most kids don’t get an ounce of financial conversation at home, so just doing that, your kid is going to be leaps and bounds ahead of everybody else when they’re your age, simply because they have had the good foundation of knowing that money is not a taboo topic.

00;49;38;23 – 00;49;40;11
Farnoosh Torabi
And you gave them that gift.

00;49;40;13 – 00;49;48;24
Dr. Mona
And you gave us that gift today for news. Thank you, I love it. I love this conversation. Where can people go to stay connected in terms of finding out your podcast? And you’re joining.

00;49;48;24 – 00;50;07;03
Farnoosh Torabi
Me on my podcast. So money three days a week, Fridays I answer audience questions. So if you’ve got a question for me, you can send it in. I talk about how to do it on the podcast. You can follow me on Instagram. And yeah, I mean the books and but once you, you know, listen to the podcast, you’ll get you’ll get the rest from there.

00;50;07;03 – 00;50;12;24
Farnoosh Torabi
But this has been so great. I love chatting with you. Let’s let’s not wait too long to do it again.

00;50;12;24 – 00;50;28;25
Dr. Mona
Absolutely. I mean, we could go into a whole thing about all these other, you know, getting into the nitty gritty of every question we asked. And I know this is going to be a long term relationship. Yes, I again, I adore you not only again, for your advice on finances. Like you perfectly said, it permeates every aspect, including parenting.

00;50;28;25 – 00;50;44;28
Dr. Mona
So which is why I really wanted you on the show. And thanks again. I’m going to be linking everything and I cannot wait to watch your journey as you help so many more people. I’m so glad you got laid off in 2009 so that you it’s person for us. Thank you.

00;50;45;00 – 00;50;47;03
Farnoosh Torabi
My pleasure. Any time.

00;50;47;06 – 00;51;07;13
Dr. Mona
Thank you again. Talking about financial stress isn’t always easy, but it’s so important. And as parents, we know that the best gift we can give our kids isn’t something money can buy. It’s a sense of security, love, and resilience. They learn from watching us navigate life’s challenges, but that doesn’t take away of the difficulty having financial stress can cause.

00;51;07;15 – 00;51;27;06
Dr. Mona
Not being able to pay certain bills. Having to worry about your next paycheck. These things can be very much a reality, and it’s important to know how to navigate raising children. If this is your reality at this time, remember, the holidays aren’t about what’s under the tree. They’re about the moments we create together. You do not have to be perfect, and you don’t have to do it all.

00;51;27;13 – 00;51;46;04
Dr. Mona
Small, intentional steps can lead to big changes for your family. You’ve got this, and we’re here to support you every step of the way. If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to share it with another parent who might need some encouragement this season. And as always, thank you for listening. Until next time, stay well and I can’t wait to have another guest on the show.