Struggling with boundary setting?

Wanting to foster secure attachment with your child?

Want a relationship with your child as they get older?

Issues in school, with peers, etc., and trying to find out why?

You’re going to want to listen to this episode.

I dive deep into three things children need in relationships with their grown up. Whether it’s a parent, teacher, or other caregiver; our children want to feel safe, respected, and connected.

I dive deep into how this shows up in parenting and offer insight and stories as well.

I discuss:

• How kids can feel unsafe in their home and how it’s not just physical safety
• Why one-way respect parenting is outdated and why we have to respect our kids for them to respect us
• How to build secure attachment and why it’s needed

00:00:01:01 – 00:00:23:13
Dr. Mona
In order for a child to feel like they want to listen and also maintain a relationship with you, they need safety. Other synonyms for safety include trust, predictability, and secure attachment that you are their home base, that no matter how old they are, they can explore the world to their developmental ability and know that you are available and trustworthy.

00:00:23:15 – 00:00:46:11
Dr. Mona
Welcome back to the show. I’m Doctor Mona, the host of the PedsDocTalk podcast, a show that helps guide you on your parenting journey with child health development, parenting, and also how you can better show up for your children by taking care of yourself. As a pediatrician, I share a wide range of information and many of you may not know, but my absolute favorite thing is to talk about parenting.

00:00:46:14 – 00:01:08:21
Dr. Mona
Yes, I love the health and illness stuff, and I know many of you come to a pediatrician for that, but parenting and also development because the two are very closely connected is my passion and niche. And by popular request, I will be pivoting content not just to those toddler years, but general principles and tips to guide you in various stages on your parenting journey.

00:01:08:23 – 00:01:26:10
Dr. Mona
So if you’re new to the show, make sure you binge listen to any of my solo parenting content to get more help to guide you through your parenting journey. And please make sure to leave reviews in the podcast world. It’s how shows continue to grow, so if you keep wanting this free information and these episodes, I need those reviews people.

00:01:26:15 – 00:01:45:15
Dr. Mona
Now this episode is, for me, one of the most important episodes because I’m going to tell you the three things your child needs to listen to you and actually want a relationship with you when they get older. Struggling with boundary setting. Wanting to foster secure attachment with your child. Want a relationship with your child as they get older.

00:01:45:21 – 00:02:08:13
Dr. Mona
Issues in schools, peers, etc. and trying to find out why you’re going to want to listen to this episode. For my experience taking care of newborns to 21 year olds. These three things are vital in any parent child relationship, teacher child relationship to some degree, and frankly, any human relationship. And these three things are safety, respect and connection.

00:02:08:15 – 00:02:34:00
Dr. Mona
Say it again. Safety, respect and connection. Throughout this episode, I’m going to tie in why these three things are important. Provide some storytelling and also give you some quotes to implement with your kids. I have a feeling the quotes and things that I’m going to say are going to make you feel some feels. I know they did to me, because a large majority of these things were not said or done to me as a child of an authoritarian father.

00:02:34:06 – 00:02:51:27
Dr. Mona
Remember also that parenting is so much more than quotes and scripts. It’s unspoken in it’s body language, it’s feelings. So make sure you understand that as we proceed. Also, when you hear this, you may think, well, this is a lot of stuff, Doctor Mona. So I have a Toddlers and tantrums course, which I wrote and released in 2023.

00:02:51:27 – 00:03:12:10
Dr. Mona
And as I was writing that, and as I’ve continued to raise my own children, I started to realize what kids really need. And it’s the same thing that we all need. My son is four and he really respects my boundaries. Does he disagree at times, of course. Does he not love every boundary wall? Heck yeah, that’s human nature.

00:03:12:12 – 00:03:32:06
Dr. Mona
But by and large, he whines less with me, listens to me more, and understands my boundaries more. I have a whole section on effective boundary setting in my toddlers and tantrums course, but in order for a child to even want to listen to a boundary setter, there has to be some sort of relationship. There, especially for a younger child.

00:03:32:09 – 00:03:56:10
Dr. Mona
I noticed that with my husband, Ryan was having way more meltdowns, whining and pushing back way more. The same child who just responded differently to two parents. And then I realized it was because Ryan didn’t always get the trifecta with my husband. Safety, respect and connection, which I’ll explain more as the episode progresses. So let’s get into what these three principles embody and why they’re important.

00:03:56:12 – 00:04:30:21
Dr. Mona
Safety. Respect. Connection. These are fundamental. If you want a continued relationship with your child. This is so key. And where a line is divided between authoritative parenting and authoritarian, authoritarian parenting is extremely strict. One way respect and often punishment, including corporal punishment. There is little respect for the child, but respect is demanded for the elders. This is how I was raised and many of my peers and I can attest that this is not led to a feeling of safety, respect and connection which every relationship needs.

00:04:30:23 – 00:05:01:15
Dr. Mona
Think of any relationship with your friend, your partner, and anybody. These three things are vital, including for the parent child relationship. In order for a child to feel like they want to listen and also maintain a relationship with you, they need safety. Other synonyms for safety include trust, predictability, and secure attachment that you are their home base, that no matter how old they are, they can explore the world to their developmental ability and know that you are available and trustworthy.

00:05:01:17 – 00:05:23:29
Dr. Mona
And safety and trust is symbiotic for me. A safe and secure home and relationship fosters trust, and trust is a form of safety. And what can this look like in a physical sense? A parent who isn’t physically abusive or aggressive and this seems like a no brainer. But a child will not feel safe and trust you if you use corporal punishment, or if you slap them, or if you try to threaten them.

00:05:24:01 – 00:05:44:02
Dr. Mona
Many people think this lends to an obedient child, but it’s more of a scare child who will likely grow up and not want a relationship with you when they no longer rely on you for shelter or basic needs. Because the trust and safety were never there. Another thing is keeping feeling safe. We have a mantra that all feelings are safe in our home.

00:05:44:04 – 00:06:03:16
Dr. Mona
Don’t shame, anger, sadness and praise. Only happiness. In order for a child to feel safe, they have to feel emotionally safe. If they don’t feel emotionally safe, they won’t feel the need to come to you or even listen to you. By allowing them to feel safe with their feelings, they will feel that they can trust themselves and their emotions.

00:06:03:18 – 00:06:25:18
Dr. Mona
Help them by labeling feelings, noticing feelings and validate their feelings, which is a form of safety. The next thing in safety is accepting the child for who they are. So of course safety is safety in that physical sense, but they also need safety with their emotions, but also their identity and temperament. Build trust by understanding their temperament and needs.

00:06:25:21 – 00:06:47:02
Dr. Mona
You have a shy child. Don’t just force them into situations. Listen, observe and show them that their feelings and their identity are safe with you. The next thing is, sometimes, you know, parents have a really hard time with and don’t understand the importance of this, but routines. Some parents scoff at this, but children need routine because it’s a form of safety.

00:06:47:04 – 00:07:12:03
Dr. Mona
Imagine that younger child brain, okay, they’re learning so much so they’re learning so many things. Their synapses are firing. And this is especially important in those children under four years of age. But those routines provide structure in the chaos that is growing up. This doesn’t mean rigid rules that can’t be flexible, but routines are predictable, and that predictability feel safe for a child.

00:07:12:05 – 00:07:37:18
Dr. Mona
This is important for younger children, but it also is really important for older children as well. When they have predictability from you, what you are expecting of them. They feel safe. Part of this is being an effective boundary setter, and I really want to run a boundary masterclass or write a book solely about boundaries, because I see so many missteps parents make with boundary setting.

00:07:37:21 – 00:07:59:01
Dr. Mona
I talk about boundaries in my toddlers and tantrums course too. Having clear, consistent boundaries is a form of safety and trust. And what’s even more important is following through with that boundary. Hey, it’s time to turn off the TV. You can press the button, or I can. And then follow through. No. You know. Well. Okay. One more episode.

00:07:59:02 – 00:08:24:03
Dr. Mona
Okay. Seven more episodes. This can be an exception sometimes, but 80% of the time or more, you need to follow through. And I noticed that this was happening to my husband. He wasn’t that strong boundary setter. And so Ryan realized that his whining and tantrums could potentially sway him more once he started following through things, improved boundaries, and following through.

00:08:24:04 – 00:08:50:22
Dr. Mona
Give your child an expectation and predictability. So if you’re struggling with what safety and trust means, think also predictability from you as a caregiver. And that leads me to predictability in your emotions. So being a volatile caregiver you’re happy. You’re mad. You laugh. You yell. If you have extreme emotions. Most of the times this isn’t going to give your child a feeling of safety.

00:08:50:24 – 00:09:10:15
Dr. Mona
Listen, yelling happens, but if this is your rule and not the exception, we have to dig deep on why the yelling is your baseline. By being angry, they really don’t know what to expect of you or from you. And this can also lead to feelings of shame if you make them feel that they’re responsible for your emotional dysregulation.

00:09:10:17 – 00:09:34:19
Dr. Mona
And truly, you as an adult are the one responsible, not your child. And I say this because this used to be me. I spoken about this in other episodes that I used to have a really hard time managing my angry feelings. And this came from a childhood where this wasn’t modeled. And I’m a generally content person, but when I’m overwhelmed or irritable, I can yell, I can snap.

00:09:34:22 – 00:09:58:09
Dr. Mona
And I had to get insight into myself to change that, to be less volatile. If I get mad, I had to undo that for myself and also for my children. And I can tell you by doing this. And don’t get me wrong, there’s still some yelling that does occur from time to time because we’re human. But by getting to be a less volatile caregiver, my children feel more safe.

00:09:58:12 – 00:10:20:23
Dr. Mona
Ryan is less likely to be reactive. He’s more likely to be responsive. And this is so key, especially as your child grows and is over four years of age because they are constantly watching how you respond to stressful situations. The next thing with safety is following through with promises, just like you did with boundaries. So we already spoke about boundaries.

00:10:20:25 – 00:10:40:08
Dr. Mona
This is so key because kids are not stupid, y’all. They will remember things that you tell them. So if you’re just saying things to get them to stop talking or move on. More times than not they will remember this. I noticed that this was happening to my husband. He would say things like later or yeah, after you get home, but he wouldn’t follow through.

00:10:40:10 – 00:11:02:01
Dr. Mona
Your child is more likely to trust you when you follow through. And this includes for boundaries and also for promises. And remember that you can be an effective boundary setter and still follow through. We can’t have that cookie right now. But I think that’s something that we can have with your lunch tomorrow. At lunch tomorrow, you’re going to follow through because you said that you’re going to give that cookie.

00:11:02:03 – 00:11:23:20
Dr. Mona
If you forget and your child reminds you, do not lie and say, I didn’t say that. What are you talking about? Because now that’s gaslighting. And now that’s a form of mistrust. Give them the dang cookie that you promised. If they didn’t remember. And you remembered later that day. Oh, Ryan, you know, yesterday I told you that you could have this cookie with lunch, and I forgot.

00:11:23:23 – 00:11:51:19
Dr. Mona
Here it is. The more they know that you will follow through with your promises and with your boundaries, the more they will trust you and listen to your boundaries. The next thing is trusting them that they are capable and understanding when they’re not. This will overlap with the respect section I get into, but trusting your child and their capabilities will lead to trust in return when they know you believe in them and trust their capabilities.

00:11:51:24 – 00:12:12:23
Dr. Mona
They will feel more self-worth and have the ability to also problem solve. And this will also mean knowing their limitations. And I used sleep training as an example. And you know, the whole sleep world is very controversial. And it shouldn’t have to be. But with sleep training, I use pausing. And pausing is giving both of our children a little bit of time before we intervene.

00:12:12:29 – 00:12:31:28
Dr. Mona
And we do intervene. And what that is showing them from a young age is that I am going to see if you’re able to settle yourself, because babies can, toddlers can. And if you cannot, I’m going to come there trusting that they are capable and understanding when they are not. This is an art of being a parent, giving them a little bit of space.

00:12:32:01 – 00:12:49:15
Dr. Mona
Another example is if your child is saying mommy, I can’t do it. But you have seen them do that same activity before. You’re telling me that you can’t do it. But I have seen you do this. Why don’t you try again. Mommy I can’t do it. I think you can do it. I want to see what you’re able to do.

00:12:49:15 – 00:13:06:14
Dr. Mona
And if you can’t do it, I will help you. I noticed that my husband, when Ryan would do this, would just jump in because the jumping in was faster. And I encouraged my husband to say, hey, step back and let him do it. And this was happening a lot with mealtimes. Ryan is four and he knows how to selfie.

00:13:06:17 – 00:13:22:24
Dr. Mona
But in a desire to seek attention and connection with my husband, he acted like he didn’t know how to do it. And kids will sometimes do that, right? They know how to do something and you’re like, kid, I seen you do this. And sometimes they just want to be seen. They realize that, hey, I used to be helped with something like that.

00:13:22:26 – 00:13:39:06
Dr. Mona
So approach it with patience and validity. You know, I see that you really want me to help you. And I know that you’re capable. I’ve seen you do it before. Try it, and then I’ll help you. And I want you to try doing this more and more. Because when we start to trust them and understand when they’re not, they trust themselves.

00:13:39:09 – 00:14:02:09
Dr. Mona
And also that safety is there in the relationship. The next thing is give them opportunities to show that they are trustworthy. Giving you an example. Ryan, my son is four and he’s starting to learn how to lie, which is very common. When they turn four, he often lies, saying he wash his hands when he actually did it. He sometimes will just run the water but not wash his hands.

00:14:02:09 – 00:14:19:07
Dr. Mona
Like, seriously kids like, where are you learning this from anyways? I would smell his hands after he said he wash them and it wouldn’t smell like soap. And then I started to pivot to say, Hey Ryan, I know you know, you need to wash your hands before you eat. So I’m going to trust you that you did it.

00:14:19:09 – 00:14:39:27
Dr. Mona
And if you did it, you’ll have germs, and germs can make a sick. I gave him an opportunity to be trustworthy. And guess what? He didn’t wash his hands and went back and wash them. I didn’t shame him. I didn’t yell him. I stated facts. Okay, I’m going to trust you. The fact is that if you don’t wash your hands, it can increase your risk of germs.

00:14:39:27 – 00:15:03:12
Dr. Mona
It’s not fear mongering, it’s facts. And then I put the ball in his court. So if your child is older than four, and from a developmental perspective, you believe that they can do this. Show them age appropriate ways that you trust them and opportunities to be trustworthy. Another aspect of providing safety, and this is a huge one for me that I’ve spoken about on my Instagram channel as well as other episodes.

00:15:03:14 – 00:15:23:08
Dr. Mona
Allow mistakes and don’t shame. Part of feeling safe for a child is knowing that they can make mistakes and come to you, rather than run away from you. This is the only way they can learn and feel safe. An example which I’ve given before they spill milk, you scream and belittle. How dare you do that? You’re not careful.

00:15:23:08 – 00:15:44:12
Dr. Mona
You always do this. You’re always making mistakes. You’re always doing this. This is how I was raised. They now internalize that. That they can’t make a mistake and have no support. They spill. And instead you say, oh, you spilled. Let’s. Let’s clean it up together. Allow mistakes, but teach them how to learn from them as you’re cleaning. How can we hold the cup next time?

00:15:44:12 – 00:16:08:12
Dr. Mona
So that doesn’t happen when we start to be so obsessive about not making mistakes and then also shaming your child. They are going to feel less safe with you and less trustworthy with you. Because the reality is human beings make mistakes. So as they grow, what are they going to realize? Well, my caregiver doesn’t accept mistakes and only accepts perfection and will shame me.

00:16:08:17 – 00:16:30:21
Dr. Mona
But instead, if they grow up with this mentality that I’m capable, I’m trusted. I can trust my caregiver. They are going to feel safety, and the next thing is going to go in line with the connection section, but being available to them when needed without distraction. And like I said, I’m going to discuss this more in the connection category.

00:16:30:23 – 00:16:48:27
Dr. Mona
But this is how we breed secure attachment. And when you hear this, you may feel, well, doctor Mona, I don’t have time. I’m not able to do this. I’m working so much and you know, I’m tired. This is about when they need it. You know, I talk about when your child needs a hug. Just really giving them that hug.

00:16:48:29 – 00:17:09:18
Dr. Mona
When you start to do that more and more, you’re going to realize that they’re not going to need those moments as much because you’re filling up their safety cup. Here are some quotes that I want you to remember when you’re trying to breed safety and trust in your family. It’s okay to be sad. That quote validates feelings. It was a mistake.

00:17:09:19 – 00:17:32:03
Dr. Mona
Let’s figure it out together. Rocking the mistake and also saying that this is collaborative and that you can trust me if you make a mistake. I love who you are. Going back to celebrating who they are, their identity, and not trying to change them is an aspect of safety and trust. I know you can do it. Believing and trusting in them.

00:17:32:05 – 00:17:59:26
Dr. Mona
You don’t know how to do it yet. You are building safety by believing in them, encouraging them that they’re capable and if not, you can step in and help. I believe you. This is going back to trust in the example of giving them opportunities, of being trustworthy. I’m proud of you. It’s a form of safety and that you are their biggest cheerleader and home base because this all goes down for them feeling secure.

00:17:59:29 – 00:18:21:05
Dr. Mona
And when they feel secure with you, this is secure attachment. They are more likely to feel confident to explore the world, to handle people in their lives. That may not be exactly like you, because they know that they can always come back to your safe space and your safe love. Now, we talked about safety. Now let’s talk about respect.

00:18:21:11 – 00:18:41:03
Dr. Mona
And a lot of this can overlap with trust and connection. So let’s go over how we can show respect for your kids who they are and their feelings. So as a reminder, safety was trust predictability and secure attachment. Respect is that they feel seen by you. And if they’re seen by you, they’re more likely to listen to you and want to come to you when they need help.

00:18:41:03 – 00:19:01:26
Dr. Mona
Even as teenagers or adults. And this is really important to me because I grew up in a very common parenting style where it was a one way form of respect in Indian culture. And I’m sure many of you listening, maybe not even in my culture. It was a one way street where we respected our elders, but there was little respect for us.

00:19:01:26 – 00:19:24:19
Dr. Mona
And you’re going to hear how respect shows up for our children. And please remember that respecting your child does not mean that you are not being an effective boundary setter. On the contrary, you’re going to continue making boundaries, but you’re going to incorporate a lot of these things so that your child feels respected. So as they grow, they want to continue to listen to you and have a relationship with you.

00:19:24:21 – 00:19:45:26
Dr. Mona
Now let’s take a break to hear from our sponsors. The first thing is asking them for their choice. Now we know power of choice is useful in the toddler years because of autonomy. But it’s okay to ask your child what they want and this is especially important as they develop. So of course, the toddler brain. You’re not going to be able to ask open ended questions.

00:19:45:26 – 00:20:07:09
Dr. Mona
You may have to show them before they’re verbal. So you’re going to show them like, do you want this or this? As they get older you may say, do you want this or this offering two choices. But as they get older, 4567 school age and beyond asking them what they want. This could be for a movie they want to watch, letting them pick a restaurant, what outfit they want to wear.

00:20:07:11 – 00:20:31:07
Dr. Mona
This shows them that you respect them and who they are and the choices that they make. Of course, there’s going to be limitations to this. Just say they want to wear underwear to school. You can’t really do that, but you get the picture. Give them choice and then admire that when you can. One thing that we do that I think is really helpful is any time Ryan makes a choice and I know this sounds like a lot of work, but again, it’s not.

00:20:31:07 – 00:20:52:09
Dr. Mona
You’re just incorporating into your day. He makes a choice. I will say that’s a really good choice. Giving an example, he loves picking out his pajamas, and he is in a phase of wanting mismatched pajamas. So a pattern in one style pattern or another. And listen, it’s not hurting anyone. So he’ll pick it out and he’ll bring it to me and I’ll say, hey, I love what you chose.

00:20:52:09 – 00:21:12:28
Dr. Mona
This is a great pattern. And that shows him that I accept his choices and that I will accept his choices, that it’s not always going to be mommy and Daddy making all the rules that he has, some say in his choices and identity. The next thing is showing interest in their interests. Do they love Legos? Do they love building?

00:21:13:00 – 00:21:34:09
Dr. Mona
Asking them do they love video games? Ask them what they love about the video game. When it comes to connection, this may mean asking what they want and doing it with them, which we’ll get into. And it’s okay if you are not great at that activity, but by participating in it, you show them that you respect their choices and their identity.

00:21:34:11 – 00:22:08:06
Dr. Mona
The next one’s a big one. Consent over body and consent is a highly discussed topic, especially with social media, and I take on an approach of consent over body. Maybe a little differently than what you’ve heard. But this means that we give hugs and kisses and tickles. But if our kids turn away or say no, we do not pressure and nor do we pressure them in public or with other people, respecting their autonomy and choice of what they do with their body shows you respect them, and if you respect them, they’re more likely to want to listen to you because they feel seen.

00:22:08:12 – 00:22:25:26
Dr. Mona
And again, like I mentioned, there’s a whole spectrum of consent. I am not an expert in consent. I’m sure some of you were like, well, you do some things that I wouldn’t do. But this comes down to what makes sense for your family. Physical consent means a lot to us in terms of how we’re approaching hugs, kisses and all of that.

00:22:25:28 – 00:22:43:21
Dr. Mona
We still give all of those things, but sometimes our son says, no, I don’t want a hug right now. I’m not going to force him. I’m not going to make him shamed into feeling well. I feel sad because you won’t give him a hug. And that’s what we should do in public with relatives, loved ones as well. The next is respecting them at meals.

00:22:43:24 – 00:23:05:09
Dr. Mona
Now this is going to be tricky, especially for those of you dealing with your picky or selective eater. Remember, I do have a Picky Eating playbook course which talks about all of this. But at meals we want to respect that they’re full and say that. So when you have a baby who pushes away during a feed, you can try again and say, oh, are you all done?

00:23:05:09 – 00:23:20:12
Dr. Mona
And you know, if I use sign language with our daughter and son, if they keep pushing. I want you to end the meal and say, all done. Pick up the food and move away with your toddlers and your older children. Hey, this is what we’re eating. Put the plate down. Allow them to feed. Of course you can have some safe food.

00:23:20:12 – 00:23:38:10
Dr. Mona
And again, I go over that in my course. But once they’re done, you don’t force them. You don’t say just eat one more bite. Eat more. You’re too thin. Eat more. You’re going to be hungry. You just see statements. This is our meal. Feel your body. Listen to your belly. If you’re still hungry, keep eating. But if you’re full, stop.

00:23:38:14 – 00:24:01:08
Dr. Mona
And remember that this is the last meal of the day. The next meal is not coming until breakfast. Or if you guys do a bedtime snack. Whatever it is, set the expectation, but start using that terminology. Great job listening to your belly. Just say they are done eating and they put the plate away. You’re full. Great job listening to your belly because this shows them that you respect their body and their cues.

00:24:01:10 – 00:24:20:27
Dr. Mona
The next thing that has to do with respect is really important. And sometimes we have a hard time doing this. Is praising in public but disciplining in private. This shows that you respect them, but are also going to follow through on discipline and boundaries. Of course, there’s going to be moments where you need to pull them aside in public, and this is normal.

00:24:21:00 – 00:24:37:10
Dr. Mona
But I’m talking about if you’re in a park and your child does something and you just start berating and yelling at them in front of other children. This is not a form of respect. What would be more appropriate is to pull your child aside and say, hey, Ryan, we’re going to go over here for just a second. I know you’re really upset right now.

00:24:37:10 – 00:24:56:28
Dr. Mona
I want to talk to you, and you’re going to go into a corner or into another part and speak to them and discipline their when we yell and shame them in front of their peers, it’s embarrassing. Imagine if someone did that to you. It doesn’t feel good. So as you’re listening to all of this, I want you to think what makes me feel respected.

00:24:57:00 – 00:25:19:07
Dr. Mona
I don’t want to be yelled at by my partner in public if I did something. So your child doesn’t want to have that either. Remember, de-escalate. And then also debrief whether that debriefing is happening in the corner when they’re calm, but also when you get home, debrief them. It shows that you respect them, that you saw what was happening and that you want to be better and teach them to be better.

00:25:19:09 – 00:25:46:06
Dr. Mona
Next, we want to discuss comparison. So comparison is one way we lead a child down a path to self shame and potential extreme competitiveness and lack of self-worth. I recently did a talk about peer relationships and how comparison is truly the thief of joy for children when it comes to how we as adults look at them, comparing them to their sibling, other children, etc. why are you not like your brother?

00:25:46:11 – 00:26:08:13
Dr. Mona
Why don’t you do this like your sister? You’re always doing this. You always do this. It’s a form of shame and it’s a form of bullying, and it makes them feel very little about themselves. It doesn’t show them respect for who they are. And you’re not amplifying their strengths. Of course, if your child needs more help in a certain situation or behavior, you’re going to guide them.

00:26:08:19 – 00:26:28:22
Dr. Mona
But our job as parents is to positively reinforce the behaviors we want, but work privately with them on the behaviors that we don’t. When it comes to respect Ryan, our son was having a very difficult time in school after our daughter was born, and we suspect it was partly connection and the lack of what he was used to at home.

00:26:28:24 – 00:26:50:23
Dr. Mona
But the issues began a month after he had started school, and our daughter was already three and a half months old and he was in summer camp. We realized the issue was a lack of mutual respect from his teacher. His teacher was a lot more stern, and also would compare Ryan to others and discipline him in front of others in a not so kind way.

00:26:50:25 – 00:27:14:02
Dr. Mona
So I had to talk to the teacher about the approach. As we dug through the issues, we realized that the core of his issue was of lack of feeling respected and him still developing safety with his new teacher, again showing how important trust, respect and connection are not only for a parent and child, but for any nurture of a child.

00:27:14:04 – 00:27:30:19
Dr. Mona
And of course, this is one example. It’s not always going to be well. Oh yeah, it’s a lack of respect. That’s why I want to provide you this trust, respect and connection diagram here so that you know that if something is happening, I need to make sure that all of those three things and basic needs are being met.

00:27:30:21 – 00:27:54:05
Dr. Mona
Another way we show respect is by listening and validating. And this goes in line with the safety category. Feelings are safe and respect here shows them that you are listening to them and validating them. Remember that when boundaries setting the validation doesn’t have to be this overdrawn production. Simply saying, I hear you right now, it’s hard when you don’t want to do something, but right now we have to leave the park.

00:27:54:11 – 00:28:14:29
Dr. Mona
You can either walk or I can carry you. This is so important that we validate and listen, and also not get into this struggle of over validating and just being very clear about the boundaries, because by listening and validating, you are seeing them. And that’s a form of respect. The next thing is not bullying and shaming. And I already talked about that with the comparison.

00:28:15:01 – 00:28:34:04
Dr. Mona
And I will do an entire episode again. I would love to write a book about this, because there’s so many ways that we can shame our children, and I think our generation is doing a much better job of it. But parents can accidentally bully their child by speaking about them and using labels in a demeaning way in front of others.

00:28:34:06 – 00:28:51:02
Dr. Mona
Here are some examples. Gosh, he’s so picky. He won’t eat that. He’s so picky. She’s so shy she’s not going to want to come with you. It’s so frustrating. But the more we do that, the more we label our children, the more we show them that we’re not seeing them for the issues that they have and going to work with them.

00:28:51:04 – 00:29:12:29
Dr. Mona
And it leads to a feeling of self shame. But understandably, this doesn’t lead to any respect. And like I said, I’m going to do a future episode about this because I believe there’s so much we can change in reducing the shame which carries with the child into their adulthood. The next thing which is so important, and I’ve spoken about this many times before, is apologizing and repairing.

00:29:13:06 – 00:29:36:26
Dr. Mona
This is so key for a child to feel respected when they hear that their adult caregiver apologize. They humanize you and relate more to you and also will model after that behavior. This is a form of respect in that you realized that you made a mistake. Owned up to that mistake, and you realized how it made someone else feel without blaming them for your response.

00:29:36:28 – 00:29:53:07
Dr. Mona
And not only is this important for respect, it’s important for modeling behavior that we want from a child. If they always see you yelling, if you were to hit your child, if you were to do this. The first step is really trying to change those patterns, because we don’t want that to be your norm, like I mentioned already.

00:29:53:10 – 00:30:17:06
Dr. Mona
But if you do do it, and you are also still doing the work so it doesn’t keep happening, I need you to apologize and mean it. This isn’t a half ass apology. It’s a hey. Earlier today I yelled at you, I was frustrated. I know you were doing something, and that was my fault for getting upset. I get it that our children do some really ridiculous things and they should be held accountable for that.

00:30:17:09 – 00:30:37:25
Dr. Mona
But in the end, we are also accountable and should be held accountable for how we respond to situations and our communication. And the last thing with respect is speaking to them with respect. When we do boundaries setting, we don’t need to yell. We don’t need to threaten and we can be firm with our tone. Example we’re not watching television right now.

00:30:37:29 – 00:30:58:27
Dr. Mona
I see that you’re upset, but it’s not the time. You have a lot of other toys. What would you like to play right now? Control your tone. I get that this can be hard. It’s so easy to fall into that. Oh, gosh, you’re so frustrating. You never listen. But if you’re not listening to them and respecting them with your tone and voice, they’re not going to want to listen to you.

00:30:59:00 – 00:31:21:17
Dr. Mona
So remember what I said. A lot of this is the quotes that I gave you. But a lot of this is body language and tone and so much of communication with peers, loved ones and our children is nonverbal. So here are some quotes that show your child you respect them. Wow. That’s a really good choice. You’re going to celebrate their autonomy and their thoughts.

00:31:21:19 – 00:31:41:29
Dr. Mona
This is a form of respect. Like I mentioned, when Ryan picked out his mismatched PJs. I’m sorry for yelling. Today you’re apologizing and repairing and showing them respect by controlling your emotions and taking ownership. Wow, your body is so strong and healthy. This is all about showing respect for who they are and how they look and not trying to change them.

00:31:42:03 – 00:32:03:16
Dr. Mona
And this goes back to the shame thing that I mentioned. Oh, you’re so skinny. You’re so fat, you need to lose weight. This is not conducive to a loving, respectful relationship. Great job listening to your body. This shows them respect of their fullness cuz like I mentioned with their eating meals, I’m listening to you and I love hearing what you have to say.

00:32:03:18 – 00:32:20:01
Dr. Mona
Show them that you respect their opinions and thoughts. And this is very quick. This could be that your child is yelling or talking to you while you’re trying to be on a phone, and you are having to make that phone call and turning to your child and saying, I’m listening to you and you just take care of this call.

00:32:20:07 – 00:32:42:02
Dr. Mona
I love what you have to say, but give me a moment. Remember that if your child is young under four, they lack impulse control. If your child has neurodiversity, ADHD, autism, they may struggle with that. But give yourself some patience and give them some patience if they’re young. But keep persistent with saying, I’m listening to you. I love hearing what you have to say and you can hold the boundary with I need a moment.

00:32:42:04 – 00:33:01:10
Dr. Mona
The next one is what do you want to play and what do you like? Show them that you can have choices and so can they and celebrate those choices. The example I give is Ryan was getting into this phase where he always wanted to see what I liked, what books do I want to read? What music do I want to listen to?

00:33:01:13 – 00:33:14:19
Dr. Mona
And I thought it was so beautiful. But to be quite honest and transparent, sometimes with reading, I don’t want him reading the longer books because I’m tired by the end of the day. And I think some of you can relate to that. And I will say, no, sweetie, I don’t want to read that book. You have to select another one.

00:33:14:23 – 00:33:30:19
Dr. Mona
So I realized that what was happening is that he was starting to realize that I do not accept some of his choices because it was me. I don’t want to read the book. And so I started to really be mindful of that and start incorporating. Oh, sweetie, I like that book. But what book do you want to read?

00:33:30:21 – 00:33:49:07
Dr. Mona
Because he was starting to feel like, well, mommy doesn’t like this, so let me ask what she wants. And sometimes I will say what I want. Sometimes I do want certain music, but I also make sure to incorporate what he wants. What book do you want to read today? And sometimes, if it means reading one longer book versus two shorter books, I do that.

00:33:49:09 – 00:34:09:12
Dr. Mona
Hey, this is a great choice. Oh, you love this book, right? Let’s read it. We have time for one book today. So remember, you can still create boundaries, but show your child that you respect them by asking what they like or what they want to play. Now let’s take a break to hear from our sponsors. And now, lastly, but not least, of course, let’s get to connection.

00:34:09:15 – 00:34:29:03
Dr. Mona
You know, I was working out the other day in the park. I have a trainer, which I love and he does not yet have children, and he was getting irritated with children that were playing near our workout and getting into our space. You know, they were a little bit older, like school age, but they were like kicking the ball and not really listening and understanding that we were working out.

00:34:29:05 – 00:34:45:18
Dr. Mona
He actually tried to discipline them and saying, hey guys, stop getting into our space. And the kids didn’t really do anything. They gave him a blank stare and just started playing. Now I had to give him a little bit of a primer. We don’t know what those children are like. We don’t know what sort of parenting is happening at home, so we can’t really judge.

00:34:45:18 – 00:35:05:09
Dr. Mona
Okay. But also, kids are not really going to listen to boundary setters if they have no clue who they are. They’re more likely to listen to someone that they trust. So then what happened? The mom saw it happening from across the way. She was talking with some friends and came over and she made a stern boundary and said, hey, these people are using the space, you need to move over there.

00:35:05:12 – 00:35:27:16
Dr. Mona
And then they moved the delivery matters. The connection matters. All of this matters trust, safety, respect and connection for our children to listen. So reminder safety was trust, predictability and secure attachment. Respect is that they feel seen by you. And if they feel seen by you, they’re more likely to listen to you. Connection is simple. Spending quality time.

00:35:27:18 – 00:35:44:24
Dr. Mona
So now when I talk about connection, people can start feeling bad about themselves because you feel like you have to have a lot of time. But what I said already is that you do not need to have all the time in the world to connect with your child. You have to be strategic here. As a reminder, I work full time with my business.

00:35:44:25 – 00:36:03:29
Dr. Mona
I work part time clinically, have two children and maintain the house with my husband. And it’s hard. Yes, we have help with our son being in preschool and a nanny, but finding time for connection when you’re so busy with other things can be difficult, but it can be done. The first thing is listen actively. I get kids can talk a lot, especially those young kids.

00:36:04:01 – 00:36:31:11
Dr. Mona
But I want to tell you something that I know to be true. They’re going to become tweens and teenagers and reach a developmental stage where they’re not always going to want to talk. Even if you have an amazing relationship and this is not a reflection of you, this is development. It’s very common for them to become reserved. So when your younger child is talking, of course, if you have things to do and you need to set a boundary and, you know, be respectful of that where you communicate with that tone.

00:36:31:14 – 00:36:59:03
Dr. Mona
But when they are talking and you are able to be there, listen. Actively listen. Set aside time, whether it’s during bedtime, routine or dinner where you listen without distraction. Don’t listen and check your cell phone. Don’t listen and then have the TV on. Don’t listen and be talking to your partner. Ask them. Look at them in the eye if they like eye contact, but talk to them and listen actively.

00:36:59:05 – 00:37:18:12
Dr. Mona
This is especially important for younger children to me because they’re learning vocabulary, and it’s so easy to feel frustrated and want to feel the words right, like you’re waiting for that child to speak and you’re just like, okay, just say it. Come out with it. Pause. Take that moment. Let them get the word out. If they’re struggling to get the word out or the phrase give them space.

00:37:18:13 – 00:37:35:07
Dr. Mona
Give them time. They’re not going anywhere. You’re not going anywhere. This is a moment with them. Once they’re done speaking. Respond. Oh, I didn’t understand what that meant. Can you say it in a different way that shows respect? You heard what they say. You don’t understand. You ask it in a nice way versus. I don’t know what you’re talking about.

00:37:35:14 – 00:37:53:14
Dr. Mona
Remember, all of this stuff adds up. The next thing is play. And I know play can feel time consuming. It can feel hard, but it is how children connect and communicate. And children will not say, hey, I need you, I need to talk to you. They’re going to say, let’s play. And I saw this happening so much with my husband.

00:37:53:14 – 00:38:12:06
Dr. Mona
And like I said, my husband struggle with a little bit of boundary setting and issues with Ryan, and Ryan would repetitively say, hey daddy, I want to play, I want to play. And sometimes my husband would be distracted or busy. And then I said, hey, this is him asking, just have a moment with you. And I’m like, put away your cell phone and just really connect with him.

00:38:12:09 – 00:38:31:26
Dr. Mona
And sometimes it may mean, hey, Ryan, right now I can’t play, but why don’t we do this? And then maybe I’ll put a timer and in ten minutes I will play with you. And that’s something that I do, because sometimes I’m busy and I can’t play. Play is connection for them. Going back to that respect portion of this conversation, ask them what they want to play.

00:38:31:28 – 00:38:47:29
Dr. Mona
If they’re young, you can point to some options and give them some choices. If they’re older, you can give them an open ended question. Hey, what do you want to play today? Show interest in them and play. If you have other kids or things to do, you can set a timer and say, okay, ten minutes and then we can play.

00:38:47:29 – 00:39:05:02
Dr. Mona
And then when you need to play and just say you have to make dinner or do something else, let’s do a ten minute timer and we can play with whatever you’d like. And remember distraction free play time. I know this feels like tough love, but we live in a digital age where our cell phones are with us. And I get, maybe you want to take a picture.

00:39:05:02 – 00:39:22:02
Dr. Mona
I’m guilty of this. I take pictures of my kids and I share them on social sometimes, but I also then put that phone away. If you follow me, you know that I share the photos and I’m actually not sharing the photos until my children are either occupied with another caregiver or napping. And that’s really important to me because I don’t want them to see mommy take a photo.

00:39:22:03 – 00:39:44:19
Dr. Mona
Mommy spends her time posting the photo and so have that quality play. When selecting play activities, think about activities where you can also build something together, or problem solve, or even get physical in a safe way. Roughhousing, allowing your child to climb on you and any other healthy physical contact is actually a really healthy form of connection and bonding for us.

00:39:44:19 – 00:40:03:14
Dr. Mona
It’s Vera climbing on me. I describe it as, you know, she’s a little lion cub and she’s climbing all over me. My husband does more roughhousing and it’s actually okay if it’s in a safe way. So this is healthy physical contact and it’s a form of connection and bonding when it comes to activities that may foster problem solving or building.

00:40:03:20 – 00:40:23:12
Dr. Mona
This is another form of connection. And you’re going to choose age appropriate things. So maybe it’s going to be a magnet when they’re younger Legos when they’re older. My husband and Ryan, one of their problem solving connection activities is building marble runs. And for me with Ryan, it’s puzzles with our daughter. She’s young, so she’s nine months. At the time of this recording.

00:40:23:20 – 00:40:43:15
Dr. Mona
We’re not problem solving a lot of things, but at nine months, she understands object permanence, which is that something disappears from her view that it still exists, and she really loves pulling things out of each other. It’s a very common nine month old thing. So we have this little tissue box with reusable, handkerchiefs, and we lace them together, and then she pulls and pulls and pulls.

00:40:43:20 – 00:41:08:08
Dr. Mona
So I’m watching her brain as she problem solves. Pull something and something else comes out. Pull something and something else comes out. And I’m with her, even though she’s doing more of the problem solving, guiding her and narrating and saying, oh yeah, you pulled that out. There’s another one, there’s another one. It’s blue. That is how you can foster that sort of collaborative approach problem solving and building something together.

00:41:08:08 – 00:41:26:13
Dr. Mona
It really fosters all layers of what I’m talking about. You are building safety by having that connection. Obviously you’re playing with them, which is a form of safety and connection as well. And you’re also trusting them, giving some them some time, seeing what they can do, but of course, understanding that they may need your help. Other options for connection or play music and dance.

00:41:26:13 – 00:41:44:11
Dr. Mona
You know that I’m a big lover of all of this. Not only does it elevate the mood if you’re having a hard day and I’ve been there, I have solo parents. I’ve had really stressful days. If I’m feeling that, I refuse to let the day end like that, I will put on some music and dance like a crazy fool because it’s a huge source of bonding.

00:41:44:16 – 00:42:02:05
Dr. Mona
And again, you can show respect by allowing your child, if they’re age appropriate, to pick their song or help create a playlist or take turns. Another way we connect, which is an obvious is one on one time. But one mistake I see made if you’re lucky to get one on one time because I know it’s not possible, is taking them somewhere where you can’t connect.

00:42:02:05 – 00:42:17:05
Dr. Mona
So one on one time is not just taking them to the park where they’re playing with other kids. It’s not going to a birthday party where they’re playing with other kids. This is important. Obviously, you’re a caregiver. You have to do these things. But when I talk about one on one time, it’s exactly that you and your child together.

00:42:17:05 – 00:42:36:03
Dr. Mona
So using a date night example like I go to on restaurant dates with Ryan once a week, you know, we’ll have my husband watch Viera and I will take him and we will do a one on one restaurant date. And he gets to pick the restaurant. We drive, we get to listen to music. I show him respect by either choosing what song he wants.

00:42:36:06 – 00:43:00:10
Dr. Mona
He shows me respect back by letting me listen to my music. We listen to some music, we talk at the restaurant, cell phones are away and we get to connect. I allow him to choose because I want to show him respect. And again, not only does this led to respect by him choosing and respecting his choice, but it’s a deep connection to be able to go somewhere or be with your child one on one and talk about feelings.

00:43:00:16 – 00:43:19:28
Dr. Mona
We talk about our day and we talk about how much we love spending time together. And remember, you do not have to leave your house to do this. You can do this when it’s a bedtime routine. You can do this at little moments. If you have multiple children, just say one of them’s down for a nap. You’re going to use that nap time to have one on one with the other.

00:43:20:03 – 00:43:50:06
Dr. Mona
If you have a big family, remember you are doing the best with your time and resources to create these connection moments. It’s not a one size fits all, but the goal here is connection without distraction with your children. Whenever you can. Family meals are amazing and that is my next point with connection. Not only are they very useful for there to just be one time that everyone eats and cleanup that happens, but it has been shown to have such positive outcomes on children when safety and trust are also there.

00:43:50:12 – 00:44:16:25
Dr. Mona
Speaking from personal experience, since my husband does shift work and we don’t always get dinner together, but when we do, it’s a no cell phone experience and we talk or we listen to music. And there’s also no screens or distractions. Connection is also the obvious physical connection a hug, snuggles, etc. you know, respect their consent. But if they pull away, remind them that it’s always there, but likely they’ll come back with hugs.

00:44:16:25 – 00:44:34:15
Dr. Mona
Remember what I said already? If they’re upset, let them hug you as long as they need until them let go. When you’re ready. People feel like that’s going to mean like a long time, that it’s going to be like that forever. But the more you show them that you’re available, the less they’ll need you. Because they see it.

00:44:34:22 – 00:44:55:01
Dr. Mona
They see that there’s connection, they see there’s respect, and they see that there’s trust and safety, and they’re not going to be running to you, whining towards you, climbing on you nearly as much, especially as they get older and their development changes just two last comments about connection before I get into those quotes. Connection where you are playing or talking really should be screen free.

00:44:55:01 – 00:45:20:11
Dr. Mona
Now this isn’t tough love, but the damn truth. Everybody you have to connect and you have to be off your device. Your child has to be off their device. TV has to be off. Now remember, a form of connection could be sitting together and watching a TV show or movie. But if the goal of connection is to connect and talk, you can’t have a device on now you can do coaching joint attention on a TV, and that’s the activity.

00:45:20:13 – 00:45:45:23
Dr. Mona
But if you’re trying to get deep into feelings with your child, it needs to be distraction free. The next thing which is really important to me is really focusing on connection. After you have been apart and I’ve spoken about this before, and this is especially for all of my listeners who have children who are in daycare, and you may be a working parent and outside the home, and you guys don’t see each other for the majority of the day connection when you reunite.

00:45:45:26 – 00:46:07:01
Dr. Mona
So at drop off, be direct, I love you. I can’t wait to see you. I’ll see you pick up at pick up. I love seeing you. It’s my favorite part of my day. Fill their cup with those quotes and those moments so that when they leave you and when they come back, they feel connection. And they feel the safety that they love you.

00:46:07:01 – 00:46:22:11
Dr. Mona
You love them, but that they can go to school, they can go to daycare and they can be safe there, but that they’re also be able to come back to you and you are waiting for them and that you miss them. It’s a beautiful thing. But children want to be loved and they want to be missed, so say that to them.

00:46:22:14 – 00:46:42:09
Dr. Mona
I really missed you. I love that you had a great day at school, but I miss you and I love seeing you. At the end of the day, these moments remind them that separation happen, but reunions feel so good and that you are their safe space. Now to finish this off, some quotes and these are all self-explanatory. I was thinking about you today.

00:46:42:11 – 00:47:13:10
Dr. Mona
You make me happy. I love spending time with you. I love giving you hugs. Can we play together? You make our home so happy. You make me laugh. Thank you for loving me. My favorite part of my day is when I get to see you. Oh gosh, don’t these just make you feel all warm and fuzzy? Like I say it and I feel love and it’s all quotes that we use in our home and it’s easy to use for you now, a child craving connection can show up as them constantly asking you to play with them.

00:47:13:16 – 00:47:34:21
Dr. Mona
Remember, play equals connection for a young child being more whiny or tantrum around the caregiver that they’re craving more connection with, or physically just wanting closeness or having more meltdowns during separation that is out of the ordinary for their age. Is it the only reason that these behaviors are happening? No. But remember, anytime you’re struggling with anything with your child, I want you to think, do they feel safe?

00:47:34:27 – 00:47:56:14
Dr. Mona
Do they feel respected? And are we giving them connection? Now, revisiting how all of this showed up in our family and our son, being more whiny and having more meltdowns with my husband. My husband has an unpredictable schedule. He is an ER physician who works evenings, days, weeks. It’s just there’s no predictability. So this didn’t provide the typical safety Ryan would expect.

00:47:56:16 – 00:48:19:06
Dr. Mona
He didn’t have predictability in my husband’s schedule. It’s life. So we had to continue to normalize it and fill Ryan’s cup with dad time when he was home. My husband also didn’t follow through with boundaries. This also led to a lack of follow through and a lack of also following through with promises. My husband wouldn’t trust Ryan in things that he knew he was capable of giving the example of when he was eating.

00:48:19:09 – 00:48:40:24
Dr. Mona
He would just do it for him when he knows that Ryan can do it. He also wasn’t available for him without distraction. We’re all guilty of this, but what my husband was doing was constantly being on the phone around the kids. I mean, a lot of us are. But this led to a lack of true connection. He is a shift worker, and to be honest, that does a number on you and can make you less present even if you’re there.

00:48:40:26 – 00:49:01:28
Dr. Mona
My husband was also guilty of doing one on one activities, but not truly being one on one. He would take him to the park where Ryan would play with other kids, and he would think that that’s one on one connection. So I told my husband, I’m like, amazing. This is all part of the puzzle, but I encourage you to do bedtime routine with him, which he now does more of so that you can actually talk about things, read a book, talk about feelings, have that understood?

00:49:02:02 – 00:49:31:06
Dr. Mona
Did no one else in the picture but you and him so you can really connect? And this has really helped us. Once my husband started making these tweaks with safety, respect and connection, things started to change. Behavior changed for our son, connection improved, respect improved, safety improved, and things improved. As a family, I’m so grateful to take care of kids from birth to 21, and one of my favorite groups to work with are actually teenagers and their parents.

00:49:31:06 – 00:49:58:14
Dr. Mona
I love teenagers. I made a whole range of them, some who lack trust, respect, and connection with their caregiver and some who have all three, and it’s noticeable. We’re able to talk about issues openly in visits. We can talk about drug use, alcohol, sex. There’s an open conversation there because there’s trust, respect, safety and connection. Feelings are validated.

00:49:58:16 – 00:50:18:09
Dr. Mona
Children who are struggling mentally have a parent coming in telling me that they want help. This is a form of respect. This is a form of safety, and this is a form of connection. All of our conversations are filled with trust, and I can tell when there is a parent doing all three, especially as a child gets older.

00:50:18:11 – 00:50:35:05
Dr. Mona
And it makes me feel so good sitting in those rooms with that parent and that child, because I know that there’s a mutual respect here. We all want the best for that child. We all want the best for that family, and we all trust that child, respect that child, and want to connect with them so that they feel safe.

00:50:35:07 – 00:50:56:17
Dr. Mona
And so I know this trifecta is possible. I know it’s possible. Whatever socioeconomic status you’re in, however much you’re working. I know safety, respect and connection has so much power, not only in changing a child’s behavior for the better, but also for creating a relationship of everlasting love and appreciation. And I hope this episode made you a believer too.

00:50:56:20 – 00:51:18:11
Dr. Mona
If you love this episode, please share it. Share the episode to your stories. Tag me Pete’s dog talk. Tell me how it resonated with you by leaving reviews. Seriously, I love your DMs about the show, but we need those reviews. Conversations surrounding parenting bring me so much joy and unfortunately, in my practice, we don’t have enough time to sit there for an hour, hour and a half and chat about these things.

00:51:18:13 – 00:51:36:17
Dr. Mona
So I just gave you an almost hour long episode that I wish that I could scream from the rooftops. This episode is really going to help you all, and if you actually practice it, you are going to see changes in the way love shows up in your home, but also in the way that your child respects you and you respect them.

00:51:36:19 – 00:51:55:04
Dr. Mona
Thank you so much. If you love all of these conversations, subscribe to the show. Make sure to share this episode. Like I said, and I cannot wait to chat with you all. And next time, thank you for tuning in for this week’s episode. As always, please leave a review. Share this episode with a friend. Share it on your social media.

00:51:55:06 – 00:52:03:00
Dr. Mona
Make sure to follow me at PedsDocTalk on Instagram and subscribe to my YouTube channel. PedsDocTalk TV. We’ll talk to you soon.