• What is perinatal rage and why can it happen
• How to recognize you need support
• How to communicate your needs with loved ones including your partner

00;00;01;01 – 00;00;18;24

Ashurina Ream

We have this idea, this perception of what moms should be like. Particularly moms, when we’re talked about moms, moms should be nurturing. They should be gentle. They should have loads of patience. So when you’re noticing that, hey, I’m really irritable and I’m really angry and I’m rage filled, we don’t necessarily want to share that people, because what would that say about me?

 

00;00;18;26 – 00;00;40;18

Dr. Mona

Welcome back to the PedsDocTalk Podcast. This show continues to grow because of you and your reviews. A podcast where I get to welcome the most amazing guests to chat about all things parenting, child health, child development, but also parental, mental and physical health. And today’s guest is talking about just that. We are talking about why am I so angry?

 

00;00;40;18 – 00;01;01;26

Dr. Mona

Perinatal rage in motherhood. Today’s guest is Doctor Ashurina Ream. She’s a licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Psych Mommy, and a mother of two, and we are going to get into that perinatal rage, which many women experience but don’t know is a reality. But before we get into the topic, Doctor Ashurina, thank you for joining us today.

 

00;01;01;28 – 00;01;03;04

Ashurina Ream

Thank you so much for having me.

 

00;01;03;06 – 00;01;08;24

Dr. Mona

Yeah. So tell us more about yourself. If anyone’s not familiar with your work as Psych mommy or in real life as well.

 

00;01;08;27 – 00;01;37;27

Ashurina Ream

Yeah, absolutely. I am, like you said, a licensed clinical psychologist based in Arizona. I’m a mom of two. I became a perinatal mental health specialist shortly after my first was born, when I was experiencing perinatal depression and anxiety myself. And then I thought, okay, what’s going on with me? They didn’t train me about this in graduate school, and it made a big pivot in my career, and I’ve kind of dedicated my career so far this decade on perinatal mental health, and I don’t think I will actually ever look back.

 

00;01;37;27 – 00;01;38;28

Ashurina Ream

It’s been great.

 

00;01;39;00 – 00;02;08;13

Dr. Mona

Well, I love the work that you do. I love following you on social media. That is how we connected. So had it not been for Instagram, we would have never become social media friends or, you know, social media professional friends. I really appreciate the work that you do. Obviously in real life and online, being able to reach so many people with the information that you provide and the topic that we’re discussing today is one of those topics that I feel isolates so many women who become moms and experience this sort of rage that we’re going to talk about.

 

00;02;08;13 – 00;02;25;14

Dr. Mona

And it’s not until you realize that it’s, let’s say, normal or that it happens, then you can actually do something about it. So it is a really real thing. What exactly is perinatal rage and is there a reason why it happens? Is there a risk factors as to why it may happen? If we can start there?

 

00;02;25;17 – 00;02;45;20

Ashurina Ream

Yes, absolutely. This is a great question, and it’s something that most parents don’t want to talk about even when they see their therapist, because it’s just riddled with shame. And you feel really terrible about feeling rage because we have this idea and perception of what moms should be like, particularly amounts. When we’re talked about moms, mom should be nurturing, they should be gentle, they should have loads of patience.

 

00;02;45;25 – 00;03;07;03

Ashurina Ream

So when you’re noticing that, hey, I’m really irritable and I’m really angry and I’m rage filled, we don’t necessarily want to share that people, because what would that say about me as far as why is this happening? What we see is that anger and rage can be a product of perinatal depression, anxiety. It can be a symptom of something like that, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be.

 

00;03;07;07 – 00;03;33;22

Ashurina Ream

It can also be an isolated experience. It could be a standalone experience that parents will discuss and talk about. There’s a number of risk factors. There’s a number of vulnerabilities. One sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation is going to be a huge risk factor for these feelings. When you think about I mean, when you’re not getting your adequate sleep, how more likely are you going to be irritable to snap at your partner, at your child, or whatever it is that’s in your life around you?

 

00;03;33;28 – 00;03;53;22

Ashurina Ream

So there’s just a number of things, a couple of things that are the most common that show up in therapy with the patients that I meet with is unmet needs. We have unmet needs, maybe for support, for adequate nutrition, for sleep, like I’ve already mentioned, for feeling heard, seen, validated rest time away, or we’re feeling really overstimulated and burned out.

 

00;03;53;24 – 00;04;15;24

Ashurina Ream

There are so many things that can contribute. Most often it’s not one of these things. It’s a combination of these things that parents are reporting that makes them feel more irritable and not to get into, like some long winded feminist discussion. But I think that women are at higher risk because we are under supported and we are kind of sold this dream of what parenthood is going to be like.

 

00;04;15;24 – 00;04;34;26

Ashurina Ream

But we are getting more on our plate. We’re working moms. There’s a lot of working moms now than there were probably ever. But we are not getting this support. We’re managing the mental load of motherhood and the physical load and the emotional load and all of the things, and we are feeling like we’re living on an island where people are telling us that this village is going to show up and it doesn’t.

 

00;04;34;26 – 00;04;52;24

Ashurina Ream

So of course we’re going to feel angry. So not going on my soapbox, there’s some anger that’s to be expected because things are unfair. We do have unmet needs, but there are also a lot of things that can be done. So I don’t want to leave you on that island by yourself feeling like, okay, well, what’s going to change if the system is broken?

 

00;04;52;26 – 00;05;10;22

Dr. Mona

Oh yeah. And I don’t think this is it’s absolutely appropriate to discuss this because it’s a reality. And I think every woman can agree that there is a load that’s put on women that does not exist on men. And a lot of that load can be load that we create ourselves. Sometimes if we don’t ask for the help or when we have it.

 

00;05;10;28 – 00;05;25;17

Dr. Mona

But a lot of it is we don’t get the help, you know, or there’s been a lot of social media, like memes going around like, oh, you’re so amazing, mom, help! I need help, and it’s amazing. Keep up the work. Like you’re just all, you know, you’re doing so much amazing things. And it’s like sometimes we’re screaming into a void.

 

00;05;25;17 – 00;05;49;14

Dr. Mona

Like, I need support, I need the help. I’m struggling and we don’t get it. And it’s really hard for some women. And I think it’s so nice that we have this conversation because it is a reality. And structurally, I mean, whether you’re in America or other countries, I do feel obviously being an American woman working in America, that there is a really hard struggle, you know, adding childcare issues and a lot of women, whether you work or not.

 

00;05;49;14 – 00;06;14;11

Dr. Mona

But let’s say if you do, you have a paid job. So working a lot of women end up being the ones who have to sacrifice their work. If their partner makes more money or doesn’t have flexibility in their schedule. Or maybe the kids want the mommy more, and it’s like you’re trying to balance it all and trying to make it where you know you have your career passion, have your child, and even if you don’t have a career, just the load of like wanting sometimes a break.

 

00;06;14;11 – 00;06;31;28

Dr. Mona

And like you said at the beginning, sometimes women feel guilty of asking for that break because then they feel that they’re not mom enough, when in reality we’re human. Some of us need breaks, and I can attest to that fact that I work better with better sleep and breaks for my kid to be able to be more present with him in the moment.

 

00;06;31;28 – 00;06;43;00

Dr. Mona

Right? I need moments away from him for myself so that when I come together with him, I’m feeling not angry, not irritable. But it is a huge reality that I think many can relate to.

 

00;06;43;03 – 00;06;58;25

Ashurina Ream

I even think about like the societal expectations and how it does add to the load that mothers carry and why this also perpetuates these feelings. Something as simple as when we’ve had our first son. My husband and I are both working outside of the home. His employer was like, you’re only going to need like a week off, dude.

 

00;06;58;25 – 00;07;22;22

Ashurina Ream

Like, that’s a joke. This is what his body said to him. You’re going to be so bored, you’re just begging to come back as well. And I was like, what? You know, this is our child. This is our point. You know what do you mean? You’re only going to need a week off or two weeks off. And they were giving him such a hard time about it, like he wanted to take this time off to bring home a human being into the world.

 

00;07;22;22 – 00;07;39;27

Ashurina Ream

But for me, it was very expected. Okay, you’re going to take this time off, you’re going to be caring for the baby, right? And he’s going to go right back to work. It’s just the cultural and the societal expectations of what a mom is going to do. Like whose name is going to go on that emergency form at the school, who’s going to be contacted when something goes awry?

 

00;07;39;29 – 00;08;02;02

Ashurina Ream

There’s just these shifts. We’re seeing these things that mom does bear the burden of so many things. So yes, there are definitely the structural piece of what’s happening, but then there are also so many other things when it comes to our just our immediate needs or the way that we communicate our needs or what we, the expectations that we put on ourselves that are perpetuating the feelings that we have?

 

00;08;02;04 – 00;08;19;02

Dr. Mona

And is there a way or I guess, a not clinical definition, maybe the right word, but is there a way to know, is this like just normal irritability? Or rather we’re dealing with something like perinatal rage? Like, how would you describe it to someone who’s listening right now that doesn’t know if this is what they have?

 

00;08;19;05 – 00;08;36;05

Ashurina Ream

Yeah, I mean, this is how I think of it. There’s a number of different things that we can look into here. So when we think of perinatal depression, most often people have heard of postpartum depression. And the reason why we need the word perinatal, because I want everyone to know that these symptoms, whether it’s anxiety, anger, depression, no matter what we’re talking about, can show up during pregnancy.

 

00;08;36;12 – 00;08;52;24

Ashurina Ream

Oftentimes, we are led to believe that the feelings that we’re having, the changes in our mood that we’re having during pregnancy, we’re talking about two hormones, and that’s not the case. I remember, you know, being pregnant and start like, that’s when the anxiety started with my first pregnancy, and I didn’t even recognize it because everyone kept telling me, no, you’re pregnant.

 

00;08;52;24 – 00;09;07;25

Ashurina Ream

It’s just to be expected. You’re just having the jitters. You’re having. You know, you’re a little nervous. This is all normal. And it wasn’t. So be mindful if you’re noticing shifts in your mood when you’re pregnant. And how do I know if this is like a normal transition piece? Or how do I know if something else is going on?

 

00;09;08;02 – 00;09;30;15

Ashurina Ream

Well, perinatal depression can actually demonstrate itself. It can present in an irritable fashion. It doesn’t have to. We think of depression as I’m tearful and crying all the time. I want to isolate in my room. That’s not always the case. What can happen is that you are snapping, you are yelling more and it almost feels like I cannot suppress this feeling.

 

00;09;30;18 – 00;09;58;27

Ashurina Ream

Your partner leaves a plate on the counter and you just rage filled. You’re shaky, you know you want to snap. And it’s not about the dishes, we know that, but it just feels like there’s a lot of character presentation of anger and frustration that you didn’t experience prior to pregnancy or prior to this postpartum period, where it feels very out of character for you to present this way, or your child does something like one of the really common experiences that comes up is that my child skip now, or they’re not going down for now.

 

00;09;58;28 – 00;10;12;20

Ashurina Ream

And now I’m really I feel hostile, almost. And I’m going to be honest, I had this experience during my first postpartum experience. I was like, what is this feeling? You know, why am I feeling this? This is not what they told me in the what to expect. But you know.

 

00;10;12;23 – 00;10;27;21

Dr. Mona

Yeah. So it’s talking about it more so that you’re aware that it happens, like you said at the beginning. Like if you don’t know, you’re going to think and you may even just use the word suffer in silence. That’s okay. I’m gonna let it be. When in reality we can get support, you know.

 

00;10;27;24 – 00;10;48;08

Ashurina Ream

Yeah. And most of the time this stuff is pervasive. It’s showing up everywhere. It’s kind of seeping into all areas of your life. Like how do I know if something is clinical or how do I know if it’s just something that’s bleeding out like a situational experience. And we look at that as, okay, like if I were to get adequate sleep or if I were, you know, one of these things were resolved or I even have more support, am I still feeling this way?

 

00;10;48;15 – 00;11;09;20

Ashurina Ream

Is it really hard to manage? Is it impacting my relationships? Is it impacting how I’m interacting with my children? Is it impacting how I feel about myself? And that’s what we’re looking at. We want to know how does this show up in your life? Is this fairly mild in nature, or does it feel like, gosh, I can’t get a handle on this if I tried and all of my best efforts aren’t working.

 

00;11;09;23 – 00;11;25;21

Ashurina Ream

But truly, I want to say something that I think is really important. No matter what you are experiencing, if something is bothering you, it’s worth it to get it. Assess it’s worth it to get it checked out. It’s worth it to go see a therapist or a provider, because there’s no such thing as something being, you know, too silly to talk to us about.

 

00;11;25;21 – 00;11;34;04

Ashurina Ream

Because I gladly would love to talk to parents about this kind of stuff so that you don’t have to feel all these feelings and feel confused and lost and alone.

 

00;11;34;06 – 00;11;49;22

Dr. Mona

And do you feel, I mean, in your maybe clinical experience, but also just what you’re hearing on social with your large platform, do you feel like a lot of moms realize that themselves, or are a lot of them being told by partners or loved ones like, hey, I just feel like maybe you’re more irritable or have more rage.

 

00;11;49;22 – 00;11;52;22

Dr. Mona

Maybe they use that word. Or do you see a mix of that?

 

00;11;52;25 – 00;12;08;26

Ashurina Ream

I see a mix of it. Moms definitely will be like, gosh, I’m so angry. Or they’ll say another word like, I feel so bitchy, or I feel so, you know, I don’t feel like myself. That is a very big statement I use in my own experience. Or I said that to my husband. I was like, I don’t feel like myself.

 

00;12;08;26 – 00;12;26;01

Ashurina Ream

Something is off. Like I just don’t know what it is. And there’s another piece to this is that sometimes moms won’t even notice until they’ve actually like the fog has lifted the mirror on the other side, and they have a greater awareness because when you’re in it, it feels like a sinkhole. It feels like really, you’re deep in there.

 

00;12;26;03 – 00;12;47;19

Ashurina Ream

You just feel like, I don’t know, I’m barely managing it through every single moment. Then you get to the other side. Yeah, the fog lifts a little bit and you’re like, back then I was not okay. That was something was different. I noticed the difference. Now there’s a clear distinction. So it’s it’s a mixture of things. And sometimes a partner will say, hey, this is what I’m noticing.

 

00;12;47;21 – 00;13;03;17

Ashurina Ream

And it might not be pretty because they might just say, you know, they’re like, they’re just seeing the behaviors. They don’t understand the why. So to them you’re like, think you’re being mean. You’re mean. You’re not your usual self. Definitely. Education goes a long way when it comes to this experience.

 

00;13;03;20 – 00;13;24;07

Dr. Mona

I love that the title of this conversation is Perinatal Rage. Like you mentioned, that that reality that this can happen in pregnancy as well, and using that shame and stigma of that pregnancy and motherhood being this joyful always, let’s say always joyful butterflies and everything. So beautiful experience. And not to say that we don’t have moments like that in pregnancy and motherhood.

 

00;13;24;07 – 00;13;49;11

Dr. Mona

I do experience that. But in my first pregnancy, I did not have any irritability in pregnancy rage, any of that. But with my second pregnancy and having a toddler son who was almost three, it took me a while to realize what was happening, but I was way more short with him, so I would say more irritable. But that irritability did turn into rage of like getting so upset with him for the things that I never would get upset with him prior to being pregnant.

 

00;13;49;17 – 00;14;09;21

Dr. Mona

And it wasn’t until I spoke to my best friend in California when I was visiting in tears, telling her how I felt, and then my mother also, that I feel this feeling that I just feel like I’m sometimes very short with him and that his behavior is also getting worse because he senses that sort of push and pull of power struggle with mommy, who’s very upset.

 

00;14;09;23 – 00;14;26;01

Dr. Mona

And just by talking with them, you know, and saying, I’m feeling this. And my best friend who was like, I had it too with my second pregnancy, like I was very irritable sometimes I didn’t even want to be around my first kid, because I was just so upset with things that they would do. And like I said, just like talking about it.

 

00;14;26;03 – 00;14;50;15

Dr. Mona

It made me realize that this is really a reality. And then I subsequently decided therapy would be really good, just to make sure that I have someone on my side and my team. I think sometimes even with a great partner or a great social circle, which I do have, I always like to say, you know, therapy is like really helpful in sort of making sure that we’re almost having that other accountability and tools in our toolbelt.

 

00;14;50;16 – 00;15;16;12

Dr. Mona

And so I’m very pro therapy, and I’ve been very open about this on my podcast and in my Instagram. In terms of when a mother knows that she may need help. You already mentioned like she’s feeling like she’s not herself. Maybe this is like she says those words like, this is not me. Any other things that you wanted to add on when it’s time to get help and what that helped me look like, what it looked like therapy, what it looked like, medication, what would it look like if someone’s dealing with this and what would that support mean?

 

00;15;16;14 – 00;15;32;14

Ashurina Ream

So this is where I think it’s challenging, because the other words that we use and the way that our experience is so vastly different. And so I never want to give like qualifications because I think everyone needs to see a therapist. I think everyone can benefit from therapy. Yes, I am also pro therapy and.

 

00;15;32;14 – 00;15;45;05

Dr. Mona

A good one. Like if you have a good one, it’s like, oh my gosh, I have a great one right now. And I’m like, I don’t want to move out of Florida because then she doesn’t have any practice rights outside. I’m like, I’ve been searching for you for like, my whole life. Like, you’re so great. It’s amazing. Yeah.

 

00;15;45;05 – 00;15;45;18

Dr. Mona

It’s amazing.

 

00;15;45;18 – 00;16;04;12

Ashurina Ream

Oh, it really, it truly is. And you’re absolutely correct. And I think that once you’re feeling that, it’s like, this is too overwhelming. I can’t manage this alone. I need someone from a very nonobjective, I mean, a feel very objective, you know, non-biased approach to listen to me and offer meaningful support. You can be in very different stages of life.

 

00;16;04;12 – 00;16;21;04

Ashurina Ream

You don’t have to be in crisis. And this is what I always tell people. You don’t want to wait until you’re in crisis to seek out therapy, because when you’re in crisis, the last thing you want to do is be trying to find a therapist. And, you know, being with that pushback right now, unfortunately, there are a lot of challenges to accessing care.

 

00;16;21;11 – 00;16;40;23

Ashurina Ream

So you want to just say, look, if I’m not feeling my best, if I know I could feel better, if I need additional support, seek out the help of a mental health clinician. It’s never too early, never too early. My caseload is usually just all kinds of things, from people that are in crisis to people who are just adjusting to some of the transitions in life.

 

00;16;40;23 – 00;16;44;08

Ashurina Ream

So there’s one takeaway it’s never too early to get there.

 

00;16;44;08 – 00;17;02;05

Dr. Mona

But yeah, I mean, at the time of this recording. So a lot of my podcast listeners know that I’m recording before I have my baby. So I’m recording this when I’m 36 weeks. And I had a traumatic delivery with our son, which I’ve been very open about, and I’ve been actually feeling okay. But I got the therapist because I’m like, I don’t want to not be okay.

 

00;17;02;05 – 00;17;16;09

Dr. Mona

And I’m three weeks postpartum and I’m handling a newborn. My husband’s back to work and now I’m trying to find a therapist. So I told her flat out, I’m like, I want to have maintenance work. I want to work with you and chat with you, and you get to know me. And things are I’m going to use the word okay.

 

00;17;16;09 – 00;17;42;19

Dr. Mona

You know, I mean, there’s always something I think I could discover about myself, and I love that. And of course, I’m talking to someone who is going to be pro their pro therapy. But I, as someone who’s not a therapist or, you know, obviously I’m a pediatrician, but it’s so important to me that women feel supported and have that sort of understanding that even if you have the support of a great partner, which I do have, and friends, that middle ground, they don’t know anything about you, but they now are learning about you.

 

00;17;42;19 – 00;17;56;03

Dr. Mona

But they have the clinical training to say, hey, I’m noticing this, or what can we do for this? It’s like so powerful when you find that right one, it’s a relationship. You find the right one and you’re like, I’m never letting you go. You’re my therapist because I adore you.

 

00;17;56;06 – 00;18;01;07

Ashurina Ream

Yes, there are a few. There are a few providers that I feel that way about. I’m like, I will not move. You will not move.

 

00;18;01;10 – 00;18;20;06

Dr. Mona

I can’t, I can’t do it, or I have to figure out how I’m going to get like my address in Florida so I can still see you. And, you know, the other thing I wanted to talk about, and I think we are going to do another episode about partner resentment, which I think is really important. But you mentioned earlier, like sometimes the partner may not understand what’s going on or say words like you’re just angry or you’re bitch or something like that.

 

00;18;20;06 – 00;18;38;15

Dr. Mona

Like they may say very hurtful things when you already are dealing with irritability or rage. How can we communicate what we’re feeling with a partner who shouldn’t be on our team, but may not understand what’s going on, especially maybe a male partner who is may not have insider in the female partner who doesn’t have insight into what may be going on with this.

 

00;18;38;15 – 00;18;40;01

Ashurina Ream

Load, or why a woman.

 

00;18;40;01 – 00;18;40;17

Dr. Mona

Might be feeling.

 

00;18;40;17 – 00;18;59;14

Ashurina Ream

This way. And I want to share this in the context of you have a supportive partner that just doesn’t know and would like to know, because I know that when we speak about this, there are going to be a number of relationships, number dynamics where a lot of the times I get the feedback when my partner thinks that this isn’t a real thing or I’m making it up, or I am exaggerating.

 

00;18;59;14 – 00;19;16;08

Ashurina Ream

So that’s thing going to need therapy. Those situations are going to need to be addressed in therapy. And I’m talking about in the context of a supportive partner who desires to know and support you. The best piece here is education. I think that just some education goes a long way. I know, like for example, on my blog we talk about this subject.

 

00;19;16;08 – 00;19;32;28

Ashurina Ream

We have all of these topics addressed. So sometimes sharing something like that, you know, finding something and sharing it with your partner and saying like, hey, I’d like you to read this. This would be really important because this is what I’m experiencing. I didn’t know about it either, so let’s talk about it. Or having that open conversation and saying, you know what?

 

00;19;33;00 – 00;19;46;28

Ashurina Ream

This is what I’m noticing about myself. It is. It’s in bring it up in the way that you feel most comfortable. I’m going to just give you some a little bit of language that you can use. But just saying like, hey, I feel kind of uncomfortable bringing this up because I know it or something about it that brings up shame in me.

 

00;19;47;04 – 00;20;01;14

Ashurina Ream

And I notice I’ve been more angry and irritable. And so I started to look into this, and this is what I found, and I still don’t feel good about it. This is the kind of support I need. Maybe you address the kind of support that you need, or it feels best when you say this, or it feels best when you do this.

 

00;20;01;14 – 00;20;19;12

Ashurina Ream

Because just as you’re learning, your partner’s learning. And I think oftentimes we do feel like this adds to my load when I have to talk to my partner about what I want them to do or how best to support me. But honestly, you’re both learning about something that you’ve never gone through before. So there is going to be they need to know about your experience.

 

00;20;19;12 – 00;20;38;18

Ashurina Ream

They need to know about the inner workings of what’s going on. And like I said, that caveat if you want to share this in a safe space where someone is not going to judge you or use it against you, or maybe call you names after the fact, you want someone to be on your team, on your side, and you want to share that education, but you also want to give them ways that they can support.

 

00;20;38;18 – 00;20;55;23

Ashurina Ream

You might not also know how they can support you, but and say that, be honest about that. This is what I’m going through. I don’t necessarily know what I need right now, and if I do, I’ll tell you. But, you know, I really appreciate your efforts. I see that you’re trying to help me here, and when you do this, I notice it does feel good.

 

00;20;55;23 – 00;21;08;23

Ashurina Ream

I do notice when you step up and you take care of x, y, and Z. This does really feel good to me. And it’s going to be a balance of trying to figure that out. What does feel good? What does it feel good, and reassessing that as time goes on.

 

00;21;08;26 – 00;21;30;21

Dr. Mona

The reason why I love these conversations so much, even though you know, my podcast is about parents and health development, but I also really love talking about parental issues and that includes maternal mental health. Is that what you just said is like how we should be talking to our children too, like when they’re going through difficult times. And so it’s like we forget that even when we’re talking to our children, it’s how we should be talking to our peers, our loved ones, anyone.

 

00;21;30;21 – 00;21;45;20

Dr. Mona

When we’re going through difficult times and even with ourselves, like the compassion that you just said in those examples, the I don’t know what I need. Same thing. I’m gonna have situations with my child when he gets older that you may not know what you need right now, but I’m here for you. Like it’s such a important conversation to have.

 

00;21;45;20 – 00;22;02;29

Dr. Mona

And so I’m just so grateful that we could talk about this. This is such important information that people need to know that they’re not alone, and that how to communicate their needs so that they can feel themselves. And I think that’s what we all want. We want you to feel like yourself again and not feel lost in this cloud of what’s going on.

 

00;22;02;29 – 00;22;21;06

Dr. Mona

Why do I feel crummy and I feel bad about myself, and I don’t like that. You know, I see a lot of moms in my office who feel not themselves, and it’s a very painful experience for me to sit there with them and feel like they don’t feel supported. And so thank you for coming on and hopefully everyone listening feels more empowered, feels more supported.

 

00;22;21;10 – 00;22;32;00

Dr. Mona

Whether they are feeling angry or whether they find themselves in two months or a year feeling angry with something going on. What would be your final message for everyone listening today?

 

00;22;32;02 – 00;22;54;21

Ashurina Ream

I would say get connected with the right support, which can be tricky, and this is a question I get quite often, is how do I find the help that I need? And I will say a good therapist is can be hard to come by. So getting connected with your providers that you already feel comfortable with. If you feel comfortable with your OB, with your pediatrician, your lactation consultant, your doula, whomever it is that is connected in the community and might know a great therapist that is trained.

 

00;22;54;21 – 00;23;10;10

Ashurina Ream

A perinatal mental health specialist they like have to be working in this area. Otherwise they are going to miss a lot of the things that are going on with you. They’re not going to have the right questions to ask. They’re not going to know the resources to provide. And if they don’t have anybody and if they don’t know, you can go to Postpartum Support International.

 

00;23;10;18 – 00;23;31;26

Ashurina Ream

There’s an incredibly robust directory of providers. And this is all across the globe. They will find there are therapists, prescribers, all kinds of support groups that are some of the support groups are free for all kinds of specialty groups. So you can get connected there and those are just some of the initial steps. But on my website I also have a free resource called How to Find Help.

 

00;23;31;29 – 00;23;33;04

Dr. Mona

So I love it.

 

00;23;33;04 – 00;23;34;29

Ashurina Ream

If you’re lost, you can do that too.

 

00;23;34;29 – 00;23;52;18

Dr. Mona

I like I said, it took me three years to find mine and I went through four different therapists and it was good, but it wasn’t good. It’s like it’s exactly like a relationship. You’re like, something’s missing here. Like. And then I’ll be honest. How I found my current one is my husband has a therapist that he uses, and I was desperate.

 

00;23;52;18 – 00;24;09;27

Dr. Mona

I’m like, can you ask her, like, you love your therapist, so you love yours? Maybe she can find someone that works for women and perinatal. And she did. And so I called her and I set up this interview and I was like, the first moment I talked with her, I’m like, this is the one. She’s the one. And it is a hard thing to find one.

 

00;24;09;27 – 00;24;25;15

Dr. Mona

And everyone listening who feels like, well, I’ve tried it. It doesn’t work. I know it sounds hard, but I don’t want you to give up. Like there is a way to find that right one. And I will attach the postpartum support international. I’ve definitely given my patients in my office, the moms in my office that this, and they have nothing but great things to say about them.

 

00;24;25;19 – 00;24;37;24

Dr. Mona

And then also I’ll link your website as well. But where can people find you to stay connected? Because I know you also not only have your Instagram account, but you also have courses, or also you do live workshops and workshops in general, right?

 

00;24;37;27 – 00;24;59;05

Ashurina Ream

Yeah. I actually have a course called All the Rage and it’s specifically for this reason that we dive deep into why this is happening. The anatomy of anger, the skills for outside of the moment and inside of the moment so that you don’t feel like you’re constantly chronically losing it. So we go over the why, the how, the everything all about it.

 

00;24;59;11 – 00;25;08;28

Ashurina Ream

And you can find everything on my website like mommy.com and I’m Psych Mommy on every single social media platform at this point. So that should be pretty easy and straight, spreading.

 

00;25;08;28 – 00;25;28;15

Dr. Mona

Your wings to all of them. It’s good. It’s like again, you’re reaching so many people with the work that you do. So thank you so much for joining me today, Doctor Reem. Thank you. Thank you. Well, for everyone listening. I hope you enjoyed this conversation. It’s so important that on the show I not only talk about things that will help you be a better parent in terms of obviously communicating with your children, but this is part of it, right?

 

00;25;28;15 – 00;25;47;01

Dr. Mona

If you’re dealing with anger, if you’re dealing with depression, anxiety, all of those mental health things that sometimes we don’t realize as mothers, especially if you love this conversation, make sure you leave a review, call out Doctor Ashman Reem on the amazing information she provided, and don’t forget to follow her on her social media channels and check out her amazing resources.

 

00;25;47;01 – 00;25;49;12

Dr. Mona

And I can’t wait to chat with another guest next week!

 

00;25;49;12 – 00;26;05;05

Dr. Mona

Thank you for tuning in for this week’s episode. As always, please leave a review. Share this episode with a friend. Share it on your social media. Make sure to follow me at PedsDocTalk on Instagram and subscribe to my YouTube channel, PedsDocTalk TV. We’ll talk to you soon.