Picky eating is a very common phase children go through, but what happens when it goes past what’s “normal” and persists past toodlerhood? I welcome Jennifer Friedman, Registered Pediatric Dietician and picky eating expert, and founder of @feedingpickyeaters to discuss:

• How our mindset impacts if a picky eater will try new food
• How to use child-based play to introduce new foods
• How to bridge preferences with new food exposure

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Learn more about Jennifer Friedman and Feeding Picky Eaters at jennyfriedmannutrition.com, Instagram and Pinterest @feedingpickyeaters

00:00:01:00 – 00:00:21:06

Jennifer Friedman

When we are working on a new food, you should always have a prepared food, but you can kind of include the original if you are somehow make the adaptations like with the bread or the crackers, and you can remind them too, that it’s never about like replacing the foods that we currently love. I’ve worked with a lot of kids who seem to have this fear like, well, if they start eating new things that I’m not gonna be able to eat, the foods that I eat right now.

 

00:00:21:06 – 00:00:42:21

Jennifer Friedman

And that’s not the case. We’re not replacing, we’re just expanding. We’re getting more because having a limited diet is obviously limiting. You know, it affects kids like and may go to birthday parties, sleepovers, sleepaway camp, you know, school trips, things like that. You know, I think every parent wants their child to have just an easy time and to not have to struggle in these situations.

 

00:00:42:23 – 00:01:04:01

Dr. Mona

Hello. Welcome back to the podcast. Thank you for joining me. Each and every week as I welcome the most amazing guests on the show to talk about all things parenting, feeding, development, sleep, you name it. Regarding taking care of our children. Remember to leave a review and share this podcast so we can have another great year of the show.

 

00:01:04:03 – 00:01:25:00

Dr. Mona

Today I’m welcoming back at Jennifer Friedman. She was on earlier this year talking about getting ahead of your child’s picky eating. Jennifer is a registered pediatric dietitian and picky eating expert and founder of Feeding Picky Eaters on Instagram. So thank you so much for joining me today, Jennifer.

 

00:01:25:02 – 00:01:27:03

Jennifer Friedman

Thank you. I am thrilled to be back.

 

00:01:27:08 – 00:01:47:07

Dr. Mona

Yes, and we are talking today about what to do when picky eating persists past toddlerhood. Like I mentioned, she was on earlier talking about getting ahead of child’s picky eating. But of course, picky eating is a reality and it can persist past those you know, age of 3 or 4 years old. So we’re chatting all about that. Make sure you listen to our other episode that debuted earlier in 2023.

 

00:01:47:12 – 00:01:52:13

Dr. Mona

But Jennifer, if you don’t mind, introduce yourself. And what prompted you to start feeding picky eaters?

 

00:01:52:15 – 00:02:19:02

Jennifer Friedman

Wonderful. Yeah. So thank you again. So I’m Jennifer Freedman, I am a registered dietitian. And you said I’m a picky eating expert, and I am also an author of a book called Stories of Extreme Picky Eater. And I am a mom to a picky toddler and his little brother as well. Awesome. Yeah. Thank you. So this really, you know, came about just from my love of food for wanting everybody to love food, to eat well, to have a good relationship.

 

00:02:19:02 – 00:02:36:07

Jennifer Friedman

And now that I’m a mom and I’m in it myself, it’s, you know, taking things to a whole other level. So I just love getting to help kids feel, you know, become comfortable, competent eaters and helping their parents have a positive, more successful life, less stressful experience.

 

00:02:36:07 – 00:02:56:10

Dr. Mona

And so I love it. And like I said, our other episode, getting ahead of your child’s picky eating brought in so many principles that Jennifer mentioned about mindset, about how we approach the expectations around feeding. So I want you to listen to that if you have not already. But my follow up question is how our mindset as parents can impact.

 

00:02:56:12 – 00:03:00:22

Dr. Mona

If your child is already picky, how it can impact if they’re going to try new foods.

 

00:03:01:00 – 00:03:24:00

Jennifer Friedman

Yeah, definitely. So we spoke last time so much about really how what we bring to the table trickles down to our kids. And best we can see at any level of picky eating even before they’re picky, even when they’re just starting off, however, they’re eating, you know, from day one. So when we really think about if they’re already picky and if they’re going to try new foods, see this in a couple of different ways.

 

00:03:24:00 – 00:03:41:10

Jennifer Friedman

So first off, if we’re making assumptions about, you know, what’s going to work or not work and what they’re going to like that really like closes a lot of windows for them. And I’ve done this myself where I just assume they’re not going to, you know, my son won’t like something or, you know, I’ve tried that already. It doesn’t work.

 

00:03:41:12 – 00:03:56:08

Jennifer Friedman

And then he goes around and surprises me. So we really want to keep an open mind about things that we do, and we don’t want to limit what we’re serving them. And again, this happened like just this past weekend. My son was like, I’m not offering him this food. He’s already, you know, taken a bite of it before.

 

00:03:56:08 – 00:04:18:06

Jennifer Friedman

He’s never eaten it. And lo and behold, I didn’t offer it. He took it off the table and went to town on it, and it was special. It’s a weird food for a tutor. Yeah. So I kind of got in my own way there, but we can take this, like a little bit further than just really what, where the assumptions that we’re making and really, if we’re showing up to the table feeling stressed and feeling badly, this trickles down to them.

 

00:04:18:06 – 00:04:36:09

Jennifer Friedman

If we are feeling stressed, they feel stressed. A stressed eater is not a good eater. A stressed eater does not have an appetite. So we really want to, you know, come to the table feeling good so our kids can feel good as well, you know? And progress won’t come from meals that are full of tension and friction. It comes when there’s comfort and connection.

 

00:04:36:14 – 00:04:44:13

Jennifer Friedman

And that really starts with us as the parent and what how we are feeling and how we’re, you know, setting up the vibe around feeding and at the meal.

 

00:04:44:19 – 00:05:05:04

Dr. Mona

Oh, yeah, so much of how we approach parenting is our vibe. I know it’s so hard sometimes for parents to hear that, that, you know, because I get it, your kid’s not doing something and you’re like, oh, I just come on. It’s like, yeah, the most delicious meal of the world. You know, we talked about last time, I’ll like the longer you make the food and even if it’s something amazing that you love, your kid’s going to be like, I’m not hungry today or I’m not going to eat.

 

00:05:05:04 – 00:05:19:03

Dr. Mona

And you’re like, what is going on? So that mindset really, really helps so that we’re not getting into those power struggles. And, you know, like we talked about last time, managing the expectations, I think it’s so hard to do, but it can really change the course of how they approach the mealtimes as well.

 

00:05:19:05 – 00:05:33:21

Jennifer Friedman

Yeah, totally. And I feel like I do. There’s part of me that feels bad saying this because again, as a parent, I know that like sometimes you’re in it. You know, I have that like walking my kid to school this morning like, oh my God, I just got to go. We just got to do it, you know? And like, I’m a ball of tension.

 

00:05:34:03 – 00:05:46:20

Jennifer Friedman

Yeah. But you know, like and we all have those moments and it’s okay to have those moments. But when that it’s every single moment them you know. Yeah. It’s just not comfortable for anybody. And it’s going to be really hard for a kid who struggles to eat.

 

00:05:46:22 – 00:06:04:22

Dr. Mona

Yeah absolutely. I think like we talked about it’s not any again, placing shame or anything. It’s literally just insightful things like, am I just being a little too irritable all the time? Like, I get it, I’m going to be like, I think we probably had the same morning. My son was like, just dilly dallying with breakfast when normally he’s like eating in a good speed and he’s like just singing.

 

00:06:05:02 – 00:06:20:18

Dr. Mona

He’s asking me to sing Encanto and I’m like, what are you doing today? Like, we’re spending so much time with all this extraneous stuff, and some days are just like that as parents, but it’s not. I agree with you shouldn’t be the norm. It should be kind of the exception that we’re kind of getting into those irritable, like, you know, pushy moods.

 

00:06:20:18 – 00:06:39:21

Dr. Mona

But it’s such an important reminder for the mindset. My next question, because, you know, we’re talking about picky eating persisting past toddlerhood. This is obviously a very nuanced situation. But what to do when picky eating gets complicated with like, food anxiety that you mentioned or sensory disorders or we’re dealing with just it’s just kind of gone down a spiral of just repeated food refusal.

 

00:06:39:23 – 00:06:57:07

Jennifer Friedman

Yeah. This is so tough. And this is really the parents who I work with, you know, day in and day out to. There’s something else going beyond the surface. So picky eating is a normal developmental phase. We talked a lot about that last time. You know, for a variety of reasons. Kids become more selective. Their calorie needs change, so they’re eating less.

 

00:06:57:07 – 00:07:19:18

Jennifer Friedman

So it’s normal to see a change in your child’s eating. But we do expect them to outgrow this after a number of years. But for the kids who have food anxiety, who have sensory disorder and sort this, you know, kind of sensitive palates or tastebuds, whatever it is, and who start to kind of develop this maybe negative relationship with food and just stop eating certain things and repeatedly refused.

 

00:07:19:20 – 00:07:39:08

Jennifer Friedman

It is really, really tough because at this point, it’s not just about behavior or control or development. And this is often when it’s not just a phase and we need to do more. So it’s really helpful here to like get to the root of what is going on so that we can best understand where our child is struggling and where we can help them, and how we can help them.

 

00:07:39:08 – 00:07:56:07

Jennifer Friedman

Like what needs to change in order to help them start to feel more comfortable with new foods. So we really, again, want to get to the root of what’s happening. I think a lot of parents, you know, after years and years of this frustrating experience, just start to push. And they’re like, well, you just need to eat it.

 

00:07:56:07 – 00:08:09:14

Jennifer Friedman

Just try it. Just take a bite. Come on. And we started to kind of resort to these pressure tactics. And often that can make things worse. And it can really backfire for the kids who have kind of underlying difficulties preventing them from eating comfortably.

 

00:08:09:16 – 00:08:36:01

Dr. Mona

Oh, that pressure cycle. And again, there’s no shame about that. It’s a completely natural thing that we get into, and especially when you’ve just been so drained, I imagine, like, you know, the families that you work with are dealing with this for so long and there’s judgment and there’s people like, well, why doesn’t your kids this is so much, there’s so much beyond just what you’re dealing with with your child that can just seem so heavy and you say it so beautifully, just, you know, trying to realize the pressure and stuff like that.

 

00:08:36:03 – 00:08:49:14

Dr. Mona

And I know in your work you also talk about some child lead play based solutions, right? So how can we use the child’s development and what they like to do play to offer the sort of no pressure approach that we’re talking about?

 

00:08:49:16 – 00:09:06:02

Jennifer Friedman

Yeah, definitely. So this is really such a good way to start to break down some of the barriers that your kid might be having around food and to really cultivate both their comfort and curiosity with food. So we can do this at the table, we can do it away from the table. And you really want to think about what they’re interested in.

 

00:09:06:02 – 00:09:36:04

Jennifer Friedman

So if they like arts and crafts, you can do kind of art with food. You know, I have an older client who likes the idea of making YouTube videos so we can do YouTube videos where she’s, like, exploring and potentially even trying some food. Make believe is really fun. You know, I mentioned on our last episode that this is something like I’ve been doing, you know, like feeding our bunny, you know, our stuffed animals or, you know, little play friends that we have just bring in food into our play experiences that our kids are naturally happening because this allows them to meet food in a comfortable way.

 

00:09:36:04 – 00:09:54:12

Jennifer Friedman

There’s no expectation for them to eat. They start to understand how the food smells and tastes and feels, just gives them an idea of what to expect in their bodies when they do eat, and to help them sort of feel in control and have some of these more, you know, replace some of the negative experiences that they were potentially having with more positive ones.

 

00:09:54:14 – 00:10:13:21

Jennifer Friedman

And we can do this at the table as well. Just bringing in adjectives like talking about the food. It’s, you know, wow, this is so crunchy. It’s so fragrant. It smells really cheesy or strong or garlicky, whatever it is, and kind of asking like provocative questions about the food, you know. Oh, tell me about that broccoli that you see there.

 

00:10:13:21 – 00:10:30:13

Jennifer Friedman

You know, what do you notice about the green beans tonight? You know, I wonder what this bread, you know, is going to taste like. Or if we put some butter on it, how it’s going to be different. You know, you can create stories around the food, like I wonder, you know, where this cauliflower grew up, you know, like, where they grow.

 

00:10:30:13 – 00:10:54:22

Jennifer Friedman

What does it look like? How many varieties are there? How did it get to us that this could talk? What would it say? And so just creating some kind of lightness and opportunities for our kids to think about and engage with the food in a more playful style, low pressure, easier way. You know, it might be easy for them to talk about the food, but not easy for them to eat it.

 

00:10:55:03 – 00:11:06:08

Jennifer Friedman

But that’s just a stepping stone that will help them get there. You know? I know talking about broccoli is not the same as eating properly. I get that playing with it is not there, but it’s a step to lead us in the right direction.

 

00:11:06:09 – 00:11:27:13

Dr. Mona

Yeah, and all this also just helps our mood, right? It’s like again talking about that pressure like, when you make it more of a fun thing for the kid. Hopefully, hopefully that means that for the adults, you you’re also in a more lighten state. And that actually comes off. And I love it, I love it. So she even if you’re out of that toddler phase, that young child, you know, school age kids, they love humor and they love that little bit of lightness to it.

 

00:11:27:13 – 00:11:46:15

Dr. Mona

And I think it’s such a great strategy. And so when you find yourself, you know, a parent is doing all this and maybe their child is just so specific on certain textures or foods. So how can we introduce new foods, flavors and variety while still respecting that they’re not going to just jump to those things right away, that they may have some certain preferences?

 

00:11:46:15 – 00:11:48:09

Dr. Mona

How can we kind of bridge that introduction?

 

00:11:48:11 – 00:12:07:19

Jennifer Friedman

Yeah, definitely. So I love like the words that you use there, like the bridging and really respecting where they’re coming from, because that’s exactly what we want to do is see, a lot of times parents are like, well, you know, it doesn’t eat any meat, so I’m just going to offer chicken. You know, we think about the foods that your kids eat and we’re like, there is nothing like chicken on this list.

 

00:12:07:19 – 00:12:28:15

Jennifer Friedman

It’s a really, really big jump. And it’s, not that it’s not fair. It’s just a big challenge. So we really want to kind of meet them where they’re at with their eating right now. So their preference is it’s sort of their ability when you know what foods and textures your child’s like your child likes, it’s easier to find new ones that are similar that will create a greater chance for success.

 

00:12:28:15 – 00:12:50:14

Jennifer Friedman

And I love thinking about bridging these, you know, thinking, okay, so we like crunchy crackers. Maybe soft bread is not what we can do, but maybe we can toast the bread. And that’s a stepping stone or a bridge to get us to the kind of regular soft bread here. Or we don’t eat pasta with sauce yet. Sauce is pretty tricky, but we can start just a little better.

 

00:12:50:14 – 00:13:12:06

Jennifer Friedman

Maybe we can make it dry by adding, you know, some sprinkled cheese and it kind of changes the texture. A little bit. So you just want to think about incorporating the textures, flavors that your child does like into some of the new foods. It’s also, you know, I think helpful in this process when we’re kind of bridging and making baby steps, adding things that are new, and these baby steps are really what it’s all about.

 

00:13:12:06 – 00:13:33:07

Jennifer Friedman

It’s okay to make these kind of weird transitions to things by including things that they like. And I have a lot of families do this just thinking, you know, bringing in things that maybe aren’t quote unquote, like the most nutritious. They’re like, well, if I use a new Boutella with this that, you know, help them start to eat x, y, z, the new tile is just, you know, it’s a temporary thing that’s helping you there.

 

00:13:33:07 – 00:13:57:23

Jennifer Friedman

It’s like a helper for you. It’s not something that’s going to be around forever. So don’t be afraid to use something like that or sprinkles something that feels fun and comfortable for your child. And when we are working on new food, you should always have appropriate food. But you can kind of include the original if you are somehow make the adaptations like with the bread or the crackers, and you can remind them too, that it’s never about like replacing the foods that we currently love.

 

00:13:57:23 – 00:14:19:15

Jennifer Friedman

I’ve worked with a lot of kids. You seem to have this fear like, well, if I start eating new things and I’m not going to be able to eat the foods that I eat right now, and that’s not the case. We’re not replacing, we’re just expanding. We’re giving more because having a limited diet is obviously limiting. You know, it affects kids like and they go to birthday parties, sleepovers, sleepaway camp, you know, school trips, things like that.

 

00:14:19:15 – 00:14:29:11

Jennifer Friedman

You know, I think every parent wants their child to have just an easy time and to not have to struggle in these situations. And the food is in every situation. Yeah.

 

00:14:29:11 – 00:14:45:14

Dr. Mona

And we talked about this last time too, that the stress of that can free right. We food is around us everywhere. And so when your child is selective or picky it can add so much stress like okay they’re not going to eat this. What are we going to do? I have to take this food and all that. And I love the way you again talked about mindset.

 

00:14:45:14 – 00:14:52:05

Dr. Mona

I love the way that you go down to the child’s developmental level to kind of engage the parent with the kids. So this is all great information.

 

00:14:52:07 – 00:15:01:23

Jennifer Friedman

Yeah. Thank you. It is tough. And like you said food is everywhere. So we really want to, you know, I think just want our kids to have an easy time. We all and that as a parent and not have to struggle.

 

00:15:02:01 – 00:15:05:04

Dr. Mona

What would be your final message for everyone listening? Your take home.

 

00:15:05:06 – 00:15:32:08

Jennifer Friedman

Two things is kind of that mindset portion of keeping an open mind and trying to come to the table with kind of a relaxed, open minded, you know, it’s so hard. I know, as I’m saying it, but just coming to the table, leaving that stress behind and meeting them where they’re at. So whether it’s focusing on their developmental level, whether it’s sort of accepting, okay, my kid’s having a hard time at eating, this is hard for everybody.

 

00:15:32:08 – 00:15:53:17

Jennifer Friedman

I know that this is where we’re eating now. This is not going to be forever. And I can, you know, start with where they are and take baby steps to get somewhere else. I see those two things really kind of our mindset and our general approach to eating and kind of stepping back from the like, getting them to do something and instead meeting them where they are and working with them to make progress.

 

00:15:53:17 – 00:16:07:17

Jennifer Friedman

Really, those two things. And I know it sounds a little hippie dippy woo woo here, and I’m happy to work with anybody if you want to go into it more, but that those really can open up the door for just feeling better and creating so much change.

 

00:16:07:19 – 00:16:26:22

Dr. Mona

I love it, I love having you on for the other episode again, getting ahead of your child’s picky eating, which, debuted earlier in 2023. Again, I love when you bring how parents can approach it, but also child development because it’s really important that parents understand that when we talk about anything related to parenting, including picky eating, where can everyone find you?

 

00:16:26:23 – 00:16:32:11

Dr. Mona

Your resources? I know I already mentioned your Instagram handle just so that they can stay in touch and learn more from your information.

 

00:16:32:13 – 00:16:51:08

Jennifer Friedman

Yeah. Thank you. So this was great. Instagram is a good place to at feeding picky eaters. You can also find me at Feeding Picky eaters.com where we’ve got my book series Extreme Picky eating some free resources for you, as well as my coaching programs. If that is something you feel like you need more support with.

 

00:16:51:14 – 00:16:59:13

Dr. Mona

Awesome! A great, great source of information everyone! Thank you so much for tuning in today. Jenny. Thank you for joining us.

 

00:16:59:15 – 00:17:00:11

Jennifer Friedman

Thank you.

 

00:17:00:13 – 00:17:25:16

Dr. Mona

And for all of you listening. Don’t forget to leave a review and a rating if you found this helpful. Definitely call out my guests when you love their information. I would hopefully want to bring her back again and again, because I love having these really honest and uplifting conversations about things that can be so stressful in parenthood, and your reviews and your shares means so much to us, and I cannot wait to have another guest on next week to chat about more information for all of you on the show.

 

00:17:25:17 – 00:17:41:09

Dr. Mona

Thank you for tuning in for this week’s episode. As always, please leave a review. Share this episode with a friend. Share it on your social media. Make sure to follow me at PedsDocTalk on Instagram and subscribe to my YouTube channel, PedsDocTalk TV. We’ll talk to you soon.