In this episode of Monday Mornings with Dr. Mona, I am talking to Kayla who is struggling to find the energy and balance between working and motherhood. We will discuss:

• Compassion fatigue
• How to create more mental space in our busy days
• How to reframe our approach to our daily activities

In this new format of Monday Mornings with Dr Mona that began June 2022, I end each episode with three mindfulness and/or parenting principles. These principles can be used in various parenting situations, but I explain how the three principles I chose apply to feeling tapped out as a working mom.

00;00;00;01 – 00;00;13;25

Dr. Mona

Imagine if you’re constantly helping, helping, helping. You’re going to have helping succeed. You’re going to start to get compassion fatigue. You’re going to start to get overloaded with all the things that you’re having to do for other people. When you’re not doing something for yourself.

 

00;00;13;28 – 00;00;35;01

Dr. Mona

Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the PedsDocTalk podcast, a podcast that continues to grow because of you and your reviews. So if you love this series and if you love this podcast, make sure to leave a review and rating. And thank you for being here today on this episode of Monday Mornings with Doctor Mona, I am talking with a parent about how to not feel tapped out.

 

00;00;35;01 – 00;00;54;15

Dr. Mona

As a working mom. I welcome Kayla, who manages a large team at her corporate job, answering questions all day, making decisions all day, and then has to do the same thing at home. And this can sometimes be hard. And we discuss how to navigate this and create more space to handle the ups and downs of motherhood.

 

00;00;54;18 – 00;00;58;11

Dr. Mona

Hey, Kayla, so tell me what is on your mind today as a mom?

 

00;00;58;14 – 00;01;22;23

Kayla

Hi. Yes, so as a mom who currently has a full time job, I wake up in the morning very early. I get a few minutes to myself for a little bit of time to myself, and then I’m on all day at work. I have about 30 people on my team, so you’re constantly answering questions, and then you come home at the end of the day and you’re on with your kids.

 

00;01;22;26 – 00;01;42;19

Kayla

So I think my biggest question is, how do you not feel tapped out at the end of a long working day? How do you have the patience to actually enjoy the after daycare time with your kids, and enjoy dinner and enjoy bedtime instead of just rushing through it to get to your relaxation once everyone’s asleep?

 

00;01;43;06 – 00;02;00;06

Dr. Mona

I love talking about this stuff. And I said, because I’m like, I feel the desire in your heart to want to be better for yourself, better for your kids in terms of having that space for everybody. But also, I also understand how difficult this is. I mean, you know, that I’m also in the same boat of working essentially a full time job.

 

00;02;00;06 – 00;02;02;18

Dr. Mona

And I have one child. You have two children, correct?

 

00;02;02;21 – 00;02;03;27

Kayla

Yes. Yep. Two boys.

 

00;02;04;01 – 00;02;05;29

Dr. Mona

Two boys. Yeah. What are their ages?

 

00;02;06;09 – 00;02;07;23

Kayla

Four and a half and one and a half.

 

00;02;07;24 – 00;02;36;11

Dr. Mona

Yeah. So we’re obviously in that age where independence is not fully there yet, right? Like, you have an older teenage child. Obviously, there’s other issues. But you still need to kind of help them with many things. And they obviously want that interaction time early on in that childhood and, throughout school age. So totally understand that. So what have you done so far to kind of create more space for the times when you have to come home and obviously do the routine with your children?

 

00;02;36;11 – 00;02;54;29

Dr. Mona

Because I can imagine that when you’re being asked from your team, hey, Kayla, can you do this? And can you do this? Like you’re basically filling your brain with requests and with things, and you’re almost like on your best behavior all day. It’s almost like a child going to school, right? They’re on their best behavior, doing everything for everybody else.

 

00;02;54;29 – 00;03;06;23

Dr. Mona

And then you come home and you just want to let loose and you’re just like, I’m so tired, but I now have to take care of two children in a house. What have you done so far? That kind of creates more space in your mind.

 

00;03;06;25 – 00;03;29;03

Kayla

You wrapped it up perfectly. It’s how I feel all day. So, so far I’ve only done this a few times, and these days have felt a little bit better. I’ve tried to get dinner ready before I pick them up if and when possible. If I don’t have meetings and I’ve been trying to put my phone away so I don’t have the distractions and I can really focus on them.

 

00;03;29;10 – 00;03;47;02

Kayla

And sometimes we’ve been trying to go to the playground after I pick them up for a little bit so we can all get some fresh air and get our energy out, because kids feel the same way from holding it together all day at daycare. So those are just a few of the things I’ve tried, but most nights end up devolving into chaos.

 

00;03;47;04 – 00;03;49;13

Kayla

Even I.

 

00;03;49;15 – 00;04;08;11

Dr. Mona

And what is the I guess, you know, obviously I know this is resonating. What is the most difficult or frustrating aspect of this question? Like what makes you as a mom feel like, like I just want this to change. Like, what? Is there something that you can put into words for us like, that gives you guilt or grief or just kind of frustration as to why this is so hard?

 

00;04;08;13 – 00;04;36;11

Kayla

Yeah, I think the hardest part is that I lose my patience with them so easily. And I don’t want to be that yelling mom. I want to let them have their feelings and I want that me to be okay with them having their feelings after school because I know they need to let loose, and I want to get to a place where I can be there for them, and also not feel like a bad mom when I teach them good night because I yell too much that night, or I rush them through things just to get to the end of the night.

 

00;04;36;14 – 00;04;42;19

Dr. Mona

Do you feel like a bad mom on those days when you lose your cool, or do you feel worse than on the other days?

 

00;04;42;22 – 00;04;52;09

Kayla

Yes. Yep. And I definitely say that to my husband, who always tell you not, but definitely don’t feel like a great mom on those nights.

 

00;04;52;11 – 00;05;13;05

Dr. Mona

Well, look, I mean, I know you know that that is a very normal feeling. And I think sometimes we don’t understand that a lot of other moms go through that same cycle. Right? We try to keep our cool. And I think you’re doing a great job of that. But sometimes the weight of the day or the weight of everything that has come to that week just sits on a Friday or whatever time of the week it is.

 

00;05;13;07 – 00;05;31;28

Dr. Mona

It just can, you know, build up and then you don’t mean to yell. The only thing that I have and I am also, you know, I practice a lot of mindful parenting, which I don’t like labeling parenting styles, but it basically means like being present in the moment and not being upset with our feelings. Like understanding that we are a human being that is capable of many feelings and emotions.

 

00;05;31;28 – 00;05;58;24

Dr. Mona

And sometimes we’re going to yell. Sometimes the yelling is going to make us feel not so great. We’re recording this. You know, I actually yelled at my son yesterday from the time of this recording, and I’m not usually a yeller with my son, but I was so frustrated. And one of the ways I look at this is, you know, I talk in my finding Joy episode about keeping your cup at a level that can be filled with everything that happens as a mom.

 

00;05;58;24 – 00;06;24;02

Dr. Mona

Right? So we talk about keeping your cup at a level that’s easier to tolerate different things, but bringing that water level down, right. So if you imagine me holding like a cup, if that cup is filled to the brim, right? One request from your toddler, one tantrum is going to cause you to overflow. So throughout the day, what I try to do is I try to keep my water level down so that I can take on the unexpected tantrums.

 

00;06;24;02 – 00;06;44;21

Dr. Mona

I can take on the unexpected traffic, the unexpected things that can cause our cup to overflow. Those are little moments, you know? I know you already said that you’re trying to not be distracted in the moment, but do you do anything throughout your day, through the work meetings that you have, through anything else that you do when you’re getting the bombarded with questions at your job or going to lunch?

 

00;06;44;26 – 00;06;52;04

Dr. Mona

Do you do anything to reset your mind to essentially kind of what I’m saying, lower that level so you can handle more throughout your day?

 

00;06;52;06 – 00;07;09;17

Kayla

Yeah, that’s a good question. The only thing I really do is early in the morning, I wake up early to work out, which definitely helps. But by mid-afternoon, I have not done anything throughout the rest of the day to, like, take the time for myself to do something I usually eat at my desk. Yes, while working.

 

00;07;09;20 – 00;07;30;18

Dr. Mona

And I, you know, I used to work full time in clinical practice and now I do part time clinical and part time, you know, obviously the podcast and social media stuff. But I remember when I was in clinical, which is like bam, bam, bam, right? Like it’s ten minute visits, you’re going room to room. Like I told my staff that I need to see four patients and every four patients, I’m going in the back and I’m drinking water and I’m just taking a breather.

 

00;07;30;24 – 00;07;51;09

Dr. Mona

And it actually really helped the ability to go back into those rooms and be able to take on all of that. Right. Because you have a team that’s probably coming to you with so many different things that imagine if you’re constantly helping, helping, helping, you’re going to have helping fatigue, you’re going to start to get compassion fatigue. You’re going to start to get overloaded with all the things that you’re having to do for other people.

 

00;07;51;11 – 00;08;20;08

Dr. Mona

When you’re not doing something for yourself. Right. And it really is nice to just take the moments like whether it’s I’m talking like 10s 30s in between meetings before you start a next one scheduled to five minutes before a meeting. Like you say, a meeting is an hour. Make sure you tell them that, hey, the meeting’s going to be 15 minutes, and then the first ten minutes you schedule or the last ten minutes you scheduled to have downtime for yourself so that you can get into that next meeting so that you are ready to go and had that space to create, you know, more room for yourself.

 

00;08;20;08 – 00;08;36;22

Dr. Mona

Because this is happening, because we’re not creating enough room for ourselves and our feelings. Right? We’re literally giving and giving at work. And then you have to give and give at home. And it gets exhausting. And I don’t think people realize how exhausting it is to continue to give to other people and not take anything in return.

 

00;08;36;24 – 00;08;56;10

Kayla

Yeah, I feel that so much. I think helping fatigue is probably the best. Helping fatigue and decision fatigue are the best ways to describe the feeling at the end of the day. So I really like that advice of taking time. I don’t do that enough for going out for a walk in the middle of the day. I think I need to, yes, in a little bit more.

 

00;08;56;12 – 00;09;13;03

Dr. Mona

This is so hard because our schedule and our drive in African American culture is to go, go, go. I stick with my family who’s in England, and I talk and they’re like, y’all just work too much. And it’s true. They work a lot too. Like they have great jobs, but they have relaxation built into their lifestyle, right? Meaning they have more vacation days.

 

00;09;13;03 – 00;09;43;10

Dr. Mona

They have more ability in just their year to do things for themselves, but also with that culture, they create more things for themselves through a busy day. Right? Like they’ll go take a meeting outside, they’ll have moments to go for a stroll on the river, you know, in London, like I love talking to other people from other countries and just other moms in general, because I learn so much about how can we again create that space and what I use that analogy of that water cup, like our goal every day, is to keep that water at a low level.

 

00;09;43;12 – 00;10;06;08

Dr. Mona

Unfortunately, our children don’t have coping skills yet to be able to handle all of their emotions, so it’s trying to get to that place where I can handle those emotions and the days that I don’t. I’m not going to get feel guilty about being human like yesterday. What helped, and I think you did the same thing, is I yelled at Ryan, I felt terrible, and I cried after yelling at him in front of him, okay?

 

00;10;06;15 – 00;10;24;03

Dr. Mona

And we just sat on the ground and both cried together. Okay, so we’re both sitting there crying with each other. My son is like, obviously do nap and we just give each other a hug. And I said, Ryan, I’m so sorry for yelling. I’m so sorry for yelling. Mommy does not mean to yell. Mommy was feeling very frustrated and I’m sorry that I yelled.

 

00;10;24;03 – 00;10;44;03

Dr. Mona

And she’s like, it’s okay mama. And we just gave each other a hug. The tantrum stopped the rest of the day. Okay, sometimes our kids do these things because they’re looking for connection and sometimes just getting on the ground and just giving, like a very deep hug and just letting them, even telling them, like, if you’ve had a really hard day, you can tell your children, I love you so much.

 

00;10;44;10 – 00;11;03;28

Dr. Mona

Mommy had a really hard day today, but I’m really loving this moment with you right now. It makes me feel really happy inside so they know that you are entitled to have not so great days, right? But that the moments with them, even if another time you lose your cool, you’re going to have these amazing moments that fill your heart with so much joy.

 

00;11;03;28 – 00;11;21;03

Dr. Mona

And I love that bath time in bedtime because it’s the end of a day. But it’s also that time to remind Ryan that look like this is something that I really love doing with you. And yes, I’m exhausted and but I love you. And you fill my heart with so much peace and joy, and I’m here for you even on the hardest of days.

 

00;11;21;03 – 00;11;23;28

Dr. Mona

And they learn that resiliency too. That way you know.

 

00;11;24;00 – 00;11;34;19

Kayla

Yeah. And I definitely do apologize. I think it’s noticing how much I’m apologizing because of how much I’m yelling. But I think changing my perspective.

 

00;11;34;20 – 00;11;35;01

Dr. Mona

Yes.

 

00;11;35;05 – 00;11;52;01

Kayla

Of bedtime and bath time as a time to connect rather than just a time to get to my own time, me time at the end of it is what I really need to do, because I just see it as tasks that we have to do, and when they don’t move through it at the speed that I want, that’s when I get frustrated, which is nothing on them.

 

00;11;52;01 – 00;11;55;09

Kayla

And I think I really need to change that perspective.

 

00;11;55;11 – 00;12;12;09

Dr. Mona

But it’s so, you know, reframing is extremely hard. I think, you know, when we talk about changing perspective, it’s reframing how we look at a situation, right? Like two people could be in the same situation and one person will say, I love this because it’s connection time. Another person could see the same situation like what you just said, bedtime and be like, I’m exhausted.

 

00;12;12;09 – 00;12;36;21

Dr. Mona

I just want to get to my me time, like you said, and it’s normal to feel both of those in one person, right? Like some days you’re going to feel like it’s past you. Some days you’re going to feel like I’m freaking tired. Like I don’t want to do this today. And that is an okay feeling to feel that, you know, and I think it’s also important to remove that guilt of feeling like we have to feel a certain way every day.

 

00;12;36;24 – 00;12;52;09

Dr. Mona

Right? Like, I feel like we tend to feel like it has to be glorious and this amazing experience every day. Some days you may shorten that time, right? Some days you may do a quick bedtime routine, but you’re going to keep it light, right? You’re gonna be like, okay, book time. I love you because you know that you just want it to be done.

 

00;12;52;13 – 00;13;07;10

Dr. Mona

If you’re not going to maybe show that to them. Like, I sometimes cut bedtime routine short, but I never say, okay, Ryan, come on, move. I say, okay. All day we read our books and it’s like ten minutes earlier. He has no clue. He doesn’t have a watch. But I do that. But I keep the energy light, right?

 

00;13;07;10 – 00;13;25;15

Dr. Mona

Like I keep the energy so that they understand that. Okay, well, it’s bedtime. Let’s move on. You know, but, you know, it’s so hard to not put that pressure on us. It’s so hard to feel that we have to be a certain way, especially after that long day of serving others and again, not being able to serve ourselves.

 

00;13;25;15 – 00;13;48;19

Dr. Mona

Because I get it. Those two hours, three hours after bedtime and you wake up early to work out, right? So you get that even shorter. You’re trying to get sleep, you’re seven hours of sleep, you’re trying to work out in the morning, and then you’re also trying to just have two hours to do whatever fills your soul. And that is really hard to balance as a, as a mom, any mom, any parent, but especially when you work outside the home to.

 

00;13;48;21 – 00;14;05;09

Kayla

Yeah, I think the hardest thing you kind of nailed it on the head earlier of you can’t show. I mean, you can show emotion to some point, but when you lead such a big team, you kind of have to be the rock and you have to keep it together. And then you come home and you’re like, oh, I also have to be the Rock.

 

00;14;05;09 – 00;14;27;07

Kayla

And I also have to keep it together here. And having a husband that also works and runs a big team, I don’t necessarily want to go to him all the time and complain and, you know, or vent. So I think that’s the hard thing of finding the places to take that emotion and put it in the right place, because right now I feel like I might be taking it out on my kids, which is not fair to them at all.

 

00;14;27;09 – 00;14;47;22

Dr. Mona

And I appreciate you saying that, because when you can recognize that, I think that’s a huge breakthrough as a parent, right? Recognizing that they’re not trying to make our life difficult. They’re not their children, but our life, our struggles, our stresses being stuck in traffic, the workload that we have at work that carries into the home. And it’s a cycle, right?

 

00;14;47;22 – 00;15;06;26

Dr. Mona

Because then your children throw a tantrum because you’re feeling distracted, and then you yell, and then you feel like a terrible person and it’s all the cycle. And then you take that to work. You’re always trying to bottle things up, and it’s hard bottling it up and constantly being the rock for everybody. I resonate with that, you know, that is we’re not meant to be the rock for everybody.

 

00;15;06;26 – 00;15;23;27

Dr. Mona

We’re not meant to not be vulnerable. We’re meant to show some vulnerability. And I hope that maybe we can show that vulnerability in your own space. Right? Not necessarily being vulnerable in front of your children every single day. Right. We want to have some balance of, you know, you don’t want to cry in front of them every day, but some days you’re going to be vulnerable in front of them, and that’s healthy.

 

00;15;24;03 – 00;15;34;19

Dr. Mona

But it’s finding those ways to really make the space throughout the day. And sometimes that means just a you are the children in childcare, like group childcare or nanny.

 

00;15;35;02 – 00;15;36;15

Kayla

Group childcare. Yep. They’re both.

 

00;15;36;15 – 00;15;58;27

Dr. Mona

So sometimes it means like just say group childcare. Pick up is at six and your last meeting ends at five. Sometimes it means taking 15 minutes and sitting in the parking lot before you pick them up, and just sitting in there listening to your favorite song. And I’ve done this, you know, and I’m it really helps to just reset and reframe for the next task, if you want to put it that way, or the next phase of your day.

 

00;15;58;27 – 00;16;17;02

Dr. Mona

Right. Let’s use it as a next phase, being motherhood phase. You went from, you know, boss mom phase or, you know, working mom like life. And then now you have to go dinner or bedtime Derrida. But you need that, you know, that that that reset and that reset can really help in between changing activities. And I talk about it with children too, right?

 

00;16;17;02 – 00;16;42;08

Dr. Mona

Like think about children when they change routines, like they go from being outside to being inside, like the verbalization and telling them, okay, we’re moving activities and sometimes you just need that sort of, okay, I am going from this to this. I just need a moment to regain my thoughts. And sometimes that means sitting outside for five minutes, ten minutes, going to pick them up just slightly, a little bit later than you normally would if it gives you that moment to reset.

 

00;16;42;08 – 00;16;58;18

Dr. Mona

Because it’s those moments that can really help. Again, bring that water level down in that cup so that you can take what may come and be more present and more mindful when your children have those meltdowns, or even if it’s a great day and it can make you find more joy in that moment and that day and that week as well.

 

00;16;58;20 – 00;17;07;18

Kayla

Yeah, I love that. I feel like when I get down from work, I automatically have to go get the kids. And that’s not yeah, not true.

 

00;17;07;20 – 00;17;25;03

Dr. Mona

You don’t. And it’s because we’re programed to go, go, go, go. And I feel the same way. And I started doing the sit outside of Ryan’s childcare and just sit because, you know, you go in and meet them and then they bring your child out or whatever. But I just now sit because I am rushing out of my office or rushing out of a meeting, whatever.

 

00;17;25;08 – 00;17;45;22

Dr. Mona

And then I just sit in the parking lot and I try not to to be on my phone. Like you said, you also try to unplug. I think that’s a really great thing that you’re doing because mindlessly scrolling social media or your phone, it actually doesn’t help our mind space, like sitting in your car and either listening to a relaxing song or putting on some sort of meditation music, or just listening to the sounds of nature.

 

00;17;45;25 – 00;18;04;15

Dr. Mona

You know, I’m big on nature. Sounds like it really helps us feel peace. You know, tech is amazing. Talking to a friend is amazing, but it can make our heart rate go up. It can make us more excitable. You need to kind of go back into the peace of birds chirping, rain dropping like the things that are in our environment to ground us right?

 

00;18;04;15 – 00;18;21;13

Dr. Mona

Because then you feel more grounded in the mindful moment, right? You are looking at the things that you’re seeing, smelling the things that you smell, listening to the things that you’re hearing. And that can really bring some peace. And almost like a mini meditation that’s not like where you have to sit there and listen and all that. You’re just doing it yourself.

 

00;18;21;13 – 00;18;24;00

Dr. Mona

You’re giving your peace for that moment.

 

00;18;24;02 – 00;18;44;29

Kayla

Yeah, I love that, especially because when I am on my phone, work pops up more often and I want to be done with that part of the day and also be an example to the moms on my team that like, they should also be unplugging at the end of the day. So I really like because I do, I am on my phone more than I should be when I’m alone, so I think that that’s a really good idea.

 

00;18;45;02 – 00;19;06;15

Dr. Mona

And you know what you’re telling me? It’s just so honestly relatable to me as well. Like, I have been there and I noticed some days where I was rushing right, like I’m rushing to things, to things. And that was yesterday. Right? Like and I always look at it like you could be in traffic, but if you had a really great day at work and things went well, you weren’t overwhelmed.

 

00;19;06;15 – 00;19;27;10

Dr. Mona

You’re going to look at traffic. It’s like, okay, not a big deal. But if you had a very overwhelming day, traffic is going to feel like a nuisance, right? And it’s again, two people in the same situation looking at that circumstance differently. And when I started to look at regular events as more of a just a happening versus a nuisance, it started to also reframe.

 

00;19;27;10 – 00;19;40;26

Dr. Mona

We talk about that reframing of when I’m stuck in traffic now, when I’m stuck in traffic, I’m like, okay, well, I’m stuck in this traffic. I’ll just listen to my song, or that means more time to listen to a podcast. You know, like if I’m on my way to get my son and it’s, you know, I’m stuck in traffic.

 

00;19;41;01 – 00;19;58;01

Dr. Mona

So I look at it as like, hey, this is now an opportunity to listen to my favorite podcasts for longer, or, you know, talk to my friend for longer because I’m stuck in traffic versus looking at it as a pain and that now, oh my gosh. Well, this is going to happen because we know that the frustration in that moment isn’t going to make the traffic move, right.

 

00;19;58;01 – 00;20;03;20

Dr. Mona

It isn’t going to change the reality. So now we have to change what we tell ourselves in that reality.

 

00;20;03;22 – 00;20;21;28

Kayla

Yeah, I love that I am on the higher level of stress and I get frustrated very quickly. That is my personality. And I think that having kids is definitely changing that for me. But I have to bring myself back to that in the moment because it’s hard to remember. But I love all of those strategies and.

 

00;20;22;00 – 00;20;40;15

Dr. Mona

You know, you’ve already been doing so many of these, and I added just a few. But at the end of the day, one of the big takeaways that I want to make sure people understand is that we are human beings and we are entitled to have feelings and big emotions, and sometimes those big emotions are going to make us yell and do things that we didn’t mean to write.

 

00;20;40;15 – 00;20;58;14

Dr. Mona

Yelling is an example, but the hope is that every time we yell at our child and I hope it gets better, like, I hope you start to notice that I am doing things to create more space. And sometimes that means having a conversation with your partner or any other person that helps your child on how can I create more space for myself?

 

00;20;58;14 – 00;21;17;09

Dr. Mona

You know, like I’m doing so much, where can I cut back? Where can I pull the reins? Because we can’t always pull the reins with our children. We have to be there with them. But is it now that my partner can help me with bedtime routine? Or maybe my partner can pick up the child? You know, I have a partner who works crazy hours, so that’s not always feasible.

 

00;21;17;14 – 00;21;34;29

Dr. Mona

Maybe some people are listening, are single parents, maybe they don’t have that ability, but it’s who can I utilize to create more space to be able to do what I need to do? And if I’m doing too much, how can I create more space in my day? How can I say no more to things that really aren’t needed for me, right?

 

00;21;34;29 – 00;21;56;03

Dr. Mona

Like delegating more in your job, saying, you know what, I’m really excited about this, but I think I need to take a moment and maybe reconvene tomorrow, trying to create more space so that you are not, again, giving without taking stuff for yourself. Because as moms, we are just giving way too much without really doing truly anything for ourselves.

 

00;21;56;03 – 00;22;12;11

Dr. Mona

A workout in the morning is amazing, but I’m talking about the mind peace. The moment where you can literally sit and just say, wow, I feel at peace right now and that is what I’m trying to get people, you know, to get to. And that is my goal that I strive for in my life to feel mental peace.

 

00;22;12;11 – 00;22;19;17

Dr. Mona

Not just that I did something to do it. Like I want to sit and be at peace. And that’s such a hard thing to get to. But I know it’s doable.

 

00;22;19;20 – 00;22;28;24

Kayla

Yeah, it definitely is a very hard thing to get to. But I think it is really, really important. And even, you know, even with the working out, there’s still guilt there of.

 

00;22;28;29 – 00;22;29;12

Dr. Mona

Yes.

 

00;22;29;12 – 00;22;43;07

Kayla

Be getting things ready for the day. I could be, you know, my husband get them up in the morning, which I’m extremely grateful for. And I know how lucky I am, but I can hear them upstairs. I should be up there. So you’re quite at peace, even during the time.

 

00;22;43;09 – 00;22;58;16

Dr. Mona

Yes, I can. Oh, the working out at home. And then you feel guilty that you. Why did I even work out like it wasn’t even a good workout? Like I’m half thinking about that. I should be up with my child and distracted. Oh my. I think everyone can relate to that. I, I did been there too, and I’m like yelling from the peloton.

 

00;22;58;16 – 00;23;22;05

Dr. Mona

I’m like, are you guys okay down there? Why do you need me? And almost like just saying, okay, he can handle it. I’m going to be there doing this exercise routine or whatever you’re doing. But your feelings are right on. I mean, I hope everyone listening probably can be like, yep, I’ve been there, I’ve been there, and that is my hope with these episodes that we can feel a little less alone and hopefully learn some skills that we can, you know, implement that will help us again, give us more space.

 

00;23;22;05 – 00;23;23;08

Dr. Mona

As a parent.

 

00;23;23;11 – 00;23;43;26

Kayla

I’ve definitely learned some things. And I do have to say, yeah, even just following your counter, things like that, knowing that I’m not alone in this and knowing that other people struggle with patience and losing it with their kids and, you know, things like that, make it a little better. And I think that makes me more hopeful that I can make changes.

 

00;23;44;04 – 00;23;48;19

Kayla

Motherhood can be very isolating. So it’s nice to know that you’re not alone.

 

00;23;48;21 – 00;24;09;14

Dr. Mona

Oh, yes. You are not alone. And you know, you are here talking about something that’s so important to me. That’s not even about parenting, per se, but it is important for parenting because it’s how we approach parenting, right? Like giving ourselves more space will make us a more mindful parent, more present parent, more understanding of the fact that we are going to have these experiences.

 

00;24;09;14 – 00;24;31;08

Dr. Mona

And it’s okay. You know, I’m hopeful that through this, you know, Monday morning series and the people that come on that we can really again feel more relatable, but also just understand, like you said, that we’re not alone and that we all have this feelings of guilt. We all feel the feelings that we are. And what would be your, I guess, take home today that you could implement starting tomorrow.

 

00;24;31;11 – 00;25;01;04

Kayla

I think. Well, definitely trying to make more time for myself throughout the day. When I do have kids free time, you know, I’m obviously have responsibilities for work, but yeah, I’m taking those 5 to 10 minutes in between meetings and calls and messages with my team. But then also just trying to give myself a little bit of slack and not hold myself to this crazy standard that I think I continue to hold myself to and that it’s okay to lose it.

 

00;25;01;04 – 00;25;20;07

Kayla

But then reframing, especially the reframing of bedtime and bath time, that it’s a time for me to connect and have fun with the kids rather than rush it. And of course, I can still have those feelings and it be okay, but I think I have those feelings more often than not. And so I think reframing that and some other times during the day will be really, really helpful.

 

00;25;20;09 – 00;25;39;22

Dr. Mona

Yes. And again, thank you so much for coming on the podcast to chat about this stuff. It is so important that we have these conversations. And I don’t know about you, but I always feel better having these conversations, like almost like talking to a friend, just understanding that we are in this together and you’re doing an amazing job and I hope you recognize that.

 

00;25;39;22 – 00;25;57;28

Dr. Mona

Like, I think sometimes, you know, we talk about like, yes, we don’t want to live a life of validation, I get it. But sometimes just being told by someone else that, hey, I see you. I see you working hard. I see you hustling. I see you coming home and doing that bedtime routine. I see you, I see that that can’t be easy all the time.

 

00;25;58;00 – 00;26;15;04

Dr. Mona

And even if you make it look easy, even if you, you know, put a smile on your face, I know that it’s not easy being a mom. Like, I know it’s not easy being a parent like I. I hope you know that you’re doing a fantastic job. Even in those moments you feel that you’re not so great because you are.

 

00;26;15;07 – 00;26;32;01

Kayla

Thank you. You can’t see me, but I have a big smile on my face. So thank you for doing this. And you’re right, it is nice just to talk and I really hope it helps some other moms too, that they, you know, there are other people that have similar feelings out there. So thank you for all you’re doing and for bringing us on the podcast.

 

00;26;32;04 – 00;26;50;27

Dr. Mona

I wanted to wrap up this conversation with Kayla with a few take home points. If you’ve listened to my other episodes of Monday mornings with Doctor Mona, I do take home points for the parenting topics, but for this I wanted to do it a little bit differently. So I want to create a space here that is accepting and understanding of the things that we go through as parents, especially as moms.

 

00;26;50;27 – 00;27;09;23

Dr. Mona

Because I do know that a lot of moms listen to this podcast. But whether you are a mom, a dad, a grandpa, grandma, whoever’s listening to this, I hope that you can feel validated in the feelings that you’re feeling. Being a mom, being a dad, being a caregiver is very hard work. And then you throw in other responsibilities and it can be very tiring.

 

00;27;09;25 – 00;27;33;22

Dr. Mona

I hope you feel validated for what you’re feeling. Validation is one of those things that sometimes we feel bad that, you know, I just want someone to recognize that it’s kind of hard sometimes, but it’s okay to feel that it’s okay to want that sort of feeling sometimes. Obviously, it’s up to us to get to a point where we have enough space to handle all of the things that life throws at us, but sometimes it does help when someone says, you’re doing a great job and you are.

 

00;27;33;24 – 00;27;51;00

Dr. Mona

I also want to remind you to reframe how you view a situation. I use the example of the traffic situation. Right. It’s two people could be in the same traffic jam. One could be jamming out to a song and the other one could be frustrated. It’s all about how you view a situation, and sometimes you’re not going to be viewing it in a positive light.

 

00;27;51;00 – 00;28;09;15

Dr. Mona

That’s not the goal. Remember, you are going to feel a variety of different feelings, but when you start to look at situations more as an opportunity rather than as an obstacle or frustration, you can start to see the small joys the next time you are stuck in traffic. And I’ve been there too. I want you to think about what you can gain out of that traffic jam.

 

00;28;09;17 – 00;28;24;02

Dr. Mona

The traffic is not going to move any faster by you lamenting it, so think about what you’re going to do. Are you going to listen to your favorite podcast? Are you going to sing a song? Are you going to listen to some music? Are you going to talk to a friend? How are you going to get through that moment so you can reframe that situation?

 

00;28;24;09 – 00;28;46;08

Dr. Mona

And the most important take home is that we have to take breaks in order to take care of other people. This is so important because we go through our day, especially as parents and caregivers, and I’m going to speak as a mom doing so much. And when you continue to do so much for other people, whether you are managing a team at work and then you come home to children, you’re going to forget the most important person.

 

00;28;46;08 – 00;29;14;20

Dr. Mona

And that’s did you take a break for yourself. So taking a break can look very small. Sometimes this means me going outside and getting fresh air in between podcast recordings or meetings. Sometimes it means taking a break after seeing for patients and just getting some water in the back room before I go back to it, I want you to look at your day and look at opportunities where you can create small breaks, where you can get that glass of water or go outside for a stretch, or just disconnect from your cell phone and close your eyes and focus on your breathing.

 

00;29;14;23 – 00;29;32;13

Dr. Mona

These moments can help create more space in your mind, so that you can handle the things that life throws at you. And if you are balancing being a working mom and I know that terminology can be hard sometimes, but if you are balancing that, being at work and then coming home, it’s important to do some resets when you shift that mode.

 

00;29;32;15 – 00;29;54;11

Dr. Mona

Taking those moments in the car, realizing that you’re doing a great job with the resources that you have. These are all things that can give us more peace and create more space in our mind, so we can navigate this roller coaster that is parenthood. Thank you for joining me today. As always, if you’re enjoying this new format of Monday mornings with Doctor Mona, please make sure to leave a review and rating.

 

00;29;54;11 – 00;29;58;06

Dr. Mona

It’s what helps the podcast grow, and I will talk to you next week.