Motherhood is often shown as something women should handle effortlessly while we are expected to also lose ourselves in total self-sacrifice. Today, I sit down with digital creator, speaker and author Libby Ward to discuss what happens when we stop pretending and start getting real about raising kids. Libby shares her own journey of burnout after being pressured to “do it all”.

We break down why being honest about motherhood can shift the narrative for our generation. Libby dives into the story behind her book “Honest Motherhood: On Losing My Mind and Finding Myself”. She explains how letting go of perfectionism and prioritizing rest doesn’t make us bad moms, it makes us human. Whether you’re feeling overstimulated, guilty or just want to be fully yourself today, this conversation is a gentle (and sometimes funny) reminder that you are not alone.

We discuss:

• Libby’s personal breaking point that set her on a path to address her burnout 

• The pressure moms daily face that can lead to resentment

• How trauma, upbringing and neurodiversity can drive woman to put others first while masking their struggles

• How being an honest mother starts with self-awareness and acknowledging your own limits

• That letting go of the pressure and focusing on micro-moments allows us to be genuinely present with our kids

To connect with Libby Ward follow her on Instagram @libbyward and check out her new book: ⁠https://go.shopmy.us/p-86552555⁠ (paid link)

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00;00;00;01 – 00;00;17;21

Libby Ward

Like an honest mom is somebody who just continuously tells himself the truth. Whether it’s in the morning and your journaling, whether it’s when you’re it is falling down at the front door and they’re having a tantrum, and rather than just reacting in the moment, you’re stopping and saying, what is that bringing up inside of me? Yeah. Am I actually in danger?

 

00;00;17;21 – 00;00;36;21

Libby Ward

Is there a lion chasing me or is there not, you know, it’s mom who takes the time to ask herself, like what is happening inside of me? And what do I need in order to have my needs met? Yes, because when your needs are met and you feel like a more whole human being, you can show up better as a parent.

 

00;00;36;24 – 00;00;56;13

Libby Ward

But also, and this is the kicker that I learned later in my healing journey. Yeah. Also because you just deserve it. Full stop. As a human being. You deserve to have your needs met because you matter, simply because you exist.

 

00;00;56;15 – 00;01;13;01

Dr. Mona

Welcome back to the PedsDocTalk podcast. And I don’t know if you know this, but I have another show. It’s a TV show. It’s called Happy Pappy. It’s an animated series for children two and up. I would say 2 to 5 years, but really, you will like it too. And it’s on their YouTube channel, so check it out.

 

00;01;13;04 – 00;01;31;13

Dr. Mona

I am so excited to be here. You know, this show is something I really love to do. And a lot of the reason why we continue to grow is because you listen, download, share these episodes and support the show. So truly continue doing that. And today’s conversation is one of my favorite follows. And I met her briefly at mom 2.0, which is a conference.

 

00;01;31;16 – 00;01;53;21

Dr. Mona

So my question to you is, have you ever lost it with your kids? And then immediately thought, what is wrong with me? I’m a terrible mom. Have you ever felt resentful, overstimulated, or completely tapped out and then felt guilty because you’re supposed to be grateful to be a mom because you wanted those kids? And how many of us are trying so hard to be the good mom that we haven’t stopped to ask what we actually need?

 

00;01;53;24 – 00;02;22;04

Dr. Mona

All this sounds so important to me, too. Today’s guest is Libby Ward, a digital creator, speaker, author, and the woman behind the Honest Mom platform. Her work about the harder parts of motherhood has reached millions of women who are thinking these things, but don’t feel like they could say them out loud. She’s also a bestselling author of Honest Motherhood on Losing My Mind and Finding Myself, a memoir about breaking under the pressure to do it all, facing what wasn’t working and figuring out who she was underneath all those expectations.

 

00;02;22;06 – 00;02;46;02

Dr. Mona

And Libby goes there with me. In this conversation, we talk about mom rage, resentment, overstimulation, people pleasing, the pressure, the sacrificing of yourself for your kids, and what happens when you finally admit that your capacity has limits. We also talk about why being honest about motherhood doesn’t mean you don’t love your children. That narrative is so toxic, and how being more aware of your own needs can actually help you be more present with them.

 

00;02;46;09 – 00;03;01;10

Dr. Mona

And this is stuff that I agree with as a pediatrician, as a mom myself, if you’ve ever looked at the mirror or let’s be honest, you don’t have time to look at the mirror, but you just thought, I don’t want to keep showing up like this. You are far from the only one and I really want you to hear this conversation.

 

00;03;01;10 – 00;03;26;22

Dr. Mona

So subscribe and download the episode. And if something levere I make sense, and you think of another mom in your life or another parent, send it to them. And when you shared on social Tag, the PedsDocTalk podcast, PedsDocTalk, and Libby Ward so we can see what resonated with you. Let’s get into this amazingly important conversation.

 

00;03;26;24 – 00;03;29;03

Dr. Mona

Thank you for joining me today. Libby.

 

00;03;29;05 – 00;03;31;07

Libby Ward

Thanks so much for having me.

 

00;03;31;10 – 00;03;53;28

Dr. Mona

Libby. Honest mom, honest motherhood. So she wrote a book called Honest Motherhood on Losing my Mind and Finding Myself. So she is now an author, everybody. I just want to do that. And we know the labor of love that goes into writing a book. I love having fellow thought leaders on the show, but I also know the work and labor that goes into being an author.

 

00;03;54;03 – 00;04;14;06

Dr. Mona

So it’s an unflinchingly honest and disarmingly funny memoir from an exhausted mom who broke under the pressure to do it all, found herself in the rubble and paved her way out by telling the truth. And I connected with you by watching you speak on the stage at mom 2.0, which is one of my favorite conferences for mom creators.

 

00;04;14;14 – 00;04;28;21

Dr. Mona

And now you’re here with me today. Tell me about how you came to write this book, and why you felt like it needed to come into this world after being a digital creator. And what you hope it does for the world, especially for women.

 

00;04;28;27 – 00;04;49;06

Libby Ward

Okay, that is a big question and I can’t wait to answer it. So how did I come into this world of sharing my truth online? Six years ago, I was working as an educational assistant part time. I was a default parent. My husband was a shift worker, a police officer. So he worked long hours, late hours, weekends, evenings.

 

00;04;49;08 – 00;05;16;05

Libby Ward

I was the primary parent for our children. I had two kids who were, I don’t know, three and five ish at the time, and I was exhausted. I was burnt out, I was overwhelmed, I was sort of riding this roller coaster of depression, burnout, didn’t quite know what was wrong, wasn’t enjoying motherhood. And I felt deep, deep shame about that.

 

00;05;16;07 – 00;05;36;06

Libby Ward

You know, I have always been someone who’s spun a lot of plates. I am a high achiever, I work hard, I get a lot done. It really mattered to me that I could show up well for my kids. I always wanted to be a great mom. The way I grew up was not typical. You know, I moved 18 times before I was 18 years old.

 

00;05;36;08 – 00;05;58;25

Libby Ward

I was raised by a mom who had undiagnosed and untreated mental health disorders. We were often in poverty. And so there were also different men coming in and out of our lives. And so my childhood was really turbulent. And when I reached adulthood, I thought, okay, that’s over now. Now the easy part, you know, happens. And I got married to a great man who was a police officer.

 

00;05;58;25 – 00;06;19;28

Libby Ward

We had kids who had the best of intentions, but by the time I had two kids who, you know, were in school and toddling, I was exhausted. I was carrying so much. I was caring also for both of my parents, who were separate, hated, but disabled separately. And so neither of them drove or work. I was taking care of them.

 

00;06;19;28 – 00;06;45;14

Libby Ward

I was taking care of my kids. One of my kids had high needs, and I was really trying to do everything. And over the course of the first several years, I just had this resentment that built and it built and it built to the point of anger and rage where it didn’t necessarily come out all the time. I was really good at keeping it inside, because my home life when I was younger was so turbulent.

 

00;06;45;14 – 00;07;04;05

Libby Ward

It was so important to me to be a calm mom and to be regulated and to be safe and to not have, a home that was filled with chaos. But what actually happened was instead of listening to my own needs and instead of meeting my own needs or prioritizing myself or processing my emotions, I just became really disconnected.

 

00;07;04;08 – 00;07;30;01

Libby Ward

So everything that I was trying to pour into my kids, everything I was trying to do for my husband, the ways that I centered him and his needs in our life and my kids and their needs in my life. There was nothing left for me at the end of the day. At the beginning of the day, at any point of the day, I was just constantly giving, giving, giving, always feeling like there was just never enough of me to go around and really sort of blaming myself for like, why can’t, why can’t you keep up?

 

00;07;30;04 – 00;07;49;00

Libby Ward

And I didn’t always say those things out loud because I thought that there was something wrong with me and it just felt like too shameful. So when, I’m trying to decide which part of the story to tell, I’ll tell both both parts of the story. The first part of the story is the breaking point that I had.

 

00;07;49;00 – 00;08;06;03

Libby Ward

Like the biggest sort of breakthrough moment I had when my kids were about three and five. And my husband, he had worked a night shift, so he was sleeping. I was getting up in the morning, and I had to get the kids out the door to school and preschool and myself to work. And a mom who was listening to this knows the chaos of those waiting.

 

00;08;06;05 – 00;08;24;21

Libby Ward

Nothing is going right. Somebody teased the bed. You know, a toddler needs something. You can’t figure out what they need. Like my son, he had, speech condition, and so he couldn’t speak clearly. And so I’m trying to figure out what he needs. I can’t, he gets frustrated, he slaps me in the face. I don’t slap him back.

 

00;08;24;21 – 00;08;42;20

Libby Ward

But I can feel this, like, rage building. Yeah, totally. Yeah, yeah. And then, you know, I’m trying to feed them breakfast or refusing everything I give them, trying to get them dressed out the door. Also, I live in Canada, so it’s like boots, hats, mitts, like all the things. And by the time I get out of the door, I am just a basket case.

 

00;08;42;22 – 00;08;57;19

Libby Ward

But I’m holding it inside. And so we pull out of the driveway and I, dial the babysitters number because I have to get after school care because our babysitter had canceled. And I say to the kids like, mommy just needs a minute. Can you please just be quiet while I make this phone call? Well, what would you guess?

 

00;08;57;19 – 00;09;13;04

Libby Ward

That neither of them were quiet and my son needed something. And he was signing because he had started signing. We were teaching him that because he struggled with speech, but I couldn’t look in the rearview mirror or turn around because I didn’t want to drive into oncoming traffic. And so he started to speak, and I couldn’t understand what he was saying.

 

00;09;13;06 – 00;09;36;05

Libby Ward

And I’m starting to feel myself, feel frustrated. And then my daughter starts kicking my seat. And like the overstimulation, it wasn’t just overstimulation, but there. There was the overstimulation. There was the overwhelm. There was. So what if I’m late for work? There was a why doesn’t anything go right? Like all the resentment, not just from that moment or that day, but everything that I had kept in for years and years and years finally just built up.

 

00;09;36;07 – 00;09;56;05

Libby Ward

And the noise is building up and I just slam on the brakes and I turn around and I scream this like, you know, that guttural rage? Not like that. I’m going to yell loud, but the like it starts in your toes and it builds in your tummy. And it’s just like swirls, like some sort of lava pit. And it’s just this guttural rage came out of me and I just screamed like, shut up!

 

00;09;56;05 – 00;10;14;08

Libby Ward

And all the things that I’d kept inside for years just came out. And when I stopped, I looked at their faces and I saw this fear in their eyes. And like I’d seen them be afraid before. Like I’m their mom. But I’d always been the one to comfort their fear. Whether they’re afraid of the dark or a stranger or whatever it is.

 

00;10;14;10 – 00;10;39;11

Libby Ward

And that was one of the first times that I remember them being truly fearful of me. And the shame that just, like, washed over my body, just it just consumed me. And I had this moment of, I’ve become everything I said I never wanted to be. I’m not in control. What is wrong with me? All these feelings, you know, I felt horrible apologize.

 

00;10;39;11 – 00;10;55;08

Libby Ward

And and I’m not saying that’s the, you know, first or last or only time I yelled at my kids, but that’s one, like one of those moments that just, like, sticks out to me because my son then handed me his granola bar. I don’t know if I told this part of the story when we left the house because they refused breakfast, I gave them a granola bar for breakfast.

 

00;10;55;10 – 00;11;14;13

Libby Ward

And when I finished yelling, he handed me the granola bar and he signed the sign in sign language open. And I realized that that’s what he was trying to tell me, that he wanted me to open his granola bar, and my daughter was just trying to help him. And it just, like, added to that level of like, you know, that voice inside of me was like, what is wrong with you?

 

00;11;14;13 – 00;11;38;06

Libby Ward

Like, why can’t you just be a good mom? Why can’t you be patient? Why can’t you be calm? Why can’t you be regulated? All of those things. And that really set me on a path to figuring out at the time what I would have said was what was quote unquote wrong with me. I talk in the book about how that really was the wrong question to be asking, but that really was a pivotal moment for me to be like, okay, something’s not working because this is not the mom I want to be.

 

00;11;38;06 – 00;12;01;03

Libby Ward

I don’t want to just blow my top over things like this, but I have no capacity and I can’t keep juggling everything anymore. And I can’t keep up with the world’s expectations. But I do have to keep mothering these children. What do I even do? And that was really one of the biggest shifts to me. Kind of like that was my, you know, losing my mind.

 

00;12;01;05 – 00;12;30;04

Libby Ward

One of my many losing my mind moments that set me on a path to, to to finding myself, and I, I started sharing about it online a couple of years after that. Not that specific moment, but the hard parts of motherhood, because it felt like there was no one doing that because the pandemic had just started, because I thought no one in real life would find me, because it felt like a safe space to say things out loud that I wouldn’t dare say in my real life.

 

00;12;30;06 – 00;12;43;21

Libby Ward

Alone. Behold, a lot of people found me, and Tara was not the anomaly. And so here we are. A few years later, I got a book deal and decided to write a book, and. Yeah. So it’s, it’s been quite the journey.

 

00;12;43;24 – 00;13;05;15

Dr. Mona

I, I love that journey, and I love storytelling. And that’s what this book, a lot of it is, you know, obviously, this granola bar moment that you mentioned, that description of that guttural rage. I mean, I’ve been there too. I’ve spoken about that on my social and my podcast. And, you know, I get that same reception that you do, but wow, it just feels so good that someone else is saying it.

 

00;13;05;15 – 00;13;24;18

Dr. Mona

And then for me, what I get is like, it just feels good to know that a pediatrician also feels the same way. And I’m like, yeah, don’t forget that we’re human. And I think that humanization of women and humanization of mothers, right? Like that. We are not this let’s put this face up and everything’s perfect is so relatable, you know.

 

00;13;24;18 – 00;13;43;06

Dr. Mona

And I did you find though, as you were sharing your content, you know, especially, let’s say, the, the social media content, because the book is, I think, its own special thing. But as you are sharing, did you find that you got pushback in these sort of in the in a world of people that were like, oh, like, why are you always sharing this?

 

00;13;43;06 – 00;13;53;28

Dr. Mona

The bad like the not so great, like you’re a downer. Did you get that sort of sentiment or was it more of the positive support that we both agree? That is what should you you should be receiving?

 

00;13;54;00 – 00;14;31;12

Libby Ward

I mean, I get both to this day, like to this day I get both. But what happened when I, I think the messages that I told myself before I started sharing was that it’s all my fault, that it’s just me, that I should be ashamed, that I was a downer, that I needed to fix myself. That was so ingrained in me that when I started sharing the hard parts and it was predominantly support that came in initially, I mean, my videos started going viral within a few weeks of me sharing, and I had thousands of women saying, oh my goodness, you’re the first person who’s ever said like, said this thing out loud.

 

00;14;31;15 – 00;15;00;25

Libby Ward

Oh my goodness, I felt so ashamed. It’s so good to know I’m not the only one. And like so many women saying thank you for saying this out loud, this really helps me. It helps me feel less shame. It helps me reach out for help. Like there’s so much positive support that began this feedback loop of it started to sort of a race and dilute it started to dilute the messages that I had told myself about who I was and what it meant about me, that I didn’t always enjoy motherhood.

 

00;15;00;28 – 00;15;20;23

Libby Ward

And it made me realize that actually, there isn’t something wrong with me. And I’m not bad for not enjoying motherhood. I’m not a bad mom for being tired. I’m not a bad mom for having a hard time. It’s just the fact of reality that motherhood is hard. And saying those things out loud doesn’t mean that it’s also not good.

 

00;15;20;29 – 00;15;42;14

Libby Ward

Saying that it’s difficult doesn’t mean that you don’t love your children. And so, because so much of the messaging that I received back was in support, that helped me to buffer against the the negative messaging, because of course, there was some people being like, oh, you’re so negative. Well, you shouldn’t have had children. Oh, well, you chose that.

 

00;15;42;15 – 00;16;09;10

Libby Ward

All those kinds of messages started to come in. But, you know, it was like one of those for every 25 of the other ones. And I thought, I’m like, really making a difference here. And this is not only helping me, it’s helping all these women, but there’s still, you know, to this day is that messaging. And I think especially as I’ve grown and as my accounts have grown, it’s not just that I’m a lifestyle influencer that shares predominantly positive messages.

 

00;16;09;17 – 00;16;29;12

Libby Ward

And every once in a while I’m like, hey everyone, just, you know, everything’s not perfect. And I’m giving you a little peek behind the curtain and say, like, I feel mom rage sometimes, too. That’s my influencer voice. So I tell you what, like, I just like doing it a little bit so people can go like, oh, this is, you know, you know, it’s mostly positive and just a little bit negative.

 

00;16;29;12 – 00;16;53;19

Libby Ward

It’s like, nope. My whole niche, my whole account, not my whole experience of motherhood, not my whole actual life, but my niche on social media. And what I talk about online on purpose is predominantly the hard parts, because that’s what I know helps people, and that’s the content that I make. And there does seem to be this, you know, there is a small section of people who are like, you’re always so negative.

 

00;16;53;19 – 00;17;17;09

Libby Ward

It’s like, I, I understand that, yes, I’m talking about the hard parts. And maybe that’s not what you need in this season of life, but that is what my accounts about. And that also doesn’t mean that I don’t experience the positive and that sort of like this, like macro example of what happens to women and mothers in a micro way every single day that they feel like they can’t say, I feel rage, I feel resentment, I’m exhausted.

 

00;17;17;09 – 00;17;46;18

Libby Ward

I’m overstimulated. I don’t love this all the time. I need a break. Without giving 45 disclaimers about the fact that they also desperately love their children in the marrow of their bones, and would do anything to protect them and love them, and do find joy in them and are excited about being mothers. It’s like we live in this world where, you know, we are judged by every single thing we say, and there’s so many assumptions made about that.

 

00;17;46;20 – 00;17;53;02

Libby Ward

And I, I really want people to know that so many things can be true at once.

 

00;17;53;04 – 00;18;22;12

Dr. Mona

Now let’s take a quick break to hear from our sponsors who support helps us keep bringing you this show. Yeah, and I think, you know, there’s people who share content that share only the highlight reel, right? There’s there’s, content creators that literally share all their kids dressed up all the time, behaving don’t show any vulnerability at all when, let’s be frank, there is vulnerability behind the scenes, and they’re making a choice to not show that for whatever reason, that’s their choice.

 

00;18;22;18 – 00;18;35;08

Dr. Mona

And then you have people who you’re not doing this. But then I do see some accounts that I don’t follow that are literally like, I don’t follow the extreme on the other side as well, but that are like, hey, you know, this is going on and this is going on and this is hard. I like this happy medium.

 

00;18;35;08 – 00;18;54;16

Dr. Mona

And I think, you know, that happy medium. I had someone come on, talk to me about maternal ambivalence like that. Is being a mom right. That like a human would be like. And you know, as someone who does a lot of parenting education, we are so easy to understand that our kids have feelings and that there’s fear and there’s anger, frustration and joy.

 

00;18;54;18 – 00;19;13;14

Dr. Mona

And yet for our own selves, we forget that we are not entitled to those same feelings, to. That doesn’t mean that we don’t love less. That doesn’t mean that we are inferior than another mom who may do x, Y, and Z. And it’s about accepting that because like you mentioned earlier, so that we can work through it. Because if you can’t name it, you can’t tame it, right?

 

00;19;13;14 – 00;19;40;16

Dr. Mona

That’s the very common, common phrase. And that is where I also agree with you that being honest, being vulnerable to a degree that makes sense for you online or with your friends, if you’re not an online presence, just really helps you and also will help so many other women who are like, yeah, like Dan, like I, I felt that and now that I know I’m not alone, I know that I’m not I’m not just this person who’s, you know, shame filled, guilt free person.

 

00;19;40;16 – 00;19;45;10

Dr. Mona

Like, I have other people that have felt the same way. And that is so powerful and healing.

 

00;19;45;13 – 00;20;12;20

Libby Ward

Right. And awareness is the first step to change. And when I, when I, I think about honesty and, you know, what I do online is I say the hard parts out loud that, you know, other people may not be saying, and it is important to say things out loud. It is important to share honestly with one another. But the message of the book is the same and different in that it’s my story of being honest with myself, because that’s where all the biggest changes happened.

 

00;20;12;20 – 00;20;44;16

Libby Ward

You know, it wasn’t until that moment in the car when I screamed at my kids and I went on this journey to figure out what is going on. I eventually realized I hadn’t been honest with myself about my actual real life, about the fact that I am a mom with raging ADHD, that I have two dependent parents, that I’m parenting solo most of the time, that I have children with high needs, that I don’t have the same bank account as my friends, that I have a completely different support system than other mothers that my life and my children and my family.

 

00;20;44;16 – 00;21;10;05

Libby Ward

All of that is different to every other mother and I had spent so much of my mothering up until that point, trying to live the motherhood of other people, trying to be the Pinterest mom and the baking mom and the matching outfits mom and the clean house mom and the like. All these different moms because I was so concerned about keeping people happy and keeping up appearances and wanting it.

 

00;21;10;05 – 00;21;29;10

Libby Ward

Like wanting to be a good mom as well, that I. I didn’t ever stop to ask myself what I wanted, what I needed, and what my actual life looked like. So it frustrated me when people would say like, oh, just take time for yourself, or oh, just do this. And I think like, but how and when like, you don’t like, you don’t know how difficult it is for me to do.

 

00;21;29;10 – 00;21;59;20

Libby Ward

And it wasn’t until I was finally honest with myself about the fact that I was kind of like, not my own worst enemy, but I was contributing to the problem by trying to live other people’s motherhood and not being honest about what my actual capacity was and what I needed to let go of in order to get more capacity, that things began to change, because then I could give myself permission to let go of the shoulds and give myself permission to figure out where I can outsource, where I could ask for help, where I needed to go to therapy and work on boundaries.

 

00;21;59;27 – 00;22;08;28

Libby Ward

And I couldn’t do any of that if I didn’t. Finally tell myself the truth about why I was mothering and living the way that I was living.

 

00;22;09;01 – 00;22;30;23

Dr. Mona

And again, I love the subtitle of your book, Right On Losing My Mind and Finding Myself Obviously Honest. Motherhood is the title, and I think you’re not alone in that. So many of us reached that sort of boiling point of like, okay, this is this is it right? I have my own story of like, you know, feeling that sort of, wow, this is not working for myself, for my partner, for my kids.

 

00;22;30;25 – 00;22;43;24

Dr. Mona

And I love the story that you share. I know you may not be able to speak for everyone listening, but why do you think? For you, it took losing your mind to find yourself for me.

 

00;22;43;26 – 00;23;05;20

Libby Ward

It took that because I had spent a lifetime trying to please others in order to feel safe and connected in my relationships. And that’s what I learned when I, you know, and any good ADHD or does a deep dive on the things they become fascinated in. And I became someone who read a lot of books on trauma and did a lot of therapy and tried to figure out, like, how did I become this person?

 

00;23;05;25 – 00;23;35;07

Libby Ward

In my story, I realized that I had spent my whole life from my little Miss Years, walking into any room I walked into, and knowing the emotional temperature and taking it as my responsibility to keep everybody happy, knowing what my mom’s needs were before she even spoke them. Knowing what my friend’s needs were before she even said them, and trying to put out fires before they even began, and trying to control my environment and trying to stay connected to the people who were like my who I thought were my people.

 

00;23;35;07 – 00;23;59;28

Libby Ward

And you know, I didn’t want to disappoint people. I didn’t want to be seen as a bad mom. I didn’t want to be on the outs. And so in trying to belong and trying to stay connected and trying to you know, really, it’s like my own emotional safety and trying to do that. I took in what everybody else that I should do and became someone who I didn’t even naturally ask myself what I wanted.

 

00;24;00;02 – 00;24;13;25

Libby Ward

When someone said, hey, can you help out with this thing? There was no part of me that stopped and went, oh, do I have capacity for that? Yeah. Is that a priority for me or do I have time for that? It was an automatic. If I can do it or if I think I can do it, I will.

 

00;24;13;25 – 00;24;45;12

Libby Ward

Like unless my femur was snapped and I was completely or it didn’t even occur to me to say no or to ask myself if I wanted to. You know, rest didn’t occur to me until I felt absolutely shattered. It felt like something I had to earn, something I had to, you know, you know, it had to be something that I deserved, because of something I did and because of the way I grew up and how I was so attuned to everybody else’s needs, not just my kids, but but everybody else.

 

00;24;45;14 – 00;25;06;05

Libby Ward

I didn’t ask myself what I wanted, and I think that was really a part of it. And I don’t know that I would have made a big change if I didn’t break. And so there’s a reason I didn’t make the subtitle on losing myself and Finding myself because I, I know that a lot of women feel like they lose themselves in motherhood.

 

00;25;06;05 – 00;25;30;02

Libby Ward

And I know that a lot of women actually do lose themselves in motherhood. But when I started to do the deep work, I realized that I actually never knew myself before motherhood, and that for motherhood, I actually could keep everyone happy and I could spin the plates. Even if I wasn’t happy with myself. I could keep everybody else happy, and I could be the girl who got everything done and could be responsible.

 

00;25;30;04 – 00;25;48;00

Libby Ward

And I, you know, breakage wasn’t even in my future because I could do all the things. And it wasn’t until the load of motherhood became so much, the expectations became so much. The needs of everybody else became so much that I actually couldn’t bear them, that I broke. And that made me realize, oh, I don’t actually know myself.

 

00;25;48;00 – 00;26;10;18

Libby Ward

Wait, what does matter to me? Who am I, actually? And so I say the beautiful part about motherhood causing me to lose my mind is that it helped me realize that I didn’t know myself, and it helped me go on a journey to actually find myself for the very first time. And that is one of the things I’m most grateful for, even though it’s really hard to get here.

 

00;26;10;20 – 00;26;29;09

Dr. Mona

Yeah. And I mean, you mention in the book you talk about people pleasing the hyper independence. You brought that up already in this conversation. Like all of that, I don’t think, again, you are not alone in that. I think so many of us women have been raised that way in that generation that we’ve been raised, you know, of, like people pleasing perfectionism, hyper independence.

 

00;26;29;09 – 00;26;46;28

Dr. Mona

So many of us, you know, our praise for how we behave, right? Like, oh, you’re such a good girl. You’re so good at listening. I also realized later in life that I also have ADHD, and that was all masked. As you know, you’re so good. Like, you’re always like, helpful and like, you’re such a good. You’re such a delight to have in class.

 

00;26;46;28 – 00;27;08;19

Dr. Mona

And like, inside my brain was like, get me out of here, you know, and I love, I love what you said about the fact that you didn’t know yourself. And I you know, I’ve talked to my husband about this a lot, and I think so many people, not including women, including men included, I think so many of us get into this role of being parents without really understanding what we need.

 

00;27;08;19 – 00;27;31;22

Dr. Mona

And just to backtrack even a little more, so many of us get into romantic relationships without knowing what we want, whether that’s personally, financially, socially, sexually. And to me, that is a rude awakening when you become a parent and you’re like, okay, now I have this little tiny human that is taking all of this from me when I didn’t even have me to begin with.

 

00;27;31;22 – 00;27;54;12

Dr. Mona

Like what you just described, like, I, I am now trying to raise a kid simultaneously. Figure it out. What does Libby want? What does Moana want? What? Who am I in this whole journey? And I think, you know, that’s why a lot of women get diagnosed with neurodiversity later in life due to the masking that we all do as young, perfectionist people pleasing children.

 

00;27;54;15 – 00;28;23;08

Dr. Mona

You know, all of that makes sense that now this like rude awakening. And I also love how you position this of like, I’m grateful I’m not grateful that I had to also go through my own mental health journey depression, anxiety, the lowest of lows and trauma and all of that. But gosh, I’m so grateful that I set boundaries like you do, Libby, that I understand what I can do, what I can’t do, and that is what I hope people listening and read your book get that you may lose your mind.

 

00;28;23;08 – 00;28;31;15

Dr. Mona

You may get through the point that Libby has got to, but maybe you won’t. If you can get that insight and understand. What do I need for me? You know.

 

00;28;31;17 – 00;28;55;14

Libby Ward

And having limits, whether it’s to your capacity to your executive function, to how much noise you can take, having those limits is not a reflection of your worth or your ability. That’s something I really had to unlearn, too. That okay, I can’t do as much as the mum next door, or I can’t do as much as I want to do and still feel whole and well and regulated, that is not okay.

 

00;28;55;14 – 00;29;24;29

Libby Ward

Well, you can’t do it. So now you’re not good enough, you’re not a good mom or you’re not worthy. It’s just you. You can’t do as much and so decide to do less, choose to do less. Take things off your plate because like, no one is going to be getting a medal at the end of their life for murdering themselves and doing everything and breaking and and it’s okay if you go through seasons where you don’t have as much capacity as you want to have, and only you can figure out what it is you can take away or what you can sort of like, lower your standards on.

 

00;29;24;29 – 00;29;41;21

Libby Ward

And that’s something that I, I feel like a lot of women need permission to do. You know, I joke about, you know, oh, you shouldn’t have to have your femur snapped in order to take a break. But so many of us, you know, we have doctors telling us to take breaks. We have our partners telling us to take breaks.

 

00;29;41;21 – 00;29;57;02

Libby Ward

We have people like me on the internet telling us to take breaks, and you don’t and you don’t, and you don’t because you feel like as long as you can stand up, there’s no reason for you to sit down. And yeah, no, you should sit down because that’s a human need. Whether you’re a mom or not. It’s a human need to rest.

 

00;29;57;04 – 00;30;16;25

Libby Ward

It’s not, a reflection of the fact that you’re not enough. It’s a it’s a human need. And like you said at the beginning of this, it’s it’s humanizing those things. And it’s not until I feel like our needs are really unmet that we realize how essential just the core needs are, right? Like, I am a different, even more deprived.

 

00;30;16;25 – 00;30;34;04

Libby Ward

I don’t know about you, but I am like I am a beast when I’m sleep deprived. And yet when I was sleep deprived and I was a basket case, I would judge myself so hardly. And now. And I’m like, well, no wonder you couldn’t think straight. Like sleep is a core need for functioning.

 

00;30;34;06 – 00;30;57;09

Dr. Mona

Now let’s take a quick break to hear from our sponsors who support helps us keep bringing you this show. For. But what a good example. Like one thing about the whole sleep thing is like I grew up in a not a sleep supportive household in that in the you know, when 9:00 hit as a teenager, my mom would come bursting into my room, turn on the blinds, or start a vacuum cleaner passive aggressively.

 

00;30;57;15 – 00;31;14;28

Dr. Mona

And I told my husband, I’m like, I know teenagers need a lot more sleep from a developmental capacity. They are like little, toddlers, right? And I know that when my kids become teenagers, I hope to not be that mom, will I? I have to see. I’m not going to say yes or no, but how? Like with the whole sleep thing.

 

00;31;14;28 – 00;31;34;03

Dr. Mona

Like now. Like when my kids are awake and, you know, obviously sometimes they’ll watch a movie and I will literally be like, hey, you guys are going to watch a movie and mommy is going to nap right next to you right here. And like, I’m very verbal about the fact that I need to sleep and rest with you here and there older so that it’s not a safety thing like they can they can watch a TV without mommy awake.

 

00;31;34;06 – 00;31;51;20

Dr. Mona

And it’s it’s important for me to them to see that I’m valuing my needs. And also like, you know, the things that we talk about, the when when it’s meal time and it’s my, my kids have my kids are grace gratefully able to walk and get things themselves right. Like I’m very grateful for that. So you know what?

 

00;31;51;23 – 00;32;12;21

Dr. Mona

I love you so much. But you can go get your own water. You can go do this. Mommy’s going to sit here and eat because I have not eaten. And, you know, going back to that martyr thing, like men don’t worry about being a martyr because, you know, society has placed this expectation on women that we are the ones who are going to martyr, because that is how connection, attachment and I call bullshit, right?

 

00;32;12;21 – 00;32;38;11

Dr. Mona

Like, you probably follow me, but like I am very anti just because you separate from your child, just because you send them to daycare, just because you didn’t enjoy baby wearing or co-sleeping or any of that, if you did love those things, amazing. But if you didn’t, your kid is still going to be connected to you. And that is something really important, because for many women, that is how they become martyrs, right?

 

00;32;38;11 – 00;32;54;13

Dr. Mona

Like, I have to I have to suffer. I can’t get help for my kids sleep. I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I can’t leave them with someone else. I can’t have them love a nanny equally or more than me, because then I’m not mom enough. And I call so much bias because that is how we lose ourselves too.

 

00;32;54;17 – 00;33;10;18

Libby Ward

Yeah, yeah. And it’s like this overcompensation. It’s overcompensation for, oh, I’m at work or overcompensation for it. This is how I was. Or it’s this overcompensation. It’s not coming from a place of necessity. It’s coming from a place of like, ooh, and that’s not good for anyone.

 

00;33;10;20 – 00;33;23;01

Dr. Mona

Yeah. And I, I don’t know if this will be a loaded term or maybe you define this, but how would you describe in your words what an honest mom is would be the first part. And then I’ll ask a follow up if I need it.

 

00;33;23;03 – 00;33;52;01

Libby Ward

Okay, so I would describe an honest mom as a mom who is self-aware, who is trying, and who practices telling herself the truth about the fact that she matters, that she’s a human being with the same needs as her children, and lives as though she is somebody who matters. Like an honest mom is somebody who just continuously tells himself the truth.

 

00;33;52;01 – 00;34;08;02

Libby Ward

Whether it’s in the morning, in your journaling, whether it’s when it is falling down at the front door and they’re having a tantrum, and rather than just reacting in the moment, you’re stopping and saying, what is that bringing up inside of me? Yeah. Am I actually in danger? Is there a line chasing me or is there not?

 

00;34;08;04 – 00;34;28;29

Libby Ward

You know, it’s mom who takes the time to ask herself, like, what is happening inside of me? And what do I need in order to have my needs met? Yes, because when your needs are met and you feel like a more whole human being, you can show up better as a parent. But also, and this is the kicker that I learned later in my healing journey.

 

00;34;29;02 – 00;34;56;18

Libby Ward

Yeah, also because you just deserve it. Full stop. As a human being. You deserve to have your needs met because you matter, simply because you exist. And you deserve to feel whole for that reason. And so an honest mom is someone who just continues to tell herself the truth and knows that she’s going to make mistakes and that she’s not going to get it right sometimes, and she’s going to fall down, but she’s going to get back up and tell herself the truth and do the next right thing.

 

00;34;56;21 – 00;35;00;02

Dr. Mona

Oh, the next right thing. What did that remind me of? Frozen.

 

00;35;00;04 – 00;35;03;16

Libby Ward

Frozen? The next right thing.

 

00;35;03;18 – 00;35;22;11

Dr. Mona

I love that was so beautiful. And again, that’s just embodies her entire book. Everybody, like, not only through storytelling, but just, again, why, how and why we need to be more honest with each other. And that is the sort of middle gray area that we all need. And I’m sure, like you said, beautifully, like how many people you have helped without even realizing it.

 

00;35;22;11 – 00;35;38;14

Dr. Mona

Libby. Right. Like people messaged you and comment, but I know there’s maybe lurkers in the you know, the people who are watching you that are like, I just watched something Libby said. And I had been feeling that. And because I felt it and because I watched it, I now can talk to my partner about it or I now know that.

 

00;35;38;17 – 00;35;59;04

Dr. Mona

Why am I upset about the granola bar? Why am I upset when my daughter does X, Y, and Z? And that is the again, the naming it to understand, to start the process, the process. Because shame and denial have no place in actually making moves. Right? And I love that so much. And to that point, you know, about I love that definition.

 

00;35;59;07 – 00;36;21;16

Dr. Mona

And it really just embodies something that just, just like warm heart fuzzies are like emanating from my body right now. But how do you think that honest motherhood could just change the narrative of what it means to be a good mom? And what do you think this movement, if you will, the Libby word honest motherhood movement. What do you hope it can bring in the next five years, ten years of social media mothering?

 

00;36;21;18 – 00;36;26;01

Dr. Mona

And just the way we communicate as moms, offline as well.

 

00;36;26;03 – 00;36;56;27

Libby Ward

Yeah. I mean, I hope that it changes the conversation around motherhood, both that we have with ourselves and with other people and that it normalizes so many things being true at the same time, because truth and honesty go hand in hand. Right? If I can tell the truth about the hard stuff while knowing that it means the good stuff also exists, I’m going to be so much more able to say the hard things out loud, which are going to help other people say the hard things out loud, which are going to help other people tell themselves the truth, which is going to help more mothers be attuned to their own needs.

 

00;36;56;29 – 00;37;20;23

Libby Ward

And when you have a world with more mothers who are attuned to their own needs, then you have a world with mothers who are better able to attuned to their children and meet their children’s needs and have healthier relationships, and have healthier friendships, and raise kids that can also listen to their own needs and don’t have to heal in adulthood and don’t have to, you know, unlearn all the things that we’re unlearning as a generation.

 

00;37;20;23 – 00;37;43;29

Libby Ward

So I really think that if more women, more mothers embrace this idea of honest motherhood and being able to tell themselves the truth and heal those, you know, toxic messages that we’ve heard from the world, and let go of the unrealistic standards and actually meet their needs and see themselves as human, then, you know, it’ll change a whole generation.

 

00;37;44;02 – 00;37;47;08

Libby Ward

And that is very exciting to me.

 

00;37;47;11 – 00;38;06;07

Dr. Mona

I love that. And one question I often have for authors that come on my show is, I’m sure you wrote so many different things, but is there a favorite chapter or besides the granola bar story, is there a favorite story that you would love to say? Now you know that you hope really resonates with people after they read your book?

 

00;38;06;09 – 00;38;31;10

Libby Ward

Yeah, I mean, it might sound cliche, but my favorite chapter is the last chapter because it really ties up the whole book. It’s called summers, and I originally wrote it as sort of a rebuttal to this idea of you only have 18 summers, you know, you only have 18 summers. And we’re going into summer right now as we’re recording this, and there’s so much pressure to make summer special and to make summer magical and to make summer perfect.

 

00;38;31;13 – 00;38;54;08

Libby Ward

And really, when you think about it, that’s kind of this imagery, this analogy for how mothers are made to feel about mothering their children in general, that we need to make their childhoods perfect and magical and the best and everything is about the kids, and everything is about their well-being and their growth and their development and their joy and their happiness.

 

00;38;54;10 – 00;39;20;09

Libby Ward

It really is this like it’s the same thing, really. And the story I tell, I’m going to try. How do I make this? Not too long. The story I tell is a story about a day a couple of years ago when we took our kids on vacation and I had a particularly rough afternoon because long story short, we showed up at our bureau in the middle of rural France where there were no hotels or no R&B Airbnbs.

 

00;39;20;09 – 00;39;45;14

Libby Ward

There was nowhere else to stay, and we found out that someone else was staying in our bureau and there was no stay, okay? And we had driven like five hours and we were all exhausted. And I called the customer service and they were not helpful. I spent like 2.5 hours on the phone with them, and I had one of those moments where, like the rage built and really hadn’t lost my cool in a very long time, and my kids don’t really hear me swear.

 

00;39;45;14 – 00;39;59;15

Libby Ward

But long story short, I ended up losing it on this customer service agent because I was afraid we wouldn’t have anywhere to sleep that night. And then she got off the phone and my husband found this, like, local trailer park for us to stay in. We didn’t have camping things, but we were like, we have a place to stay for the night.

 

00;39;59;15 – 00;40;16;14

Libby Ward

And we ended up, you know, going to the beach that night and I, you know, after I lost it, I sort of like, talked to the kids about it and, you know, apologized and we got pizza and ice cream and then, you know, got to the beach and I helped my son, like, dig the sand castle. And it actually ended up being really fun.

 

00;40;16;14 – 00;40;32;19

Libby Ward

And like, I buried him and, and my daughter went and, like, jumped in the sea with, my husband and we all ended up splashing in the waves. And it was just like a really fun day. It was just one of, I say day. It was like an hour. It was like one hour where it was just lovely.

 

00;40;32;19 – 00;40;53;22

Libby Ward

Despite the fact that I had had a really hard afternoon. And I told this story in the book because at the end of the summer, when I was feeling a little bit triggered about like, oh, did I make the most of the summer? Did I, you know, did we do the things? You know, I had asked my kids like, what was your your favorite moments from the summer and or your favorite days, your favorite things?

 

00;40;53;22 – 00;41;13;16

Libby Ward

We did and they were just little things, like lying on the trampoline in the backyard, carrying the clouds. Or, you know, when we played Uno in the basement that day when we made a four, they were just these tiny little moments that weren’t like huge day trips. They weren’t huge anything. And then, you know, they said that day the the beach or did they say going to France?

 

00;41;13;16 – 00;41;28;19

Libby Ward

And I was like, okay, but what about France? Like I’m thinking like, is it all the fancy stuff we did? And my son was like, no, no, no, when we built that moat and made a sand. And my daughter was like, yeah, we splash in the waves that day. Like of all the beaches we went to, you know, all summer.

 

00;41;28;19 – 00;41;48;06

Libby Ward

That was our favorite. And I realized it was because I was present. You know, I didn’t let shame eat at me for making a mistake, and I didn’t guilt myself. I didn’t just wallow in misery. I accepted the truth that I had lost it, I faced it, and then I just took the next right step, and I decided to be present in that moment.

 

00;41;48;06 – 00;42;05;15

Libby Ward

It wasn’t forced joy. It wasn’t like I was making myself have fun. It was a moment where I realized I had grown, and that I could just do the next right thing without letting it derail my whole day. And when they told me that those were some of their like, that was like, you know, one of their favorite times of the whole summer.

 

00;42;05;17 – 00;42;22;21

Libby Ward

And I had just been thinking like, that day was horrendous because, you know, I think they heard me lose it on this person. It just made me think like, that’s that’s the message of the whole book. That’s my message to the world that it’s never going to be perfect. You’re always going to have bad days. You’re always going to have bad moments.

 

00;42;22;21 – 00;42;38;05

Libby Ward

You’re going to make mistakes. You’re not going to get it perfect. What matters is being able to do the next right thing. Being able to tell yourself the truth, to then meet your needs, to eat the pizza, to eat the ice cream, to then choose to be present with your kids. Not every moment of the day. You don’t need to be with them constantly.

 

00;42;38;05 – 00;43;01;01

Libby Ward

You don’t need to be present in their face constantly, but be present in the moment and not disconnected and floating up above and apathetic and in shame. Spiral. Be present and then you don’t have to make every moment of the summer or every moment of the childhood magical, because then they are going to grow up and be people who want to have you around.

 

00;43;01;03 – 00;43;21;12

Libby Ward

It makes me cry when I tell this. I know when I’m getting a little wish to raise children who are so connected to you that even when they don’t need you, even when they don’t want to hold your hand, even when you don’t have to make their lunch, they’re going to want to be around you, and you’re going to get so many more than 18 summers because you stayed connected to yourself and to them, and they’re going to want to be around that.

 

00;43;21;12 – 00;43;26;09

Libby Ward

And that’s the whole message. And that’s the that’s the beautiful part that I’m now crying about.

 

00;43;26;11 – 00;43;50;13

Dr. Mona

Would be me too. And you just, you know, as someone who really, really loves helping other parents learn about child development and what matters in parenting, that is it, you know, and you said it perfectly that you connected with your child because you also got out of your head right? I in the book that I’m writing, you know, I have a whole section about connection and why connection matters when we set limits.

 

00;43;50;13 – 00;44;09;26

Dr. Mona

And part of that is that conversation that kids want. They want connection, and they want to listen to someone that listens to them and they want. And part of that is through play. Part of that’s through building moats together. But it’s not just like sitting. It’s not big grand moments. It’s those small miniature moments. And like I, I think we forget that.

 

00;44;09;26 – 00;44;26;18

Dr. Mona

And my my son. So I’m writing a book, as you know. And I think now my listeners probably know if I haven’t announced it, but I’m writing a book and my son knows that I’m writing a book. And he was like, I want to write a book like mommy. And I said, that’s amazing, sweetie. Like, he’s six and he’s like, I’m going to start writing my book.

 

00;44;26;18 – 00;44;47;28

Dr. Mona

And he’s six years old, and his book is called Ryan and Mommy. And it’s like pictures of all the things he loves doing with me. And he keeps adding to them. Right? Like we’re on page 28 right at this point, and I’m sure it’ll keep growing. And what you just said, none of it is fancy. And we have been blessed to be able to take our children to the most beautiful places in the world.

 

00;44;48;04 – 00;45;08;02

Dr. Mona

But it’s not like France or Canada did it. It’s like I went to dinner and I went to dinner and talked to mommy. I played Uno with mommy, I played war with mommy like cards, you know, we go to the park and she watches me bike, or she does hopscotch. Like, every single memory in that book is about mommy being present.

 

00;45;08;04 – 00;45;11;08

Libby Ward

Yeah.

 

00;45;11;10 – 00;45;25;16

Dr. Mona

Now, let’s take a quick break to hear from our sponsors who support helps us keep bringing you this show. And I think back a lot of to, you know, you had children in the pandemic, right?

 

00;45;25;18 – 00;45;27;05

Libby Ward

I didn’t have them, but they were.

 

00;45;27;10 – 00;45;52;10

Dr. Mona

They were older. Yes. So my, my, my youngest, who’s now the one I’m talking about, I had him 20, 19 and then it was, oh, he was a pandemic hit. And I emotionally wasn’t where we were talking about right now. Right? I was hurting, I was depressed, I was burnt out in my clinical job. And I think about that when this is happening, like how disconnected I was to self and how disconnected that made to him, that we had memories and moments.

 

00;45;52;10 – 00;46;19;16

Dr. Mona

But my head was in the clouds half the time, you know, and that that is different. Like my kids have experienced a different Mona. And even for the child that didn’t get the best version of myself in his toddler years, we’re adaptable. We can change if we choose to change. Like you’re saying, right? Like accepting it, throwing away all the B.S. that really doesn’t matter, and just saying to ourselves, how can I connect more with myself so that I can better connect with these beautiful children?

 

00;46;19;16 – 00;46;35;26

Dr. Mona

Because I think raising kids is one of the most, like amazing privileges that we have. Not everyone can do it, and if we do it well, like you said, they’re going to want to be with us even when we don’t pay their bills or they need meals from us. Like, how amazing to have that opportunity to raise a kid like that.

 

00;46;35;28 – 00;46;42;24

Dr. Mona

And your kids. Well, I can tell already. Yeah, because you have insight. Insight is something that so many people lack, right?

 

00;46;42;26 – 00;47;03;07

Libby Ward

Yeah. And it’s, it’s it’s the little moments. It doesn’t matter. Yeah. You know, I’m thinking about the summer coming up and all this pressure to do all these things. It doesn’t matter if you do every single thing on the bucket list, every single thing that the moms on Instagram are doing. If you are disconnected from your body and you are not there, it’s not that it’s not the same.

 

00;47;03;07 – 00;47;21;17

Libby Ward

You’re not connected. Those are not the memories that you’re going to want to remember. You’re not going to remember them. Your kids aren’t going to remember you being there because they can tell. They can tell when you’re attuned. They can tell when you’re emotionally present and you’re there and you cannot be emotionally present and there if you’re not listening to your own needs.

 

00;47;21;19 – 00;47;44;05

Libby Ward

And so I, I’m so grateful for the opportunity to raise children and for the opportunity to have found myself so that I can experience this privilege of doing life with children, even even more, because it it really is it’s so much more beautiful than it’s ever been before. And I guess I would just say to any mom or any parent listening, it’s never too late.

 

00;47;44;05 – 00;48;01;12

Libby Ward

Also like whether you’re, you know, kid is six months old or yeah, I don’t your children are, you know, in their middle years or their teens or you have adult children like it’s never too late to choose to be, like connected and present and aware and try your best and do the next right thing the next day.

 

00;48;01;14 – 00;48;24;03

Dr. Mona

Here, here. And I mean, that would that’s a beautiful final, uplifting message. And the work never ends. Nothing’s permanent. Like it’s so beautiful to have that realization. And I love that you mentioned that because I feel the same way. Thank you so much, Libby. My final question. It could be related to anything. What is bringing you so much happiness or joy right now in your life?

 

00;48;24;06 – 00;48;42;02

Libby Ward

That’s a great question. What is bringing me joy is the fact that the sun is finally out in cold northern Canada, and I leave my house without a coat and hat is just the best.

 

00;48;42;04 – 00;49;03;12

Dr. Mona

The vitamin D conversion. I. I was in Canada for filming something. I was in Edmonton, and, it was so cold and from coming from Florida, which is really hot at this time. I was like, it was so refreshing to feel the cold. But then after a little bit, I was like, where’s my. I was like, I need the feel of warmth when I walk outside.

 

00;49;03;12 – 00;49;18;28

Dr. Mona

Like that feeling where the sun hits your face. So I relate to that and gosh, how much the sun and warmth brings us joy. I love that answer. Thank you. Where can people go to get your book? Where can people go to stay connected? Because it’s not just the book, it’s obviously we have a social media handle that we want to share.

 

00;49;18;28 – 00;49;21;11

Dr. Mona

So share all the good stuff with our listeners today.

 

00;49;21;13 – 00;49;41;00

Libby Ward

Yeah. So you can find me online at Libby Ward. TikTok Libby Ward, official. And that’s same with my website, Libby Ward. You can get the book anywhere that you buy books. Barnes and Noble, Amazon, audible. I read the audiobook. A lot of people ask me if I read the audiobook. Yes, I do, yeah. Anywhere. Anywhere you find books you can get on to motherhood?

 

00;49;41;02 – 00;50;09;16

Dr. Mona

Yes. And please do. I told you you would love that conversation. There was so much in this one that I think moms are going to feel deep down. My biggest takeaway is that knowing your capacity and honoring that is part of showing up for your kids. Libby said something that really stuck with me. She spent so much of her life trying to meet everyone else’s needs that she didn’t even naturally stop to ask yourself what she wanted, or whether she had the capacity to do something.

 

00;50;09;16 – 00;50;30;24

Dr. Mona

And when I learned this early postpartum with my son, my life was much happier and content as a mother. And I think so many moms can relate to that. We talk so much about being present for our children, but being present is really hard when you’re completely disconnected from yourself. You don’t have to wait until you’re drowning in resentment, rage, or burnout.

 

00;50;31;01 – 00;50;48;01

Dr. Mona

To decide something needs to change. You can pay attention to your limits. You can lower a standard that doesn’t matter. You can rest before your body forces you to. And when you have a bad moment because you will, you can repair and keep going. I also love Libby’s story about asking her kids what they remembered from their summer.

 

00;50;48;01 – 00;51;08;02

Dr. Mona

It wasn’t the big impressive stuff and I can attest to this. They remember playing in the sand, splashing in the waves, playing Uno, and the little moments when she was actually there with them. But the key is being present, and the only way we can do that is owning the difficult as much as we own the good. So my hope after this episode is that you get a little more honest with yourself.

 

00;51;08;04 – 00;51;26;29

Dr. Mona

What are you carrying? Because it actually matters to you. And what are you carrying because you think a good mom should send this episode to the mom who is doing everything for everyone and quietly running on empty and maybe a tomb. And if you shared on social as a reminder, tag the PedsDocTalk Podcast, PedsDocTalk, and Libby Ward.

 

00;51;27;02 – 00;51;33;05

Dr. Mona

So Libby and I can see these conversations. Until next time, stay well and I’ll talk to you soon.