Dr. Mona sits down with IBCLC Melissa Mancini (known as @buildingamotherhood on Instagram) to explore the physical and emotional aspects of weaning, emphasizing that weaning is a deeply personal choice rather than a strict timeline or milestone.

Key Takeaways

• A Personal Decision: Weaning is based on when you and your child are ready—not on societal pressure or arbitrary age milestones.

• Gradual Reduction is Key: Dropping 1 to 2 nursing or pumping sessions every 3 to 5 days helps prevent physical complications like engorgement, clogged ducts, and mastitis.

• Toddler-Specific Strategies: Weaning toddlers requires clear communication, holding firm boundaries, shifting routines, and using distraction to change emotional associations with nursing.

• Pumping Adaptations: Pumping parents can follow the same gradual reduction process, prioritizing dropping night sessions first to improve sleep and allowing time for body supply to adjust.

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00;00;00;03 – 00;00;20;27

Dr. Mona

Welcome back to the follow up. It’s Doctor Mona, and this is a series on the PedsDocTalk podcast, where we revisit a past episode in less time than it takes you to talk yourself out of dropping that one nursing session you’ve been putting off for weeks. I am rerunning this one because weaning questions never stop landing in my DMs.

 

00;00;20;27 – 00;00;41;04

Dr. Mona

And honestly, as an IBCLC, I’ll see myself. I love nothing more than getting to nerd out with another IBCLC about this stuff, and I actually just renewed my own IBCLC license after five years, so lactation has been extra top of mind for me lately. And here is the reality. Weaning is not a milestone. You fail or ace.

 

00;00;41;04 – 00;01;01;23

Dr. Mona

It’s not a countdown you are behind on just because your neighbor’s baby weaned and nine months and yours is still nursing at two. It is your choice when you wean your baby. The real question was never when you should mean it was are you ready? And is your child ready? And can those two things meet somewhere in the middle without anyone feeling rushed or guilted into it?

 

00;01;01;25 – 00;01;29;00

Dr. Mona

So this follow up is where I’m joined by IBCLC. Melissa mancini. You probably know her as @buildingamotherhood On Instagram. We get into how moms decide the timing is right for them. Practical tips for actually weaning whether you are nursing or pumping. And the emotional side of weaning that nobody warns you about. Make sure you download the full episode wherever you get your podcasts, and make sure to share this on social and tag PedsDocTalk the PedsDocTalk podcast, and more.

 

00;01;29;00 – 00;01;36;11

Dr. Mona

Underscore then underscore milk. When you do.

 

00;01;36;13 – 00;01;49;09

Dr. Mona

How does a person even decide that they’re ready to wean? Like, some of my followers are just so confused if they’re going to actively do it, if they’re going to allow their child to do it, it’s a very complicated question, I guess, but what are your thoughts and what do you tell your families?

 

00;01;49;11 – 00;02;08;21

Melissa Mancini

I think it’s a really personal decision. You know, there’s a lot of factors that come into play, and a lot of it is going to depend on what what type of person are you? Are you someone who really needs an organized plan on how to wean? Or are you someone who’s going to be much more comfortable, sort of slowly backing down on the number of nursing sessions or pumping sessions a day?

 

00;02;08;22 – 00;02;30;21

Melissa Mancini

And this is important because it doesn’t matter whether you’re pumping or breastfeeding. Weaning is is the same, really. It’s about supply and demand. So if you’re going to make a plan for weaning that the ideal situation is to do it gradually over time. So if we do it very abruptly, we’re very susceptible to clogged ducts and mastitis, which is no fun.

 

00;02;30;21 – 00;02;51;11

Melissa Mancini

Nobody wants that. So gradually, if you can, that’s ideal. However, not everyone can make that slow, gradual process. So I think it’s important for moms to decide are they ready or are they feeling pressured by something you know, are they feeling like, oh, I just shouldn’t be breastfeeding because my child is too old and I’m getting feedback, you know, so what really should be based on are you ready?

 

00;02;51;11 – 00;03;05;02

Melissa Mancini

And then, you know, depending on how old your child is really deciding. How do we go about this? How do I make a plan? Do I need any help doing it? And how do I want to go about it? But it’s a really personal decision and it really varies from family to family.

 

00;03;05;04 – 00;03;19;19

Dr. Mona

Yeah. I think that was a big thing. Right? And I said exactly. I was like, you have to decide. And it’s a personal choice, and no one should tell you really when it should happen for you. And that’s a really hard thing sometimes for, for mothers. I agree with you, because I think a lot of it can be societal judgment.

 

00;03;19;19 – 00;03;34;10

Dr. Mona

And then also maybe the mom wants to do it, but she doesn’t know how. Is there any different considerations that you have when weaning an infant under one versus a toddler? Like what would be some maybe differences in that? Or do you think it’s pretty much the same, strategies that we’ll go into.

 

00;03;34;13 – 00;03;50;08

Melissa Mancini

I think with, weaning a toddler, there’s a lot more emotional considerations for the toddler. So when we win an infant, they might not be as aware. You know, it’s a lot more easier to sort of change routine with an infant. A toddler is going to be a little more aware of those. They’re smart little creatures. They know.

 

00;03;50;11 – 00;04;06;10

Melissa Mancini

And so with a toddler, it’s a lot more I stress a lot more about communicating with your toddler, telling them what’s going on, and having a conversation ahead of time. They may not understand all the details, but it’s really important to have a talk with them, explain to them, you know, maybe mommy is off limits for a little bit here.

 

00;04;06;13 – 00;04;19;06

Melissa Mancini

I can cuddle you, I can snuggle you, but we’re not going to nurse right now, whatever that code name is, if you have another name for nursing, make it something that they can understand and explain to them that this is what we’re going to do. And this is how, you know, this is how we’re going to go about it.

 

00;04;19;06 – 00;04;40;08

Melissa Mancini

But we have to be respectful of them too, right? They it’s special to them. It’s something it’s integrated into. Everyone’s lives. So how do we go about that in a way that respects them, respects the fact that they they’re smart, they know what’s going on. And then also respecting mom. If mom has just done breastfeeding, and I think sometimes we all get to that point where we’re like, enough is enough, I am ready to wean.

 

00;04;40;13 – 00;05;01;12

Melissa Mancini

My toddler might not be ready. So how do we start this process? So it’s it’s a lot more about slow, gradual changing routines. The other thing with toddlers is, distraction is going to be your key. So, you know, if you have a pattern with especially with the toddler, you wake up in the morning, you snuggle, you nurse, how can we slowly change that routine?

 

00;05;01;12 – 00;05;15;23

Melissa Mancini

So maybe when the toddler wakes up, we give them some good morning snuggles, tell them we love them, and we’re going to go cook in the kitchen. Let’s go make for I help mommy make breakfast or let’s go for a walk and bring a banana. Or, you know, something that sort of changes up that part of the routine.

 

00;05;15;26 – 00;05;39;16

Melissa Mancini

Same thing with bedtime. A lot of people have, you know, a snuggle nurse, go to sleep routine. And if we change that up, maybe someone else puts the toddler to bed for a little while until we sort of break that association between bedtime and nursing. So with toddlers, that can be the key change, the change their, associations, add in some distractions and communicate with them.

 

00;05;39;18 – 00;05;45;17

Melissa Mancini

But lots of talking it through. It doesn’t have to be complicated, but, you know, it can be an adjustment for them just as much as it can be for us.

 

00;05;45;22 – 00;05;58;15

Dr. Mona

So you mentioned and you recommended more of a gradual approach. So would that mean kind of looking at how many breastfeeding sessions you’re doing and cutting down the number that way, or how would you approach gradually reducing the, sessions or how would that will look?

 

00;05;58;19 – 00;06;16;16

Melissa Mancini

Yeah, I tell moms, generally try to drop 1 to 2 nursing sessions every few days. So for example, if you’re nursing your toddler ten times a day, you’re going to have to start slow, you know, because if you just stop nursing altogether, you’ve probably got a lot of, clogged ducts and that’s coming your way if it’s very abrupt.

 

00;06;16;16 – 00;06;37;28

Melissa Mancini

So if you’re nursing ten times a day and you know, a lot of it is them coming over comfort nursing and then, you know, going about their merry way, change two of those every, you know, 3 to 5 days. So you’re looking at a longer process. Whereas if you have a toddler who nurses in the morning and they wake up and at night before they go to bed, maybe drop one of those and stick with it for a week or two to see how it goes.

 

00;06;37;28 – 00;07;00;03

Melissa Mancini

Wait until you know you’re both comfortable and then again, then tackle the other one. Have your partner put them to bed, you know. Do your bedtime routine outside of the room or in another chair, not the chair that you nurse in. So change those associations, but do it slowly over time. Don’t just, you know, I’m going to drop all ten nursing or pumping sessions, you know, today, and then we’re going to be weaned by next week.

 

00;07;00;03 – 00;07;06;22

Melissa Mancini

That’s a lot more emotionally, rough on mom and baby. And you’re more prone to health issues that way, too.

 

00;07;06;22 – 00;07;25;03

Dr. Mona

And you were mentioning, you know, when you are starting to drop the sessions, kind of redirecting them, coming up with different associations. So if they’re used to having that breastfeeding session before bed, maybe some other activity or whatnot, I’m sure you’ve had this happen. If the child gets upset, we’re still holding on to that boundary in a way.

 

00;07;25;03 – 00;07;35;24

Dr. Mona

And then obviously focusing on the other sessions. Right. Meaning that session, until we can drop that, you’re holding your boundary and then you can still have the next breastfeeding session when you weren’t dropping that particular one. Correct?

 

00;07;35;26 – 00;07;53;20

Melissa Mancini

Right, exactly. And that can be really hard for mom. You know, you have you’ve had this association where you you have the ability to bring them comfort and their comfort in that moment has been breastfeeding. So understand that it’s normal to feel exhausted. It’s normal to feel really overwhelmed in that moment of, you know what, maybe I’ll just breastfeed this time.

 

00;07;53;20 – 00;08;13;17

Melissa Mancini

But if you do hold that boundary and again, tell them, mom can’t nurse right now, we can nurse later if that’s what you have, you know, stuck with. But stick to your boundary and remember why you’re doing this. But if you can hold that boundary, you know they’ll be okay. Yeah, they know you still love them. You’re providing comfort in other ways.

 

00;08;13;17 – 00;08;18;12

Melissa Mancini

They’re going to be okay. This is a hard transition for them and we can be respectful of both mom and baby in that way.

 

00;08;18;18 – 00;08;34;12

Dr. Mona

Oh, totally. From a developmental perspective, you know, I talk about it’s similar to any skill or thing we’re trying to change in our child. So if a parent was doing sleep training or for teaching them to do, wean off a pacifier or wean off of anything that they were used to, right? It’s not a negative. I mean, we’re not taking away.

 

00;08;34;12 – 00;08;52;01

Dr. Mona

That’s something that they will need for the rest of their life. But we’re saying, okay, this has been such a great journey with you. I am now ready, you know, to to move forward. And so are you. And so we’re going to do it. And I get it. They’re not going to love everything. But that is why I also agree with the gradual weaning, especially in those toddler years.

 

00;08;52;01 – 00;09;12;03

Dr. Mona

I mean, just from a behavioral component I find with that toddler age group, it can be really hard, for just a cold turkey, do it for them. And then obviously, like you said, from the maternal standpoint, the clogged ups and all that. And then that way, you know, in your mind, okay, these two feedings are not going to be there, but I still will have that breastfeeding session tomorrow or whatever time it’s coming.

 

00;09;12;03 – 00;09;26;04

Dr. Mona

So you don’t feel as guilty or as bad because sometimes that does happen. And you said it perfectly. You got to know your why. Like you have to know, well, do I want to do this if you don’t want to do it and it’s not for you and you like it and you really want to continue, you can do it.

 

00;09;26;04 – 00;09;42;05

Dr. Mona

I mean, you really should not listen to anyone else’s. Like, well, I need to get off of it. It’s it really is. Mother’s choice, or the person breastfeeding choice of, hey, this is what I want to do, and we’re going to do it. And I get it. I see a lot of my mothers go back and forth like, well, I want to.

 

00;09;42;05 – 00;09;58;26

Dr. Mona

I don’t want to. I’m like, I don’t mind what you do. Like you need to decide what you want to do. I’m just going to help you figure it out what that looks like, you know? But please, like, it’s same thing when we talk about the decision to start to breastfeed and breastfeeding initiation. Right. It’s the same concept now of when we’re when we’re stopping it in that timing.

 

00;09;58;26 – 00;10;07;04

Dr. Mona

So I appreciate that. What do you think would be some tips for a pumping mom. Obviously very similar. Would you just start to reduce the pumping sessions that you do?

 

00;10;07;05 – 00;10;25;28

Melissa Mancini

Yeah, I would drop 1 to 2 pumping sessions, every few days. So that might be a, you know, 3 to 5 days, depending on if you drop 1 to 2 sessions and after three days you’re still feeling pretty engorged. Keep going. Don’t drop another pumping session until you feel like your body’s acclimated a little more. Maybe you’re more on the five day spectrum.

 

00;10;26;01 – 00;10;42;14

Melissa Mancini

And then again, reevaluate in five days. Okay, I’m not feeling super engorged. I can take another pumping session or two. And, I recommend always weaning the night feedings first because number one, it allows you to get more sleep, whether you’ve been pumping at night or feeding at night. And so that’s sort of, you know, no brainer.

 

00;10;42;14 – 00;10;59;21

Melissa Mancini

Let’s drop those first and get you more sleep. And then we can tackle the other sessions as well. But, you know, 1 to 2 sessions every 3 to 5 days and see how your body acclimates for some people it really does acclimate quickly. There’s not a whole lot of engorgement. For other people, it really can be much more uncomfortable or painful.

 

00;10;59;21 – 00;11;06;07

Melissa Mancini

So give yourself more time. If that’s you.

 

00;11;06;09 – 00;11;27;19

Dr. Mona

And that’s your follow up. Just a small dose of the real relatable and eye opening conversations we love to have here. If you smiled, nodded, or had an moment, go ahead and download, follow and share this episode with a friend. Let’s grow this village together for more everyday parenting wins and real talk. Hang out with us on Instagram at the PedsDocTalk podcast.

 

00;11;27;26 – 00;11;43;08

Dr. Mona

Want more? Dive into the full episode and more at PedsDocTalk.com. Because parenting is better with support. And remember, consistency is key. Humor is medicine and follow ups are everything. I’m Doctor Mona. See you next time for your next dose.