The “Finding Joy” episodes on this podcast tackle more than parenting topics. They also discuss real-life mindfulness topics to become the best version of ourselves so we can better show up for ourselves and the people in our lives. In this episode, I discuss connection.

• What exactly is connection?
• Why is connection with self so important?
• How to incorporate meaningful connections in our busy lives.
• How to know if you’re feeling disconnected with yourself.

00:00:01:02 – 00:00:21:03
Dr. Mona
I said this before on the show, but besides our relationship with our kids. Partner, if you have one and friends, the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. I would say it’s the most important relationship because if everything else feeds, if you don’t have a true sense of self and connection with yourself, you will feel empty.

00:00:21:05 – 00:00:45:00
Dr. Mona
Hello my lovely PedsDocTalk podcast listeners. I am Doctor Mona here for another episode of the show, and this is a finding Joy episode on why we all need more connection. So thank you and connecting with me today. Before I get into this topic, I want to thank each and every one of you for tuning in. This show is in its fourth year and we are going strong thanks to you and your support.

00:00:45:00 – 00:01:02:29
Dr. Mona
So if you love this show and want to have it continue to grow, please make sure to leave a review and or share your favorite episodes on your social media. Stories, word of mouth and reviews are huge in the podcast world. I know I keep asking you this, but I want to be very clear how important it is.

00:01:02:29 – 00:01:28:27
Dr. Mona
So please leave those reviews, update those reviews so that we can continue to reach more families and more parents, and especially more moms as I share my real mom life perspective. Now let’s get into this finding Joy episode. My finding Joy episodes on this show dive into topics that can enhance our joy as parents and mental peace as parents, especially as moms, allowing us to be more emotionally available as we raise our kids.

00:01:28:27 – 00:01:52:00
Dr. Mona
So I talk a lot about parenting things, but I truly believe that we have to take care of ourselves and look into ourselves on how we can improve so we can be better present for our children. I chose to talk about connection today because at the end of last year, 2023, I realized that the lack of connection was what has caused me the most unhappiness in various phases in my life, especially in motherhood.

00:01:52:03 – 00:02:12:22
Dr. Mona
And I don’t think we talk about this enough, but motherhood can be a very lonely place. It’s something I’ve felt and I know many other mothers feel, and yet many of us can’t quite put our finger on why it feels so lonely. We may be surrounded by amazing people or have support, and yet it can feel so isolating.

00:02:12:25 – 00:02:42:13
Dr. Mona
Or maybe we just simply lack community at a time when we are starting this very new journey of motherhood and community can help us thrive. You know, I have amazing friends all over the country. I’m very grateful for these friends from my childhood medical school, college, but I have severely lacked community and connection with friends in the area that we currently live, and me and my husband are partly to blame for this because of our jobs and also our lack of making an effort, thinking that we would have moved out of the area.

00:02:42:16 – 00:03:07:22
Dr. Mona
And yet we haven’t. And having kids in a pandemic work. I started Pete’s Doc Talk, which is a business on top of working clinically, and the lack of finding mom friends I really connect with made me feel really lonely, and the pandemic made me lose connection. Like many of us, the stress and isolation of birth, trauma, and IVF also made me lose connection with myself and others.

00:03:07:24 – 00:03:29:00
Dr. Mona
And also having a large social media platform where I had online connection. But not this meaningful face to face connection really took a toll on me. I felt empty, and this emptiness was because of a lack of connection. And I haven’t really talked about this much because people assume, well, she has this large account and podcast. She can’t be lonely, but I was.

00:03:29:03 – 00:03:53:27
Dr. Mona
I also have a husband who works shift work, and if you have a partner who does shift work or you yourself do shift work, you know how isolating it can feel for both parties. When you feel that lack of routine and that lack of connection? It wasn’t until I flew to Washington, DC for brand partnership to speak at the AP conference that I got to connect with people there, and also I got to connect with women in this pedes doctor community.

00:03:53:27 – 00:04:20:24
Dr. Mona
And it was then that I realized how much I needed quality, meaningful connection in my life. Warmth laughed, and camaraderie to share joint experiences. Not just the good, not just the bad. Just talking about the beauty that is life and motherhood and connection can mean many things. Connection with our partner, connection with our children, connection with peers. So in my case, women are fellow moms that uplift each other.

00:04:20:25 – 00:04:40:24
Dr. Mona
They don’t have to be mothers. But I just love chatting with women and very importantly, connection with self. For the last two years, I’ve realized how much my mental health took a toll with IVF and VRS pregnancy and that mental health toll was because I lost connection. IVF and then pregnancy consume me and I wasn’t able to connect with what I needed.

00:04:40:24 – 00:05:08:19
Dr. Mona
My body didn’t feel like mine because I was undergoing healing from Ryan’s birth trauma jump directly to IVF to another pregnancy. And then I was breastfeeding or nursing and then also exclusively pumped. So I was connecting with my children. I was connecting with my partner. I was connecting obviously with VR as a newborn, Ryan, but I was feeling lost because I lacked connection with myself, my needs, my body and what I wanted for myself in my life.

00:05:08:21 – 00:05:37:03
Dr. Mona
And it wasn’t until I went to the conference that I realized that I was also severely lacking connection with other women who uplift each other, and connection is what I want in this life. The lack of connection greatly impacts our mental health. Even introverts, quote unquote, need connection. Humans are wired for connection. Social connection can lower anxiety and depression, help us regulate our emotions, lead to higher self-esteem and empathy, and actually improve our immune systems.

00:05:37:03 – 00:06:06:21
Dr. Mona
I mean, we know this for children, right? But we don’t do it for ourselves. And this connection is not only online. I love social media, and I think it’s afforded me this amazing community. But social media can make you feel seen. But real in-person human interaction is what we really need for our soul. Meaningful connection where you can laugh, relate, feel safe with someone, see their facial expressions, maybe give them a hug, maybe have some physical or non-verbal contact.

00:06:06:24 – 00:06:28:16
Dr. Mona
This connection is at the root of joy. We know how important connection is for our kids. It can fill their cup and help them listen more, follow boundaries more. And like I said, it can lead to higher self-esteem and empathy, less rates of anxiety and depression, and better regulation of emotions. But we cannot forget how important that connection is for us.

00:06:28:18 – 00:06:44:10
Dr. Mona
And what I’ve realized as I’ve gotten older and time is way more precious, especially if you have children. You just feel like you don’t have enough time to do anything. That connection with others isn’t connection with fairweather friends. These are people that maybe you’re in your community and that you see. You don’t really love hanging out with them, but you hang out with them.

00:06:44:10 – 00:07:10:15
Dr. Mona
No, this is not worthy of our time. It isn’t random outings with people with superficial conversations. It’s in person, meaningful interactions where you can rely on these people to discuss good and difficult things. Connection is about connecting with the right people that fill our cup and uplift our soul. And I know what you’re thinking. I’m so busy I don’t even have time to wash my hair so it can feel so hard to find this connection when life is busy.

00:07:10:16 – 00:07:28:15
Dr. Mona
When we have a million things to do with perhaps our job if you have one or kids, or even just basic to do lists. This is why it’s important to consider connection a priority, as you would prioritize something else important in your life. There’s a saying that goes, is it that you don’t have time? Or is it that it’s not a priority?

00:07:28:22 – 00:07:44:03
Dr. Mona
We have time to scroll social media. We have time to watch a television show. But are we prioritizing connection? If that’s something that’s important to us and this is going to look different from person to person. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I do not want to connect. Sometimes I want to watch TV, sometimes I don’t want to talk to anybody.

00:07:44:05 – 00:08:01:24
Dr. Mona
But some people may need more meaningful social connections. You know, routine girl night talking to a friend while others may need their monthly fix or every so often. But it is vital to prioritize this, especially when you look back at yourself and your life, and look at the times in your life that you have felt most at peace.

00:08:01:26 – 00:08:20:18
Dr. Mona
I’m sure it’s also when you felt most connected with yourself and most connected with others that uplift you. For me, this has looked like going to the park more, to make more friends, to build a community. Here. I am still big on not creating fairweather friends, so if I meet someone and I just don’t feel like we’re really connecting, I’m just not going to follow through with that.

00:08:20:18 – 00:08:37:22
Dr. Mona
And that’s okay to say, you know? But it is important when you find someone that you connect with really making that known that you appreciate them. It’s meant for me letting my husband know that things like shows and musicals fill my cup, and going with a friend to have a girls night every so often. And again, it’s about quality, connection and not quantity.

00:08:37:29 – 00:08:55:09
Dr. Mona
You don’t need a big group of girlfriends that just talk about superficial things. You want this quality, meaningful connection. It may mean for me, reaching out to my friends around the country and just reminding them how much they mean to me, or even if we don’t have hours to talk to, sending them a message that I’m thinking about them.

00:08:55:12 – 00:09:20:15
Dr. Mona
These are small ways that we create connection. So we don’t need quantity of time. We just need quality, meaningful messages and discussions and conversations. Quality moments that even if it’s short, fill our cup and support our overall emotional well-being. And like I said, connection is not just connecting with others, it’s connecting with self. And what does that even mean?

00:09:20:17 – 00:09:38:25
Dr. Mona
Well, have you ever just felt lost, like you just are feeling in a phase where you’re just like, I don’t know, like I just feel off? To be connected to yourself means that you are attuned to what is going on inside of you. You know who you are, what you want to do in your life and feel at peace with where you are and your body.

00:09:38:28 – 00:09:58:24
Dr. Mona
I’ve said this before on this show, but besides our relationship with our kids partner, if you have one and friends, the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. I would say it’s the most important relationship because if everything else feeds, if you don’t have a true sense of self and connection with yourself, you will feel empty.

00:09:58:26 – 00:10:20:20
Dr. Mona
Feeling connected means you love yourself. Feeling connected means you realize how important you are. Feeling connected means you know when you are not physically or emotionally at your best. Feeling connected means you reach out for help. When you are not at your best. Feeling connected means you love your body and love how you look. Feeling disconnected can mean you have low self-confidence.

00:10:20:20 – 00:10:53:15
Dr. Mona
You judge yourself a lot. You look at yourself and your body negatively and for many this can also show up as anxiety. And it did for me after birth, trauma, IVF and those difficult newborn months I felt completely disconnected with myself and my body. My body didn’t feel like mine. Truthfully, it wasn’t until I started weaning and I got over that initial hormone fluctuation with weaning that I started to feel more connected with myself, which to me was equally important as connecting with my children.

00:10:53:18 – 00:11:15:08
Dr. Mona
If I’m connecting with my children but I’m not feeling connected with myself, there is a lack of connection. We can have both, but every one of us needs to find out what that balance is. Of course, I’m not telling you to wean breastfeeding if that’s the issue and you feel like you don’t have your body back, but you have to respect that there’s going to be a season and look inside and say to yourself, what is going to bring me peace here?

00:11:15:13 – 00:11:34:29
Dr. Mona
What is going to bring me back that connection with myself, but also give me that connection with my child. And it took me just realizing this and saying these words to realize that I needed more disconnection could be tied to a lack of self-love. And I want all of you to feel that self-love and connection to feel true joy in your life.

00:11:35:02 – 00:11:54:15
Dr. Mona
So every day, as you plan your day, connect with yourself by asking yourself, how am I feeling today? How did I sleep? What is my energy level like today? Am I being easily triggered today? Why? Why is this situation that normally doesn’t trigger me, causing me to get agitated or irritable? Does it have to do my lack of sleep?

00:11:54:19 – 00:12:12:28
Dr. Mona
Is it just an off day? Is it hormones? I mean, we can kind of look inside and see what is it and do that self work and that self insight to figure out what it is. This is part of connecting with your self and understanding your body and understanding who you are, so you can better show up for yourself and for your family.

00:12:13:00 – 00:12:39:16
Dr. Mona
Having this self insight can help us on a path of more self connection, self understanding and self-compassion. This connection is vital because it’s important to our mental health but also affects our relationship with our partner if we have one and our children if we have children, you cannot connect with others. You cannot have meaningful conversations with peers, meaningful interactions with your children, meaningful interactions with your partner.

00:12:39:18 – 00:13:02:09
Dr. Mona
If you are not feeling connected with who you are, what you are, and how you look, we can’t authentically connect with ourselves. If we feel disconnected with ourselves. And so I hope this conversation is a reminder to connect with yourself. I describe what that is, but you need to figure out what does this mean for you? How am I looking at myself when I look in the mirror?

00:13:02:15 – 00:13:21:03
Dr. Mona
How am I looking at my feelings? Am I processing my feelings? Do I need more in the way of professional help like a therapist? Do I need more? And how I’m adjusting what I’m doing? Maybe my lack of sleep is causing me to be like this. Do I need to approach this in a different way and also prioritize connection with others?

00:13:21:06 – 00:13:49:18
Dr. Mona
Both of these connection with self and connection with others is how we can bring back joy into our lives. Thank you for joining me today. This was a shorter episode, but connection is something so important to me. If you resonated with this episode, make sure to leave a review. Make sure to share this episode on your stories. Like I said, it’s so important for the show to continue to grow and I cannot wait to chat with another guest next time and also bring more finding Joy episodes to you on this podcast.

00:13:49:20 – 00:14:05:12
Dr. Mona
Thank you for tuning in for this week’s episode. As always, please leave a review to share this episode with a friend. Share it on your social media. Make sure to follow me at Peds Doc Talk on Instagram and subscribe to my YouTube channel, PedsDocTalk TV. We’ll talk to you soon.