I welcome a mom from the PDT community, Susmitha, to chat about guilt and feelings around traveling for work as a mom. We discuss:

• Why this guilt exists
• What internal work needs to be done before accepting and enjoying travel for work
• How to manage the feelings we have about inconveniencing others who care for our child

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00;00;00;00 – 00;00;15;25

Dr. Mona

You got to let some things go. And part of that is trusting your network and saying, hey, my child is loved and they’re safe. Those two things are really important for me. Like, we can’t just let grandparent, like, do whatever they want with safety. There has to be safety and there has to be love. Those are your non-negotiables.

 

00;00;15;26 – 00;00;30;26

Dr. Mona

Everything else you kind of have to say, I’m not here. I’m not going to ask questions. I’m just going to go on my trip. I’m obviously going to hopefully maybe video chat, connect with my child, you know, talk to them. But that is, I think, so important in order for us to feel like we even want to go.

 

00;00;30;28 – 00;00;39;29

Dr. Mona

Is getting into that mindset that I trust my partner or trust whoever’s going to be there, and I’m going to let go of the control because I’m not there.

 

00;00;40;02 – 00;01;06;00

Dr. Mona

Hey everyone, welcome back to the show. I am Doctor Mona, and thank you so much for joining me each week for your reviews, sharing this podcast with all of your friends and loved ones. It means so much to me to see the growth that this show has done since we debuted in 2020. On this episode of Monday Morning to Doctor Mona, I chat with a mom from this community who’s meta about overcoming guilt of traveling as a working mom.

 

00;01;06;07 – 00;01;11;01

Dr. Mona

Tune in to the conversation here.

 

00;01;11;03 – 00;01;17;17

Dr. Mona

Hey, Susmitha. Thank you so much for joining me on today’s show. So tell me what is on your mind today as a mom?

 

00;01;17;19 – 00;01;34;23

Susmitha

I talked about I was so happy to be here. So, yeah, I’ve been a mom in the pandemic. My son was two years, three months old. And then before I became a mom. Honestly, my goal in life was never to be. I mean, I did not think of becoming a mom. I was mostly, like, career oriented. Like, you know, I want this job.

 

00;01;34;23 – 00;01;59;02

Susmitha

And that’s all that I could think of. And then a few years after, like, finish my schooling and all that, I thought, okay, I’m gonna try motherhood a chance. And then I’m pregnant and had my son. And with the pandemic finally, things are getting back to where they were. Which means that sometimes I do have to travel for work to conferences, which was something that I always was excited about before I became a mom.

 

00;01;59;05 – 00;02;27;18

Susmitha

So some of what I do in my current role is traveling to conferences, sometimes to customer sites, interacting with them, which helps with not just my company’s goals, but also something that I always wanted because that helps my career development and my professional development. But right now I’m trying to figure out how to balance being home, trying to spend time with my son at the same time, how to figure out these decisions on how much travel I should be okay with and how much.

 

00;02;27;19 – 00;02;31;03

Susmitha

Yeah, yeah, all of those, details about that.

 

00;02;31;10 – 00;02;37;24

Dr. Mona

Yeah. It’s like all of this working mom having a job outside the home and also just balancing it with your beautiful child.

 

00;02;38;14 – 00;02;38;22

Susmitha

Yeah.

 

00;02;38;22 – 00;02;56;03

Dr. Mona

Oh, well, I love having moms come on the podcast and talk about this, what you mentioned about how your dreams before being a mom or that you wanted to travel like how fun that would be. And I resonate with that. There’s so many things that I before I became a mother, I was like, oh, I would really love to do speaking engagements or having this opportunity to do X, Y, and Z.

 

00;02;56;03 – 00;03;17;04

Dr. Mona

And I just think that’s so nice. And yes, there is a reality that there is more thought process that needs to happen once we have children. Obviously we can’t just jump on a plane whenever we feel like it, but I do believe that there is a way to still accomplish all of the passions and dreams that we have, with the understanding that there is going to be a balance with a child as well.

 

00;03;17;04 – 00;03;37;09

Dr. Mona

You know, there is that reality that I can still pursue my dreams. I have to kind of keep it in perspective that, can I do this whenever I want? No. But how can I make these dreams a reality? And, you know, when we discuss it, we’ll be looking at support systems. Who else is in that child’s life? Who else can help you so that you can pursue those dreams as well?

 

00;03;37;17 – 00;03;49;13

Dr. Mona

And then also managing and reframing any of the guilt that we may have with our child and understanding why our passions and taking care of ourselves is actually beneficial for the child as well.

 

00;03;49;15 – 00;03;52;02

Susmitha

Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, I think yeah.

 

00;03;52;03 – 00;03;55;08

Dr. Mona

Like at this point there hasn’t been major travel yet, right?

 

00;03;55;11 – 00;04;16;13

Susmitha

No, I did travel last year around March timeframe for a conscience and I do have one coming up. I actually have like two conferences already planned this year. Ideally I would have more, but I think we are still like getting back to a state where yeah, like transitioning not fully there yet. So yeah.

 

00;04;16;16 – 00;04;27;07

Dr. Mona

And so what has been like I guess the hardest or most frustrating aspect of this issue? I guess the hardest aspect is just trying to figure out the balance. Is it the guilt? Is it? What should we do or where are you at right now?

 

00;04;27;09 – 00;04;50;27

Susmitha

Yeah. So it’s all of it. It’s about me wanting to go, but also feeling like, oh my God, what will happen if I go? And the guilt associated with it and the feeling that I’m missing out on those moments and all of that word of God. And it also is this weird feeling that I have. And when my husband goes to travel and I’m thinking, oh my God, I have so much work that I have to do all by myself.

 

00;04;51;04 – 00;05;09;20

Susmitha

And so when I’m gone, I also think that, okay, so it’s a lot of work that he would have to do. But yeah, so like plan out and figure everything out. We don’t have any family around here or like not a lot of friends that we can rely on. So it’s mostly like, do we have a babysitter maybe that can come in and help?

 

00;05;10;17 – 00;05;15;21

Susmitha

Yeah. On one of those days, in the evenings, when we are gone, you know, one of us is gone.

 

00;05;15;23 – 00;05;32;12

Dr. Mona

I love it. So the guilt of missing out on your child and just life at home, the wanting to go, but the fear of missing out. Yeah. And also, you said it perfectly. Which people don’t often talk about the stress or the feeling of inconvenience we are putting on others. Even if it is someone like your partner or father of your child.

 

00;05;32;19 – 00;05;49;04

Dr. Mona

If you feel like, oh well, I know how hard it is, I don’t want anyone else to feel this burden if I’m not feeling it. And that’s what a mom feel, We all go through that, right? Yeah. A lot of the reason why many of us don’t ask for help or want to do it is we feel like we don’t want to be a burden on others.

 

00;05;49;04 – 00;05;59;08

Dr. Mona

And I would love to chat about that first, because that is an important reframe. Now, does your husband, is he on board with your traveling like he knows that it may happen? Is he support of that?

 

00;05;59;09 – 00;06;06;01

Susmitha

Yes. He’s very supportive of that. I think overall he is more supportive than I am supporting myself in that.

 

00;06;06;03 – 00;06;32;06

Dr. Mona

That’s good. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that’s the most important thing because now you have another adult in your child’s life, and it’s obviously dad who is supportive of your dreams, which is honestly a jackpot situation. I think that’s wonderful. And I hope more people listening that have that reality to actually have that support. So now it’s really understanding that everything that we’re doing here is internal guilt internally created, that you have a supportive husband he can handle.

 

00;06;32;06 – 00;06;48;11

Dr. Mona

I’m pretty sure he can handle your son, right? I mean, he’s been alone with your son. He knows what to do. Yeah, yeah. So now it is having those conversations with him on what do you need when I’m gone? And sometimes we press, right. Like I’ve done this too, with my husband. I’m like, are you sure you don’t need help?

 

00;06;48;15 – 00;07;04;21

Dr. Mona

And my husband’s like, no, I got it, I got it. But then I get 10,000 messages of, hey, where’s this? And what’s that? So really, before you go talking with your support system, your network, which is your husband, and saying, hey, I’m going to go on this trip, you know what’s happening? What do you need? Do you know where everything’s at?

 

00;07;04;22 – 00;07;25;06

Dr. Mona

Do you know the routine? Are you good? Would we want to get that sitter or fly in a family member or something like that? And really trusting your network. Trusting your husband that he can manage this. And as mothers, we tend to not have trust in anyone except us. Yeah, well, you really want in order for us to pursue our dreams.

 

00;07;25;11 – 00;07;35;18

Dr. Mona

We need to trust other people. And your husband has been around you like he. Obviously I don’t know him, but I know he knows what to do. Like, he is going to do a great job. But I know you know that as well.

 

00;07;35;20 – 00;07;54;23

Susmitha

Yeah, I think you put it rightly that it’s hard to trust another person. Yes, that’s something that I struggle with. Like I tell him what to do and then check back on that and then keep checking if he’s doing it right and that. Yeah, it also, I am not trusting of my husband and does have an impact on a relationship do.

 

00;07;54;24 – 00;07;57;00

Susmitha

But yeah, that’s something I’m working on.

 

00;07;57;02 – 00;08;22;10

Dr. Mona

And also a part of that like you mentioned, is we tend to want to micromanage someone who’s not us when they’re with the child. And my rule here, and I’ve had to also undo a lot of this. And that’s why I say from a place of understanding and relatability is you have to respect that the other person, whether it’s a father, nanny, grandparent, may not do everything 100% like you do, but just because they don’t, it doesn’t mean that it’s inferior.

 

00;08;22;10 – 00;08;41;12

Dr. Mona

It doesn’t mean that you’re superior, doesn’t mean anything like that. As long as they love your child and are keeping your child safe. Those two things. Everything else is okay. Like so. For example, if your son, nine, goes to bed at like 730 and when he’s with your husband, he goes to bed at 830. Is it really going to change his life?

 

00;08;41;15 – 00;08;57;02

Dr. Mona

Absolutely not. Right. You got to let some things go. And part of that is trusting your network and saying, hey, my child is loved and they’re safe by those who things are really important for me. Like we can’t just let grandparent, like do whatever they want. With safety, there has to be safety and there has to be love.

 

00;08;57;05 – 00;09;22;09

Dr. Mona

Those are your non-negotiables. Everything else you kind of have to say, I’m not here. I’m not going to ask questions. I’m just going to go on my trip. I’m obviously going to hopefully maybe video chat, connect with my child, you know, talk to them. But that is, I think, so important. In order for us to feel like we even want to go is getting into that mindset that I trust my partner or trust whoever’s going to be there, and I’m going to let go of the control because I’m not there.

 

00;09;22;11 – 00;09;24;27

Susmitha

Yeah, I like a lot of sense. Yeah.

 

00;09;24;29 – 00;09;26;01

Dr. Mona

Which is all right. I know it.

 

00;09;26;01 – 00;09;27;04

Susmitha

Was hard is part.

 

00;09;27;04 – 00;09;27;19

Dr. Mona

Of it.

 

00;09;27;21 – 00;09;38;22

Susmitha

Yeah. It’s not like I haven’t heard that before. But yeah, I think internalizing that is something that I should work on, especially if I want to travel and make that still a part of my career.

 

00;09;38;25 – 00;09;54;15

Dr. Mona

Yes. And I think this is a part of that first step, like I said, because in order for us to even make that decision, book the ticket, decide and not have that guilt, we have to first realize that what is my why? Why am I doing this trip? Is it because I feel I need to or I want to?

 

00;09;54;15 – 00;10;07;24

Dr. Mona

And if you want to do this trip, I hope you do. Which it sounds like it. Then we say, here’s my network. Here are the people that are going to support me in my dreams, and I need to let go of that internal control. And the more you do it, the more you’re going to realize that it’s okay.

 

00;10;07;24 – 00;10;35;28

Dr. Mona

Yeah. I think the first few times are going to be like, I get it, you’re going to check in. Hey, what time did he go to bed? Use food. But does it really matter in that grand scheme is what you’re kind of putting everything into perspective for him. Yeah. Yeah. And then in terms of connection, you know, a lot of the times you know, you’re saying the feeling of missing out obviously now if someone is traveling a lot for their work, I can understand that being a reality of like, you’re gone, like athletes, like they go on, you know, for majority of the year, they’re gone.

 

00;10;36;05 – 00;10;54;04

Dr. Mona

But you’re going to be back when you think about it in his whole life, right? Your son’s whole life and the whole month, you’re going for maybe a weekend, for days you’re still a very big part of his life. And so it’s harder when your children are younger, especially because you feel like you’re missing out on milestones. Right?

 

00;10;54;04 – 00;11;20;15

Dr. Mona

Like, just say we have someone listening who has like a six month old or a one year old and you’re gone and they walk for the first time, or roll over or start crawling. You can feel like, oh my gosh, I missed out on this incredible event. But when you kind of put it into perspective and reframe, hopefully you’re going to catch that on video in terms of the next time it happens, and you’re also going to be there for so many other first, so many other moments.

 

00;11;20;17 – 00;11;44;23

Dr. Mona

Your child is still going to be very much a part of your life and vice versa. So to be able to reframe that and remember that this is something that’s really important for me, I may feel like I’m missing out, but I will get the update from my husband when I get home. I don’t need to play by play every day, but he’ll do all the cute new words that my son has said or, you know, the cute little things like, and you’ll just kind of sit with it and say, wow, this is really cool.

 

00;11;44;27 – 00;11;54;24

Dr. Mona

I’m so grateful to have this child. But also I’m grateful to have a partner to watch my child while I go pursue my dreams, which is something really special in my opinion.

 

00;11;54;26 – 00;11;57;01

Susmitha

Yeah, that makes sense.

 

00;11;57;03 – 00;12;18;10

Dr. Mona

Yeah. It’s like there’s so much internal guilt that we create. And like I said already, it’s not even coming from your husband. It sounds like he’s supportive. So it’s us. Sometimes we think that guilt and judgment go hand in hand, but it’s it doesn’t sound like you’re getting judgment from anyone. It sounds like we’re creating this sort of reality that, oh, my kid’s not going to feel like I’m with them, or they don’t love me or I don’t love them and all this stuff.

 

00;12;18;10 – 00;12;45;09

Dr. Mona

But I know from child development that our children love us and they will understand the reality of their life. Meaning that my mommy has this job sometimes she’s going to leave, but she’s going to come back and we are going to connect. When she’s back, we’re going to have our time together when she’s back and when we make it that with our children and this is our reality, and there’s no huff puff about it.

 

00;12;45;09 – 00;13;01;15

Dr. Mona

There’s no like, drama behind it. There’s no like you getting upset or when your child’s upset. You’re very empathetic to them. You can talk to him about what he’s feeling as he gets older. If he is upset that you’re leaving, you’re going to really start to understand that they will understand that this is a matter of fact situation.

 

00;13;01;18 – 00;13;20;23

Dr. Mona

It’s not a reality. We’re together. We’re going to be apart sometimes, but you will always return. And that is such a huge thing for them to see. And also how you respond when you leave and return, right? Like if you’re upset and angry and frustrated when you leave, they’re going to feel that energy. They’re going to feel like something’s not right here.

 

00;13;20;25 – 00;13;35;07

Dr. Mona

But if you’re like, matter of fact about it and you’re like, hey sweetie, I’m leaving, I love you so much, I can’t wait to talk to you with daddy. I can’t wait when I’m back that we’re going to play together, and then they’re going to realize that this isn’t something scary, this isn’t something bad, and this is just what our life is.

 

00;13;35;07 – 00;13;52;02

Dr. Mona

And it’s every family is unique in that standpoint on what their reality is, what parents they have, who are their caregivers, is that caregiver working outside the home or not. And in this situation, is one of those caregivers or both traveling for work. And that’s what they realize with that repetition.

 

00;13;52;28 – 00;14;16;13

Susmitha

I think some of that goes that I was putting on myself and also stemming from the fact that lately, like in the past few months, I’ve been seeing that anytime something doesn’t go his way, my son would cry asking for me, hello? My husband. Yeah. So there’s that added pressure that I have to be there for everything or I have to be there, or else maybe he won’t be there for bed.

 

00;14;16;13 – 00;14;20;24

Susmitha

Or like he may ask for me in the middle of the night. And what if I’m not there? Or things like.

 

00;14;20;24 – 00;14;40;27

Dr. Mona

And what’s so important on that is how the person who’s not there with you, so your husband in this situation, how they respond is going to be key here, right? Because you’re not there. Yeah. If a family wants to have the situation where every time they ask for the parent that they get them on FaceTime, but the reality is you may not be available for every time that your child needs you.

 

00;14;40;27 – 00;14;59;06

Dr. Mona

And that doesn’t mean that you’re depriving them of connection, right? That means that you are occupied, you are an adult and you have something that you’re doing. So now that person that is home with your child, so your husband, his body language, his words really matter here. So he needs to also understand that that’s going to happen. That’s totally unacceptable.

 

00;14;59;09 – 00;15;18;13

Dr. Mona

Very much. We want to empathize with your son and say, I know you miss mommy. I miss mommy too, I love mommy. What do you love most about mommy? Do you like mommy’s nose? Do you like mommy’s laugh? Like you really want to talk about mommy in a positive way, even though out there, which I’m sure he’ll do and really make him understand that mommy’s not here.

 

00;15;18;16 – 00;15;35;05

Dr. Mona

It’s okay. I’m here with you right now, and we’re going to do this and almost redirecting them. What do you want to do with mommy when she comes back? You know, and obviously it’s two years. In three months. You said you may not be completely sentences yet, but you’re just trying to put it into his brain that I know you’re very upset right now, but this is what’s happening.

 

00;15;35;05 – 00;15;56;11

Dr. Mona

That daddy’s the one that’s here. And that also goes back to trusting, right? Your husband that he can’t handle this, that it may not be exactly the same way, but that feeling of I’m not there when my child cried for me is a such a pervasive feeling across all parents, especially mothers. But I like to reframe it by saying they have someone they love there.

 

00;15;56;18 – 00;16;17;10

Dr. Mona

Now the difference would be if that child was alone, which obviously they will never be in this situation. Yeah, he has a loving adult there, even though it’s not you. I always think of all of the adults in my life that help me take care of my son. I think of them as extensions of me. Meaning, yes, there’s a special bond that is unlike anything else.

 

00;16;17;10 – 00;16;36;19

Dr. Mona

When a mom child bond, even a father child bond. But all these people are helping my son’s life in terms of giving him things that I also can’t give sometimes. Right. So that perspective switch is so important so that you don’t feel that sort of internal. Well, oh my gosh, I wasn’t there. He’s going to feel like I’m never there.

 

00;16;36;19 – 00;16;53;25

Dr. Mona

No, you are there when you can be. But this other place can handle it, right. It may be a little more tears and maybe a little more. I miss mommy, I miss mommy, but I want that adult to really sing your praises and redirect them to. What are we going to do when mommy gets back? I know you want to see mommy.

 

00;16;53;25 – 00;16;57;16

Dr. Mona

Maybe tomorrow after naptime we can call mommy, right? Like, kind of put.

 

00;16;57;21 – 00;16;58;05

Susmitha

Said.

 

00;16;58;11 – 00;17;11;06

Dr. Mona

That. Okay, even though mommy is not here, this adult taking care of me is not worked up about it. So I will learn that I don’t also need to get worked up about it, but that takes a consistency and repetition thing to happen.

 

00;17;11;08 – 00;17;27;00

Susmitha

Yeah, I think that makes a lot of sense to me. As I was talking to what I realized, like, why am I feeling guilty? But I figured maybe it’s because of this. Yeah, this definitely helps me to reframe. And yeah, something I can share with my husband and he can implement.

 

00;17;27;02 – 00;17;51;09

Dr. Mona

So yeah, and so much of guilt, like I said, is it’s okay to feel guilt, right? I think it’s a very normal human emotion, but I don’t ever want that guilt to overconsume us where we feel like we’re a failure. Yeah. Like we are depriving our children of something. And that’s why I love chatting with you all on the podcast, especially around things like motherhood and guilt, because so much of guilt is we are not doing enough for our child, right?

 

00;17;51;09 – 00;18;07;09

Dr. Mona

Whether it’s the things that we feed them, the time that we spend with them, taking care of our own self, it all comes down to am I harming my child by doing things for me, if you will, right? Like traveling for you. That’s essentially for you or your job. And that’s why I love having these conversations about development.

 

00;18;07;16 – 00;18;24;07

Dr. Mona

I know so much that children, it is such a big picture approach to raising kids, right? It is quality time versus the quantity. It’s the network we create in terms of who are the other adults that are helping us reach our goals and our passions. And so whenever I’m also feeling like, you know, I do work from home.

 

00;18;24;07 – 00;18;42;10

Dr. Mona

So whenever I’m upstairs and Ryan is like, I want mommy downstairs. Like I can hear him with either my husband or when we had a nanny. I want mommy downstairs and he’ll start crying and I can hear it, and it gosh, it breaks your heart because you’re like, I, I’m here. Like, I could be downstairs, but I’m also working.

 

00;18;42;10 – 00;18;56;24

Dr. Mona

And so what? We’ve obviously the people who are with him, which is either husband or nanny or whoever they have learned, like I know and exactly what I told you with your husband, when I know you miss mommy, you want mommy downstairs, right? Mommy is finishing writing, and when she’s done, she’s going to come and play with you.

 

00;18;56;24 – 00;19;13;17

Dr. Mona

And that is what we do, right? When I’m done with work, I go down, we go to the park, or we play like that is our one on one connection time. So it’s really so important what the adults say that when you’re not there, like how they talk about you and also the empathizing. Right that I know I see it, baby.

 

00;19;13;17 – 00;19;32;09

Dr. Mona

I see that you really miss mommy and just not making it like, mommy’s not here. I’m the one that’s here. That’s not going to help, right? Yeah, that’s gonna get more agitated. We really want to connect with the toddler brain and empathize with them, verbalize with them before we move forward. It doesn’t mean that your son is going to be this, okay, daddy, you can help me with bedtime.

 

00;19;32;09 – 00;19;57;04

Dr. Mona

Now, you may still cry, right? You may still be very upset, but how? Your husband is responding and staying very calm and just repeating. Like if he needs to. I know you miss mommy. I miss her too. And really just understanding that it’s going to be something that passes and it’s not like bulb’s going to switch and he’s gonna be like, okay, we can’t expect our children always to be happy and smiley, but we can teach them how to cope with disappointment with, oh, my mom is not here.

 

00;19;57;04 – 00;20;13;12

Dr. Mona

You know, that’s something that we’re trying to do with all these little moments of you traveling. And like I said, in the grand scheme of things, you traveling for a weekend or two weekends a month is not going to make an impact on his life because you are home those other times. And our goal when you’re home is connecting with him, right?

 

00;20;13;15 – 00;20;34;22

Dr. Mona

Finding those moments where you can have the uninterrupted time with him ten minutes a day, five minutes a day or more, hopefully where you can connect and this is your time, your special time with your child, where they understand that my mom’s here, she’s going to leave. It’s okay, because when she comes back, I’ll still get my mom’s attention in the moments that we can.

 

00;20;34;24 – 00;20;38;00

Susmitha

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Thank you. Yeah.

 

00;20;38;00 – 00;20;42;14

Dr. Mona

Is there anything else that you would want to add or kind of comment on what we’ve already talked about?

 

00;20;42;16 – 00;20;57;03

Susmitha

Not really. I thank you for everything. You know, very clear water. So that helps me think about that and then help reframe everything that I’ve been thinking about. And putting myself through so much wording.

 

00;20;57;05 – 00;21;17;06

Dr. Mona

I mean, and also I just think about, you know, if you continue to travel, whether you go nationally, internationally, within the state, like wherever you end up going, you know, again, this is all just perspective and reframing, right? Like I just think about how if you travel and start to have these really cool opportunities, like one day you can start taking your child with you and obviously your husband or someone else to help you.

 

00;21;17;09 – 00;21;43;18

Dr. Mona

That’s going to be really cool experiences for your child. Or you go and just see you go internationally out of the country and you come back and you teach your child about the world like there’s benefit there for your reality that other people don’t get to experience. So rather than thinking, oh, well, our situation like I have to travel and it’s this negative thing, no, I want you to look for all of the little positives, because there are a lot of your situation that maybe other peoples aren’t experiencing.

 

00;21;43;18 – 00;22;07;10

Dr. Mona

But why is this beneficial to your family? It is beneficial. Like from the outside looking in, I mean, I’m only cutting the surface here. It’s beneficial because you are pursuing a passion which your child. Having a mother who has a passion is something so beautiful to see. You are also providing for your child financially, resources and also eventually you can also teach them about travel and security in the airport.

 

00;22;07;10 – 00;22;25;20

Dr. Mona

Like all these little life skills that yeah, you won’t get the opportunity to do because they don’t travel at all. So really trying to find whenever you’re feeling guilty, accept the guilt and say, hey, guilt. Thank you for being here, but I’m good. Talk to it and say, here’s what I’m going to change. Here I am doing the best thing for my child.

 

00;22;25;20 – 00;22;36;20

Dr. Mona

I’m going to get time with my child, and I am fulfilling my cup and feeling fulfilled in my life. And this is going to transcend in my family as well. So that can really help you.

 

00;22;36;22 – 00;22;39;13

Susmitha

Yeah, that is so powerful. What you just said.

 

00;22;39;15 – 00;23;01;14

Dr. Mona

Yeah. With the pandemic, I have not had opportunities to travel yet, but it is something that I’ve always wanted to do, meaning speaking engagements and talking about parenting or conferences. And I’m excited about it. But it’s a hard reality of like, again, that balance and a lot of the things I’m telling you are things that I’ve had to tell myself even when I want to just take a weekend away, even when I’m sitting upstairs, like I said, and doing work, it’s all the stuff.

 

00;23;01;19 – 00;23;17;04

Dr. Mona

Like, yes, reframing. What is my purpose here? And also understanding that you are doing so much for your child. I can tell already that the amount of love you have for is key. There is a home full of love here. I am not concerned that you are a parent that is not giving him attention and love that he needs.

 

00;23;17;04 – 00;23;19;19

Dr. Mona

So keep on and keep doing what you’re doing.

 

00;23;19;22 – 00;23;30;16

Susmitha

Thank you so much, Doctor Warner. Yeah, that was really helpful. Especially talking to like a fellow mom of these, going through some of the same things or has gone through that. And yeah, that was really helpful.

 

00;23;30;18 – 00;23;54;00

Dr. Mona

So whether you travel for work or not, whether you have a job outside of the home, I think we can all relate to the concepts that we discussed on this episode. Guilt is a very common feeling that we can have as parents, especially as moms. And like I talked about with this meta, a lot of it is internal work and reframing that we have to do.

 

00;23;54;02 – 00;24;11;02

Dr. Mona

Of course, we can face judgment from others, and that makes things a little more tricky. But when you have the support of others, you feel like you have that network. It’s really now time to trust your network, trust the people that are there to help you raise your child, and reframing that guilt that we have in order to reframe.

 

00;24;11;05 – 00;24;36;29

Dr. Mona

Make sure that you maintain perspective. Look at the big picture and totality of your child’s life and how you fit in and how you’re raising your child. As parents, especially as moms, I know you can get really bogged down in all the things that we’re not doing, rather than focus on what we are doing. If you’re ever feeling guilty about this situation, whether you travel for work or any other feeling of guilt that you may have as a mom, I want you to think about that big picture.

 

00;24;37;00 – 00;24;57;07

Dr. Mona

Think about the things that you’re doing in your situation, your life, not comparing it with anybody else’s reality or resources, and look at what you are accomplishing. It could be really small. It could be really big. It’s so important to have this reframing and practice this gratitude so that we can change that wiring and that guilt that exists in your mind.

 

00;24;57;09 – 00;25;18;27

Dr. Mona

Like I said in the conversation, guilt is a normal human emotion. I just don’t want you feeling overwhelming guilt as you raise a child because you’re going to miss out on actually being mindful and present with them when you’re with them. I enjoy having you all on the show to chat with you directly. Whether it’s about parenting concerns, whether it’s about mindset, whether it’s about mental health.

 

00;25;19;02 – 00;25;25;21

Dr. Mona

It really, really is so important that we understand that we’re not alone. And I cannot wait to talk to another parent next week.