Kindergarten readiness is on a lot of parent’s mind as they child approaches this big milestone, but the pressure it can place on parents (and kids) can be a lot.

On this episode I welcome Susie Allison, who is a former kindergarten teacher and has a Masters in Education, author, blogger, mom and creator of Busy Toddler to discuss :

• Why kindergarten readiness has become stressful
• Why these standards have changed and are they developmentally appropriate?
• What we should be focusing on guiding them instead prior to Kindergarten

Find out more about Susie Allison on her website Busytoddler.com or via Instagram @busytoddler

00;00;01;02 – 00;00;25;09

Susie Allison

Parents are looking at kindergarten looking at what’s happened in kindergarten. And unfortunately, what’s happening is that we’ve turned kindergarten readiness into a competition. We want to see who’s kid can be the most ready for kindergarten. And it’s really under this flawed idea that if my kid is more ready than another kid or has more knowledge going into kindergarten, that that will somehow make that child a better learner for all of their life.

 

00;00;25;11 – 00;00;51;02

Susie Allison

All of high school, all of college, if they choose to go in there. And again, it’s just a really flawed way of looking at education. And we know research tells us it’s not true. Obviously, kids need foundational skills and they need certain things heading into kindergarten and into their school years. But the idea that if you force a child into handwriting or force a child into reading, or force a child into mathematics before they’re ready, that that will somehow make that child smarter in 10th grade.

 

00;00;51;07 – 00;00;56;01

Susie Allison

I mean, when you just say it out loud, you can right away here, like, well, that really doesn’t make sense.

 

00;00;56;04 – 00;01;16;12

Dr. Mona

Welcome to the PedsDocTalk podcast. This show’s success is largely due to you and the way you share the show with others and leave reviews, so thank you so much for tuning in. I am so grateful to have the most amazing guest to guide you in your parenting journey. Topics about all things parenting, child health, child development, and also parental health and mental health.

 

00;01;16;19 – 00;01;39;21

Dr. Mona

Today’s guest is a repeat guest and I am sure most of you, it’s not all of you know who she is. She is Susie Allison. She is the creator of Busy Toddler on social media and a website as well. And she has a master’s in education. Former kindergarten teacher. She’s also an author, blogger, a mom doing so many things and she’s just a wonderful human being.

 

00;01;39;21 – 00;01;57;16

Dr. Mona

And she also is on my podcast already talking about the misconceptions about playtime and child development. So check out that episode. But we are chatting all today about myths about kindergarten readiness and what we should be essentially teaching them instead. Thank you so much for joining me again, Susie.

 

00;01;57;19 – 00;02;02;19

Susie Allison

Oh, it’s my pleasure, Doctor Mona. I’m so glad you asked me to come back. I was so tickled to get that email.

 

00;02;02;22 – 00;02;29;27

Dr. Mona

I’m so happy. Well, I am recording all these episodes as I prepare for for a new baby in our family. I have a three year old, and so I’m really excited about this conversation because yeah, there starts to be a little bit of this sort of pressure of, he is not doing this or is he doing this? And as a parent, I know that things are okay, but social media, other people saying things and I know a lot of people can relate to this, that should my child be doing this developmentally?

 

00;02;30;04 – 00;02;39;17

Dr. Mona

Is my kid okay to start kindergarten? He still has a couple years to go, but I am just so excited that we’re chatting about this. And I know it’s an area that’s you’re really passionate about too.

 

00;02;39;19 – 00;02;55;05

Susie Allison

Yeah, it’s so important to me because I’ve watched over the last couple of years, especially the idea that kids need to be ready for kindergarten, that like early childhood is all an end goal to kindergarten. We just need to get them to kindergarten. And I don’t love that way of looking at early childhood. So I really want to reframe that.

 

00;02;55;05 – 00;03;29;18

Susie Allison

And I also love that way of looking at kindergarten, because kindergarten is so much more than this. And part of their early childhood are saying that, well, this is the moment that they cross this line into something else. So I really, really am excited to unpack this today and hopefully give some listeners some ideas, some tools and a little bit of calm as you walk through this season because like you said, even at three years old, we start hearing the rumblings of, well, by kindergarten or in kindergarten and oh my gosh, I still can’t believe that we’re at this moment, but let’s unpack it.

 

00;03;29;20 – 00;03;46;20

Dr. Mona

And for anyone listening who may not know who you are, obviously a busy toddler is a huge account. You’ll explain. When you started again, I could be getting it mistaken, but an amazing account where you not only share things about this, you know your ideas, but you also share great activities to do with children that don’t take a lot of mind space.

 

00;03;46;20 – 00;04;02;14

Dr. Mona

And I love that and really just kind of can build into our lives, which I so appreciate. But if anyone is not familiar with who you are, just tell us a little bit about yourself and maybe how you create a busy toddler, and how you bring your education with the Master’s in education and being a former kindergarten teacher to all that you do.

 

00;04;02;17 – 00;04;30;05

Susie Allison

So in June of 2015, that’s when I actually launched Busy Toddler, and I was, new mom. I had two kids under two, and I just felt like I was drowning. And I started to look around our house at things that I could kind of do with my kids. My oldest was 26 months old at the time, and my youngest was six months old at the time, and I was just so overwhelmed by it all and overwhelmed by how the days were looking and different things like that.

 

00;04;30;05 – 00;04;47;25

Susie Allison

And it was just felt like so much pressure to be present and to, you know, keep them off a screen and keep them active and all these different things. And we didn’t have a ton of money back then for me to send him off to extracurricular activities or start preschool early and things like that. So I started putting on my teacher hat and looking at what are the things that I have around my house.

 

00;04;47;25 – 00;05;08;19

Susie Allison

And I found things like dry rice and stickers from an old yard sale and sticky notes that were leftover from when I was a teacher, and I started creating really simple activities for him that would give me something to do, could kind of reset the mood in our house, would let me connect with him when the baby was napping in a way that felt really meaningful to me, but also really easy and simple.

 

00;05;08;19 – 00;05;24;04

Susie Allison

And a lot of times I could just set up the activities that sit with my coffee and take a deep breath for like two minutes, which was all I needed back then. And I started wondering, would other people be interested in these kind of activities? You know, they were really different than what else was out there. There was nothing else out there on Instagram like that.

 

00;05;24;04 – 00;05;47;12

Susie Allison

That was where I was hanging out most of the time. So I started posting pictures of what we were doing, and it turned out a lot of people were pretty interested in those activities, and the ball just kind of started rolling. And gradually from there, I went from just sharing activities to sharing what I know about education and child development, and how kids learn and what works at home, how to be a proactive parent instead of a reactive parent.

 

00;05;47;12 – 00;06;05;01

Susie Allison

Kind of taking those tricks that I had used in a classroom that had made teaching with me so successful. I loved being a teacher, and I love that I’m able to take a lot of the skills of teaching and bring it home and say, well, you know, this worked with 200 plus kids over the years, so I thought, it will work at home.

 

00;06;05;01 – 00;06;28;01

Susie Allison

I just need to translate it into the home setting. And it’s been a joy. It’s been so much fun to be able to share so much with other people, and to feel like I’m using my education background and using my teaching credentials in a way that’s really meaningful to me. I miss the classroom, but I feel like I get a fill doing this, and an ability to reach even more kids than I would if I was in a classroom right now.

 

00;06;28;03 – 00;06;55;17

Dr. Mona

Well, I share the same sentiment. I think we discuss this on our other recording, too, about being in health care, especially as a pediatrician, but also in education. The similarities between you have so much passion and excitement, and the system is not always in support of us, which is a reality. And that’s okay. But yeah, I mean, I love what I get to do as a pediatrician and being able to reach so many more people on this doctor, I’m getting to do that with busy toddler, and I didn’t really join the Instagram space until 2019, which is four years after you started this.

 

00;06;55;19 – 00;07;10;26

Dr. Mona

I can’t believe. Just think that’s amazing. Like, I look at a lot of the accounts that have been around even before me and I’m like, wow, like doing this for so long. There’s obviously great things and hard things about social media, but I will say meeting and connecting with people like you is definitely one of the blessings of social.

 

00;07;10;26 – 00;07;20;14

Dr. Mona

So I’m glad you’re there. I’m glad you’re still there. I’m glad you’re still releasing this amazing content for everyone, and I just can’t wait to chat about this important topic today.

 

00;07;20;16 – 00;07;22;09

Susie Allison

Thanks! I’m excited to unpack it.

 

00;07;22;12 – 00;07;46;05

Dr. Mona

So we are talking about kindergarten readiness myths and one thing I mentioned, you know, our son is three and he’s an amazing kid. Obviously, I think every parent can see our kid make it amazing. And when he comes home from preschool, he brings home his coloring pages and they’re just scribbles, right? And then I look at another kid on social who’s also three, who’s coloring in between the lines and has really great penmanship already.

 

00;07;46;05 – 00;08;01;28

Dr. Mona

And I’m like, okay, he’s happy, he’s doing other things, he’ll get there. And so one of the big things I saw that you talked about on social, I’m sure this is one of the many things about myths is about kind of readiness with writing and coloring and drawing, and a lot of it is based on just hand development.

 

00;08;02;02 – 00;08;13;14

Dr. Mona

So let’s kind of chat there. And of course, we’re going to get into other things about what are the things that are, you know, myths about kindergarten readiness, especially about when should a child be able to write, if you will?

 

00;08;13;17 – 00;08;28;07

Susie Allison

Yeah. I’ve noticed over the last couple of years on my Instagram, when I put up a question box, I can almost guarantee that one of the questions that will be repeated over and over again is how do I help my. And it’s always a very young age, two, three, four year old with writing. How do I help them with pencil?

 

00;08;28;13 – 00;08;43;19

Susie Allison

How do I help them print their letters? How do I help them trace? They’re not interested in writing. So I actually went to a friend of mine who’s an OT the OT butterfly and I said, let’s figure this out because we need to be able to reach a massive amount of people. You have the expertise, I have the teacher side of this.

 

00;08;43;21 – 00;09;05;18

Susie Allison

And then obviously I have the platform. We need to get out some information for people to explain to them that not only is this a skill that is just really difficult, and we don’t give it the credit that is due, because we think of writing a second nature as just something we do. It’s something humans do, and none of us really remembers learning it or what went into that process.

 

00;09;05;18 – 00;09;30;04

Susie Allison

And we just think, well, it just kind of happens and it doesn’t just happen. There’s years of development, things like being able to hold their body upright and having a strong pinch graph their arm and their hands ability with letters. It’s also about being able to remember the way something looks inside your head, translate that down your body, out your hand, and then visually onto a paper in a specific direction.

 

00;09;30;07 – 00;09;56;24

Susie Allison

If you just consider it right there, it’s like that is a lot of skills that have to form. So when we take these young children three, four years old especially, and we say, well, now you have to start writing your letters. We have to get you to do this. We end up accidentally cutting corners or skipping other skills that needed to form, and it can make learning to write a much more labor intensive process than it needs to be if we just wait.

 

00;09;56;26 – 00;10;34;20

Susie Allison

Other side of this is that there’s actually physical hand development that goes into this. You know, we think of those little babies, smush hands. They’re so adorable. And then they get less adorable as they grow up, as they’re getting less adorable, the bones are growing and then such beautiful development is going on inside their hands. But when you say to a three year old that you need to be tracing and copying and writing these letters, which is really a skill they should be doing at age six, you’re skipping not only those foundational skills, but also you’re asking them to literally do something before their bones are ready to do it.

 

00;10;34;20 – 00;10;50;00

Susie Allison

It would be no different than looking at a nine month old and saying, you need to stand up and walk right now, right? You have to get up and walk right now. And of course, we would literally never do that because we know that a nine month old isn’t ready. They don’t have this skill yet. They haven’t grasped this.

 

00;10;50;00 – 00;11;14;06

Susie Allison

They haven’t formed these muscles. They’re not able to physically do it. But when it comes to handwriting, we’re much more likely to say no. I just think that they should be doing this now. So really, if we can just remember a couple of things about bone development and then also just about how much goes into this, we start to realize why there’s such a hard time for three and four year olds to learn handwriting.

 

00;11;14;06 – 00;11;16;07

Susie Allison

It’s because they shouldn’t be learning handwriting.

 

00;11;16;07 – 00;11;31;08

Dr. Mona

And oh, this is so important. And where do you think this is coming from? Do you think it has to do with online pressure perfection like I agree with you, and I don’t think my mom or dad ever really worried about all of these things when I was younger. And I again did write. And you’re right, I don’t remember what was happening.

 

00;11;31;08 – 00;11;35;25

Dr. Mona

I obviously know how to write now, but where do you think this is coming from? Like all this and the last?

 

00;11;35;26 – 00;12;01;19

Susie Allison

I think it’s really multi-pronged, and I think it’s like a culmination of a couple of things all happening together, which is kindergarten standards changed. They changed dramatically over the last decade. And what we ask of children in kindergarten is developmentally inappropriate, and the standards are much higher than what most kids can achieve when they’re in kindergarten. On a natural sense, if we force them, a lot of them can.

 

00;12;01;21 – 00;12;21;20

Susie Allison

But again, that’s not honoring the child. That’s a whole other bag of worms. But basically, kindergarten changed. And this idea that we can make kids smarter earlier, if someone learns a skill earlier, then they’re going to be better at that skill for their entire life. That kind of all came out of this Common Core Standards era. Those went in in 2012.

 

00;12;21;20 – 00;12;44;17

Susie Allison

In most states, 41 states initially adopted them, and then other states kind of rewrote their standards to match. And now here we are in 2023 and we’ve got kindergarten, which is teaching to really outrageous standards. And parents are looking at kindergarten looking at what’s happened in kindergarten. And unfortunately, what’s happening is that we’ve turned kindergarten readiness into a competition.

 

00;12;44;23 – 00;13;03;14

Susie Allison

We want to see who’s kid can be the most ready for kindergarten. And it’s really under this flawed idea that if my kid is more ready than another kid or has more knowledge going into kindergarten, that that will somehow make that child a better learner for all of their life, all of high school, all of college, if they choose to go in there.

 

00;13;03;14 – 00;13;26;00

Susie Allison

And again, it’s just a really flawed way of looking at education. And we know research tells us it’s not true. Obviously, kids need foundational skills and they need certain things heading into kindergarten and into their school years. But the idea that if you force a child into handwriting or force a child into reading, or force a child into mathematics before they’re ready, that that will somehow make that child smarter in 10th grade.

 

00;13;26;06 – 00;13;45;27

Susie Allison

I mean, when you just say it out loud, you can right away here, like, well, that really doesn’t make sense, right? That is exactly what’s happening. So between the standards changing the idea that earlier is better and kindergarten readiness becoming this major competition among parents, and I think that is has to do with social media and what we can see of other families.

 

00;13;46;00 – 00;13;53;05

Susie Allison

Yeah, the pressure is real and it has really changed the game. On what kindergarten readiness looks like and what it could mean.

 

00;13;53;08 – 00;14;14;02

Dr. Mona

Oh, and I see I mean, we know that this exists with milestones even in infancy and toddler years. You know, before they even think about kindergarten, the my child needs to do this early, early, early. And it’s not only stressful, but it’s also not always a reality that every child is unique. And of course, I want families to be supported and know how to communicate and teach language and motor skills.

 

00;14;14;02 – 00;14;34;23

Dr. Mona

But at the end of the day, there is a reality that even if you’re doing everything as you know you should, children are going to develop at different pieces, you know, speaking about the the writing component, yes, I do see three year olds able to color between the lines and the district. Right? But that doesn’t mean that a child at three who’s not doing it is like awfully behind or anything like that.

 

00;14;34;23 – 00;14;36;24

Dr. Mona

So this is important conversation.

 

00;14;36;24 – 00;14;55;24

Susie Allison

And I think that’s a really interesting thing that you just brought up, because something I’ve been talking to a lot of people about recently is that especially in the baby years, in the toddler years, we give kids so much grace, and we’re so great at understanding and recognizing that, you know, all children develop differently and they all have these different paths, and then suddenly they get to preschool, really, when they get to kindergarten.

 

00;14;55;24 – 00;15;11;17

Susie Allison

Then we suddenly shift that to know they all need to be doing the exact same thing at the exact same time, and they all need to be learning on the same trajectory. Nothing changed. Yeah, we know that some kids learn to walk at ten months, some learn to walk at 15 months, some, you know, we’ll hover around in that age range.

 

00;15;11;17 – 00;15;36;08

Susie Allison

But when they get up into the kindergarten years, we say, well, if they’re five and not reading, then that’s it. It’s over. It’s not how it is. It’s not like reading especially. It’s a really broad age range that kids learn to read within. But we’ve really shrunk things down. It just gotten into our head that at some point with the academic skills, you know, we look at early childhood and we’re really looking a lot at motor development and physical development and saying, well, they’re rolling over.

 

00;15;36;08 – 00;15;55;17

Susie Allison

They’re standing out, they’re walking speech development. But then when we get into that academic side, that’s when the lens shifts for a lot of people. And instead of it being while I’m watching my child, I’m proud of my child’s development. And I love the way that they’re growing. And suddenly it switches to, they need to be meeting these benchmarks or I have failed as a parent, you know, and it just breaks my heart.

 

00;15;55;17 – 00;15;57;05

Susie Allison

It really just breaks my heart.

 

00;15;57;07 – 00;16;11;25

Dr. Mona

We’ll also because as a mom and also a former kindergarten teacher, you’re like, gosh, like you have the experience of understanding. So I wanted to kind of dive in. So of course we talked about writing, but you know, the standards have changed. You said and especially the United States of kindergarten readiness, what do you hear parents panicking about then?

 

00;16;11;25 – 00;16;19;22

Dr. Mona

Like whether it’s the standards, whether it’s their own, you know, that they’ve seen other children do it. Talking about other myths as well about kindergarten readiness. Right now.

 

00;16;19;24 – 00;16;29;02

Susie Allison

I think one of the biggest myths is that they need to be reading before they go into kindergarten. A lot of parents come to me and say, my kindergartner isn’t reading it. And I say, yeah, I’m sure they’re not.

 

00;16;29;05 – 00;16;29;23

Dr. Mona

You sure.

 

00;16;29;23 – 00;16;53;18

Susie Allison

They’re not? They’re not developmentally ready for that. That becomes a lot of it. And then a lot just becomes that that we’ve boiled down kindergarten into these really basic memorization skills, and we’ve started pushing those is the skills to see that a child is ready for kindergarten. And when I talk about a memorized skill, I’m talking about memorizing the look of a letter when I look it up letter on a piece of paper.

 

00;16;53;18 – 00;17;11;13

Susie Allison

And I know that that’s a all I’ve done is memorize the shape of a symbol, and then that symbol has a name, and I’ve attached a name to that. So it’s just a memorization skill. Counting is a memorization skill. I’ve memorized a pattern that the numbers go in. Shapes is a memorization skill. Colors are a memorization skill. These are all memorization skills.

 

00;17;11;13 – 00;17;29;29

Susie Allison

When we’re thinking about kindergarten. And what I hear from a lot of kindergarten teachers is they say, I can teach that. I can teach that really fast. I can teach your child their letters really fast. I can teach them that pattern of counting really fast. Here’s what I can’t teach them. It’s a lot harder in a group of 20 kindergartners for me to teach your child how to win and lose graciously.

 

00;17;30;02 – 00;17;54;26

Susie Allison

It’s a lot easier for me to teach your child what a shape looks like, than it is for me to teach your child how to ask an adult questions, right? And so if we could shift the narrative on kindergarten readiness away from I want to have these really flashcard skills down into, I want to make sure that my child’s first step into a seriously independent situation is successful.

 

00;17;54;26 – 00;18;21;07

Susie Allison

And really, that’s what we should be looking at kindergarten in the public school system, as this is your child, even if they’ve gone to daycare their whole life, this really is their first step into this very independent world where they’re going to create a world very separate from you. And again, not trying to cut your heartstrings or make you feel different, but they start to build their own life and they start to pull away a little bit, and they will have their own jokes and they will have their own life at school.

 

00;18;21;07 – 00;18;45;11

Susie Allison

So if we can look at kindergarten readiness and say, this is a lot more than just are they able to rapidly recall the sound the letter C makes and instead say, are they able to go up to an adult and confidently say, I need help? Because those are very different skills, and at home I can help them much easier than a teacher can.

 

00;18;45;11 – 00;18;52;26

Susie Allison

Unlearning those kind of skills. So I think those are the skills I’d love to talk with you more about. Yeah, I’m really help people understand what these kids are needing.

 

00;18;52;28 – 00;19;09;14

Dr. Mona

That is such a good segue, because that’s exactly what I would love to chat about too, in that you were talking so much about don’t worry about this and don’t worry about that, which I love that we started with there. But yes, in your experience as a kindergarten teacher and a mother and what you’re seeing on social and just what you’re seeing in the world, what would you say?

 

00;19;09;14 – 00;19;18;19

Dr. Mona

Like here, here is your checklist. Here is here’s your checklist readiness checklist from Susie Allison because he toddler master’s education like it’s so I love this I would love to hear that.

 

00;19;18;19 – 00;19;38;27

Susie Allison

All right. So I’m just going to run down my list. So my list is I would love if every child could come into kindergarten again I’m not going to say master these skills, developing these skills because we’re all in different paths. We’re we’re honoring the child. And what we’re doing here is we’re trying to develop the child as an independent person and a thoughtful thinker.

 

00;19;38;29 – 00;19;55;25

Susie Allison

That’s what we’re trying to do here, because that is the foundation. Once we have a really good foundation like that going into kindergarten, then we can put up all of the walls. If we think about education like a house, you know, these readiness skills are the foundation. And then from there, that foundation is what’s going to hold up the walls of academics.

 

00;19;56;02 – 00;20;17;10

Susie Allison

But if we just start throwing up the walls in that toddler and preschool years without a solid foundation, it will eventually crack and crumble. And you know the short, because we’ve taken they won’t actually come out as great as we hope they would. So here’s my kindergarten Readiness Checklist checklist very heavily in quotes. So I would love if your child can learn to follow a multi-step direction.

 

00;20;17;13 – 00;20;32;13

Susie Allison

Can you give them a bunch of steps at home and see if they can follow all of those steps, and note how many steps they can follow before they kind of start to Peter off? Because at school, we have them come in each day and we say things like, take off your coat, put it in the cubby, pick up a book and meet me on the roof.

 

00;20;32;15 – 00;20;53;14

Susie Allison

And I just gave you four directions, rapid fire to 20 people. And I’m hoping you can follow most of them. So that’s going to happen a lot at school. And so what you can do at home is just really help grow that skill. Learning to speak to an adult. And this is hard. This is one that I think is just a big emphasis item, especially in the preschool years.

 

00;20;53;15 – 00;21;12;05

Susie Allison

As language has really developed. There are so many adults in school and so many adults, your child will come into contact with that. Maybe they don’t have a personal relationship with like they do the teacher or the PE teacher, or the music teacher. They need to feel confident going up to an adult and saying, I need help or I need an assistance, or I need this.

 

00;21;12;07 – 00;21;28;12

Susie Allison

Ask a question. So what you can do to help with that is when you go to the grocery store, when you go to target, when you go to the zoo, let your child be the one that goes up to the docent and says, excuse me, which way do I get to the monkeys? Or we are needing help finding broccoli.

 

00;21;28;12 – 00;21;52;27

Susie Allison

Could you point us toward the broccoli is help your child to be confident in asking questions to an adult. That’s such a big one. Love it. And then another big one. And I don’t want to get too wordy here, but problems happen at school and kids need to know how to solve those problems. So having 2 to 3 ideas of how you could solve a problem is really important, because at school there isn’t a parent to just hear the kids fighting and swoop in.

 

00;21;52;29 – 00;22;09;25

Susie Allison

Obviously I’m going to swoop in as a teacher for safety issues, but I’m also going to try to let these kids work it out. And that means that your child needs to have some skills. Do they walk away? Do they use the word stop? Are they capable of saying, let’s make a new deal or let’s go to a different game?

 

00;22;09;28 – 00;22;26;02

Susie Allison

They need to start developing those skills at home, and that starts with you as the parent modeling. How do you handle conflict? How do you resolve peer issues even if your child is a single child at home, you can just have these conversations as social stories. You know, let’s pretend a friend took your toy. What do you do?

 

00;22;26;05 – 00;22;44;04

Susie Allison

And then unpack that with them. Talk to them about what would you do if your friend took a toy? And if they don’t know, say, well, this is what I would do, and start having that conversation with them over and over and over again. As you drive in the car, have dinner, and then the last one that I want to share because it’s about sharing, learn how to share and take turns.

 

00;22;44;06 – 00;23;02;27

Susie Allison

And in these early years, a toddler preschool years, we know that for sharing doesn’t work. We know we can’t walk up to a kid and say, your turn is over, you need to give up twice. And we also understand ownership, and we understand developmentally that sharing is hard for kids to grasp. When we move to a school setting, everything there is communal.

 

00;23;02;29 – 00;23;23;07

Susie Allison

So this idea that this is my toy and I get to keep this, it goes away. So we need to start practicing the playground is a great place to do that because it’s also a communal space, and teaching them those phrases to help them understand how do I get a toy if someone else is using it and what do I do if somebody wants my toy?

 

00;23;23;07 – 00;23;51;13

Susie Allison

And the phrase is I always support my kids is when you’re done, can I have a turn? And I say that all the time. Oh, remember, tell them when you’re done. Can I have a turn? And then we work with the other child on saying yes. When I’m done, you can have a turn. And that sounds so simple, but it is an unbelievably powerful phrase in the school system for kids to come in knowing that so that when they get to the tetherball, when they get to the unison excuse, when they’re at the pattern blocks that they can say to another child, when you’re done, can I have a turn?

 

00;23;51;13 – 00;24;06;07

Susie Allison

And oftentimes the kid will say, you know, I’m done right now and just get up and leave, or they’ll say, yeah, when I’m done, you can have a turn. And kids are actually pretty good at remembering. And another kid wanted to turn. And when they’re done, especially in kindergarten, they’ll turn and they’ll say, hey, I’m done. You can come on over and give up that toy.

 

00;24;06;09 – 00;24;26;29

Susie Allison

That’s just a few of the readiness skills that I have listed on my website. I could literally talk here for like an hour on all these different skills, but just to say that we focus so much on basic academics, and you can see that the skills I just listed are much higher level skills. These take some serious thinking and serious social skills and cognitive development.

 

00;24;26;29 – 00;24;53;16

Susie Allison

So much more than being able to just look at a flashcard and say that’s the number four. So if you’re bogged down and weighted down because maybe your child isn’t memorizing those skills as fast, there are other skills that I bet your child has that are going to set them up on a great path for kindergarten readiness, and maybe shift your focus over to those and let the teacher, the trained professional in educating young children, handle the academic stuff.

 

00;24;53;16 – 00;24;58;06

Susie Allison

And we can just turn our focus back to raising really good, awesome kids.

 

00;24;58;08 – 00;25;19;03

Dr. Mona

Oh, I love it. And I love your metaphor of the house, because that is just such an important way of understanding this concept. And the things that you mention. Not only are they important, just skills, personality traits, you know, coping skills in a way, but they’re just so important as an adult to write, like all the things you just mentioned, I think about it as an adult and it doesn’t really matter that I know how to write.

 

00;25;19;05 – 00;25;21;07

Dr. Mona

I mean, it’s good. Okay, fine. It’s a great.

 

00;25;21;07 – 00;25;21;16

Susie Allison

Skill.

 

00;25;21;17 – 00;25;40;07

Dr. Mona

Yeah, it’s a great skill. Reading. I understand we need to read. That’s important, but it’s not my value. You know, I don’t value how I know how to take turns with people. I know how to share things. I know how to speak to other adults. You know, obviously, whether they’re older or younger doesn’t matter. But all of these are just important life skills which come down to parents.

 

00;25;40;07 – 00;25;59;10

Dr. Mona

A lot of right are going to learn these things in a school setting, and it’ll be obviously tweaked and stuff like that, but I love that. I love that we’re focusing on the power we have as parents to parents and teach the life skills. And of course, I love that you also say this because we should be focusing on these things and leaving it to educators and just trusting our educators.

 

00;25;59;10 – 00;26;16;28

Dr. Mona

Hopefully, if we can trust in a good school and a system that hopefully is good, that we can trust them and say, hey, look like I’m doing this part, you’re going to help me with this part. And if you need my help with, obviously, if we’re seeing that there needs to be reading help down the line or writing help down the line, I’m going to be there and I’m going to help.

 

00;26;16;28 – 00;26;32;24

Dr. Mona

But it’s such a team effort with all of this, and I hope that that takes a lot of pressure off of a lot of our parents listening, that you can’t do everything, you cannot be the teacher. Like, I think even in the toddler years, you know, I think like, I love the activities you put on your website or on your account.

 

00;26;32;24 – 00;26;53;29

Dr. Mona

But I also remind families that you don’t have to do every single activity. You’re choosing things that you love, and you don’t have to be a teacher. Like, I’m not a teacher, I’m a pediatrician, I’m a mother. I know things that I know, and I think when we start to get into that comparison game or I need to do everything for my kid and it has to be me, you’re going to spread yourself thin because you can’t be a gourmet chef.

 

00;26;53;29 – 00;27;07;09

Dr. Mona

You can’t know everything about health. You have to rely on the people that are experts in that field to help you as your quote unquote, village. If you want to use that terminology. But I love how you phrase all of this is so important for everyone to hear.

 

00;27;07;11 – 00;27;27;24

Susie Allison

Thank you so much for just tuning my horn this morning. I’m just kidding. No. You know, going back to what you said, what you said is just this isn’t just about kindergarten readiness. This is about life readiness. And I wish we could stop looking at kindergarten. Like I said in the beginning as this end goal and instead, say, kindergarten is the first chance that they’re going to have to be this really independent human.

 

00;27;27;24 – 00;27;48;28

Susie Allison

And I’m going to set them up as much as I can to be an independent human. Because as great as knowing letters is, and of course, know your letters and greatest knowing numbers are, that isn’t going to help a child be able to sit through the rigors of school or, you know, be able to cope with some of the challenges and the life issues that come up.

 

00;27;48;28 – 00;28;09;26

Susie Allison

It’s we really want to make sure as parents that we are setting them up for success and earlier is better, is not going to set them up for the kind of success that can really set them up. You know, long term, when we have a child that knows how to win and lose and knows that losing isn’t a failure and isn’t a reflection of them and knows they can try again, that’s so powerful.

 

00;28;09;26 – 00;28;26;17

Susie Allison

And if you think of how that’s going to translate to that child in middle school and in high school, it’s going to translate a lot more than well, they knew their alphabet it two. So, you know, there’s just so much more out there that we can teach them than boiling ourselves down to flashcards.

 

00;28;26;20 – 00;28;45;10

Dr. Mona

Well, I think the reason why this is such an important topic that I had to have on this show is that as a pediatrician, also someone who’s very into child development, I look at my childhood, I look at me, I look at all the things that have happened in my husband’s life, my life, and how I want to make things similar or different for our child and also for my patients, like the pressures and so much of that I still remember.

 

00;28;45;10 – 00;29;08;12

Dr. Mona

I have so many memories of my value being placed on how fast of a reader. I was like, literally like growing up, like all the aunties, like all the ladies would say, wow, she’s such a good reader and I loved reading. Don’t get me wrong, I actually truly enjoyed it. But there was so much value on me, placed on metrics, placed on academics as a lot of Indian-Americans and a lot of people listening, not just Indian Americans.

 

00;29;08;18 – 00;29;29;15

Dr. Mona

And I talked to my husband about that a lot, that in some degree you do get a fire under your butt to strive, but it also can create test anxiety. It also can create all the anxieties that we’re talking about. So a lot of my listeners listening are probably having children who are younger, but this stuff is just so valuable because it’s setting like you set a foundation for being okay with losing aka failure.

 

00;29;29;21 – 00;29;49;20

Dr. Mona

Being okay with saying that you’re not going to always get your way, but that’s okay. Like you’re not going to get what you want when you want it. Sharing as an example. And that’s okay. And this just like you said, junior high, high school, college. When I first got my first C in college, I thought my life was over because I never had to be okay with failure in academics.

 

00;29;49;25 – 00;30;11;26

Susie Allison

Wellness and academics was so tied to your self-worth by that. It was so ingrained in you that your worth came from how well you performed in school. And then eventually, you know, once you were done with school, you know what? 45 years after you went to school, because, you know, med school that way. You were in there for so long, but eventually your child leaves that academic life eventually.

 

00;30;11;26 – 00;30;33;19

Susie Allison

And what is left if all they’ve done, like you said, is attach their self-worth to what score they got on a test or how well they did in school, how fast they can read where they in the honors classes, if that’s where their self-worth is coming from. At some point they’re 18, they’re 22, they’re 25, they’re 30. At some point in their life, they’re no longer going to be in school.

 

00;30;33;26 – 00;30;44;21

Susie Allison

And what then? Yeah. What then? Have we taught them how to live life? Have we made them life ready or did we only make them kindergarten ready and school ready?

 

00;30;44;24 – 00;30;51;29

Dr. Mona

Oh so deep. And it’s like it’s such a deep cut. I mean, we could literally talk about this for hours and hours, as I did with the other episodes. Same thing. I was.

 

00;30;51;29 – 00;30;53;06

Susie Allison

Like, oh no, you had to split that.

 

00;30;53;06 – 00;31;18;11

Dr. Mona

One up. We’ll just chat for three hours about this because again, it is about kindergarten readiness, but it’s also about life conversations. And I just love you so much, Susie, because I love chatting with you not only on our podcast, but on, you know, DMs or email like it is just such an honor. Speaking with someone who understands child development understands the importance of taking off pressure, but also understands that, yeah, we have to teach our kids things.

 

00;31;18;11 – 00;31;42;05

Dr. Mona

It’s not like you’re saying, I’m not ever saying that. Oh, we don’t have to teach our kids to this side or the other. I’m just saying, let’s take it into perspective here. Like, really, let’s take the pressure off of ourselves because the more pressure we put on ourselves, your kids are going to feel it. I mean, in anything potty training, well, picky eating, anything we do, they are very good at understanding that there is a power struggle and there is a pressure filled situation for my caregiver.

 

00;31;42;05 – 00;31;57;15

Dr. Mona

And I don’t think parenting has to be a pressure filled situation, and I don’t see create it with standards, IT metrics. With all of this kindergarten readiness, you know, well, you have to do this and you have to do this. You’re like, well, my kid’s not doing it. And I you know, I feel like you said a failure and you’re not a failure.

 

00;31;57;17 – 00;32;05;07

Dr. Mona

You’re not oh, gosh, I know chat with you. But this is amazing. What would be a final message for everyone listening today?

 

00;32;05;09 – 00;32;14;24

Susie Allison

My final message for everyone listening today is that was my thesis. Did you like that? It was like a school answer on a sheet where you start with what was in the question. You brief rephrase.

 

00;32;14;27 – 00;32;17;21

Dr. Mona

That is great and also has this great interview skills. By the way.

 

00;32;17;21 – 00;32;38;16

Susie Allison

Thank you so much. We get really caught up in, as you said in the beginning, looking at our child’s coloring from school and seeing how they compare to another kid. As easy as this is for me to say, I’m just going to say it. Stop doing that. Yeah, I want you to look at your child and your child only, and I want you to compare their progress month to month or in six month chunks.

 

00;32;38;18 – 00;33;02;06

Susie Allison

Check that they’re making progress. That’s the barometer you need to be using, not the barometer of your neighbor, not the kid on social media, not the kid they sit next to in class. It’s your child I want you to check and see. Go back six months. I know you have their artwork still hanging on the fridge from the first day of preschool, and I want you to go and look at that today and remind yourself of how far they’ve come in the last six months.

 

00;33;02;08 – 00;33;27;22

Susie Allison

And then I want you to think from six months from now. My goodness, what will that look like? Celebrate their progress. Celebrate their path instead of trying to get them on to someone else’s path, or wishing that they were learning in a different way than they are, all we’re looking for from kids is forward progress, and you’re going to see that you’re going to go to the fridge, you’re going to look, you’re going to go, oh my gosh, look at how different they draw people than they did a few months ago.

 

00;33;27;22 – 00;33;44;19

Susie Allison

Oh my gosh, look at this. Look at how different their coloring is. And look at how much more favorable they are right now. Look at this. I just want you to sit for a little bit today. Go back through your phone, look at their artwork, remember who they were six months ago, and you are going to be blown away by the progress your child has made.

 

00;33;44;19 – 00;33;58;06

Susie Allison

And that that’s the real way to check and see how they’re doing. Just turn off everything, turn off the noise, avoid the comparison game because the only thing that matters is is your child making progress. That’s what we’re looking for.

 

00;33;58;08 – 00;34;19;03

Dr. Mona

Slow clap. This is amazing. Slow clap. Oh, it’s like with everything percentiles with milestones in the early years. I mean it is exactly that. Thank you so much Susie. That final message was just so empowering. My heart is like growing in size. I just feel so good. Not only because I believe it, but also I know people listening to this episode need to hear it.

 

00;34;19;03 – 00;34;23;10

Dr. Mona

They need to hear this message from you and I love that. So thank you so much for all of.

 

00;34;23;12 – 00;34;25;08

Susie Allison

Me for my third time to come on the show.

 

00;34;25;09 – 00;34;32;07

Dr. Mona

We’ll just it was maybe comms. We are doing the third episode of fourth episode, even if it’s just for me and you to chat about life. This is all happening.

 

00;34;32;10 – 00;34;33;25

Susie Allison

For me too. I’m very into.

 

00;34;33;25 – 00;34;45;08

Dr. Mona

That Susie and Moana podcast. We’ll just tell you. Well, I hope a lot of people know who you are, and if they don’t, I hope they now know you and follow you and connect with you. Where can people find you to stay connected?

 

00;34;45;11 – 00;34;51;06

Susie Allison

You can find me on Instagram. I’m at busy Toddler and you can find my website which is busy toddler.com.

 

00;34;51;09 – 00;34;57;11

Dr. Mona

And I will be linking this all to the show notes. And again, Susie, thank you so much for all that you provided today.

 

00;34;57;12 – 00;34;59;07

Susie Allison

You’re so welcome. It’s all my pleasure.

 

00;34;59;08 – 00;35;18;14

Dr. Mona

Oh, for everyone listening, I am sure you love this episode. You have to make sure to leave a review calling Susie out on the episode of how amazing it was. Listen to the other episode. We recorded the misconceptions about playtime and child development, which was another great episode and I cannot wait to welcome another guest and next week on the show.

 

00;35;18;14 – 00;35;33;02

Dr. Mona

Thank you for tuning in for this week’s episode. As always, please leave a review. Share this episode with a friend. Share it on your social media. Make sure to follow me at PedsDocTalk on Instagram and subscribe to my YouTube channel, PedsDocTalk TV.

 

00;35;33;04 – 00;35;34;05

Dr. Mona

We’ll talk to you soon.