In this The Follow-Up episode with the incredible team behind @biglittlefeelings, we’re diving deeper into the everyday power struggles parents face — food throwing, hitting, biting, meltdowns, and more. I’m joined by Kristin and Deena to break down practical, compassionate scripts for managing these challenging behaviors without yelling, shaming, or losing your cool.

You’ll learn:

• What to actually say when your toddler throws food
• How to respond calmly and effectively to hitting and biting
• Why trying to teach in the middle of a meltdown doesn’t work
• The difference between setting a boundary and escalating a situation
• How validating emotions can prevent anxiety and support long-term emotional health

 

Whether you’re parenting a 1-year-old or a 5-year-old, these tools are grounded in developmental psychology, trauma-informed care, and real-world parenting experience. If you’ve ever wondered why your child isn’t “listening” or felt stuck in a cycle of frustration, this episode is for you.

 

Want more? Enjoy the full episode at PedsDocTalk.com

 

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on the PedsDocTalk Podcast Sponsorships page of the website.

00;00;00;03 – 00;00;23;07

Dr. Mona

Welcome to the follow up. I’m Doctor Mona, your pediatrician and mom friend. This is your Monday parenting. Pick me up a quick gem from a past episode to remind you you’ve got this. Even if you forgot where you put your keys. Hint they’re in the refrigerator. Today we’re revisiting a conversation with Dena margolin and Kristen Gallant, the co-founders of Big Little Feelings.

 

00;00;23;14 – 00;00;47;00

Dr. Mona

Deena is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in early childhood development and a mom. And Kristen is a parent, coach, and mom as well. Together, they’ve created a viral platform offering relatable guidance to help parents navigate the toddler years with confidence. In this episode of the follow up, we discuss effective strategies to use instead of yelling, overreacting, or telling your toddler to calm down.

 

00;00;47;06 – 00;00;54;05

Dr. Mona

Spoiler alert those approaches often backfire. Let’s dive in.

 

00;00;54;08 – 00;01;15;22

Kristin Gallant

Okay, so so perhaps a very common one is food throwing. So whether your child is 12 months or five years, that’s for all of these gripped by the way that they’re all the same. And it’s all those same three steps. So with food throwing up instead of having a really big reaction and going, I told you a million times, don’t throw food.

 

00;01;15;27 – 00;01;19;19

Kristin Gallant

No no no no no. Dina is going to tell you what to do.

 

00;01;19;21 – 00;01;40;26

Deena Margolin

Okay, here’s what you can try. So you can let them know when you throw food. It tells me you’re all done. Are you all done? Right. We’re giving them this morning. We’re helping bring awareness to the food throwing. And then after that warning, the moment you see them throw food, you’re going to swoop in with that boundary and say, I see throwing.

 

00;01;40;26 – 00;02;07;05

Deena Margolin

Okay. All done now. Next time we eat will be snack time. After we play outside and remove the food. No drama. We’re calm, we’re confident. But what that teaches them is that food throwing means all done right and that we’re not going to. It’s not a game like Kristen was saying, when we have a really big explosion, especially our verbal ones, what they end up seeing is like, oh, this is so fun.

 

00;02;07;05 – 00;02;26;20

Deena Margolin

When mom gets really excited and things get really big. And so it can actually reinforce something like food throwing or any unwanted behavior. Really. So holding that boundary with a calm, confident energy and just ending the game, so to speak, no more food throwing can really resolve that issue.

 

00;02;26;26 – 00;02;27;22

Dr. Mona

Awesome.

 

00;02;27;24 – 00;02;52;10

Kristin Gallant

Yeah. So another one is, kicking, biting, hitting. You know, we think that that’s. I think when you’re in it, you just think, oh my God, I can’t believe my kid is doing this. Like, is there something wrong? All toddlers that they hit, they kick and and some of them bite. Not all of them bite. If you’re ever concerned that this is going too far or it’s too much, you should always consult with your pediatrician.

 

00;02;52;10 – 00;03;20;26

Kristin Gallant

Of course. But generally speaking, some exploration with hitting and kicking is normal. But the way that we react as a parent is going to really, really dictate if this is going to be a long lasting thing or if this is going to be a couple times, and then it kind of dies down. So when your child hits or kicks or bites anything physical or react, we what we want to avoid is a real, again, a really big reaction.

 

00;03;20;26 – 00;03;40;28

Kristin Gallant

So we really don’t think let’s say they hit you or they hit their brother. Know. No no no no no no no. Right. So like if you’re doing the dishes and your kids are in the other room and one hits the other one, we’re not going to turn off the water. Walk over to them like grab, you know, look them right in the eyes and give a really loud no.

 

00;03;40;28 – 00;03;42;27

Kristin Gallant

We want to avoid that.

 

00;03;42;29 – 00;04;14;02

Deena Margolin

And instead we’re going to okay. The feeling which would in this case sound like I see you’re angry. It’s okay to feel angry. Bring in that boundary. It’s not okay to hit. I’m going to move my body to stay safe. Or if it’s a sibling I’m going to move the baby to keep him safe. Right. That’s how we teach them about hitting is not only saying it’s not okay to hit, but with that boundary, we’re actually taking action by moving our body or moving the baby.

 

00;04;14;05 – 00;04;28;09

Dr. Mona

And if they continue to hit like if that in that moment, if they do continue to hit or do the action once you have okayed the boundary, obviously you gave the example for food, but how would you go about that in terms of a hitting physical behavior?

 

00;04;28;12 – 00;04;52;00

Deena Margolin

You’re going to actually help them stop your you’re going to calmly, gently say, okay, I’m going to hold your arms now to keep everyone safe. And you can give them kind of a bear hug or gently bring their arms to their side. And another key point is we want to teach them coping skills that shift to the yes in a hitting case is going to happen later once they’re calmer.

 

00;04;52;02 – 00;05;17;05

Deena Margolin

Because what happens in a really I was going to say a toddler brain, it’s a human brain is when you are so emotionally activated, you really can’t take new information in. So mid tantrum. Mid meltdown is not the time to teach, but when they’ve calmed down you can go back, name the feelings with them, explain the situation and find better ways to express that feeling.

 

00;05;17;05 – 00;05;38;08

Deena Margolin

So it could sound like you know, earlier when your brother took your toy, I could see you were feeling so mad instead of hitting. Next time, what can we do? And you think together? Oh yeah, you could say, you know, I’m not done with that. Or you could, you know, if you feel like hitting, you can hit a pillow where it’s safe.

 

00;05;38;10 – 00;05;41;05

Deena Margolin

So we can teach them at a calmer moment.

 

00;05;41;08 – 00;06;02;00

Kristin Gallant

Yeah. In the moment, it’s really what we call is just containing and connecting. So we’re really when you’re saying they they’re not going to stop hitting, they keep going. Our only goal, even if you want to throw the script out the window, is to stay incredibly calm and just contain contain that aggression, just kind of stop it however you can to keep everyone safe.

 

00;06;02;00 – 00;06;22;29

Kristin Gallant

That’s all we’re trying to do in the moment because like Dina said, we’re not learning anything in the moment. So if we’re if we have a really big, loud reaction, first of all, they’re learning that, oh, this got mommy’s attention. I’m going to next time I want attention, I’m going to hit my brother. And if we do something like a timeout, so they’re screaming and wailing and and we’re putting them in a corner and they sit there for two minutes.

 

00;06;23;05 – 00;06;43;17

Kristin Gallant

Their brain is still in flight or fight mode. They’re not they didn’t learn anything in those two minutes by sitting in a chair. So really calmly keeping everyone safe, that’s really the only goal in that moment. And then later, like Dina said, the real key is to teach those coping skills. So next time they know something else to do.

 

00;06;43;20 – 00;07;01;19

Dr. Mona

And thank you for clarifying the not trying to teach them in the moment, because I think parents sometimes try to do that where it’s like, even just imagine you talking to another adult who is yelling in your face, you’re not going to get anywhere if you’re yelling back, you’re not going to get anywhere. Someone needs to de-escalate the situation.

 

00;07;01;25 – 00;07;21;08

Dr. Mona

And unfortunately, it always has to be the parent. But that’s our job. So we have to understand that you think about it. If you if someone’s yelling at you, you’re not going to be like, okay, well, this is great. You have to be the calm one. Like you said, and wait for that moment. And then when emotions are low and contain, say, okay, now let’s talk about it.

 

00;07;21;08 – 00;07;37;03

Dr. Mona

And I, I give that example because there was a mom in my office once who was was this sort of cycle of yelling at her kids. And she’s like, they don’t listen to me. I keep yelling at them, but they just don’t listen. And I said, I’m like, mom, I want you to understand, why do we think that yelling is going to be helpful?

 

00;07;37;08 – 00;07;56;25

Dr. Mona

And I’m like, I want you to for two weeks not to yell, control your tone and control the volume of your voice and see what happens. And it takes about a couple. It took a couple weeks. And she said, oh my gosh, you’re right. Like I and I think parents forget that so much of this is conflict resolution and de-escalating a situation.

 

00;07;56;25 – 00;08;13;06

Dr. Mona

And I don’t know why we forget that they, you know, we can look at toddlers kind of how we would look at how we would want to be spoken to. We don’t want to be we don’t want someone to yell at us when we’re crying. We don’t want someone to yell at us when we’re having heavy emotion. So why would a two year old or four year old want the same thing?

 

00;08;13;06 – 00;08;14;14

Dr. Mona

You know?

 

00;08;14;16 – 00;08;32;08

Kristin Gallant

And you know, even beyond just the yelling, which is so true, by the way, it does take just a couple weeks consistency. But even beyond yelling. Think about as an adult, if you are screaming and upset and you’re just, gosh, you’re just next level mad, you don’t want to be reasoned with either, by the way. So you just got a parking ticket.

 

00;08;32;08 – 00;08;54;00

Kristin Gallant

You’re through the roof angry. You’re this, and your partner turns down. It’s like, dude, it’s not a big deal. Like, calm down, we can pay it. It’s not a big deal. You don’t want to hear the reason or the negotiating or anything like that. And so it’s yelling. But also, even when your child having a tantrum and you’re just stuck, that’s why you get angry because you’re like, why are you screaming?

 

00;08;54;00 – 00;09;10;04

Kristin Gallant

This is a purple crayon. You asked for a purple crayon and it just escalates, escalates, escalate. That’s exactly what this script is for, where it’s like, all we’re really trying to do is just say it’s okay to feel how you’re feeling. So you’re connecting those thing and containing you’re just kind of containing that moment.

 

00;09;10;06 – 00;09;15;29

Dr. Mona

I love it, and the next one, I think, is one that we commonly talk about, which is about crying. Right?

 

00;09;16;01 – 00;09;19;27

Kristin Gallant

Yeah. So this is kind of the biggest one, right?

 

00;09;19;29 – 00;09;43;17

Deena Margolin

Yeah. Kristen, you want me to give you the avoid do it. Yes okay. Okay. So when your kids are crying, one thing that we are going to try to avoid is saying something like, you know, by the time I count to three, you need to stop crying or even just telling them you’re fine, stop crying. It’s okay. Which is a common response.

 

00;09;43;20 – 00;10;09;25

Kristin Gallant

Yeah. So instead, when you’re when your kid is crying or they are angry or they are frustrated or they are doing any of those things, it’s that same. Okay, the feeling script of I see that you’re upset. It’s okay to feel upset. I’m here for you or you’re feeling mad. It’s okay to feel mad if a boundary happens to need to be in there, like, but iPad is all done or I won’t let you hit you.

 

00;10;09;25 – 00;10;39;15

Kristin Gallant

Throw that in there. But even just when there’s no boundaries, we often just they’re just upset. And you’re just it’s so tempting to say something like, you’re fine, you’re fine. Nothing’s wrong. It’s okay, it’s okay. It’s kind of that idea that we just talked about, of that sort of toxic positivity, or it’s a little bit dismissing again, as an adult, if you have a really tough day, a horrible day, you come home and like, we just talked about, your partner is like, I don’t see what the big deal is, I really don’t.

 

00;10;39;17 – 00;10;51;29

Kristin Gallant

You’re just going to explode. You’re going to feel horrible. And it’s the same thing for our kids. It doesn’t matter if it makes sense or if it doesn’t make sense. It’s okay to feel sad. I hear you, I’m on your side.

 

00;10;52;01 – 00;11;05;22

Deena Margolin

No. Just one that comes to mind too. That, like, never helps me when I’m upset. Is you need to calm down. It’s like I never helped anybody. But. Yeah, never. Oh, common.

 

00;11;05;24 – 00;11;06;26

Dr. Mona

I think pretty much all.

 

00;11;06;26 – 00;11;23;03

Kristin Gallant

Toddlerhood is like, if you picture your husband or your wife or your partner saying that to you, are you going to explode or is it going to make you feel better? And that’s how I kind of a parent, Mike, where I’m like, if my husband turned to me right now and said, calm down, I would probably make me feel worse.

 

00;11;23;03 – 00;11;41;13

Dr. Mona

So a great example because that’s what it is. And it’s like, and you’re right, calm down. It makes everyone I don’t think anyone here is calm down, because what calm down basically says is that the person saying calm down is uncomfortable with the feeling. Obviously, it’s not necessarily like they’re just they need you to calm down because they’re feeling uncomfortable.

 

00;11;41;15 – 00;12;02;12

Dr. Mona

And I like what I was about to say was, I just wish my parent like I wish so many grandparents can listen to this because the generations above us who I think not just, again, culturally for Indian, Indian families, but like in general, like this sort of stifling emotions and even for me, like when I went through like birth trauma, I got so much like, okay, just don’t talk about it.

 

00;12;02;12 – 00;12;29;14

Dr. Mona

It’s okay. Everything’s okay. And I’m like, no, no, no, no, no. Like I’m going to express how awful it was. And I want that’s how I’m going to heal from it. But it’s just so fascinating to me that even, you know, even now, people are still trying to stifle, stifle these emotions of adults also, and, you know, definitely for children, I think that’s why, again, like, I love your account because it’s really important people realize that this is this is lifelong emotional healing.

 

00;12;29;14 – 00;12;31;27

Dr. Mona

And so it’s really needed completely.

 

00;12;31;27 – 00;12;53;21

Deena Margolin

And I’m going to swoop in as just a child therapist and a therapist in general, to remind us that releasing and being authentic about what we feel is so healthy, being able to sit with a whole range of human emotions that we experience is really healthy. And when we don’t do that later in life, what does it end up looking like?

 

00;12;53;23 – 00;13;15;18

Deena Margolin

Anxiety. Depression? I mean depression. If you look at the word, it’s literally broken down. And to push down in Latin, we push our emotions down and become depressed. So again, yes, okay. The feeling is so healthy, so important for all of us.

 

00;13;15;20 – 00;13;37;00

Dr. Mona

And that’s your follow up. Just a small dose of the real relatable and eye opening conversations we love to have here. If you smiled, nodded, or had an moment, go ahead and download, follow and share this episode with a friend. Let’s grow this village together for more everyday parenting wins and real talk. Hang out with us on Instagram at the PedsDocTalk podcast.

 

00;13;37;07 – 00;13;52;19

Dr. Mona

Want more? Dive into the full episode and more at PedsDocTalk.com. Because parenting is better with support. And remember, consistency is key. Humor is medicine and follow ups are everything. I’m Doctor Mona. See you next time for your next dose.