In this honest and personal episode, I’m joined by my husband, Gaurav, as we open up about what makes our marriage work—especially through the chaos of parenting, career shifts, and everyday life.

We talk about:

• The power of balancing each other’s strengths and weaknesses

• How we’ve navigated trauma, including our son’s birth and postpartum period

• Our nightly “State of the Union” check-ins—and why they’ve changed our relationship

• What we’ve learned about love languages, communication styles, and unmet expectations

• How we’ve moved from trying to “fix” each other to simply understanding and growing together

Marriage isn’t always picture-perfect—and that’s exactly why these kinds of conversations matter. Whether you’re partnered, married, or navigating love while raising kids, this episode offers a real-world look at building connection, even in the messy moments.

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00;00;00;02 – 00;00;21;14

Dr. Mona

Welcome to the follow up. I’m Doctor Mona, your pediatrician, mom, friend and provider of the Monday parenting pick me up. You didn’t know you needed. These episodes are like surprise snacks you find in the bottom of your purse. A small, little smushed, but surprisingly satisfying nugget. Today’s clip it’s not about toddler tantrums unless we’re counting the adult kind.

 

00;00;21;17 – 00;00;45;22

Dr. Mona

I’m revisiting this conversation with my husband, Guarav, because your relationship with your partner, if you have one, isn’t just background noise in parenting, it’s the rhythm that keeps the whole household moving. We’re diving into what keeps us connected check ins, communication and embracing, not fixing each other’s differences. Because real partnership means finding strength in the contrast, in communication and showing up even when the day’s been a mess.

 

00;00;45;24 – 00;00;59;09

Dr. Mona

If you’ve been meaning to reconnect. Hit pause on the to do list or send that we’re still a team text. This episode is for you. Let’s get into it.

 

00;00;59;12 – 00;01;10;20

Dr. Mona

But what do you think makes our marriage work? Like, what do you think are the good things that kind of. You’ll say, you know what? This is something that helps us. This is something that you know, helps our communication. Things like that.

 

00;01;10;22 – 00;01;29;21

Guarav

I think one of the biggest things for you and I, and I mentioned this quite often, too, is that one person’s strengths are the other person’s weakness and vice versa. And so that’s very apparent in our marriage, as you know, that there are certain things that I’m really good at and certain things that I’m not great at. And I’ll give an example to everyone.

 

00;01;29;21 – 00;01;54;00

Guarav

It’s like, you know, organization and being on top of deadlines and making sure that food meals are scheduled and Ryan’s things are scheduled and all that stuff like that is where you excel at more than, than anyone. And those are areas in life where I could probably do better. And vice versa. And so I think that we do a great job of complimenting each other’s strengths and weaknesses really well.

 

00;01;54;03 – 00;02;00;26

Guarav

And that makes for a well oiled machine. If you’d say in terms of our team and the way we work together.

 

00;02;00;29 – 00;02;21;28

Dr. Mona

I, I love that and I, I appreciate you so much because like, when we do go through those moments of, you know, either you’re having a hard time or I’m having a hard time, I mean, the I’ll, I’ll use the example, the traumatic delivery. We both are going through a very hard time. That was actually probably the one thing that both of us at the same time, were grieving at the same time, going through the motions.

 

00;02;22;02 – 00;02;38;25

Dr. Mona

And then since then, we’ve kind of had, like you said, that balance of, you know, I help you, you help me, and we pick each other up, which has been very much a blessing. You know, I love that that we can kind of look at each other and say, okay, here’s your strengths and here’s what I excel at and how are we going to mix it together?

 

00;02;38;28 – 00;02;57;25

Dr. Mona

One of the things like, I really love that we started doing a little more consistently. I would say, like in the last month from this recording, are the check ins, you know, like, I know you actually brought it up. You wanted to kind of make sure that we check in every evening on something that wasn’t just related to tasks, right?

 

00;02;57;25 – 00;03;13;14

Dr. Mona

I mean, I think so many times we in marriage especially, you get used to like, okay, what do I have to do for Ryan, who needs to go to the grocery store? What do we need to do for this X, Y, and Z trip or whatever? And it becomes so task driven. And I really love that we do those check ins.

 

00;03;13;16 – 00;03;16;00

Dr. Mona

Can you tell people like what we do with those check ins?

 

00;03;16;02 – 00;03;39;01

Guarav

Yeah. So just to, you know, back on what you were saying, piggyback on what you were saying, it can be very easy to fall into the mundane routines of life and whatnot and schedules and getting your kids here and getting your kids there and swim classes and all that stuff that oftentimes relationships you know, marriages can take the backseat when the child is the priority.

 

00;03;39;03 – 00;04;14;01

Guarav

And what can happen at times is you almost function as roommates as opposed to a couple in a marriage. And a lot of that romance and that intimacy in those deep conversations that you had, you know, before you had children kind of go by the wayside. And I think those conversations are still important to have. And so I like to take a few moments or minutes during the night before we go to bed to really talk on a deeper level, not just about the mundane tasks that we have to do the next day, but to connect on a deeper level in terms of how we’re feeling that day.

 

00;04;14;03 – 00;04;31;22

Guarav

What’s some of the things that are making us anxious or, you know, sad, or what are some things that we’re excited about or looking forward to, you know, just sitting without any distractions, without any phones, kind of looking each other in the eye. And this could be something that could take five minutes, you could spend 30 minutes doing it.

 

00;04;31;22 – 00;04;52;18

Guarav

But I just think that, you know, with so many distractions in life right now, with your phone at your wayside and all the things that we have to get done as parents, you can lose that intimacy very, very quickly. And I think that that tends to cause some issues in marriages if you’re not careful about it. And days can turn into weeks, and weeks turn to years.

 

00;04;52;18 – 00;05;14;25

Guarav

And before you know it, you’re not even sure who the other person is that you’re looking at across the table. So I think it’s important that you take time. It doesn’t have to be every day, but, you know, scheduling date nights regularly or taking the time to really connect on a spousal level is super important for the health of the relationship and just for the health of the family unit as a whole.

 

00;05;14;27 – 00;05;34;26

Dr. Mona

I love it we Gaurav actually calls it the state of the Union meetings. Like we talk about like how things are going and we used to do them less frequently and now we’re doing it more. And, you know, to be perfectly honest, like with our schedules, right. Because we have worked a lot of evenings. So he’ll work, you know, like during the bedtime routine evenings when he does work, he doesn’t work every day.

 

00;05;34;29 – 00;05;53;13

Dr. Mona

So it’s not happening that we’re doing this every day. Of course, we talk via like text messaging and stuff, but it’s not the same, right? Texting each other about how things are going is not the same as sitting in a room and feeling your feelings and talking with you about, hey, like, here are my feelings right now. And I think that’s the big thing, right?

 

00;05;53;13 – 00;06;14;17

Dr. Mona

These check ins are not just like, hey, so how’s it going? It’s like, hey, like, how are you feeling about Ryan’s data? How are you feeling about your career? How are you feeling about the situation? You know, that’s going on. So it’s a deeper connection of feelings. And who doesn’t love talking about feelings? And I think, was that something that came easy to you to just talk to me about feelings?

 

00;06;14;17 – 00;06;29;20

Dr. Mona

Like, I mean, our relationship kind of started with us talking more because we met online before we actually met in person. So our entire relationship was actually based on talking. I mean, our first phone conversation was, what, like seven hours?

 

00;06;29;23 – 00;06;59;09

Guarav

Yeah, I think, our first few conversations or I mean, before we even met, I think we were just talking for a month nonstop and, you know, having really deep, connected calls and conversations and, you know, that’s something that has not always been easy for me, being an introvert, that I am expressing myself, going a layered deeper, than surface level all talk, has not been something that’s been always easy for me.

 

00;06;59;09 – 00;07;17;12

Guarav

But I find that when I’m able to go to that next level is where I truly find wisdom and strength and all those things to make this relationship in our marriage work. So no, it hasn’t always been easy for me to be vulnerable and things of that nature. But, the more we do it, the better we get at it.

 

00;07;17;12 – 00;07;23;14

Guarav

So I think that it’s important that you try to make that effort and see what you can get out of it, you know?

 

00;07;23;21 – 00;07;47;21

Dr. Mona

Yeah, I love marriage and I love being married to you because obviously you learn so much through the process. It’s kind of like being a parent, right? When you’re a parent, you learn through the process of being a parent more about your role as a parent, but also about yourself. And I think one of the biggest things that we had to learn, and I’m going to speak for myself, is that we are different in how we communicate and we are different in our extroversion introversion, like you mentioned, that you’re more of an introvert.

 

00;07;47;21 – 00;08;16;27

Dr. Mona

Like, I think it’s safe to say that I’m more of an extrovert. And going back to what you said about the balance, right? Like we balance each other out. We absolutely balance each other out on that aspect. Now, I am more of a selective extrovert, and I think you are to like some situations, you’ll be more likely to be more extroverted, but I think that was so important to me through the what, six years that we’ve been married, in the nine years that we’ve been together, to kind of start to learn more, that I can’t expect you to be a certain way.

 

00;08;16;29 – 00;08;39;01

Dr. Mona

Right. I think in marriage you sometimes think that, okay, well, I marry this person, I can change them or I can make them this way, or they’ll be like this or, you know, and it’s really important to kind of remember that this is the person you married. We grow together, we grow individually. But I also have to respect the fact that, you know, I can’t force or push you to communicate a certain way.

 

00;08;39;01 – 00;09;09;16

Dr. Mona

Or maybe your love language is different, right? Like, I may be more like physical affection, where you’re more like gifts or acts of service, you know, like you make breakfast for me or something like that, versus more hugs and kisses. Right? And I think that is such an important thing for people to realize that you got to know each other’s communication style, love language, and just also all of that to kind of be able to work with each other and not try to essentially fix each other, because I think that’s when you can kind of get into the, disappointment.

 

00;09;09;16 – 00;09;17;05

Dr. Mona

Right? Like when you’re just in a fixing mode versus a, hey, here’s who you are, and let’s now make this work and let’s grow and be better together.

 

00;09;17;07 – 00;09;35;03

Guarav

Yeah. I love the thing that you commented about, like trying to fix the other person. I think that this is something that’s very pervasive in a lot of relationships in this day and age. And you know, what I’ll say to the people out there is that we can only control one thing, and the only thing that we can control is ourselves and our thoughts.

 

00;09;35;05 – 00;10;01;14

Guarav

And sometimes we will find ourselves in relationships that will fill certain needs that we may have not gotten as a child or things like that nature, or will get into a relationship. And we’ll say things like, oh, when he or she does this, or when I get them to do this, things will be great and I will remind everyone that we have no control over another person’s actions or thoughts or anything like that.

 

00;10;01;16 – 00;10;23;19

Guarav

We have no idea what the other person has gone through in their lifetime, how they process the environment around them, how they react to certain things. And the sooner that you’re able to accept that and accept that your role in this relationship is to not be able to change the other person, but to change yourself and to change your perspective about the other person.

 

00;10;23;22 – 00;10;56;03

Guarav

You’ll find inner peace sooner rather than later. You won’t have unmet expectations. You won’t have this, feeling of disappointment. Or ask the what ifs or what could be when you turn the focus inwards. Instead of outwards, that’s when you find true inner peace and wisdom. And that’s not easy to do sometimes. Right? Like you were mentioning, you know, we have very different stories before we ever met, the way we were raised and things of that nature and those stories of how we were raised shaped who we are today.

 

00;10;56;03 – 00;11;19;25

Guarav

And they’re very, very different. And, you know, me and you talk about this all the time, how different our upbringing was from your family to my family. And we both bring those strengths and traumas with us into the marriage, and it’s our job to recognize some of the not so pleasant things about our upbringing and the qualities that we have.

 

00;11;19;28 – 00;11;47;01

Guarav

And to not ignore them, but to acknowledge them. But it’s also important to acknowledge the other person’s traumas as well, and understand that they are not perfect. They are a flawed human being, just like I’m a flawed human being. And our role together is to attempt to make this work with all the good and all the bad, to find a way to continue to grow together, to evolve together.

 

00;11;47;03 – 00;12;12;28

Guarav

And sometimes it’s not going to be pretty. And there are often times where there’s tears and moments of anger and sadness and disappointment. But I look at those as moments of growth. Those are moments of growth. And as long as we remember that we’re in this together, and I always remind you of this, that no matter what happens, we’re always on the same team and we’re never playing for a different team against each other.

 

00;12;12;29 – 00;12;41;12

Guarav

Yeah, that we’re always in this together. And even if I’ll say something that upsets you or you’ll do something that kind of irks me, I just always kind of remind myself that we made a conscious decision to form this union, and I’m going to honor that union by accepting you fully for who you are, the good and the bad, and that we’re just going to continue to try and make this work every day, knowing that it’s not going to be pretty at times.

 

00;12;41;16 – 00;13;02;29

Guarav

Yeah. And without putting immense expectation on what a perfect relationship should look like or should feel like, because I think that’s a lot of what ends up happening in this day and age. Is that a lot of people carry around these expectations of what their spouse is going to look like, or what marriage is going to feel like.

 

00;13;03;02 – 00;13;33;06

Guarav

And when those expectations go unmet, there’s a certain level of disappointment. And if that disappointment is not dealt with, that disappointment turns into resentment. And once you go down the rabbit hole of resentment, there’s no coming back at that point. So it’s about just being mindful that you can’t control the other person. You shouldn’t try to change anyone, except for changing your own thoughts and trying to be a better version of yourself and bringing that to the table.

 

00;13;33;08 – 00;13;54;17

Dr. Mona

And that’s your follow up. Just a small dose of the real, relatable and eye opening conversations we love to have here. If you smiled, nodded, or had an moment, go ahead and download, follow and share this episode with a friend. Let’s grow this village together for more everyday parenting wins and real talk. Hang out with us on Instagram at the Peds DocTalk podcast.

 

00;13;54;25 – 00;14;10;09

Dr. Mona

Want more? Dive into the full episode and more at PedsDocTalk.com. Because parenting is better with support. And remember, consistency is key. Humor is medicine and follow ups are everything. I’m Doctor Mona. See you next time for your next dose.