In this Follow Up episode, I’m opening up about something I’ve counseled countless parents through yet still had to face myself: the emotional weight of percentiles. After my daughter Vera was born, a mix of postpartum complications, exclusive pumping, and constant worry about her petite size pulled me into a spiral I didn’t see coming.

This episode walks through that experience with honesty and compassion. I share what feeding looked like in those early weeks, how comparison added pressure, how anxiety shaped her feeding behavior, and the turning points that helped me step back into a steadier perspective.

Most importantly, we revisit what matters far more than the number on a chart: the big-picture signs of a thriving baby. If you’ve ever left a checkup feeling shaky or second-guessing yourself, this conversation is for you.

In this episode, we talk about:

• What percentile anxiety actually sounds and feels like for parents

• How postpartum complications and exclusive pumping layered into worry

• The comparison trap and why it hits so hard in early parenthood

• How anxiety can accidentally shape feeding behavior (and how to reset)

• The real indicators of healthy growth beyond the chart

• When to seek support for both your baby and your own mental health

• Why you are not failing your child, even when the numbers feel scary

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00;00;00;04 – 00;00;21;13

Dr. Mona

Welcome back to the follow up. A series on the PedsDocTalk podcast. I’m Doctor Mona, and this is where we revisit a past episode in less time than it takes for your mind to spiral after someone says your baby isn’t moving. Percentiles. I wanted to bring this one back, because I’ve seen a wave of parents in my office lately feeling crushed by weight checks.

 

00;00;21;20 – 00;00;49;11

Dr. Mona

Some had real feeding concerns that needed support, and others had babies who were growing well, hitting milestones and doing everything I want a baby to do. And yet the worry was still eating them alive. And I get it. I have sat on both sides of this. I had a petite baby, Vira, who is thriving, smiling and content and I still felt like I was failing her because she wasn’t taking a lot of volume of bottled breastmilk or climbing up the curves like my son did.

 

00;00;49;13 – 00;01;07;11

Dr. Mona

I had that same punch in the gut feeling that maybe my milk was the problem or something was wrong with my baby. So this follow up is for any caregiver who has walked out of a checkup feeling shaky. Or I’m sure when it comes to their babies weight. And if this clip helps, subscribe to the show. Download the full episode.

 

00;01;07;15 – 00;01;25;04

Dr. Mona

Share it. Remember, this is how you keep us as the top parenting podcast in the United States and tag at the PedsDocTalk podcast and at PedsDocTalk so we can keep supporting each other through this season. Let’s get into this episode.

 

00;01;25;07 – 00;01;50;15

Dr. Mona

I’ve spoken about percentile anxiety or weight anxiety many times before on my social media channel, and also here on the podcast, but I finally experienced it. I finally had to listen to my own advice that I’ve given many parents before, which was easier said than done when I was on the receiving end. So I developed percentile or weight anxiety around six weeks.

 

00;01;50;15 – 00;02;07;14

Dr. Mona

And what is percentile and weighting society? This is an anxiety around your baby’s weight or where they land on a percentile curve. And it can be if your child is on the higher end, lower end, or some parents have anxiety, even if their child is smack in the middle and I want us to have more compassion for this.

 

00;02;07;20 – 00;02;30;07

Dr. Mona

And this is what the episode is all about. The first six weeks with fear, I was in fog of postpartum recovery and hospitalizations. For me, the entire breastfeeding and pumping journey in those early weeks felt like a blur given my health, but she latched immediately, an experience I did not get with my son, Ryan. I was in the cardiac ICU and then discharged and then readmitted.

 

00;02;30;07 – 00;02;51;05

Dr. Mona

So the weight of managing my health and triple feeding, which means taking her to the breast, pumping and bottle feeding, was getting to be too much for me, and I decided to eliminate feeding at the breast. She was also a very, quote unquote lazy feeder, and she would just snack and snack and fall asleep and snack and snack.

 

00;02;51;05 – 00;03;21;26

Dr. Mona

She would latch. But we worked so hard with I even have a lactation consultant, even though I am one, and we just couldn’t figure out why she was so tired and lazy at the breast. And maybe it was because she got a bottle. Maybe it’s because then there’s many different factors, but she just wasn’t a full feed kind of gal, and she would snack and snack and snack, and my anxiety felt like pumping and measuring would provide me with a little bit more control, because I would be able to see how much she’s getting.

 

00;03;21;28 – 00;03;47;04

Dr. Mona

So I became an exclusive pumper, and at one month of her age, she started being exclusively fed breast milk. I came a long way and felt so happy I was barely producing anything. But then the anxiety set in. You know, those early weeks, it was this feeling of my breast milk causing her stomach upset because of the loads of antibiotics I was on.

 

00;03;47;12 – 00;04;08;28

Dr. Mona

Because of my complications, I was on I.V. antibiotics on and off for basically two weeks. And as we know, antibiotics can cause change in you. But I noticed that she was just having really watery poops and just straining. And so uncomfortable in her belly. She was also in that 4 to 7 week time frame where colic is very common.

 

00;04;09;00 – 00;04;37;02

Dr. Mona

But that anxiety was real. And when I was on those antibiotics, I had anxiety that my breastmilk was harming her. And then when that faded, it developed into this anxiety over her weight and how petite she is. I was on this big gun antibiotics for weeks and it truly did cause poop changes for Vera. She developed wicked diaper rashes and had a really bad gas, and I made the decision to start her on probiotics and it really did help.

 

00;04;37;04 – 00;04;56;06

Dr. Mona

Side note if you’re going to be starting your child on probiotics, I always advise you to speak to your child’s clinician. And since I kind of m her clinician also, I decided to do it. And the hard thing was, is that I would just see this rash. I was fixated on these rashes and she had a really bad gas, and I had so much stress over her rash.

 

00;04;56;11 – 00;05;30;01

Dr. Mona

And I was trying every remedy under the sun. And it finally got better. I started developing this feeling that my breastmilk was a problem, which really meant to me that something I was providing for her wasn’t good enough. And this is a horrible feeling, and one that I’ve seen other mothers feel. So mothers I see that are breastfeeding and whether their child is getting amazing weight or not gaining weight, whatever it is, they feel so bad about the breastfeeding and maybe it’s not enough, or maybe my breastmilk is causing my child to be gassy or fussy.

 

00;05;30;01 – 00;05;55;11

Dr. Mona

And there’s just so much guilt when we’re providing something for our child. She was doing well at eight weeks and I was happy. Things are better with the stomach stuff. And then I went to her two month checkup. And clinically she was wonderful. Peeing, smiling, pooping, developing. But she wasn’t increasing the volume of breast milk at feeds, but she was satisfied and sleeping, so I wasn’t too worried.

 

00;05;55;14 – 00;06;18;28

Dr. Mona

And then I saw a colleague, and since I wasn’t worried or had any symptoms, I saw whoever was available because I just needed a weight check and to get vaccines for a two month checkup. And then the colleague said a comment. Oh, mom, she’s dropping percentiles. And it wasn’t even the words. It was the way it was said with worry and sort of panic like, I don’t like it.

 

00;06;19;01 – 00;06;50;01

Dr. Mona

I someone who has put many parents through low percentiles or weight concerns immediately. Don’t worry. Wait, what? What’s wrong? She dropped from the 15th percentile to the third percentile. Panic mode. The feeling of feeling that she was floored when everybody around me said she was perfect and cute. This feeling that something was wrong with her. When my social media followers were telling me that she was so beautiful, my anxiety was in the front seat and I was losing joy.

 

00;06;50;03 – 00;07;11;10

Dr. Mona

I was losing connection because I was panicking about her weight and feeling that she and I were not enough. I was fortunate to have a therapist and even more fortunate at this time, to find a nanny who has helped me with my anxiety. Seeing and being with zero to both her and my husband have been a source of calm.

 

00;07;11;13 – 00;07;34;01

Dr. Mona

The calm I usually provide for other moms that I couldn’t find for myself. She was still drinking the same volume for its content, happy, playful and developing. So I assumed this because my breast milk composition was changing and she was fine. She was nourished. And then I just started to search for issues. I went down a rabbit hole on social media.

 

00;07;34;03 – 00;07;58;15

Dr. Mona

I follow feeding accounts, and some of them made it seem like every baby has pathology, that if they weren’t perfect, it was a problem. So I started thinking that there was a flaw and this compounded with guilt. And this became me going into my office on visits, in between visits, and weighing her because I was so obsessed with her weight, my anxiety caused her to develop a feeding aversion around nine weeks.

 

00;07;58;18 – 00;08;16;15

Dr. Mona

And I want to share this because I want to be honest. And I want you to know that sometimes we as parents can contribute, not cause issues. And I’m careful with the word choice here because I know anxiety is real. And the last thing you need to hear is that you caused your child to be a certain way.

 

00;08;16;17 – 00;08;40;25

Dr. Mona

But I also have self insight. I also know, and things that we do as parents may be contributing to an issue. And I contributed to her bottle refusal. She would scream and cry during feeds and only with me. It was because I was forcing that bottle. I was so obsessed with her weight and the need for her to gain weight, that I was forcing this bottle into her mouth.

 

00;08;40;25 – 00;08;59;29

Dr. Mona

And this is something I tell others never to do. And I was doing it. She would push away and I would push. I would get frustrated, and I would try to get that bottle in and she would cry and I would say, take the bottle, take the bottle. Feeding became stressful for me and for her, and she was only nine weeks old.

 

00;09;00;08 – 00;09;19;11

Dr. Mona

It became overwhelming. It became not enjoyable when my husband or our nanny would feed her. She would still cry when the bib went on. You know, she created this feeding association that, oh my gosh, this bib is going on and this person is going to force food in my mouth. But it was better with them because they weren’t forcing.

 

00;09;19;13 – 00;09;44;23

Dr. Mona

I stopped forcing her and kept offering, kept talking to her. If you’re done, you’re done. And I even would verbalize, I’m going to respect your cues. And she went back to enjoying the feeding session again. If you are dealing with that percentile anxiety. I have a petite young lady and I was feeling overwhelmed because I started comparing her to Ryan and also to other babies in my office or on social media around the same age.

 

00;09;44;25 – 00;10;08;20

Dr. Mona

And I’ve spoken about comparison to you. And here I was doing it. Ryan was formula fed and down six ounces of formula when Vera, at the same age, would take two ounces of breast milk. Both were satisfied. Both were developing in milestones. And yet I looked at her as feeling. I saw other babies of the same age on social media look chunky.

 

00;10;08;20 – 00;10;31;15

Dr. Mona

Or people say that, wow, that baby’s so well fed and thought to myself, if we put chubbier babies on a pedestal and see that they’re well fed, what about my daughter? She said, I’m providing her nourishment. She’s content, but she’s petite. She’s not perfect for her. If you look at the numbers, it can make any parent feel like their child is not enough.

 

00;10;31;17 – 00;10;50;26

Dr. Mona

But I know she is because like I’ve said time and time again, we have to look at the big picture for our kids, especially when it comes to weight. So if you are dealing with percentile anxiety, especially, let’s say your child is on the lower percentiles, I want to explain what that big picture means to me and what I want you to remember.

 

00;10;50;28 – 00;11;19;08

Dr. Mona

Are they satisfied after feeds? Do they seem relaxed? Yes. This is amazing. Is feeding stressful for you and another caregiver? Because if yes, we may need to discuss and evaluate. Are you getting sleep stretches with your baby? Yes. This is amazing. Are they waking up after a feed? Hungry and ravenous? No. Awesome. So if you feed them and then they sleep for 20 minutes and then they’re hungry again, that may be a concern because they may not be getting full.

 

00;11;19;08 – 00;11;39;05

Dr. Mona

These are they meeting developmental milestones and motor milestones? Yes, this is awesome. If they’re not right, like if they’re not lifting up their head and tummy time, if they seem a little bit stiff, you know, we’ll get into that as stuff that we would want to know. Do they seem content overall? This can be hard in that for the seven eight week period when babies can be colicky.

 

00;11;39;10 – 00;12;06;24

Dr. Mona

But do you see periods of calm? Do you see content moments after feeds, or are they crying all the time? Are they upset all the time? There’s their body, seems stressed, tight or what we call hypertonic where they just seem so stuck because if that’s the concern, we also need to evaluate do they have digestive issues with their feeding such as reflux, choking on feeds, coughing all the time with feeds?

 

00;12;06;27 – 00;12;35;28

Dr. Mona

Because and that is another reason we’d want to evaluate. And lastly do they have feeding aversion. So what I mentioned with Vera where she would cry when the baby goes on, or crying at the breast or the bottle, meaning they just were creating an association that this was not enjoyable. Because if that’s happening, we need to figure out is this something mechanical where we need to evaluate and do some sort of feeding therapy, or is this something that’s behavioral, where the way we’re approaching the feeding session is causing this?

 

00;12;36;01 – 00;13;00;19

Dr. Mona

If you are feeling percentile or weight anxiety and I know it exists, please know that you are not alone. The percentile anxiety can exist whether your baby’s on the lower percentile or higher percentiles, or smack dab in the middle. When you are dealing with weight anxiety or percentile anxiety, you can feel that feeling of not enoughness. You can feel that feeling of I am not giving my child what they need.

 

00;13;00;22 – 00;13;26;29

Dr. Mona

Your concern is seen, but do not let it spiral you. Do not let it consume you. And if it is, you need to speak to a clinician for your child and also a mental health provider for you. I did this and it helped. I would message colleagues I trusted to walk me through the thought process that I was having when my rationality went out the window, when I was seeing that she was only taking two ounces and use that term only, I messaged my friend and she was like, that’s amazing.

 

00;13;26;29 – 00;13;52;16

Dr. Mona

She’s content, she’s happy, she’s feeding. That’s wonderful. I needed help channeling the rational part of my brain that was lost underneath the anxiety. I thought I needed help with a therapist to talk through things, which helps because our partners sometimes have their own worries or anxieties. We sometimes need that non-biased support, that third party support, that if anything, helps validate our experience.

 

00;13;52;16 – 00;14;17;25

Dr. Mona

And I hope this episode did that for you and also helps you feel that sigh of relief that you are enough for your child. Because when it comes to weight, when it comes to percentiles, that feeling of we are not providing for our child is a real thing. But you are. You are looking out for their well-being. We are looking at the big picture and if anything is not working, we are going to come up with a positive plan.

 

00;14;17;25 – 00;14;29;16

Dr. Mona

Like I mentioned, I can’t stress enough. Your child is enough. They are thriving. You are enough. You are thriving.

 

00;14;29;19 – 00;14;51;03

Dr. Mona

And that’s your follow up. Just a small dose of the real, relatable and eye opening conversations we love to have here. If you smiled, nodded, or had an moment, go ahead and download, follow and share this episode with a friend. Let’s grow this village together for more everyday parenting wins and real talk. Hang out with us on Instagram at the PedsDocTalk podcast.

 

00;14;51;05 – 00;15;06;19

Dr. Mona

Want more? Dive into the full episode and more at PedsDoctalk.com. Because parenting is better with support. And remember, consistency is key. Humor is medicine and follow ups are everything. I’m Doctor Mona. See you next time for your next dose.