Independent play is something that is important to build into your routine from the time your child is an infant.

When interchanged with sessions of interactive play with a caregiver, it provides so much benefit for your infant and toddler.

In this episode, I dive into the benefits of independent play, how to make it happen, and how to balance it with interactive play from a young age.

00;00;01;04 – 00;00;29;09

Dr. Mona

Welcome to Monday Mornings with Doctor Mona, where each week I answer your questions. Welcome to this episode, which was a highly requested topic. Doctor Mona, how do I foster independent play? And I thought that interactive play is really important. Both are essential. So I am so excited to this episode because I love talking about child development, infant development, and so much more and the importance of independent play.

 

00;00;29;12 – 00;00;51;17

Dr. Mona

So independent play is not only great for your child, but it’s helpful for you to be able to do something else while your child is playing. Obviously, if your child is younger, you are going to need to be in the room. For safety, but it allows you to do something in the kitchen or send an email, or send a text message, or be able to do things that you need to get done in that moment.

 

00;00;51;20 – 00;01;20;28

Dr. Mona

And allow your child to be able to play and learn and develop through play on their own. So why is independent play so beneficial for a child? So independent play is something that I really try to instill into Ryan from infancy. And remember that interactive play is also very important for cognitive and language development. But it’s the balance, the balance of interactive and independent play that’s so important.

 

00;01;21;01 – 00;01;44;25

Dr. Mona

And I’ll kind of explain how we did this. So that we allow Ryan to have that interactive play, but then we also allow him to just figure things out on his own. So first, what is independent play? So independent play is when your child is playing on their own without you in their face. It’s pretty, pretty simple. But it is beneficial because it allows your child time for emotional regulation.

 

00;01;44;27 – 00;02;10;01

Dr. Mona

So it allows your child to have downtime to relax uninterrupted, similar to us doing something we love and just decompressing. It can give them that time that they may need. Now this is going to be really important when your child is a toddler or in preschool, and they use their play to just kind of relax and decompress like I mentioned, but in babies, it can also be a time for them to just figure things out and relax.

 

00;02;10;01 – 00;02;27;28

Dr. Mona

And sometimes as infants, we feel like we always have to be in their face. But you don’t really need to be in their face at all times. You can allow them some independent time so you can have that built in into their schedule in infancy, and then it’s going to go into toddler years. And beyond that, this is time for you to play.

 

00;02;28;01 – 00;02;48;05

Dr. Mona

And that is kind of what we did with Ryan. The number two reason I love independent play is that it builds self-confidence, independent play, and being alone to play, develop self-confidence in children by allowing them freedom, freedom to test hypotheses, try new things and take healthy risks, like if they’re trying to figure out how a toy works or a puzzle or something.

 

00;02;48;11 – 00;03;18;18

Dr. Mona

They are trying to figure that out on their own, and they’re creating ideas. They’re learning about themselves. They’re learning about what they like, they’re learning about them. And it’s so amazing to see that they are building self-confidence through play, and they are going to learn that they are capable just by trial and error. So of course, we’re going to need to be with them or nearby sometimes if they get frustrated, which is what we did with our son from a young age, we would allow him independent play time, and that would be the time that he gets to play.

 

00;03;18;20 – 00;03;34;19

Dr. Mona

And, you know, in the toddlers, especially if he gets frustrated, I would be in the kitchen or, you know, working from home. And I would say, Ryan, I hear that you’re frustrated. Do you need my help? And we taught him sign language or we taught him the word help. And he finally would say, help, help. So I would go over there and help them.

 

00;03;34;21 – 00;03;56;16

Dr. Mona

It’s that balance that allows them to feel, you know, I’m going to try this on my own, and if I need help, my mommy or my caregiver is going to be there if I need it. Independent play also fosters creativity and imagination, so they become creative, especially when using open ended toys. They learn how to maximize use of a toy, and as they get older, they utilize their imagination more.

 

00;03;56;16 – 00;04;19;00

Dr. Mona

So they’re going to really learn from boredom and from the toys that they’re using, and they’re going to really be able to use that imagination and get more creative. That is why we love toys that are versatile, you know, magnet tiles as they get older, crunchy toys as infants. And I have a whole toy list on my Amazon page.

 

00;04;19;07 – 00;04;47;17

Dr. Mona

But this is going to be really important for them to kind of have toys that foster their development and foster creativity. Number four, it teaches them self-reliance. So being alone while playing develops self-reliance and enhances a child’s ability to trust in themselves. First, they learn that there isn’t always going to be someone jumping in at every second that you, as a child or infant, are going to figure things out on your own.

 

00;04;47;19 – 00;05;14;01

Dr. Mona

I’m going to use a baby that you set up in, like a playpen. That’s figuring out how to roll. You don’t have to be there every second to okay, roll, roll, roll. Yes, you’re going to want to balance it with some interactive time, but you can allow your baby to be in a play area and set up toys around, and they will trial and error, figure out how to reach a toy that they want and roll to get it, or crawl to get it.

 

00;05;14;03 – 00;05;45;19

Dr. Mona

You are going to balance this with interactive play by being there at set times where you’re going to also be able to encourage them, and if they need help with moving their body or figuring out how to get on their arms with crawling, you’re going to be there. I really do like a autonomy intervention model. It’s what I call where you allow your child to see what they can do, and if they need your help, you can intervene, but you want to allow them to feel what it feels to get frustrated, feel what it feels to struggle a little bit.

 

00;05;45;19 – 00;06;02;26

Dr. Mona

If they’re trying to roll their body over, right. If you hear them struggling, you don’t have to like run over there and like jump. You obviously have to get over to them to make sure that they’re safe. But you want to make sure that you sit with them and coach them if they need it. But this is also going to build self-reliance and that self-confidence that I mentioned.

 

00;06;02;28 – 00;06;26;02

Dr. Mona

As children grow older, independent play is going to encourage them to try things by themselves first and then ask for help if they need it. Which leads to one of my next things. Which is better problem solvers because they have more self-reliance, they are forced to become problem solvers. I’m going to use the example of when Ryan is figuring out how to use a puzzle.

 

00;06;26;05 – 00;06;50;25

Dr. Mona

So puzzles are very frustrating to him. You know, we started doing interactive play to teach him the skill. So this is kind of how I see that I balance things. So you’re going to have to do interactive play to teach skills like language or, you know, something that’s new to them because they may not be able to figure it out initially, but once they figured it out, or once you see that they’re starting to show signs of getting the pattern, it doesn’t mean it’s going to be perfect.

 

00;06;50;25 – 00;07;13;07

Dr. Mona

But then you can start to allow them some independent play with that item. So I use puzzles as an example because I would coach Ryan through puzzles and show him how to fit the pieces, and then sometimes he gets frustrated and I allow him to feel a little frustrated. I allow him to feel those feelings because through the frustration, he’s going to learn, hey, now I actually need to figure this out.

 

00;07;13;09 – 00;07;30;23

Dr. Mona

And with that means a lot of verbalization, which I’ll get into also, which means a lot of narrating, a lot of hey Ryan, I see that you’re really frustrated. How do you think that you can move that around to fit, allow them that independence, you know, allow them that self-reliance and that desire to want to be a problem solver.

 

00;07;30;25 – 00;07;55;18

Dr. Mona

And sometimes when we jump in right away where they’re struggling and we’re like, okay, I’ll show you when you are going to interact and help them sit down and ask questions. And you know, Marie, what you’re seeing, but don’t immediately do the activity for them. See if you can show them with their hand. See if you can narrate what they’re doing or what they’re feeling, so they can kind of come up with the solution.

 

00;07;55;21 – 00;08;19;03

Dr. Mona

They may not because they’re young, but that is why you’re going to see that independent play is very beneficial. It can also lead to a better attention span. So more focus since they have to figure out things on their own. Right. So that’s why I’ll get into like the types of toys and activities that you’re using. But when they have so many different things to be distracted with, that’s going to be a non-ideal attention span, right?

 

00;08;19;03 – 00;08;41;20

Dr. Mona

They’re going to be distracted moving from things to another. So by allowing them some independent play, you are allowing them to maximize the attention span. Obviously, they’re infants and toddlers. They’re not going to be able to sit and do something for like 30 minutes. But you have to manage those expectations, but you’re going to see what time that they are going to be more focused because they are trying to figure it out.

 

00;08;41;20 – 00;09;06;29

Dr. Mona

Right. They’re trying to gain that self-reliance and be a problem solver. And with that is going to become more focus in an activity. So I love independent play for all the reasons that I mentioned. The number one reason was the self-confidence. All the things that I mentioned make for more confident kids. They have a bigger imagination, better problem solving skills, and and they can just feel proud about what they did and not what you did for them.

 

00;09;07;02 – 00;09;24;14

Dr. Mona

And they just feel secure knowing that they have your support if they need it. So that is what we’re kind of trying to do here, right? We are trying to teach our children and be present when they need us. And I’ll get into kind of how to balance that. But we also want to teach them that you are capable of learning things on your own.

 

00;09;24;17 – 00;09;41;15

Dr. Mona

And I am not going anywhere. I may be in the kitchen, or I may be in the living room or at the desk downstairs with them. Right? You want to kind of be in that same room, especially if they’re, you know, young, under 4 or 5, you are going to be in that room with them, showing them and guiding them if they need it.

 

00;09;41;17 – 00;10;03;23

Dr. Mona

Now interactive play like I mentioned is important. So how do you kind of balance the two? So it really is setting up a routine or schedule, if you will, in your head. You don’t have to have it on paper, but you can set that hey, in the morning we’re going to try doing some independent play. And this can be done from the time that your child’s an infant.

 

00;10;03;26 – 00;10;24;07

Dr. Mona

Remember that when your child’s an infant, they are not going to be able to do independent play that long. They are going to need you because the younger the child is, the more time they’re going to need with the caregiver. But you can start to do some independent play. For example, two month old, you put them on a boppy pillow and they are trying to lift their head up and tummy time looking at a mirror.

 

00;10;24;10 – 00;10;45;07

Dr. Mona

You are obviously nearby for safety. You could be sitting on the floor with them, you could be answering emails. You could be, you know, doing whatever you need to do, but you are nearby and then you have your set time for independent play. If they start to cry or get upset and you are in the middle of something, you start to narrate, which I’ll get into the importance of that.

 

00;10;45;10 – 00;11;03;12

Dr. Mona

And then when you are ready, you are going to have that interactive one on one time. But you set up that schedule or routine in your head, okay, we are going to do some time for independent time every morning, every afternoon, and we’re going to build on it. What I don’t want you to do is forget interactive play, right?

 

00;11;03;12 – 00;11;20;08

Dr. Mona

Because interactive play is going to be important for language development that reciprocity infancy toddlers. Right. Especially when they’re learning language teaching them things. If they don’t know how to figure something out, they’re going to need your presence. So you want to kind of in your head say, okay, we are going to do independent time. We’re going to do interactive time.

 

00;11;20;14 – 00;11;42;29

Dr. Mona

And that’s kind of how we balanced it as well. So how can you foster independent play. So the first step is to manage your expectations. So don’t expect your child to want to play alone all the time. They do need us to show them and they may want to show us things. You know, they may say like, I want to show my mommy what I did.

 

00;11;43;02 – 00;12;03;10

Dr. Mona

Remember also that the attention span varies, especially by age. So like I said, you cannot expect an infant to be independent playing because their attention span is much shorter and especially for toddlers. You know, you may have a toddler who has a 5 to 6 minute attention span at two years of age and at three years old, it can go up to 8 to 10 minutes.

 

00;12;03;10 – 00;12;27;09

Dr. Mona

But even child their child, this can vary. So you need to kind of lower your expectations, especially if you have a child that’s between 12 months to 20 months. I find that sometimes it can feel impossible. You’re like, wow, why are they just not focusing? And then we get frustrated at them because they’re not focusing. You cannot expect a toddler of that age 12 to 20 months, especially to be able to focus on something for so long.

 

00;12;27;09 – 00;12;49;04

Dr. Mona

And I don’t want to give you so many numbers of, oh, they should be focusing for a minute or two because it really can depend. And it also can depend on the activity. But first thing is manage your expectations. Number two is like I said, start young. So we started doing this from when Ryan was an infant. And how I kind of did it initially, like I mentioned, is setting up some time for independent play.

 

00;12;49;04 – 00;13;14;09

Dr. Mona

Interactive play and independent play look like in the infancy months, him playing, but me sitting nearby and not being in his space, talking all the time like, okay, right, do this and do this. It’s kind of messing up his flow. Like let him play and let him figure things out. That balance is key. So I allowed him to see what he can do first with tummy time, with the rolling, with crawling.

 

00;13;14;09 – 00;13;36;20

Dr. Mona

And of course I’m balancing that with interactive play. So it’s up to you to kind of create that balance. It’s kind of like when you have an older child and use screen time. There’s no rule that says, okay, you have to do 20 minutes of independent and 20 minutes of this. You create that balance. And I talk about a routine that if you start to implement it as a routine, okay, we’re going to do 2 minutes or 5 minutes in the morning and ten minutes in the afternoon.

 

00;13;36;20 – 00;13;56;00

Dr. Mona

We’re just going to start to build that into the routine of independent play. And then we’re also going to do interactive play. You’re going to create a foundation where this is something that’s expected for your infant, and this is something that’s expected for your toddler. So we would do this or we would just have morning or afternoon. And I didn’t write it down or anything.

 

00;13;56;00 – 00;14;15;06

Dr. Mona

It was just like, hey, allow him just some time. You know, I tell the nanny, like, allow him some time to just play on his own in that safe playpen area and then obviously, I want you to interact and it’s up to you to create that balance. But it is something that is very beneficial to start young. Number three is you got to figure out the toys and the play space.

 

00;14;15;06 – 00;14;37;03

Dr. Mona

So to foster independent play, the most ideal toys are open ended. I’m sure you’ve heard this. This means that they’re not battery operated. So open ended toys require trial and error. And for your baby and child, have to figure out how to use it and problem solving skills. Pushing buttons doesn’t foster creativity. It, you know, battery operated toys.

 

00;14;37;05 – 00;14;56;10

Dr. Mona

I feel like they have a place, but they really should not be used when you’re trying to foster independent play. So if you’re going to be using it during independent play, take out the batteries and store the batteries safely, obviously, and you can allow them to play with that toy. Ryan got gifted a VTech sheep sorter toy that you can.

 

00;14;56;10 – 00;15;11;20

Dr. Mona

You drop the shapes into different holes that are like, you know, the heart, the star or whatnot. And we took out the batteries when he was independent playing and put the batteries in a safe spot. That way he can still drop the the different shapes in, but it would it make a, dinging lights and all those sounds right.

 

00;15;11;20 – 00;15;31;19

Dr. Mona

He still got to practice the cognitive development of trial and error. When you are interactive playing, then you can decide if you like to use battery operated toys, because the battery operated toy independent is not teaching them anything. But if you’re going to use a battery operated toy, and if you really want to, you can utilize it with you playing.

 

00;15;31;25 – 00;16;04;24

Dr. Mona

So if you have the battery in that toy, for example, then you can, if they drop something into the right spot and it makes it loud dinging sound, you are physically also there to see. Yay! You made the shape that was the star. So that is how you can balance the use of electronic or battery operated toys. Going young, you know, open ended toys, teething toys, wobble toys, rattles, blocks, stacking toys as they get older, play kitchen magnets, Legos, basically anything that doesn’t have a battery and that can be used in different ways.

 

00;16;04;24 – 00;16;26;04

Dr. Mona

And I’m going to be doing a YouTube episode about all of my favorite open ended toys by age, which I think will be very helpful in the coming weeks. You also want to make their play space. There’s so for an infant if they are pre mobile, you know, just putting them on a play mat. Once they start to become mobile play mat with a play yard that is enclosed so that they can have the freedom to move around.

 

00;16;26;04 – 00;16;46;08

Dr. Mona

But they are in a secure area. So they’re not crawling into an area that you know, you’re not watching. So safety is important and it’s their space. It’s their safe space to play for toddlers. You really want to try to organize it so that they know where everything is. So we use a drawer system where we put all his cars in one drawer, all his puzzles in a couple drawers.

 

00;16;46;21 – 00;17;12;13

Dr. Mona

Any, you know, sheep order toys in another. It’s important to keep things organized. I know this is really hard, especially if you have multiple kids, so you do the best that you can. It’s not a big deal if it doesn’t happen, but we know that a physical, cluttered space as an adult also doesn’t help our mental clutter, and especially for a toddler, it’s just nice for everything to be put away and for them to know and be able to take toys out and be able to put it back in where it belongs.

 

00;17;12;16 – 00;17;32;01

Dr. Mona

This is something that I really think is great after 16 months. I think it’s really important that you can start to teach your toddler how to put things away. When they take something out, they’re not going to do it all the time. We know that how that expectation. But you’re the repetition. The repetition is what’s going to help them understand, okay, I play with my cars, I’m done with my cars.

 

00;17;32;08 – 00;17;48;02

Dr. Mona

Let me put my cars away and I want to play with the puzzle. I want to take the puzzles out and I’m putting it away. It’s that repetition and they’ll need your guidance to be able to, you know, show you have to show them how to do that, but it can be very helpful. The next step in creating and fostering independent play is rotating toys.

 

00;17;48;02 – 00;18;07;23

Dr. Mona

So try to do this every two months if you can. Remember it’s okay if you can’t do it often. I usually do it every 2 to 3 months, but ideally this will help keep things fresh so that it creates interest. And you don’t have to buy all these new toys. You can rotate in toys that they used to have that they may have now forgotten about, and it becomes new to them.

 

00;18;07;25 – 00;18;30;25

Dr. Mona

My rule is five toys for pre mobile child, 6 to 8 for a crawling child and under 12 for a toddler. Books, puzzles, cars all count as one category. You can have multiple books, multiple cars, multiple puzzles, but you want to try to minimize how much stuff because if you have more stuff, they’re more scattered. You want to have less options because that also fosters creativity.

 

00;18;30;27 – 00;18;50;26

Dr. Mona

If they have less options, are forced to figure out, okay, how am I going to maximize my time with this one toy? And that is why I like toy rotation and minimizing the number. The next thing to foster independent play is stop interrupting them. If they are playing independently, do not interrupt them. You don’t constantly need to ask questions, okay?

 

00;18;51;00 – 00;19;18;07

Dr. Mona

And this and this and this. Let them focus. And that’s why I’m saying to create designated independent playtime. And then also your interactive time. Let them focus. Let them figure it out. Designate your time with them for interactive play and max out that independent play as much as you can, especially in those toddler years. You know, if they’re focused on something, look for a natural break in the in their concentrate and before you move them to another activity.

 

00;19;18;07 – 00;19;33;14

Dr. Mona

If you’re able to write, I understand you may need to take them to school or it’s meal time, but look for a natural break. Maybe when they, you know, look up for you or they’re, you know, getting another toy, that’s when we can intervene and swoop in and say, okay, we’re going to go on to the next activity meal.

 

00;19;33;14 – 00;19;58;23

Dr. Mona

We got to leave or whatever. This is really nice so that we can maximize their focus. Sometimes I think as parents, we inadvertently break their focus and attention span because we’re like, oh, do this, do this, do this. Let them focus on one thing and let them max out a toy. I can’t express the benefit of maxing out one activity or activity before you move to the next, which is why I think organization and a minimal amount of toys is beneficial.

 

00;19;58;25 – 00;20;17;22

Dr. Mona

But maximize that so they get all they can out of that play activity, and then you move to the next. You don’t tell them when it’s time to move, let them get okay if they’re bored or if they want to move, then you can move them to the next activity, but that will help them maximize and lengthen that independent playtime.

 

00;20;17;25 – 00;20;39;13

Dr. Mona

This next one’s really important, giving them one on one connection when you’re able, so even small spurts of one on one connection time can mean more independent play. Because infants and toddlers and children crave connection and value from a caregiver. And it’s quality time, not quantity. So if you can interact with them for even 10 to 20 minutes a day in sessions, right?

 

00;20;39;13 – 00;20;57;06

Dr. Mona

This can fill their cups so that they’re more likely to want to play independently because they got the one on one time with you. But if you are going throughout your day and just not giving them any one on one time, even for ten minutes, they’re more likely to have breakdowns when it’s time for them to be alone because they’re like, wait, I didn’t get any connection with you.

 

00;20;57;06 – 00;21;18;01

Dr. Mona

I don’t want to do this alone. Remember that if you’re doing this one on one time means no phones, computers, you and that child reading, playing with a toy. Remember, you can choose activities that are fun for you if you don’t like to play. But it’s important that you have that designated one on one time. And remember, you can use time during your routines for this too.

 

00;21;18;01 – 00;21;42;02

Dr. Mona

So meal times can be connection time, but it has to be uninterrupted. No phones, no distractions. No. Okay, let me check an email. No, it’s I’m talking with my baby or toddler and we are interacting. Bath time is another example, right? One on one mommy me time or caregiver me time morning routine. So it doesn’t have to be this crazy amount of time that’s taken out of your day.

 

00;21;42;05 – 00;21;58;17

Dr. Mona

When Ryan was an infant and even now, you know, I was working full time and I also was building feed stock. And I had to really kind of create these times, you know, like, I didn’t really feel like I could sit for an hour. And it was hard because I’m balancing so many things. And I really remember that.

 

00;21;58;17 – 00;22;24;04

Dr. Mona

It’s about incorporating those moments into your routine. And when you are interacting, stopping all of that excess phone ringing and all of that. Because that is what the quality time means. Quality time means uninterrupted, no phone. And even if you could do that for ten minutes, ten minutes, you’re going to allow that child to have more of a desire to want to independently play because they got that connection time with you.

 

00;22;24;06 – 00;22;47;21

Dr. Mona

The next tip is use screens as a last resort, especially under four. I don’t mind screen time. We utilize it too, but I really want you to maximize all other play independent play before going to screens. I really also want to remind parents to avoid using screens as independent play under 18 months. Remember, that’s not a form of play because parents often feel that their kids can’t focus at that.

 

00;22;47;21 – 00;23;07;03

Dr. Mona

You know, 12 months to 20 month range. And they’re like, well, the only thing they’ll focus on is a screen. No, that’s not what we want at that age. You know, under 18 months, ideally the best use of a screen is going to be coach viewing or coaching, if you will. We don’t want to have the screen be something that they’re just watching because they’re not learning much under, you know, 18 months, two years.

 

00;23;07;03 – 00;23;31;06

Dr. Mona

They don’t really develop language from that screen. So we really want to utilize the screen as a last resort. We want to maximize all that other other independent play time interactive play. If you’re not able to interactive play then you go to the screens. But remember under 18 months of age, we really want to maximize independent play out of a screen time because that is not going to really teach them language or cognitive skills.

 

00;23;31;06 – 00;23;52;16

Dr. Mona

Even if, TV show advertises that the next tip is my most important tip, and that’s why I saved it for the end. Verbalize. Verbalize when you are unable to play with them. So when you know, the common questions I get is my child is just not good at independent play, so it’s going to be something that you have to train them essentially, right?

 

00;23;52;18 – 00;24;10;14

Dr. Mona

So we forget the power of verbalization. This is a form of connection, and it can set clear expectations for a child when you physically cannot be there. For example, if you’re training your child to independent play because they’ve never done it, of course, if it’s new to them, they’re going to scream bloody murder and they’re going to be like, mama, mama!

 

00;24;10;17 – 00;24;31;01

Dr. Mona

So just say you’re trying to create a 2 minute or 5 minute session in the morning. I hear you want me. Mommy is finishing cooking and I’ll be there soon. I know you have amazing toys. Why don’t you find your toy and then mommy will come to you? You got to get into that habit of verbalizing. Set that boundary and set that rule and don’t rush and say, okay, okay, okay, okay, I’m coming, I’m coming.

 

00;24;31;08 – 00;24;47;15

Dr. Mona

Be very calm in how you implement that verbalization. Do it as you must and narrate and verbalize so that they know they have to wait for you. So if you’re trying to implement independent play time, okay, right now mommy’s going to do dishes and you don’t have to make it like a task, like, oh God, I have to do dishes.

 

00;24;47;15 – 00;25;02;12

Dr. Mona

So you have to play to say, okay, mom is going to do dishes, so it’s your time to play. Mommy, mommy, I want you. I see that I, you want to play with me. I see that you want me there, but mommy has to finish this right now. And then I will come and play with you. What do you think?

 

00;25;02;12 – 00;25;23;17

Dr. Mona

You want to play with me when we’re all. When I’m all done. So you want to make it very calm and you want to verbalize it so they know the boundary, they know the expectation. It also teaches them patience. This is like my mommy hack. Everyone’s like, how do you get Ryan to listen and do this? I verbalize I when my husband’s working and I’m all alone and I have to do other things.

 

00;25;23;19 – 00;25;41;21

Dr. Mona

I verbalize meaning, I narrate and tell Ryan what I’m doing, said he has an expectation sometimes it means that he’s going to be upset. Remember, them being upset doesn’t mean that anything wrong, they are just learning that, okay, well, mommy is taking care of something and she’s going to come right to me because I am going to go right to him.

 

00;25;41;24 – 00;25;59;15

Dr. Mona

But you got to get comfortable with that, especially if your child is new to independent play. And for an older child, you can also set a timer so you can verbalize and say, okay, here’s your timer. You’re going to play for ten minutes and mommy is going to finish whatever you need to finish. But you may not need to do timers.

 

00;25;59;15 – 00;26;15;16

Dr. Mona

If you instill this verbalization and this verbal boundaries from a young age like we did, we don’t do timers because from a young age we have set this boundary that okay, when I say this is what we’re going to do, this is what we’re going to do. Don’t worry. I know that you may be upset. I’m going to be right there for you.

 

00;26;15;22 – 00;26;38;06

Dr. Mona

I hear you, I see you, I’m going to finish and we’re going to have so much one on one time, you know, like you’re you’re setting up that expectation for them. So now the big question is for what do I do if my child is just not used to independent play? First thing, ease into it. At first, you may just want to sit silently beside your child as they play instead of joining in, right?

 

00;26;38;06 – 00;26;56;25

Dr. Mona

You may not be able to call turkey, just drop them and then they have to play. So just sit next to them and don’t say anything and just let them play. Once your child is absorbed in their activity that they’re doing, you can try moving to another part of the room or the kitchen or wherever you want, and you can build up time.

 

00;26;56;27 – 00;27;15;09

Dr. Mona

Remember, use using that verbalization technique I mentioned that if you do get up, say, I see that you want mommy, mommy is going to be right back. But then you set the boundary and say, I’m going to be back after I finish dishes. You don’t need to say five minutes, ten minutes. A young toddler may not understand that, but you can say, I’m going to finish dishes and then I’m going to come right back.

 

00;27;15;15 – 00;27;34;03

Dr. Mona

Or you can do the timer, like I mentioned, verbalize it, and almost like kind of how if you did sleep training right, you may need to train for little minutes in increments like two minutes, four minutes, five minutes. Build up the time. But do try to build up the time. Don’t say okay, oh my gosh, they’re crying and they’re upset.

 

00;27;34;05 – 00;27;52;15

Dr. Mona

Yes, they may be upset, but use verbalization. Remember that it is a form of connection and it is okay. You are in the room with them. You are telling them I see that you want mommy, mommy is going to finish this and you can play. And the more you do that, the more they’re going to realize, oh, okay, mommy’s calmly telling me what she’s going to do and she’s going to come back.

 

00;27;52;15 – 00;28;09;07

Dr. Mona

You are always going to come back. Remember, they learn from us coming back. We are going to go back when we see you, we’re going to go back. But you set that expectation for them. You’re not leaving the room. You’re not leaving them, and we’re going to run an errand. You are just giving them time to play. It’s something good for them.

 

00;28;09;09 – 00;28;29;19

Dr. Mona

So remember, when you’re training your child to do something good for them, it’s not harmful. If they’re upset by it, you can verbalize and narrate to help guide them. Be consistent. Like I said, if they start to get upset, verbalize. You don’t want to rush and say, okay, okay, okay, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Then you kind of reinforce that you’re it’s okay that it they don’t want to play independently.

 

00;28;29;21 – 00;28;48;26

Dr. Mona

You want to build up that time and you want to foster that because it’s something really good for them. You also want to make it part of the routine like I mentioned. So using timers for older children, making it that, hey, in the morning you’re going to do this in the afternoon, you’re going to have this independent time, make it part of your daily routine so it becomes a norm for them.

 

00;28;48;28 – 00;29;16;20

Dr. Mona

And that way they know to expect it, especially if you have a older child, you know, older than 18 months, who is not used to this. Right. You are going to really want to foster it as part of the routine. Remember, it is beneficial. Some children are not going to independent play forever, but these tips can really help guide you so that you can get more time for them to learn the power of independent play, but also regain time yourself.

 

00;29;16;25 – 00;29;31;19

Dr. Mona

Thank you for tuning in today. If you find this series helpful or any of my content helpful, please make sure to share it on your social media channel. That is how other people can find this resource. So thank you so much for joining us and I will talk to you next week.