Jennifer Gates Nassar is the eldest daughter of Bill and Melinda French Gates. She has grown up with privilege but is paving her own path as a medical student and soon-to-be doctor and mother. For this Finding Joy episode, I welcome her on to discuss:

• How her parents instilled work ethic and grit in her despite growing up with privilege
• The single most important thing her parents did in raising her that she’s grateful for
• How she’s found her own identity and calling
• What she hopes her daughter sees in her as she grows up

Follow Jenn on Instagram @jenngatesnassar

00;00;01;01 – 00;00;18;27
Jennifer Gates Nassar
And also to add like, I think they really focused on us carving our own paths in the world and not feeling like we either had to follow in their footsteps or that that was even really an option for us. So, that was kind of how I came to medicine was like, it’s something that although my parents work in global health, it is unique.

00;00;18;27 – 00;00;33;29
Jennifer Gates Nassar
Neither of them are doctors. Neither of them are in the medical fields. And so I think really having the faith and belief in us took our own path. And also a little bit of pressure to like, okay, what are you going to do with this privilege? What are you going to do with this, beautiful life that you’ve been given?

00;00;34;00 – 00;00;41;04
Jennifer Gates Nassar
It’s not about just sitting back and enjoying it. Like, how are you going to use your position to give back to the world in some way?

00;00;41;07 – 00;01;07;20
Dr. Mona
Welcome back to the show. It is 2024 and we have amazing guests lined up for you. And my goal for this year is more storytelling. Whether it’s solo episodes from me chatting about real life, mom life, or with guests sharing their stories and how they find joy, I hope these stories and conversations help inspire you and also remind you that you’re never alone in your parenting journey.

00;01;07;23 – 00;01;26;02
Dr. Mona
For this finding Joy episode, I’m excited to welcome Jennifer Gates Nassar Jennifer is a fourth year medical student, mom, equestrian, and daughter of Bill Gates and Melinda French Gates, and we are chatting about her story as she paves her own path. Thank you so much for joining me today.

00;01;26;05 – 00;01;34;19
Jennifer Gates Nassar
Thank you so much, Doctor Mona, I am a huge fan of yours and of the StarTalk podcast and Instagram, so it’s just an honor to be here and get to chat.

00;01;34;22 – 00;01;57;08
Dr. Mona
Well, that is exciting and I have to share this story. When I found out that you were following me, I don’t know how it happened. I was like fangirling. And I’m like, you inspire me. So when you say that, like you’re a fan of the podcast and fan of my Instagram account, and I was a fan of you for so many reasons, but seeing that you are a medical student, obviously I’ve been following you when you just started that journey, but that you were a medical student.

00;01;57;08 – 00;02;16;05
Dr. Mona
I know that you have passions in pediatrics, which obviously holds a special place in my heart. And then also seeing, you know, you raised in a family, obviously, of two well renowned people in philanthropy and obviously the tech industry. Like, I just saw what you were doing, that you were going to medical school, which was so grueling that you grew up in.

00;02;16;08 – 00;02;31;26
Dr. Mona
We you know, we talk about privilege, but that you are paving your own way. And I think it’s such an important thing to have you on, because I wanted to talk about what you think was valuable, what growing up and how you’re kind of passing that on to your child, and for your future. So thank you so much.

00;02;31;26 – 00;02;34;03
Dr. Mona
I think this is going to be a great conversation.

00;02;34;06 – 00;02;36;28
Jennifer Gates Nassar
I’m really looking forward to it. Thank you for having me. And, you know.

00;02;36;28 – 00;02;42;08
Dr. Mona
With this whole, you know, with medicine, like what drove you to choose to pursue medicine?

00;02;42;10 – 00;03;07;08
Jennifer Gates Nassar
Gosh. Well, I mean, growing up, I was surrounded by stories of the inequities in the world, particularly for children and for adults alike. My parents would come home from their days at the foundation and tell me stories about working to develop, an oral polio vaccine or early childhood mortality. All of that. And I just was really fascinated by the human body as a child.

00;03;07;10 – 00;03;20;15
Jennifer Gates Nassar
Also with animals and biology in general. But medicine felt like the perfect way to combine those interests, with my interest also in giving back and kind of challenge myself to take it to the next level.

00;03;20;18 – 00;03;36;00
Dr. Mona
And how has this balance with motherhood and medical school been? Because I know from personal experience that it is not an easy journey and that there is obviously long hours, and then you’re also a new mom. So how has that been for you?

00;03;36;03 – 00;03;56;17
Jennifer Gates Nassar
Oh, thank you so much. I mean, it’s to be honest, I have to start off by acknowledging the privilege that I have. There is an a financial position to start my family in medical school. Many trainees are not, either not at that place or not in the position where they can truly support a family. And so I felt extremely fortunate that my husband and I were ready to start a family.

00;03;56;17 – 00;04;16;17
Jennifer Gates Nassar
We had the resources to have both a loving and supportive family behind us, but also to outsource some of her care. It’s been amazing. Honestly, I love the balance. I miss her during the days when I go to my clinical rotations, but I also am excited to be there seeing patients, on whatever rotation I’m on. So it’s been great.

00;04;16;17 – 00;04;35;19
Jennifer Gates Nassar
And I was finishing up a master’s of public health when I delivered her. And so as I was wrapping that up, I had a bit of time to give myself some maternity leave. And now I’m a fourth year med student, which fortunately there is a bit of flexibility there, as I’m wrapping up interviews. And so I’ve really been just trying to enjoy this, you know, time before she turns, one year old.

00;04;35;23 – 00;04;53;20
Dr. Mona
Oh, yeah. And you are interested in pediatrics? I am, yes. Amazing. And your vision, obviously. I’m so I mean, again, just so proud of you for going through the master’s of public health and again, why I’m also proud of you, even though I don’t personally know you, but I feel like I do is going through all that education.

00;04;53;20 – 00;05;10;12
Dr. Mona
I mean, yes, privilege is there. And I’m so grateful that you acknowledge that privilege because I obviously recognize that. And you do too. But you still had to go through the coursework. I mean, that privilege doesn’t take away the fact that there is coursework. Obviously, it does help you when you have support, but you still have to learn the things.

00;05;10;12 – 00;05;30;10
Dr. Mona
You still have to do all the tests. You still have to do everything. And to have an MPH. And also going through medical school again is such a important thing. And you’re going to have these credential to be able to help so many. I mean, at this point in your life, do you have a vision on how you want to use your MPH and your hopefully your career in pediatrics?

00;05;30;12 – 00;05;49;00
Jennifer Gates Nassar
I totally yeah. So the MPH actually really came out of it, really enjoying my third year of medical school and all of my clinical clerkships, on the wards in the hospital. But really wondering for individual patients how they got to that place in their care and what we as a health system were doing to support or not support them.

00;05;49;02 – 00;06;07;09
Jennifer Gates Nassar
As they left the hospital and as they had follow up and treatments, I really wanted to get a broader sense, an understanding of the health care system at large, health care economics, a little bit of global health. So I feel like my, degree at mailman, School of Public Health really helped with that. Long term, I’m still really open.

00;06;07;09 – 00;06;25;23
Jennifer Gates Nassar
Honestly, I went into medical school thinking that I wanted to be a full time practitioner, and certainly my goal within residency is to garner those skills, to be able to practice independently, and be a good practitioner for the patients and families that I’m lucky enough to serve. But I’m also interested in thinking about larger scale change.

00;06;25;23 – 00;06;36;26
Jennifer Gates Nassar
So any opportunities that I have to do education, or some sort of philanthropy work, I’m, you know, very open minded and think it’s important that I just get the credentials first, to be there.

00;06;36;28 – 00;06;59;16
Dr. Mona
Yeah. And, you know, we talked about the privilege aspect and, you know, coming from that privilege, obviously there is privilege, but obviously your parents have instilled a work ethic and grit in you for deciding to go to medical school. How do you envision and how do you think your parents did that, or what do you think, looking back, was something valuable that your parents did so that you felt this work ethic and this excitement for your own career?

00;06;59;18 – 00;07;16;08
Jennifer Gates Nassar
Gosh. I mean, there are so many things I’m grateful for in the way that my parents raised me. I was very fortunate. Me and my two siblings are in CB. So I’m the oldest of three, which I think being the oldest, you always feel a little pressure to like, do well in school and strive, and do good things.

00;07;16;08 – 00;07;38;05
Jennifer Gates Nassar
But I definitely think that the work ethic around school was something really instilled in us. We didn’t do any of our after school activities if our homework wasn’t done. If we weren’t doing on school like that was the most important thing was going to school and doing one school. And for the subjects we weren’t doing well and making sure that we got that additional support, in the form of tutoring and study groups and all of that.

00;07;38;05 – 00;07;57;05
Jennifer Gates Nassar
So I think the work ethic and importance of education was emphasized to an extreme amount, during my childhood. And that progressed through high school and encouraged me, you know, to go to college. I had some peers in the equestrian world, which is a huge passion and hobby of mine, who chose not to go to college. And that was obviously not an option for me.

00;07;57;05 – 00;08;02;12
Jennifer Gates Nassar
So definitely the work ethic was was there and heavily instilled. Yeah.

00;08;02;12 – 00;08;21;04
Dr. Mona
And you’ve grown up amongst, you know, the success and wealth. How do you stay grounded from every day? You know, and like I said already, I so appreciate you talking about the privilege. But there’s obviously you’re so humble and the way I talk to you, we wouldn’t even think about that. Right. So how do you find that ground, that ground this in your life?

00;08;21;07 – 00;08;42;13
Jennifer Gates Nassar
That’s so sweet. I mean, I really, honestly have imposter syndrome that I’m in this position almost every day. Both in terms of medical school that I’m about to graduate and that I came from the family that I did. And I think a lot of that starts to my parents to, you know, growing up, it was always clear that the environment we lived in and the wealth that we were surrounded by was not ours.

00;08;42;13 – 00;08;58;16
Jennifer Gates Nassar
It wasn’t something that was our God-Given privilege. It was something that place we were lucky to be in. And in some ways, that does create a bit of a scarcity mindset for kids feeling like, you know, the environment you’re in isn’t necessarily for you, but it prevented us from feeling like it was something that was our right.

00;08;58;18 – 00;09;18;03
Jennifer Gates Nassar
Had a nice house to fly in, these planes to do all these things. So I am grateful for that. And I think with my daughter, I want her to just feel the the privilege and the blessings. You know, hopefully without a little bit of that, like, oh, you don’t belong piece. But I am grateful that they instilled those values in us.

00;09;18;03 – 00;09;26;13
Jennifer Gates Nassar
And, you know, we had a weekly allowance, and we’re, you know, kind of told that we were going to be on our own when we grew up. So lots of things like that.

00;09;26;15 – 00;09;43;20
Dr. Mona
Oh, gosh, I love it. I love hearing that. And as a, as a podcast that focuses so much on parenting. And so I love hearing from your parents and how they approach things. I love it, I love going in the past. I love hearing about the things that work. Obviously what didn’t work sometimes, but like hearing that is so empowering.

00;09;43;20 – 00;10;12;05
Dr. Mona
You know, the fact that it was never your right, but that your parents told you that this is what you have, but we’re going to work hard and this is a privilege. And that’s kind of how my husband and I approach things, too. Obviously, being two physicians, we do have privilege compared to other people as well, and we are raising our child to the same level of I want you to understand the gratitude of the world, how to help others, how to use our privilege to help others as well, which I know your parents have done a lot of.

00;10;12;07 – 00;10;22;15
Dr. Mona
What is the single most important thing you think your parents did in raising you that you are grateful for today? I know you mentioned a few things. It can be repeating that, or if there’s something else you’d want to add for sure.

00;10;22;15 – 00;10;40;10
Jennifer Gates Nassar
And also to add like, I think they really focused on us carving our own paths in the world and not feeling like we either had to follow in their footsteps or that that was even really an option for us. So, that was kind of how I came to medicine was like, it’s something that although my parents work in global health, it is unique.

00;10;40;10 – 00;10;55;12
Jennifer Gates Nassar
Neither of them are doctors. Neither of them are in the medical field. And so I think really having the faith and belief in us took our own path. And also a little bit of pressure to like, okay, what are you going to do with this privilege? What are you going to do with this, beautiful life that you’ve been given?

00;10;55;13 – 00;11;05;08
Jennifer Gates Nassar
It’s not about just sitting back and enjoying it. Like, how are you going to use your position to give back to the world in some way? And that’s probably the lesson that I’m most grateful for.

00;11;05;11 – 00;11;28;10
Dr. Mona
And going back to why I wanted you to come on is, you know, we do see in this world with social media and celebrities who are, you know, multi-millionaires, billionaires, celebrities, and they have their children. And then we see, you know, videos of privilege and, you know, people have comments about that. And I’m like, I love hearing about how the work ethic is there and how we, you know, created this whole path for you.

00;11;28;10 – 00;11;48;27
Dr. Mona
And I think it’s such a refreshing thing to see in this world and how, you know, a lot of my listeners may come from privilege as well. Many may not, but may have, you know, privilege, whether it’s handed down to them, whether it’s self-created. And I think we can treat hard working, humble people who give back to the world and really use our privilege for that.

00;11;48;27 – 00;12;05;18
Dr. Mona
Good. Like I mentioned, do you think there’s any misconceptions people have about you being the daughter of a tech giant, your mom being a philanthropist, your family being who they are? Do you get approached by that, including maybe in medical school or, you know, you’re training?

00;12;05;20 – 00;12;26;23
Jennifer Gates Nassar
It’s so funny because I think that in general, my parents have been pretty vocal about their desire for us to have a strong work ethic and that we aren’t going to just be handed fortunes, for no reason, so that I haven’t had misconceptions about it. I think that what a lot of my friends, when they first meet me have said is they’re like, oh, I didn’t realize you’d be so nice.

00;12;26;23 – 00;12;49;05
Jennifer Gates Nassar
So you’d get sociable. And for me, like I was never maybe I’m a little bit naive, but like everyone that I meet, I think deserves the time of day to, be talked to and to be respectful towards and have an open, honest conversation. So I think for me it just feels second nature. But I think this idea that I wouldn’t be approachable or wouldn’t be able to understand where someone else is coming from.

00;12;49;05 – 00;13;05;17
Jennifer Gates Nassar
I don’t think you have to have lived in someone’s shoes to have empathy for their situation. And certainly there are pieces of the world that I am naive to and that I don’t understand, but I always try and meet, you know, people where they’re at. And I think sometimes the most important thing you can do is listen.

00;13;05;17 – 00;13;08;27
Jennifer Gates Nassar
So I try and be a good listener. Yeah.

00;13;08;29 – 00;13;28;12
Dr. Mona
Oh, I love that. And I said, yeah, I love that. I think it’s so it’s such a healthy perspective on this world. And I think you’re going to obviously hand that down to your daughter and it’s exactly how I felt when I talked to you via Instagram DMs. And also, when we talked before this episode, I felt the same way as those people who just meet you.

00;13;28;12 – 00;13;50;04
Dr. Mona
Like, she’s so down to earth and nice, and it’s not hard to be down to earth and nice, but it is refreshing to see you work so hard coming from your family and just being that relatable person. Like you are truly relatable, even though we may not be the same. Like I feel that, I feel like I can learn from you being where I’m at, and that’s why I wanted you on the show, which I mentioned at the beginning.

00;13;50;11 – 00;14;14;18
Dr. Mona
It’s about sharing stories. Even if people are not in your shoes or in my shoes. Exactly. We can learn from the mindset. We can learn about the things that were taught to us by our parents and as you’ve navigated this and now you have a beautiful daughter and your own family, has it been hard to find your own identity, including as a parent, like after becoming that mother, did you feel any shift or difference?

00;14;14;21 – 00;14;16;25
Dr. Mona
And had like an awakening in that area?

00;14;16;27 – 00;14;39;18
Jennifer Gates Nassar
Yeah. So multiple things. I think that I’m still finding my identity as a parent. She is very young and I, what I loved about your channel, Doctor Mon, is how open you are about how you’re navigating parenthood. And, you know, you make mistakes and something goes wrong and something goes wrong and to feel that openness and like, I don’t always have to have it perfect has been really nice and refreshing.

00;14;39;21 – 00;14;57;10
Jennifer Gates Nassar
I think I had this idea that like, oh, I’m in medicine, I’m going to know what’s going on. I’m going to totally understand how to be a mom. And I didn’t at all. And I think I’ve learned so much from my parents and even appreciated the way that they parent to this more now, as a parent myself, certainly no one gets it perfectly.

00;14;57;10 – 00;15;13;21
Jennifer Gates Nassar
And there are things that I am taking from my parents and things that I’m not, as I raised Lila, but to be able to learn from those examples and now have even more appreciation for them has been wonderful. I think I’m still crafting my own identity as we go and crafting the parenting style that I want for her.

00;15;13;28 – 00;15;32;21
Jennifer Gates Nassar
I’ve also heard that every kid is a little bit different. Yeah. So. And that you have to adjust, your, you know, parenting styles for them. So yeah, I also think that being a young parent is something that, you know, most of my friends are not having kids right now. My husband is he’s five years older, so he has some friends that have had kids.

00;15;32;21 – 00;15;50;03
Jennifer Gates Nassar
But navigating my identity as a young parent in this position of privilege is something that I’m very grateful for, but has made me step forward and really re parents myself in some ways, and think about how I want to, instill values in my daughter and lead by example for her.

00;15;50;06 – 00;16;09;19
Dr. Mona
Yeah. And you said it perfectly that whoever you are in this world, if you are a parent, you are going to go through similar struggles and feelings regardless of race, socioeconomic status, access to resources. We all have the same feelings like I, I can’t stress that enough. I used to work in Manhattan with a lot of celebrity children.

00;16;09;20 – 00;16;23;25
Dr. Mona
You know, I can’t. Obviously I’m not going to name names. But at first I was so starstruck because I’m like, oh, wow. I never, you know? And then I related to them and I met them for their visits, and I was like, they’re just like me. They’re just like me. They have the same worries. They have the same fears.

00;16;24;02 – 00;16;42;14
Dr. Mona
When their kid is sick, they have the same worries that come up that bring them into my office. And that really, again, that relatability and humanizing people who may be that we put on a pedestal, I think is so important, you know? And that’s why when you say you’re grateful for my platform, I’m not a celebrity. But people do look up to me as a pediatrician.

00;16;42;14 – 00;17;13;08
Dr. Mona
And this online presence and relatability and honesty, I think is so important in motherhood, right? Because like you said, you will probably went through things and you want to be able to tell people how you’re feeling. And sometimes they’ll be like, well, you have everything. You know, you can have hope and you can have this. But that doesn’t take away the fact that you’re going to feel sad when your daughter’s sick, or that maybe those sleepless nights, you know, you could have had help, but you still worry about the sleepless nights and you have this going on, and then none of us are immune to motherhood.

00;17;13;10 – 00;17;37;29
Dr. Mona
The feelings of motherhood. And I think in that there’s so much beauty and in that, you know, you sharing that perspective. I have two children. I’m obviously older than you, but ahead of you. But I look at how you approach motherhood, you know, with that open mind, with that what you just said about how no two kids are the same, that even if you decide to have a second child or just knowing that things evolve as a parent and that we pivot is such a healthy perspective.

00;17;37;29 – 00;17;43;19
Dr. Mona
And it’s, I think, you know, talking about finding joy, I think that brings more joy into parenthood.

00;17;43;21 – 00;18;03;02
Jennifer Gates Nassar
Right? Tara and and our kids have no idea to they’re just looking for support and love and health. They have no idea what what privilege we have or don’t have. I mean, obviously at this age, she doesn’t know yet. Like she’s just looking for comfort and love. And every kid is looking for that. And every parent is kind of navigating it in their own way.

00;18;03;02 – 00;18;09;06
Jennifer Gates Nassar
So I think being honest and transparent about the resources you have, but also the struggles, is so, so important.

00;18;09;08 – 00;18;31;28
Dr. Mona
I tell my husband this is that children know their reality. So when they are growing up, if they know and I’m going to use this example, might be a little bit sad. But if a child grows up in an abusive house home, they don’t really understand that that’s not the norm unless they go to somebody else’s house and see how their parents act, or unless they grow up and realize they go to college, or they leave their home and they’re like,

00;18;32;00 – 00;18;57;09
Dr. Mona
People don’t put their kids or people don’t talk to me that way. And in a way, there’s so much power in that. On the other side of how much we can change our children and foster this incredible experience for them. And I don’t look at it as scary. I look at as empowering. Like, I love being a parent because I’m like, wow, I have this opportunity, this privilege to be a parent and actually foster this love and growth.

00;18;57;09 – 00;19;13;08
Dr. Mona
Like, you know, for a young toddler, they just want to be loved. They want to be around the people that they’re familiar with. They want to experience new things. And as they get older, they want to learn about what their life means and how they can channel their own path like you are or, you know, use privilege in the best way.

00;19;13;08 – 00;19;35;04
Dr. Mona
And again, create the humility in life and that understanding that you’re never alone, like you always have me and you always have my support, whether it’s financial but whether it’s just love. I mean, you don’t need a lot of money to be a loving parent, you know? And I think that is something that’s so valuable and I think every parent can take home from that, you know?

00;19;35;07 – 00;19;57;25
Jennifer Gates Nassar
Yeah. No, 100%. And that’s why I think pediatrics is so wonderful to us. You really can, like, make a difference in young children’s lives. You know, I’m someone who, you know, my pediatrician made a huge difference in my upbringing. I had some mental health challenges when I was 12 or 13, and she was the one who really identify bad in one of my primary care visits and referred me to the appropriate care.

00;19;57;25 – 00;20;14;00
Jennifer Gates Nassar
So no matter where you’re coming from or how much privilege you have, like having a supportive primary care provider is something that can really change, a child’s trajectory. So I’m so inspired by the work that you do clinically, and hope to make that difference for families someday.

00;20;14;00 – 00;20;31;22
Dr. Mona
And you will. And I mean, already, you know, you’re saying that you’re younger, you’re in this like, obviously early on in your training, but the have that sort of mindset as you become a clinician is so empowering. And it’s also going to help the system and help change so much. You know, I love it. I think you’re right on that.

00;20;31;22 – 00;20;51;17
Dr. Mona
Pediatrics is such an important specialty. Doesn’t get the love that I think it should get, especially in America. But, you know, it is it is the beginning. I mean, it’s the foundation, the first seven years of a child’s life. And then obviously the first 21 years. But the first seven years of a child’s life is so vital to their emotional regulation, their development, how they view the world, their self-worth.

00;20;51;17 – 00;21;05;26
Dr. Mona
And it’s again, that’s why I focus on that age, you know, knowing all this, when your daughter looks at you, you know, obviously, you know, she’s young right now, but as she grows up, what do you hope that she sees and learns from you as you navigate motherhood?

00;21;05;29 – 00;21;32;25
Jennifer Gates Nassar
Gosh, I you know, I hope that she looks at me and sees someone who loves her unconditionally. Is there for her in the good moments and the bad. Not someone who just wants her to be happy all the time. Someone who is just very present for her. And I hope that she sees that I am both enjoying being a mother and enjoying the other aspects of my life that I choose to engage in, and then I’m not someone who feels guilty about leaving her.

00;21;33;01 – 00;21;55;18
Jennifer Gates Nassar
Because I think that translates for kids. If you are apologizing for having to go, like, I hope that she sees that I am well-rounded and that I bring joy to everything that I do, and that she’s able to in some way, be proud of me for choosing joy. And just that, she’s surrounded by love, by everyone who is who is a part of her life, whether that be family or caretakers.

00;21;55;20 – 00;22;19;25
Jennifer Gates Nassar
I hope that she. Yeah, sees that her mom lived a full life and had a happy, happy parents. I think, like seeing two parents that really love each other and prioritize each other and prioritize time together is something I want her to see. Because I want, you know, her when she looks for a relationship long term to, find someone that respects her as much as I think her dad respects me and will continue to respect me.

00;22;19;27 – 00;22;36;29
Dr. Mona
Yeah. Oh, you just hit so many points that the. How important. It’s not even like, again, it’s not even just about being a parent. It’s about the, again, that self-love that for you and your situation, that desire to want to do things outside of motherhood. And I know some of my listeners motherhood is their identity and that’s awesome.

00;22;36;29 – 00;22;56;20
Dr. Mona
But if it’s someone who’s listening, that’s like, hey, I want to do something else besides motherhood, let’s celebrate that, the relationship you have with your partner, how important that is. Like the relationship with self, the relationship with our partner that we choose to have those children with is so much more important than the actual parenting that we do, because they’re watching that.

00;22;56;20 – 00;23;15;09
Dr. Mona
That’s how they learn about love and self-love, right? It’s how we interact with other adults and how we interact with ourself. And that is so beautiful. And you mentioned, you know, the guilt aspect, that you don’t carry a lot of guilt. Can you think of a reason why you don’t? Because I, I also don’t, have so much guilt when I leave my children.

00;23;15;09 – 00;23;23;10
Dr. Mona
I miss them, but I don’t feel guilty. What would you say is that sort of kind of motivational piece that you would add as to why you don’t feel guilty?

00;23;23;12 – 00;23;38;02
Jennifer Gates Nassar
That’s great. So to be honest, at times right now, as I’m a new parent, I do feel guilty. Yeah. I have these moments are like, oh, gosh, I, you know, I should be making this choice for her. I should be doing this. And I’m not or I’m not getting enough time with her. And I think that’s not those feelings are natural.

00;23;38;05 – 00;23;57;23
Jennifer Gates Nassar
But I realize also that for her, it’s better for her to see me confident in the choices that I’m making. And I can acknowledge that guilt. I can acknowledge those feelings. But for me to not project those feelings onto her or for her to really feel that, I think is what’s so important. It’s okay to have ambiguity. It’s okay for you to feel conflicted about what you’re doing.

00;23;57;23 – 00;24;13;29
Jennifer Gates Nassar
But ultimately, I hope that I make and right now I am making the decisions that bring me joy and that bring my family joy. Knowing that she is well looked after and well cared for. If at some point that means that I am home with her all day, amazing. If that means that I’m home with her half the time and working half the time, amazing.

00;24;13;29 – 00;24;40;05
Jennifer Gates Nassar
As long as she is well and healthy and happy, doing what is best for me and what’s best for the family system, and not second guessing that or showing her that guilt. I think that’s the most important thing, but certainly right now I’m still navigating that. I am fresh figuring out what is this that I want. You know, residency is going to be challenging, but I think it’s really how I show to her that I’ve made this decision so that I’m an adult and I’ve made these choices.

00;24;40;05 – 00;24;57;02
Dr. Mona
So, yeah. Oh yeah. The ownership. Right. Like it’s that you’re owning your own. You’re relating to it now and again. I tell my husband works, shift work like he’s an ER doctor. And sometimes he feels a little sad that he can’t be there for our son. And I tell him I’m like, I never make Ryan feel bad about you not being there.

00;24;57;02 – 00;25;01;16
Dr. Mona
I build you up anytime you’re not there. You are built up. You are built up.

00;25;01;16 – 00;25;02;28
Jennifer Gates Nassar
As you wrote to him.

00;25;03;04 – 00;25;19;10
Dr. Mona
And I’m sure your partner or whoever’s taking care of your daughter, if you’re working like a long. You know, residency is not easy for everyone listening like it’s long hours. It’s going to be that buildup. It’s like, yeah, mommy’s not here. But isn’t mommy amazing? Like, she’s doing this incredible work? I do the same thing for my husband.

00;25;19;17 – 00;25;38;28
Dr. Mona
And when I travel for work now, because I’m traveling. Same thing. Mommy’s away. You miss mommy. I miss mommy, too. She’s the best. And she’ll be here and you’re going to get to hug her. But right now, she’s doing this incredible stuff. And there’s such beauty in our children. Seeing how happy other things make us besides them. Like, I love it.

00;25;38;28 – 00;25;53;14
Dr. Mona
I love it like I love Ryan, seeing how much things like me up. And then it lights you up even more with your child. I’m sure. Right? Like when you’re feeling empowered and that you’re feeling fulfilled and then you go to spend time with Leila, you’re like, I just love you. I love my life. Like it resonates through.

00;25;53;14 – 00;25;55;24
Dr. Mona
It permeates through our home. And it’s beautiful.

00;25;55;26 – 00;26;15;21
Jennifer Gates Nassar
Totally, totally. And vice versa. Right? Like when my husband’s gone and traveling for work, you know, saying the same thing and even saying, like, dad misses you or I miss you and I’m happy to be doing such and such thing, I think is holding the duality for them to have. Like, you can miss mommy and be excited for her to come home and mom can miss you and be happy.

00;26;15;21 – 00;26;39;07
Jennifer Gates Nassar
And she’s made this choice to to be away or to be doing her residency or whatnot. So yeah. Yeah. Excited to continue learning and definitely get to learn from you by example. And so many other moms I have so much respect for parents now. I had no idea what I was getting into, and no matter what choices someone makes for their family, I think the most important thing is being supported and it’s beautiful.

00;26;39;09 – 00;26;56;26
Dr. Mona
It is. And again, I’m so grateful that you were able to come on today. Take time out of your schedule as a busy student, even though I know for it this is much easier. I know how it is. It means so much to me and I love this conversation. I think we touched upon so many different parenting finding Joy pieces.

00;26;56;28 – 00;27;04;05
Dr. Mona
Is there a final message that you would add for everyone listening? You know, kind of encompassing all that we talked about?

00;27;04;08 – 00;27;24;10
Jennifer Gates Nassar
Oh, gosh. I mean, you are such an eloquent speaker. I feel like you probably summarize it better than me, but, I think the biggest thing would just be like instilling, the value of hard work and finding your purpose and meaning in life to your children. Privilege is not a bad thing, but it does create challenges as to how to to raise healthy, happy kids.

00;27;24;10 – 00;27;37;15
Jennifer Gates Nassar
And then, yeah, finding personal joy, and showing your kids that no matter whether you choose to stay at home or to work or some combination of both that like as long as they’re well taken care of, they see you being happy and that is good for them too.

00;27;37;16 – 00;27;58;03
Dr. Mona
Yeah, you did it, girl. That was amazing. No, no no no. Oh, well, listen, I am so happy that we could connect. And I know this is not the end of our connection. You know, I know I love following you. I love learning from you also. I think like I said, there’s such a mutual respect here, and there’s also this excitement to see where you’re going to go on your journey.

00;27;58;08 – 00;28;05;18
Dr. Mona
And I know you obviously had mentioned that, looking at what I’m doing, but thank you again, Jen. This was like absolutely incredible.

00;28;05;20 – 00;28;10;24
Jennifer Gates Nassar
Thank you so much. I can’t wait to keep listening to the episodes. And for conversations to come.

00;28;10;27 – 00;28;37;28
Dr. Mona
And for everyone tuning in today, please make sure to leave a review if you like this episode. The show continues to grow. Also, when you share this episode on your story. So hit that share button. Tag me. You can tag mine as well. We are just so excited to have these conversations, and I am so excited to invite more people that inspire me and hopefully will inspire you to this podcast to talk about how they find joy in motherhood or whatever they are doing in their life.

00;28;38;03 – 00;28;55;11
Dr. Mona
Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for tuning in for this week’s episode. As always, please leave a review. Share this episode with a friend. Share it on your social media. Make sure to follow me at Peds Doc Talk on Instagram and subscribe to my YouTube channel, Peds Doc Talk TV. We’ll talk to you soon.