In this solo episode, I reflect on how parenting has changed since the 90s, and not always for the better. This episode is not about going backward or rejecting progress. It is about blending what we know now about emotions and development with what used to work well, giving kids space, time, and trust to grow.

I explore how constant comparison, nonstop information, overscheduling, and screens have shifted parenting toward fear and control, often leaving parents exhausted and kids overwhelmed. I share why boredom matters, why independence is built in small moments, and how parenting feels lighter when it is guided by values instead of perfection.

In this episode, I talk about:

• Why independence is a skill kids build through small, age-appropriate freedoms

• Why bullying feels heavier now, and how protecting home as a safe space matters

• How overscheduling crowds out confidence, creativity, and rest

• Why boredom is not a problem, but a skill kids need to practice

• A values-based approach to screens, using them intentionally instead of automatically

• Why errands, car rides, and everyday moments are real opportunities for growth

• Why doing less can help both kids and parents feel calmer and more confident

00:00 Parenting Like It’s 1996
01:39 The Park Moment and Independence
02:56 Fear, Comparison, and Information Overload
05:45 Overscheduling and the Loss of Boredom
07:16 Screens Then vs Screens Now
11:15 Why Boredom Builds Confidence
13:00 Kids Belong in the Real World
13:58 What Parenting Has Improved
16:09 The Permission to Do Less
17:12 Letting Go of Perfect Parenting

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00;00;00;06 – 00;00;20;17

Dr. Mona

And you don’t need to parent exactly like it’s 1996. We’ve learned a lot since then, but you can combine what we know now about emotional intelligence with what worked back then trust, community, boredom, space, less anxiety.

 

00;00;20;19 – 00;00;40;25

Dr. Mona

Hey, it’s Doctor Mona, pediatrician, your online mom friend who tells you how it is. And welcome back to the PedsDocTalk podcast. This year you’re going to hear from an incredible lineup of guest experts, clinicians, authors, and voices. I really respect a new voices I never even knew before they wanted to come on the show. And you’re also going to hear more solo episodes this year.

 

00;00;40;28 – 00;01;02;23

Dr. Mona

Those solo episodes will be value driven conversations about parenting, mindset shifts, and the things that make this whole thing parenting feel more sustainable. Sometimes will be about real life decisions. I’m making the hard ones we don’t always talk about, but probably should. They’re reflective conversations about where parenting is, where I wish it could be, and what we need more of and less of.

 

00;01;02;25 – 00;01;31;02

Dr. Mona

My hope is that these episodes help you breathe a little easier, quiet some of the noise, and feel more grounded in how you’re raising your kids. Because parenting isn’t about doing everything right. It’s about figuring out what matters to you and leading from there. So make sure you are subscribed to the show. I know I say it every time, but in order for the show to continue, I need you all to subscribe and download like crazy all of the episodes you love, because that’s how more people discover this podcast.

 

00;01;31;07 – 00;01;39;19

Dr. Mona

And now let’s get into today’s episode.

 

00;01;39;21 – 00;01;56;12

Dr. Mona

The other day we were at the park and my son started running home to grab something and then would come right back. We live on a dead end street, and the park is basically next door, and he knows exactly where to go. And I don’t think twice about it because we know the safety of our street. We know that he’ll come back and he’s old enough to understand.

 

00;01;56;19 – 00;02;18;10

Dr. Mona

And then someone who we know at the park, who knows where we live, said he’s running away. And I said, no, he’s going to our house. It’s okay. And they weren’t being rude. They weren’t angry. They were just concerned. But that comment stopped me because he wasn’t running away. He was running home. And for me, that’s safe. I started noticing the looks that paused, that unspoken question of, wait, you’re really letting him do that without you?

 

00;02;18;13 – 00;02;38;07

Dr. Mona

Yes. I am not because I’m careless, but because he’s capable. Because the environment is appropriate, because independence doesn’t show up one day. It’s a developmental skill, and kids build it through small moments like this. Every time a child handles something age appropriate on their own, they learn, I can do this. That builds confidence for kids and it builds trust for parents.

 

00;02;38;10 – 00;02;56;11

Dr. Mona

And that’s when it start to hit me. The sort of not been a moment in the 90s. I’m a 1980s baby, so if you’re a millennial like me, you probably remember this. We were outside until the street lights came on. That was the cue time for dinner. Time to go home. Our parents weren’t tracking us constantly. They trusted the neighborhood.

 

00;02;56;11 – 00;03;19;22

Dr. Mona

They trusted the community. And we learned how to function in the world because of it. And with a lot less anxiety. Now, parents often say, well, it’s just not safe anymore. But is it? Here’s the thing. It’s not that the world suddenly has become more dangerous. It’s that we’re exposed to every bad thing all the time. Social media gives us information avalanche of worst case scenarios.

 

00;03;19;24 – 00;03;44;14

Dr. Mona

Those things existed back then too. We just didn’t see them nonstop. They’re happening at the same rate. What changed is in safety. It’s anxiety. It’s the information overload. And that anxiety makes parenting feel exhausting. And frankly, kids feel it and parents carry it. What’s changed isn’t the world. It’s the amount of fear we’re asked to hold. The amount of fear we have access to, and a huge source of that fear.

 

00;03;44;15 – 00;04;09;09

Dr. Mona

That fear of failure. That fear I’m not doing right is comparison. In the 90s, comparison had an endpoint. Your kids went to school, you went to work, you saw people at social events, and then you went home. Your sanctuary. There was separation. There was quiet. You weren’t watching everyone else’s parenting or moves in real time. And kids weren’t watching every other kids dance moves, vacations, outfits, or lives play out on a screen.

 

00;04;09;12 – 00;04;34;19

Dr. Mona

Now comparison lives in our pockets. It follows adults and kids everywhere. There’s no break. There’s no reset. There’s no off switch. And when comparison never turns off, anxiety fills the space. And this is also where bullying has changed. I was bullied in junior high a group of mean girls talking about me, whispering, excluding. And it was hard. But when I went home I felt safe.

 

00;04;34;20 – 00;04;56;25

Dr. Mona

I didn’t have to hear it anymore. I had a home where I could decompress. Friends outside of school, a small circle that grounded me. Home was an escape now for many kids. Bullying doesn’t stop when school ends. It follows them home. It shows up in group chats, comments, screenshots. Kids don’t just experience bullying, they carry it with them all the time, even when they’re home.

 

00;04;56;28 – 00;05;19;10

Dr. Mona

And that matters because when there’s no break, there’s no reset. And when there’s no reset, it can really hit our self-worth. So how do we bring some of that old energy back, that 1990s vibe in a digital world we protect? Home is a safe space. We don’t rush kids into constant online access. We delay social media. We talk openly about what they see and how it makes them feel.

 

00;05;19;10 – 00;05;45;22

Dr. Mona

We help kids build identity and confidence offline so their worth isn’t decided by likes, algorithms, follows, or group chats. And we remember that self-worth. It doesn’t come from comparison. It comes from feeling known, valued and safe. And the home is where that starts. And honestly, this whole topic probably deserves its own episode. Raising kids with self-worth in a digital age is one of the biggest challenges parents are facing right now.

 

00;05;45;24 – 00;06;10;28

Dr. Mona

But for today, the takeaway is this comparison and constant awareness and information overload make everything louder. And when things feel loud, our instinct is to do more, manage more and feel every quiet moment. And that’s where overscheduled creeps in. In the 90s, most kids had one thing. If that soccer season maybe dance. The rest of the time we played, we wandered, made things up, or complained that we were bored.

 

00;06;10;28 – 00;06;33;02

Dr. Mona

But from the boredom came the confidence and creativity to learn something new. Now a lot of kids move from one activity to the next. Practices, lessons. Enrichments all stuck together. Parents feel pressure to fill every open space because empty time feels like falling behind or like you’re not doing enough. But kids don’t build confidence from being constantly managed or scheduled.

 

00;06;33;09 – 00;06;53;29

Dr. Mona

They build it when they decide what to do with their time, when they solve small problems, when they experience frustration and learn to work through it. And honestly, we as parents benefit from this too. Let’s look after ourselves. Less driving, less rushing, less logistics, less feeling like you’re failing if the calendar isn’t full. More time to actually enjoy your kids instead of managing their schedules.

 

00;06;54;05 – 00;07;16;09

Dr. Mona

So what do we do about it? We choose fewer activities. We don’t fall into the trap of achievement culture. We protect open time. We stop treating boredom like an emergency and start seeing it as a skill. Doing less is not falling behind. It’s letting childhood work. And when we don’t know how to sit with that empty space, screens are usually what can fill it.

 

00;07;16;12 – 00;07;37;05

Dr. Mona

And screens are probably one of the biggest sources of debate and defensiveness in parenting right now. And I want to say this upfront we do not follow official screen rules perfectly, and I’m the first to admit that screens are part of our life. Heck, many of you are listening to or watching this on a device right now. I use my phone for pedes doc talk and my job every day.

 

00;07;37;08 – 00;07;58;24

Dr. Mona

Technology is not the enemy, but screens are not our whole life, and we know that that’s the value you need to anchor yourself with. When I think back to the 90s, screens existed, but they look very different. There was no personal devices. If my sister and I wanted to watch something, we had to agree. We had one TV and that meant shared decisions, turn taking, compromise, and sometimes disappointment.

 

00;07;58;27 – 00;08;22;09

Dr. Mona

We didn’t have screens in the car. Definitely not at restaurants. Airplanes had screens, sure, but it wasn’t constant and it wasn’t personalized. Screens showed up occasionally, not automatically. The convenience of screens is real now, and I get that. Families have their reasons. Different kids, different needs, different seasons. This is not a don’t use screens message. This is an intentional use message.

 

00;08;22;11 – 00;08;39;00

Dr. Mona

Before reaching for a device, I asked myself, could I parent this moment the way we did in the 90s? Could I not introduce the screen and still be okay? Could my child wait? Could they observe? Could they just exist in the space that they’re in? You might surprise yourself. In our house we use a share TV, not personal devices.

 

00;08;39;06 – 00;09;00;29

Dr. Mona

The kids decide together what to watch. There’s no watching on individual devices in the house. Screens live on the big TV only. My son does have an iPad, but it’s locked away and he occasionally uses it on days off to Duolingo Kids, which is an educational app. He does some coloring. He likes to go on Google Maps and figure out how to get to school or other places, and I think that’s awesome.

 

00;09;01;04 – 00;09;20;16

Dr. Mona

But it’s intentional, it’s limited, and it’s not the default. We allow iPads on airplanes because we also watch things on airplanes, but that’s survival. We don’t use them in cars or restaurants, not because screens are bad, but because we’re protecting skills kids need to practice. And yes, there’s also an eye health reason here. Big screens are further away.

 

00;09;20;16 – 00;09;42;01

Dr. Mona

Kids aren’t staring inches from a device for long stretches. And that’s why I’m asking you to do look to see if you can use screens as the exception and not the rule. Think of when you really need it, and for the times that maybe don’t need it, look at how you can redirect them out of the screen. And the reason why I focus more on big screen use versus devices is eye protection.

 

00;09;42;04 – 00;10;03;21

Dr. Mona

Big screens are further away devices like cell phones and iPads. It requires the child to do a lot of close work, and staring and doing a lot of close work has an increased risk of nearsightedness, which has been established. And here is what kids learn when screens aren’t the default like it was in the 90s. They learn turn taking when they have to share screen.

 

00;10;03;24 – 00;10;25;11

Dr. Mona

They learn patience when they have to wait. They learn how to negotiate and tolerate not getting exactly what they want. They learn how to be bored. And boredom is where creativity and independence grow. They learn how to be unlock speed without falling apart. And that doesn’t happen because screens are bad. It happens because skills need space to develop.

 

00;10;25;14 – 00;10;33;21

Dr. Mona

Now let’s take a quick break to hear from our sponsors who support helps us keep bringing you this show.

 

00;10;33;24 – 00;10;56;13

Dr. Mona

And like I said, this isn’t about perfection. It’s not about never using screens. It’s about asking one simple question in each moment what skill my helping my child practice right now? What is the purpose of this screen and can I cut back? Sometimes the answer is rest. Sometimes it’s survival. Sometimes it is regulation for my neurodiverse children. As long as you know your why.

 

00;10;56;15 – 00;11;15;17

Dr. Mona

Understand the intent and you won’t go wrong. Because when you start making these choices intentionally, kids build patience, flexibility, and confidence. Parents build trust in their kids and a little more calm for themselves. Because one of the biggest skills kids need to learn is how to be bored, and how to go out into the world without needing constant distraction.

 

00;11;15;19 – 00;11;34;02

Dr. Mona

Boredom teaches patience. It teaches kids how to sit with themselves, how to observe, how to make something out of nothing. And it helps parents learn something too, that their child can cope without immediate entertainment and constant scheduling. I have a very vivid memory of my childhood, and I remember going to stores with my mom and especially Mervyn’s. Like, do you remember this store?

 

00;11;34;02 – 00;11;54;18

Dr. Mona

Mervyn’s? No screens, no snacks. We complain. We made up games in the store. We people watched and eventually we figured it out. We learned that discomfort passes, and boredom means that we come up with the game at the store and we learn something else that matters. Not every space is designed around kids. Sometimes you’re just part of the environment, and that’s okay.

 

00;11;54;19 – 00;12;14;23

Dr. Mona

Children, not everything is for your child, and that’s how they learn how the world works. That’s a big reason I still take my kids on errands when instant gratification can help me do otherwise. We live in a world where you can outsource almost everything. Groceries can be delivered, supplies show up at your door. You don’t actually have to walk an aisle if you don’t want to.

 

00;12;14;26 – 00;12;40;05

Dr. Mona

And sometimes, yes, I want to be clear. It would be easier not to bring our children or to have this privilege of these delivery systems because it can be exhausting. It takes longer to take our children. It’s not always smooth, but I take my kids to the bank. I take my kids to the grocery store. I take them because I want them to see how things happen, how to communicate with strangers with me, how food gets spot, how to get done, how the world works beyond their needs.

 

00;12;40;11 – 00;12;59;28

Dr. Mona

In a moment. Taking your kids on errands are practice. Practice weeding. Practice being bored. Practice walking alongside someone else’s agenda which is yours and what you need to get done. Practice learning that the world doesn’t always revolve around you and that you’re still safe and valued. Because kids don’t need every moment to be exciting. To learn something important.

 

00;13;00;03 – 00;13;19;18

Dr. Mona

When we remove all boredom and discomfort, kids lose the chance to practice those skills and parents lose confidence in what their kids can handle. And this is part of a bigger shift. We don’t always name. Kids spend less time just being out in the world, and adults have become less tolerant of kids existing and shared spaces, especially in America.

 

00;13;19;20 – 00;13;39;03

Dr. Mona

But kids don’t learn boundaries in isolation. They learn them by being out, by messing up and being guided through it. That’s why taking kids with us matters. We coach instead of a void. We let learning happen in real life instead of waiting for perfect behavior. But this also requires the community and people to understand that kids need to learn.

 

00;13;39;05 – 00;13;58;06

Dr. Mona

And in order to learn, they have to be out in the world. And sadly, I feel like especially now in 2026, we haven’t created a world where kids belong and that people understand child development. And remember, you don’t need to optimize every moment for your child. Let kids wait. Let them observe and be part of the world. That’s real learning.

 

00;13;58;08 – 00;14;20;16

Dr. Mona

And to be clear, this isn’t about going backward. We actually know more now than ever about feelings, development and trauma, and that matters. We’ve changed a lot for the better in 2026. I’m glad in 2026, corporal punishment is far less common. Hitting slapping fear as discipline, even though I wish it would just be gone for good. I’m glad more people are realizing that fear based parenting is not needed to raise respectful kids.

 

00;14;20;22 – 00;14;41;25

Dr. Mona

I’m glad we’re talking more about feelings instead of ignoring them and that emotional literacy is finally seen as a life skill, not something soft or optional. I’m glad we’re raising kids who can name what they feel and understand boundaries instead of being scared into compliance. I’m glad we understand more about harmful food culture and language, including the clean your plate mentality.

 

00;14;41;28 – 00;15;04;01

Dr. Mona

Labeling food as good or bad, and the way adults talk about bodies around kids. I’m glad we’re moving away from controlling kids bodies and towards teaching autonomy, consent, and trust in feeding and touch and in movement. I’m glad more parents are questioning hustle, culture, achievement, culture and childhood. The pressure to optimize kids and the idea that busyness equals good parenting.

 

00;15;04;04 – 00;15;24;28

Dr. Mona

I’m glad we’re starting to understand that kids don’t need constant praise or pressure to perform. They need connection, predictability, and leadership. I’m glad we’re talking more openly about parental mental health, burnout, and the reality that caring for parents is part of caring for kids. I’m glad we’re learning that discipline is about teaching, not punishing, and that limits can be firm without being mean.

 

00;15;25;00 – 00;15;45;09

Dr. Mona

I’m glad more parents are realizing that perfection was never the goal and that repair, reflection, and growth matter more than getting it right the first time. This part is progress and we don’t need to lose it in 2026. But emotional awareness doesn’t mean removing all discomfort, and it doesn’t mean kids never struggle. You can help kids name their feelings and still expect patience.

 

00;15;45;12 – 00;16;08;24

Dr. Mona

You can validate emotions and still hold limits. You can be compassionate and still lead. The goal isn’t to raise kids who never feel hard things. It’s to raise kids who know they can handle them. So here’s the permission part you need to do less. Less scheduling. Less managing. Less. Filling. Every moment a calmer, less packed childhood helps kids build confidence, patience, and independence.

 

00;16;09;00 – 00;16;31;26

Dr. Mona

And it helps parents feel less burned out and more present. Just like in the 90s. And you don’t need to parent exactly like it’s 1996. We’ve learned a lot since then, but you can combine what we know now about emotional intelligence with what worked back then trust, community, boredom, space. Less anxiety. Back then, kids weren’t optimized. They were trusted.

 

00;16;32;03 – 00;16;52;09

Dr. Mona

They had room to be bored. Room to struggle and room to figure things out with adults nearby not hovering over them. I’m scared that in 2026 we have created a culture of hovering parenting. Not necessarily helicoptering, but hovering in the sense that we want to control every aspect of our child. Are they meeting milestones? Are they doing well in school?

 

00;16;52;14 – 00;17;12;24

Dr. Mona

Are they doing this? Are they safe? Am I doing this right by my child? Is all of this making sense? And with all of that comes a lot of parental anxiety and that is not doing well for you. And that is not serving well for your child. We don’t need to recreate the 90s. We just need to remember that kids grew because they were allowed to.

 

00;17;12;27 – 00;17;33;21

Dr. Mona

Parenting didn’t get harder because parents don’t know what they’re doing now. It got harder because there’s more noise, more opinions, and more pressure to do it all at once and to do it perfectly. And here’s what I want you to hear. Parenting was never supposed to be perfect. It was always messy. You’re learning in real time with a real human who keeps changing.

 

00;17;33;23 – 00;17;58;01

Dr. Mona

Of course, you don’t have it all figured out. The problem isn’t that parents are doing it wrong, is that we’re being told there’s a right way for every single moment, and that’s not how parenting works. You’re not meant to follow everything. You’re not meant to know everything. You’re meant to choose a few trusted sources, maybe a couple books or professionals or friends that align with your values and then actually live your life.

 

00;17;58;03 – 00;18;18;11

Dr. Mona

Filter information through what matters to you, not through fear. Parenting works better when it’s grounded in values and not perfection. When you’re allowed to adjust, repair, and learn as you go. And that’s not failure. That’s the process of being a parent. And that’s how we bring joy back into parenting. In 2026.

 

00;18;18;13 – 00;18;41;29

Dr. Mona

If this episode gave you a new perspective, helped you breathe a little easier, or rethink how much pressure you’re carrying, I’d love for you to stay connected. Make sure you’re subscribed to the podcast so you don’t miss future episodes, especially more of these finding Joy conversations and our upcoming special guests coming on the show. If this resonated, download the episode and share it with a friend who might need to hear it.

 

00;18;42;02 – 00;19;00;19

Dr. Mona

And if you share it on Social Tag at the PedsDocTalk Podcast and PedsDocTalk so I can see it and share it too. And as always, thank you for being here, for caring and for doing the work of raising whole humans, but also doing the work and wanting to better yourself to be a great parent in 2026.

 

00;19;00;19 – 00;19;10;06

Dr. Mona

You do not need to recreate 1990s. You just need to bring back trust in your kids and in yourself. I’ll catch you all next time. Stay well.