In this episode, I’m getting deeply personal about something so many of us carry but rarely talk about: mom guilt. After speaking at the Mom 2.0 Summit and leaving home with a sick child, I found myself questioning everything—again. Can I be a present, loving mom and still pursue the work that lights me up?

 

I explore the tension between purpose and presence, and how we can reframe guilt as a sign of how deeply we care—not proof that we’re failing. I also dive into the concept of the “good-enough mother,” the power of modeling joy, and why slowing down doesn’t mean giving up. If you’ve ever felt torn between who you are and who you’re becoming, this episode is for you.

 

I discuss:

• Why mom guilt isn’t always a red flag—it’s often a sign of growth and purpose.
• How modeling joy and ambition can actually strengthen your child’s emotional development.
• What it means to embrace shifting seasons in motherhood without losing yourself.

 

00:00 – Welcome and Why This Episode Matters

01:20 – Guilt, Motherhood, and the Summit

03:21 – Speaking to Moms as Whole People

04:21 – The Return of Finding Joy

05:08 – The Good Enough Mother

06:18 – Purpose Beyond Motherhood

07:46 – When Purpose Feels Out of Reach

08:36 – Modeling Fulfillment for Our Kids

10:20 – Wholeness is the Legacy

12:49 – Integration, Not Sacrifice

 

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00;00;00;00 – 00;00;19;17

Dr. Mona

Hi everyone. Doctor Mona here, your dedicated pediatrician, caring confidant and supportive mom friend in all things parenting. Welcome to the PedsDocTalk where I host expert advice and real talk designed to help you thrive as a parent. Whether this is your 200th episode or your very first. I’m so glad you’re here. And if you are new, welcome!

 

00;00;19;18 – 00;00;38;01

Dr. Mona

I’ve got so many episodes you can binge after this one, so be sure to subscribe and download to support the show and stay in the loop. Now today’s episode is more personal and it’s one I’ve been holding in my heart since I got back from the mom 2.0 Summit in Orlando. I was invited to speak at the summit through a brand partnership with munchkin.

 

00;00;38;03 – 00;00;56;13

Dr. Mona

I didn’t know much about the summit. They said I’d have a five minute speaking slot on the main stage, and because I love public speaking and these opportunities and connecting with other women, I said yes, please. But what I walked into and walked out of after this weekend wasn’t just an event. It was a room filled with moms, entrepreneurs, creatives and advocates.

 

00;00;56;13 – 00;01;20;07

Dr. Mona

It was energy. It was palpable. It was honesty. It was exactly what I didn’t know I needed. Some of the keynotes were from the amazing Brené Brown and Shannon Watts. One quote from Brené Brown really stuck with me. We don’t need more nonchalant. We need more talent, more intentional care, more unapologetic passion. Be silent AF, she said. We should all get that on a shirt or a hat, and I agree.

 

00;01;20;09 – 00;01;48;11

Dr. Mona

And Shannon White said, if you don’t have a seat at the table, you’re going to be on the menu. And it got me thinking, how often do we, as moms, shrink our dreams to be good or go towards societal expectations? How often do we believe that our presence and our purpose are in conflict? And then life gave me a perfect reminder of that tension just a couple of days before the summit, my daughter got a fever and a virus and runny nose.

 

00;01;48;11 – 00;02;08;26

Dr. Mona

And I have an amazing care team, but I felt guilty. Should I even go? Is she going to be okay? Can I have fun while she and my husband and my nanny are busy taking care of a kid? Am I choosing work over my child? I had to sit with that feeling, that familiar weight. So many moms carry and I carry two.

 

00;02;08;29 – 00;02;32;01

Dr. Mona

And let’s be honest, dads don’t get hit with the same level of guilt. Not because they don’t love their kids, but because society doesn’t place the same emotional and moral expectations on them. We live in a culture that often defines good mothering as constant sacrifice, constant presence, constant vigilance. We glorify burnout in motherhood and question ambition. But here’s what I’ve realized and what today’s episode is all about.

 

00;02;32;04 – 00;02;55;14

Dr. Mona

Guilt isn’t always a signal that we’re doing something wrong. Sometimes it’s just a sign that we’re doing something different, something bold. We carry it because we care, but we don’t have to let it define our choices. So today I want to explore that space between purpose and presence. What if they don’t have to compete? What if they can dance together and teach our children more than either one could do alone?

 

00;02;55;16 – 00;03;21;11

Dr. Mona

Before we dive in, I want to take a moment to share why I’m speaking directly to moms in this episode. If you’ve been part of the Pedes Doctor community for a while, you know this platform started with a passion for child health and parenting guidance, but it’s grown into something so much more. Over the years, I’ve come to realize that my audience, you is made up largely of moms, women who are not only raising children, but also carrying the invisible load, the emotional labor, the questions of who am I now?

 

00;03;21;13 – 00;03;45;05

Dr. Mona

And while I love creating evidence based educational content to help you feel informed and confident as a parent, sometimes I want to talk about you, not as a caregiver, not as a scheduler or snack prepper, but as a whole person. That’s why this episode is deeply personal. And honestly, it’s been a long time since I’ve done an episode like this one that’s less about parenting and more about identity, more about the woman behind the role.

 

00;03;45;08 – 00;04;03;02

Dr. Mona

Some of you might remember the finding Joy series I used to do on the podcast. It was all about helping moms reconnect with themselves and uncover joy, not in spite of motherhood, but through it. And today, I think I’m bringing it back because this conversation about purpose, presence, and permission is exactly what finding Joy was always meant to be.

 

00;04;03;05 – 00;04;21;05

Dr. Mona

So if you love this episode or any past episodes from that series, let me know. DM me over at the Pete’s Doc Talk podcast on Instagram or leave a review wherever you’re listening. Your feedback fuels these episodes and helps me bring you more of what really matters, not just for your child’s development and health, but for yours too.

 

00;04;21;08 – 00;04;45;00

Dr. Mona

So let’s talk about the guilt that we carry. That quiet whisper if I do this thing for me. Am I taking something away from my kids? I’ve been there. That whisper turned into Aurora the moment my daughter had a fever just days before the summit. I had so much excitement, so much lined up. I was genuinely excited and suddenly that old familiar voice came rushing in.

 

00;04;45;03 – 00;05;08;14

Dr. Mona

Should I cancel everything? Am I choosing work over her? If I go, am I a bad mom to good moms do this? The guilt is so visceral and it’s so specific to mothers. And why? Because culturally, we’ve been conditioned to equate good mothering with total sacrifice, with being there all the time. Meanwhile, dads, while absolutely loving and committed, don’t carry that same internalized narrative.

 

00;05;08;17 – 00;05;33;05

Dr. Mona

This isn’t about blame. It’s about unlearning. Because here’s the truth. Supported by decades of psychology research. Being a perfect parent isn’t the goal. In fact, it’s not even healthy. Let’s talk about the good enough mother. This term was introduced by British pediatrician and psychoanalyst Doctor Donald Winnicott in the 1950s. He observed that children don’t need and actually shouldn’t have a perfectly attuned, ever present parent.

 

00;05;33;08 – 00;05;56;26

Dr. Mona

A good enough parent meets the child’s needs most of the time, but not all the time. And that gap helps a child build resilience, self-soothing skills, and autonomy. Winnicott said it is love and the imperfect nature of maternal care that allows a child to develop emotionally. So when we feel that guilt, we can pause and ask, is this guilt rooted in my values or an unrealistic external pressure?

 

00;05;56;28 – 00;06;18;07

Dr. Mona

Because, according to the research, and from what I’ve seen in my practice and my own parenting journey, our kids thrive when we show up as our whole selves. That includes the part of us that cuddles them through a fever, and the part that shines when we speak on a stage. Lead a project or say yes to purpose. So yes, you are allowed to have passions outside of your kids.

 

00;06;18;09 – 00;06;43;22

Dr. Mona

It’s not selfish. It’s not neglectful. It’s modeling. It’s humanity and it’s love. And I want to say something really important here. Your purpose doesn’t always have to be big or loud or public. It doesn’t have to look like a podcast or a business or a stage. Sometimes your purpose is quiet. Sometimes it’s survival, and sometimes it’s rest. And sometimes the hardest times.

 

00;06;43;28 – 00;07;02;25

Dr. Mona

Your purpose is right there in your heart. But the season you’re in won’t let you live it out. I’ve always known I wanted to be a deeply present mother and to be lit up by my work. I love speaking, creating, connecting, helping parents and children. But the truth? There were seasons where my desires and my reality were in complete conflict.

 

00;07;02;27 – 00;07;27;08

Dr. Mona

When I was going through IVF, when Ryan was a toddler, when we were parenting without childcare, when the world shut down in the pandemic, I had dreams in my heart that didn’t have space to stretch and that disconnect, that gap between what I wanted and what life allowed. It hurt. It was frustrating, lonely and exhausting. But it taught me something I now carry with so much compassion for myself and for every parent listening.

 

00;07;27;10 – 00;07;46;00

Dr. Mona

Just because your purpose is on pause doesn’t mean it’s gone. There is no failure and needing to wait. There’s no shame in surviving a season that doesn’t meet your desires. That’s what no rush calls a power pause. And it’s not a stopping point. It’s a conscious, brave decision to realign, to slow down, to trust that the calling will still be there when you’re ready.

 

00;07;46;03 – 00;08;10;05

Dr. Mona

She says slowing down doesn’t mean stopping. It means realigning. And she’s right. Your purpose doesn’t disappear. It waits. It changes. It deepens. And when the time is right, you’ll return to it stronger, clearer and even more grounded. When I got back from the mom 2.0 summit, I felt that alignment return. Ryan came running to me, full of love, and I hugged him and said, Ryan, I love you.

 

00;08;10;05 – 00;08;36;06

Dr. Mona

I love Vera and Daddy and Shiloh so much. And I also love when I get to meet and help other mommies. It makes me really happy to be able to do both I said and and not, but because this isn’t about choosing between my family and my purpose. This is about showing my children what wholeness looks like. So if you’re listening and feeling torn, tired, or trapped between your dreams and your current reality, I want you to hear this.

 

00;08;36;08 – 00;08;57;22

Dr. Mona

You are still becoming and you’re becoming is not behind. The dream isn’t dead. It’s just waiting for you to catch your breath and the right moment to spring. And remember, maybe your purpose right now is motherhood. Maybe it’s putting other passions on pause to devote your time and commitment to your child, and that is mindful purpose. We all have a different story.

 

00;08;57;22 – 00;09;20;00

Dr. Mona

We have different goals. We have different values. And your purpose is yours to define and know that purpose can change in different seasons. You may love being 100% in motherhood now and want to explore passions later, but always remember to watch for yourself outside of motherhood so your children see you. Care for yourself as much as you care for them.

 

00;09;20;02 – 00;09;46;24

Dr. Mona

Now, let’s take a quick break to hear from our sponsors, whose support helps us keep bringing you this show. For now, let’s talk about purpose as a parenting tool. Let’s reframe this whole conversation. What is your purpose? Separate from parenting is one of your most powerful parenting tools. Because when our children see us pursue something that lights us up, something that makes us feel fulfilled and engaged, they learn a powerful lesson that they are allowed to do the same.

 

00;09;46;27 – 00;10;19;29

Dr. Mona

Whether it’s a podcast, a pottery class, a nonprofit, a garden, or simply sitting down to read a book that has nothing to do with parenting, it matters. Psychologist doctor Erica Reiser explains that children who observe their parents engaging in meaningful activities outside of child rearing develop a stronger sense of identity, autonomy, and internal motivation. Similarly, research out of the University of British Columbia found that maternal role modeling, where kids witnessed their moms engaging in activities that reflect personal values and enjoyment, is linked to higher self-esteem in children, particularly daughters.

 

00;10;20;01 – 00;10;38;20

Dr. Mona

It’s not about what you do. It’s about who they see you being. Doctor Lisa Damore, a clinical psychologist and author of The Emotional Lives of Teenagers, writes one of the best things we can do for our kids is to show them what it looks like to live a full life, not just a devoted one, because devotion without selfhood can actually feel like pressure to our kids.

 

00;10;38;22 – 00;11;01;16

Dr. Mona

But selfhood alongside self-love, that’s freedom. So when I come home from speaking, eyes glowing, energy buzzing, my kids don’t just see me working or don’t think that I was away from them. They see me alive. They see that joy is allowed here, that fulfillment is not selfish. And that glow, that’s no distraction from motherhood. That’s part of the legacy I’m building for them.

 

00;11;01;18 – 00;11;25;22

Dr. Mona

Because I don’t want them growing up thinking that love requires disappearance or full self-sacrifice. I want them to know that love and purpose can hold hands, and that being whole is something to aspire to, not hide from. And as a reminder, I’ve had the hard seasons too. For over two years I was deep in the fog, postpartum healing, inconsistent child care, trying to parent, create, breathe all during a pandemic IVF.

 

00;11;25;25 – 00;11;45;24

Dr. Mona

Physically and mentally, I was exhausted. I didn’t feel lit up. I felt like I was barely holding it together. And in that space, purpose felt far away. So if that’s where you are right now, this episode isn’t here to push you. It’s here to hold space for you, to remind you that your glow isn’t gone. It’s just resting.

 

00;11;45;26 – 00;12;05;16

Dr. Mona

Sometimes we confuse a dim season with the end of our light. But friend, your light is still there. You just need time. Time to recover. To reimagine and to return to your self as therapist. Vienna for own says healing doesn’t always look like forward movement. Sometimes it looks like stillness, like quiet, like waiting. And something I remind myself often.

 

00;12;05;16 – 00;12;25;20

Dr. Mona

And I hope you’ll carry with you too. Just because you’re not building something big right now doesn’t mean you’re not building something beautiful. You are allowed to evolve you. You’re allowed to be present in where you are and be powerful. You are allowed to pursue purpose even in small pieces. As Glennon Doyle puts it, you can be grateful for what you have and still want more.

 

00;12;25;22 – 00;12;49;14

Dr. Mona

That more doesn’t make you less of a mom. It makes you whole. And here’s one more thing to carry with you. Motherhood is not a pause on your identity. It’s an expansion of it. You’re not who you were before. You’re not quite who you’re becoming yet. But in this in-between space, you are enough. And the beautiful thing about seasons, they change and so will you.

 

00;12;49;16 – 00;13;10;24

Dr. Mona

So if you’re wondering, do I have to choose between being with my kids and being myself? The answer is no. You don’t have to choose. You get to integrate. Maybe today your purpose is quiet. Maybe it’s bull. Maybe it’s with your child and nothing else. Maybe it’s brewing. But no matter the shape it takes, it is worthy. Let your kids see you come alive.

 

00;13;10;24 – 00;13;37;07

Dr. Mona

Let them see you. Care deeply. Dream boldly and glow fully. Because that glow, that’s what they’ll remember. That’s what will teach them how to live. Thank you for being here. If this episode spoke to you, please share it with another mom who might need this reminder and also leave a review and share it on social media. Until next time, I’m Doctor Mona and this is the PedsDocTalk podcast where we’re not only raising our children, we’re raising ourselves.