On this episode I welcome Thenedra Roots on Instagram as @raisingtherootsboys. We discuss the following and so much more!

• Why she started Raising The Roots Boys
• What it means to her raising Black boys in America today
• The obvious differences she sees in the way her children are treated in society
• Her biggest concern for her children’s future
• How non-black parents can support her and other Black parents in the parenting world
•  What she thinks we as parents can do to make our children’s future more inclusive

00;00;08;19 – 00;00;32;06

Dr. Mona

Welcome to this week’s episode. I am so excited to welcome Thenedra Roots. She is a mother and creator of the Instagram handle Raising the Roots Boys, and she’s joining me for a series that I created on this podcast called a mother’s message, where I share perspectives from mothers all over the world on raising their kids, things that they’re going through as mothers to share perspective.

 

00;00;32;09 – 00;00;34;23

Dr. Mona

Thank you so much for joining me today.

 

00;00;34;25 – 00;00;47;19

Thenedra Roots

Thank you for having me. I’m really excited to share my experience and just to talk about kind of my journey and what it’s been like raising three black boys in America and soon to welcome the fourth.

 

00;00;47;22 – 00;00;59;02

Dr. Mona

Well, I’m so excited about this because we connected on social media, and I wanted to talk about, like I said, a mother’s message raising black boys in America. Why did you start raising the roots boys?

 

00;00;59;04 – 00;01;23;19

Thenedra Roots

Yeah. So initially I started it as a online journal diary to document my pregnancy with the twins. They were conceived via IVF, and so it was a way for me to connect with other twin moms, other IVF moms. And it soon just evolved into this beautiful space and community that I created and connected with other parents who have similar experiences.

 

00;01;23;22 – 00;01;41;22

Thenedra Roots

And now it’s still an online journal for the twins, but it’s also a resource. It’s also my advocacy for them, for other children and parents like them. And so it’s just been really beautiful to build this community with other parents who have similar experiences.

 

00;01;41;24 – 00;01;56;00

Dr. Mona

So it started out as more of obviously sharing your pregnancy journey, but tell me more about what it means to you to raise black boys in America today, because like you said, it transitioned more into that. What kind of prompted that transition?

 

00;01;56;02 – 00;02;25;15

Thenedra Roots

Honestly, when my children started to experience racism, you know, before they were a year old, jokes and comments, microaggressions, those sorts of things. And I am determined to not have them have the same experience that I did growing up as a black woman. And so it really triggered a lot of my own trauma as it relates to racism and the color of my skin and growing up in a predominantly white neighborhood.

 

00;02;25;15 – 00;02;51;29

Thenedra Roots

And that’s when I decided that to do my own inner healing, or that that’s actually when I realized that I still had some inner healing to do in order to be their advocate. And so after the murder of George Floyd, which happened 15 minutes from our house, and also happened two days before their second birthday, it really hit me that I was celebrating their second birthday and I sat there and I said, how many more birthdays am I going to get with them?

 

00;02;52;06 – 00;02;56;27

Thenedra Roots

And that was a very sad, sobering moment for me.

 

00;02;56;29 – 00;03;12;26

Dr. Mona

And, you know, the death of George Floyd, I think, opened a lot of our eyes. I mean, I think most of us knew to some degree what was happening in the black American community. But I don’t think when you visually saw that, I think it opened up everyone’s eyes that know this is actually documented in front of you.

 

00;03;12;26 – 00;03;35;02

Dr. Mona

There’s no way that you can say this, that or the other. There is no justification at all. Like I think so many non-black Americans would say, well, this happened, right? There’s always an excuse. But no, there really is no excuse. For for this and for the murder of another human being. Right. And, you know, I can only imagine what that felt as a mom and, you know, watching your beautiful boys grow up and want the best life for them, like any mother would.

 

00;03;35;02 – 00;03;44;25

Dr. Mona

And then seeing and having to maybe not even explain to them because they’re so young. But just having you, you’re even seeing that. And one day you may have to explain that to them, you know.

 

00;03;44;28 – 00;04;07;06

Thenedra Roots

Last year at this time they didn’t understand as much. This year they have a lot more understanding as they just turned three. My husband’s an artist and so he painted a few murals of Gianna Floyd, of George Floyd, of Breonna Taylor. The twins were on the couch with us as we watched the verdict happen. They watched the tears and the relief and the anger.

 

00;04;07;06 – 00;04;24;18

Thenedra Roots

And we have been very transparent to the best of, you know, what a three year old can understand? And they know George Floyd, they know the name. They know what he looks like when they hear, you know, on the news or on the radio station. We talk about what happened and we have to it’s a privilege to not have to talk to your kids about that.

 

00;04;24;22 – 00;04;46;10

Thenedra Roots

You know, we explain to them that there are people that are going to not be nice to you because the color of your skin. And the sooner we have those conversations happens, the easier it will be for them to understand when they experience something you know, at 4 or 5 and can really understand, like, wow, this was discrimination or wow, this was racism.

 

00;04;46;12 – 00;04;57;20

Dr. Mona

Yeah. And you mentioned that, you know, you saw some microaggressions happen towards them even when they were infants and younger. Right. Were these coming from strangers? From people you knew? You know, tell me more about that.

 

00;04;57;22 – 00;05;18;13

Thenedra Roots

Yeah. Unfortunately, there was a joke made by a family member of mine when we were, you know, outside there was a tree that was dropping cotton everywhere, and it was getting in their faces. They were babies. They were four months old. And the family member of mine, said, well, at least they’re not picking the cotton and I’m black.

 

00;05;18;13 – 00;05;38;11

Thenedra Roots

I was adopted, yeah, I was adopted into a white family. My parents are white, my siblings are white. And so these were the jokes and things that I heard growing up my entire life, really. And so, yeah, at six, you know, four months, six months old, you know, comments about them. Wow. Their their skin is getting so dark from the sun.

 

00;05;38;13 – 00;06;03;08

Thenedra Roots

Last year, there was a comment made about their hair by a Costco employee. And so it’s just been continuous for their life. And I hear those things growing up and they impact you. But it’s a different way. But when you become a parent like that mama bear mode that like instinct to like, want to literally hurt someone, that just hurt your child is so real.

 

00;06;03;11 – 00;06;24;25

Thenedra Roots

And I think that was the moment for me. It was like, no, my children will not have the same experience. You will not have access to my children either if these are the comments that you’ve made. And so it’s been a challenging thing to navigate, from strangers. Unfortunately, family members, which should be the people that are protecting and advocating for you, that’s just not always the case for us.

 

00;06;24;28 – 00;06;44;02

Dr. Mona

Well, I imagine that seeing that same cycle of racism or microaggression that you experience and wanting to protect your child from that is, again, Mama Bear. But any any parent would want that. Is there anything that you’ve done or that you’ve tried to do to help protect them or open them to like understanding what’s going on? Or do you feel like they’re too young for that?

 

00;06;44;02 – 00;06;44;29

Dr. Mona

Right now?

 

00;06;45;01 – 00;07;07;02

Thenedra Roots

I’ve created space. It’s been really, positive of the pandemic. Is that the intentional space between family members and other people? And then just the conversations, like I said, we talk about these things. I had a falling out with a neighbor, after someone had called the police on my brother, who is black, who was at our house.

 

00;07;07;04 – 00;07;31;07

Thenedra Roots

And, you know, I voiced my frustrations about it. And she, as a white woman, shared how she was offended that I said I hated living in a white neighborhood. And I don’t have the energy or the time to explain to someone in 2021 why that was so scary and triggering could potentially be fatal for my black family to have a police officer show up at my doorstep.

 

00;07;31;10 – 00;07;52;20

Thenedra Roots

And so that falling out just happened and my children were close with her children, and I had to explain to them in a way that they understood. And I just said, mommy had a situation that was very scary and I didn’t feel supported. And you know, what she said to mommy wasn’t kind and supportive. And so sometimes we just can’t be friends with people if they’re not going to support us.

 

00;07;52;22 – 00;08;10;11

Thenedra Roots

And that’s the way I explained it to them. And when they ask, you know, they’ll see your neighbors and, you know, they’ll say, yeah, you didn’t feel supported, did you, mom? No, I didn’t feel supported. If we don’t feel supported by people, it’s okay to end relationships. It’s okay to not be friends with people that don’t support us.

 

00;08;10;13 – 00;08;28;29

Dr. Mona

Yeah, and this might be a segue to what you just mentioned, but what sort of obvious differences do you see in the way your children or even you are treated in society, like you mentioned? Obviously having your neighbor calling the cops on your brother, but any other obvious differences for how you see people view your children or yourself.

 

00;08;29;01 – 00;08;49;08

Thenedra Roots

I’m in an interracial relationship. My husband is white, although he has very olive skin tone and so sometimes he is mistaken as a person of color. But for the most part, you know, when we’re out people will make comments. You know, one of my sons is a lot lighter skinned and actually has blond hair. We have no idea where his blond hair came from, but he does.

 

00;08;49;08 – 00;09;15;11

Thenedra Roots

And that’s the beauty of, you know, mixing races. You just don’t know what you’re going to get. And, you know, just comments about his lighter skin or comments. If he’s mine just because his skin is lighter and you know, those sorts of things, that is how we navigate our communities when we’re out and about. You know, comments about how many children I have, whereas, you know, we’re out at a carnival and there’s a white family with six children, you know, and did they get that same comment?

 

00;09;15;11 – 00;09;36;23

Thenedra Roots

Probably not. The hair is a big thing. The microaggressions around the hair is a very frustrating topic for me, and it’s one we’ve had a lot of conversations with the twins about, is you tell people not to touch your hair and to make comments about your hair, because we will literally have random strangers, like petting them. First of all, we’re still in a pandemic.

 

00;09;36;25 – 00;09;59;13

Thenedra Roots

Second of all, you don’t touch someone’s body without consent. And yeah, I understand the intention behind it, but it is a microaggression. You know it is. And you don’t see that happening with other white children who might have straight blond hair, you know, or straight brunet hair, but because they have big curly hair, it’s just like people can just not help themselves.

 

00;09;59;13 – 00;10;00;24

Thenedra Roots

And it’s very frustrating.

 

00;10;01;00 – 00;10;18;12

Dr. Mona

Oh, wow. Yeah, that would not be the same thing that Mama Bear. Like, why are we needing to touch your hair in a pandemic or not? And yeah, and you know, a lot of it. I don’t understand if people feel like that is like being accepting, but it’s not. I agree with you. Like touching any child or touching a human being is not.

 

00;10;18;14 – 00;10;33;21

Dr. Mona

It boggles my mind sometimes. And I feel it too. I mean, as a Indian-American, I mean, the comments that we get, it’s like, do we really think that that was being inclusive, or do we think that that was being accepted because it doesn’t really seem that way? So, so many things that I’m like, wait, what just happened?

 

00;10;33;22 – 00;10;43;14

Dr. Mona

Like you literally feel like sometimes you’re like, did that just really happen? And yeah, do you even say anything at the moment? But I wonder if probably not, because you almost are like in a blur, like, is this really happening right now?

 

00;10;43;17 – 00;11;03;12

Thenedra Roots

Yeah. You know, in the beginning I was very shocking because it’s happened to me. Like I’ve literally been in a meeting at work with, you know, all of my colleagues white and come to work with braids or come to work with my natural curls out and I’ve had people touch me and it’s so shocking sometimes you don’t know what to say in the moment.

 

00;11;03;12 – 00;11;21;04

Thenedra Roots

And then, you know, time passes and you wish you would have said this. Yeah, we were actually in California and we were waiting for ice cream on the street, and the boys are kind of dancing on the sidewalk. And I was telling them to come over by me because people were walking by, and this older gentleman put his, like, whole hand on top of.

 

00;11;21;04 – 00;11;42;05

Thenedra Roots

So these head and I moved his hand and was like, do not touch him, do not touch her. And he was so startled by that. But Sylvia was also so startled by him, a complete stranger. And, you know, he was very apologetic, and I think he felt bad, which, okay, that’s your feelings, but I just don’t get it.

 

00;11;42;05 – 00;12;07;12

Thenedra Roots

I’ve never had this urge to just grab someone else’s child, especially a child who you don’t know if they have, you know, certain disabilities. You just never know. So I just I don’t understand it. I don’t understand it, but I so yeah, I have to and I tell the boys, you can say don’t touch my hair. And they’ve learned like, you know, if mommy’s doing her hair, they’ll be like, oh mommy, can I touch your hair?

 

00;12;07;13 – 00;12;24;28

Thenedra Roots

You know, I’m brushing it. Sure. Like they they’re learning that, and they’ll come home from school and tell me, you know, so-and-so touched my hair, and I said, how did it make you feel? And, you know, they’ll say, oh, I didn’t mind it. I said, they could. I’m like, okay, that’s fine. But remember, you can say I don’t like it, or you have to tell people to ask you first.

 

00;12;25;01 – 00;12;31;09

Thenedra Roots

So that’s really the biggest thing. And it’s just yeah, it’s just mind boggling.

 

00;12;31;11 – 00;12;46;00

Dr. Mona

Yeah. And like you said, I just don’t get it because it’s not something anyone should be doing to any child, or adults. So the fact that it happens and also we know that it’s coming with the hair and the microaggressions associated behind that, I mean, that would add a whole different layer that I think people don’t understand.

 

00;12;46;03 – 00;12;46;12

Thenedra Roots

Actually.

 

00;12;46;16 – 00;13;01;25

Dr. Mona

And it’s stuff that when you’re already exposed to your childhood. Right. I know that also triggers stuff from your childhood and you’re like, absolutely not. And I’m sure that guy was taking it. I don’t know, maybe he was taken aback and he might have been like, why? You know, people don’t understand why, as a mother, we may react like that, right?

 

00;13;01;25 – 00;13;19;19

Dr. Mona

Like you’re going to react like that because there’s a reason to react like that right there. And there’s history here. The action that that person is doing is coming from a place of, like I said, microaggression. Like it’s not just a simple no, sometimes. Sometimes it’s like, no, get off of my son. Like, do you find that anyone has ever looked at your reaction in a negative way?

 

00;13;19;20 – 00;13;20;18

Thenedra Roots

Oh, yes.

 

00;13;20;18 – 00;13;33;01

Dr. Mona

Yeah. And I don’t think that’s fair. And I’m happy you’re bringing that up because I feel like I’m being very honest. Like if it was a white mom who had the same reaction. Yeah, there wouldn’t be the same sort of. Whoa, whoa, why are you getting upset, you know?

 

00;13;33;04 – 00;13;58;17

Thenedra Roots

Yep. Absolutely. If it was my black husband touching your white son or daughter’s hair. Yeah. You know, and it’s funny because I joked to my husband, I was like, one of these times, I just want to, like, pat their hair back. But that grosses me out. Like, I don’t want to touch someone else, you know? And I understand because, yeah, I’m like, I would love to see the reaction in if I then just started, like putting my hands in their hair too.

 

00;13;58;18 – 00;14;02;11

Thenedra Roots

Like I don’t think anyone would find that to be comfortable at all.

 

00;14;02;17 – 00;14;15;23

Dr. Mona

Yeah. Totally agree. Is there any other things that you’ve seen, like differences in the way you know, your children are viewed or your viewed in society? How is in terms of your labor delivery, did you have any sort of issues there or you felt really supported?

 

00;14;15;25 – 00;14;40;02

Thenedra Roots

Yeah. So up until it was about time to give birth to the twins, I felt very supported. You know, I know that there is a high rate of infant and mother death when it comes to being black. But it was so interesting because at about, I would say 30 to 34 weeks, my OB started pushing for me to have a C-section.

 

00;14;40;04 – 00;15;07;26

Thenedra Roots

And I didn’t know what I know now then, but I knew enough about it to challenge of why are we scheduling a C-section when there’s so far no medical necessity? And it got to the point where I was going to change providers, and I said that to him. I said, you know what? If you are uncomfortable or if it’s just easier for you to schedule the C-section, I will find someone else to deliver this baby.

 

00;15;07;29 – 00;15;29;24

Thenedra Roots

And then he finally started to back off. And, you know, I know that there’s risks with birth regardless. But for me, it was why schedule something if there’s no medical necessity? The babies were healthy so far. I was good so far. Both of them were head down and thankfully, you know, I didn’t need to. And he was actually out of town when I went into labor.

 

00;15;29;24 – 00;15;49;13

Thenedra Roots

And so I had another O.B. delivery. She was fantastic, and I was actually happy about it. I was like, I worked with you this whole time, but I had a different one. It was great, I felt empowered. It was a great, great birth with the twins, and thankfully I ended up switching clinics after that experience and with my birth, same thing.

 

00;15;49;13 – 00;16;09;09

Thenedra Roots

It was great. I’ll have the same OB hopefully delivering the baby that’s coming in a couple weeks. But thankfully in that arena, besides the pressure of trying to have a C-section, I haven’t experienced, you know, anything discriminatory or anything that I felt really impacted my ability to give birth.

 

00;16;09;11 – 00;16;25;25

Dr. Mona

Oh, that’s so great because I recorded an episode, episode 64, for anyone listening that wants to listen to this about racial disparities in maternal health. So I’m so glad to hear that your experience ended up being positive and that you advocated for yourself. You talk so much about advocacy, and sometimes we just don’t know how to do that.

 

00;16;25;25 – 00;16;42;26

Dr. Mona

But everyone, you have to listen to that. Episode 64, where I talk about why this is such an important topic to allude to in this episode, and why it’s important for our children, whether you are a black woman or not. Why it’s important for all of us to understand this. I’m happy everything turned out well and I have really pushed for yourself.

 

00;16;42;26 – 00;16;44;08

Dr. Mona

That’s so awesome.

 

00;16;44;10 – 00;17;07;01

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00;17;07;03 – 00;17;29;00

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00;17;29;02 – 00;17;40;20

Dr. Mona

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00;17;40;22 – 00;18;03;16

Dr. Mona

You know, this is such a such a great conversation with you already. You know, it’s just so hard to hear all of this because, well, it’s important to hear all of it, but it’s hard because I know that there’s things that we can do maybe as a society. I think when, when people listen to this and I hope people are really understanding why there is a difference, you know, there is a true difference raising black boys in America versus raising white boys versus raising Indian boys, Asian boys.

 

00;18;03;16 – 00;18;13;18

Dr. Mona

There’s a difference here. What is your biggest concern for your children’s future? Like when you look at the climate in America or even in the world, what kind of keeps you up? Maybe at night sometimes.

 

00;18;13;20 – 00;18;40;04

Thenedra Roots

Me and you know what it is. It’s when they get to be the age of nine, ten, 11, 12, and they want to start being more independent and playing with friends. I just have this. I think about Tamir Rice, and I think about where we live now is is not racially diverse. And we’re hoping to change that in the next couple of years before they start school.

 

00;18;40;07 – 00;19;06;08

Thenedra Roots

But I have a lot of fear about when they go to their white friends houses and how they will be treated differently. And we were at a carnival this weekend, and there was a white boy who had one of those little, like, cap guns, I think they’re called. And I just had so much anxiety thinking about here he is freely running around a carnival shooting this gun.

 

00;19;06;10 – 00;19;09;22

Thenedra Roots

If that was my child, how different that would be.

 

00;19;09;28 – 00;19;10;11

Dr. Mona

Yeah.

 

00;19;10;18 – 00;19;30;21

Thenedra Roots

First of all, we don’t do any sort of guns in our house and we never will know. Water guns, squirt guns, play guns. That’s going to be a conversation that I have with their friends and their friends as parents. They don’t get the privilege of doing that. I’m not a fan of them anyways, but I know that Nerf guns are fun for kids and they can’t exist in our house.

 

00;19;30;21 – 00;19;50;10

Thenedra Roots

They will not get the same treatment of running around a neighborhood, especially if it’s a white neighborhood playing with Nerf guns. They’re going to be viewed as more rambunctious and more problematic than they are with their white counterparts. And that is going to be. My fear is when they are off doing their own thing and they’re not in my house.

 

00;19;50;10 – 00;20;13;12

Thenedra Roots

And that’s not playdates with parents present of what that’s going to be for them and how they’re not going to have the privilege of being able to just get into, you know, harmless trouble. They’re going to have to be on their A-game. And best behavior forever until this society changes and sees them as innocent children just playing like they see their white counterparts.

 

00;20;13;14 – 00;20;32;05

Dr. Mona

And I think we don’t understand that privilege, right? That privilege of skin color. I mean, that exists in 2021. And you said it perfectly, and I see it. I’m lucky to take care of a very diverse population in my practice. But I see that difference even in that diversity. Right? Like just how people of certain skin colors are viewed by the police, how they’re viewed by authority figures at school.

 

00;20;32;05 – 00;20;53;11

Dr. Mona

I mean, there is a difference here. I mean, I see this in the health care system. You know, I talk about that in episode 64 also. So there’s a huge reality and it just does not seem fair. I can totally feel how that’s so frustrating. That that you have to have those conversations. So you’re having to have these conversations with your child when other parents are not even having conversations about racism.

 

00;20;53;11 – 00;21;02;18

Dr. Mona

You know, it’s such a privilege to not have to have a conversation with your child about how they can play with guns. My toy guns, you know, and that’s because of the color of your son’s skin. And that’s that’s hard.

 

00;21;02;21 – 00;21;25;08

Thenedra Roots

Yeah. Well, and, you know, it might even have to go further if, like, play swords or play die, it’s like you just don’t know. And my girlfriend Abby, she’s black and she actually has twin boys, two that are about that age. I think they just turned ten. And we talk about it all the time, the conversations she has with her boys of like, Sara, you don’t get to just go run the neighborhood with your friends.

 

00;21;25;08 – 00;21;45;18

Thenedra Roots

You just don’t get to do that. And, you don’t get to be loud and be silly and, you know, you have to be on your best behavior because if anything accidentally happens, accidentally breaks. If you know a friend of yours steals something from a store or they’re going to look at you first, you are going to be to blame first.

 

00;21;45;18 – 00;22;05;05

Thenedra Roots

And that’s just such a sad, sad reality. And I pray that there’s more change that happens before they get to that age. But I’m also very realistic of like, we have a long ways to go. We really do. We have a very long ways to go, and until we get to that point, we’re going to be seen as the strict parents.

 

00;22;05;10 – 00;22;26;04

Thenedra Roots

You know, unfortunately, we’re going to be seen as the strict parent. And that’s okay because we’re going to have those conversations that will never stop in our household so that our children can be safe and can be aware of their surroundings and understand that they do not get the same privileges as their white counterparts, even if they had a bunch of other black friends.

 

00;22;26;04 – 00;22;44;05

Thenedra Roots

I mean, imagine that a big group of, you know, five, six, seven, ten year old black boys run in the street. What does that look like? You know, I’ve seen it. I live it, man. I’ve seen it. I’ve heard it on the news. You know, I’ve experienced it with my biological brothers. It’s just they don’t get the same privilege.

 

00;22;44;05 – 00;22;47;08

Thenedra Roots

They don’t get the same childhood, which just breaks my heart.

 

00;22;47;11 – 00;23;03;17

Dr. Mona

And you mentioned that you and your husband are looking to see if you need to relocate, and that to me, makes me so sad. I mean, I know that you’re doing the best thing for your family and I love that, but the fact that we cannot have that, we have to have diversity. There’s diversity pockets in this in this country.

 

00;23;03;20 – 00;23;24;01

Dr. Mona

It’s very frustrating. I know it exists all over the world. You know, I know this is not a problem that’s unique to America, but of course, we’re in America, so we’re talking about it. And that I know this is just one podcast. I know this is just one episode, but that’s kind of why I started a mother’s message not only to share stuff about, you know, we’re talking about raising black boys in America, but just the diversity that’s needed and the awareness and acceptance.

 

00;23;24;01 – 00;23;43;15

Dr. Mona

Right? Not just understanding that this problem exists in America, but what can we do to change it? You know, like, what can we do to actually say, I don’t want to raise a generation that is continuing this cycle of racism and microaggressions. I mean, that is our role as parents. And even if this was done to you, like just say, you know, your you said you had family members who made racist comments, right?

 

00;23;43;17 – 00;24;00;19

Dr. Mona

Just because their parents said it to them doesn’t mean that we have to continue the cycle of racism. I mean, we’re adults. We have control over what we do. How do you think, non-black parents can support you and other black parents in the parenting world? And I, you know, being on social media, I’m going to be perfectly honest.

 

00;24;00;19 – 00;24;16;22

Dr. Mona

There are not a lot of black voices on social media. There’s not a lot of people of color as parenting voices until today. And it does frustrate me sometimes because I’m an be an American woman trying to share, you know, that perspective. But what can we do? Like what are you thinking? Like, yeah, some ways we can like change that.

 

00;24;16;25 – 00;24;42;04

Thenedra Roots

You know, I think that the conversations start in the homes, whether you have children or not. If we are friends, I want to have open and real conversations without the defensiveness of my experiences and to believe my experiences. And in turn, I want those conversations to be happening with your children. You know, with our kids, our friends. There needs to be conversations about, okay, let’s look here, you know, kids.

 

00;24;42;04 – 00;25;07;18

Thenedra Roots

And so we in my room are black. You are white. Here’s what that means. Here’s what you need to do as a friend to support, to advocate, to understand that they are going to be treated differently. That is my ultimate goal. You know, right now it’s a little bit different because they’re still young and I have great friends in my circle right now that are white and are raising some beautiful, kind soul anti-racist, you know, children right now.

 

00;25;07;18 – 00;25;37;27

Thenedra Roots

And that’s going to change their circle is going to change specifically when we get into school. And so just thinking about how parents but also coaches, also teachers like the fact that I have to do like calculations in my mind of where we will send them to school and what their teachers will look like. You know, just believing our experiences and doing the work as white people to be true allies, not just what you know they believe to be allies, not just, oh, I label myself as an ally, because I’m not racist.

 

00;25;37;27 – 00;26;00;22

Thenedra Roots

Like it goes beyond that is really what will be helpful for me as a parent, navigating this very white centric world and trying to make sure that my children have the best childhood and into adulthood until they can get to a point where they can make those decisions and understand how they need to advocate for themselves. You know, when I don’t need to do it anymore.

 

00;26;00;24 – 00;26;17;05

Dr. Mona

Oh, yeah, and we know that racism is too. I mean, there’s so many different facets to it, but obviously there’s systemic racism, but there’s these racism that we as human beings and as people are involved in. And we obviously can change systemic racism by the people we vote in and the decisions that are made. But it starts with the home, like you said.

 

00;26;17;05 – 00;26;34;26

Dr. Mona

And yes, I so appreciate you saying that. You know, I want that for all of our children. Diverse comes in so many forms. And in terms of this, like, this is something that we need to change to allow children to have that same quality of life, the same ability to do things regardless of their skin color.

 

00;26;34;26 – 00;26;43;25

Dr. Mona

I mean, it still boggles my mind that we are in a modern age and it still exists, and I can. I just appreciate you talking to me about this stuff.

 

00;26;43;25 – 00;27;02;09

Thenedra Roots

Yeah, absolutely. You know, I think about it and compare it to like, you know, parents, I hope, are having conversations when they see people of different abilities. You know, like we talked a lot about our kids. We’ll see a wheelchair and they’ll see a motorized wheelchair, they’ll see a Morris scooter. And we talk about like, you know, some kids need help walking.

 

00;27;02;09 – 00;27;25;17

Thenedra Roots

And, you know, we support them. And, you know, I think a lot of parents usually lean on that, like, oh, if someone’s different, you know, we treat them with respect and whatever. Like those same conversations need to happen with people that are different color, skin, you know, because they’re also going to face discrimination. They’re also going to face bullying or whatever the case may be, because of how they look and how they identify.

 

00;27;25;17 – 00;27;43;00

Thenedra Roots

And diversity is a lot of things. You know, I know we’re talking specifically about race, but we have those conversations with our kids now, you know, like, oh, there’s a mobility bus. You know, so-and-so’s getting on a bus because, you know, they’re in a wheelchair and they need help walking. Like we have those conversations as they flow.

 

00;27;43;00 – 00;27;53;05

Thenedra Roots

Just as easy as our conversations about your skin is black and their skin is white. And here’s what it’s going to look like for you. And here are the challenges that you may face because of that.

 

00;27;53;08 – 00;28;13;21

Dr. Mona

Yeah. Oh gosh, this is such a great conversation. I am so glad that we were able to connect. And like I said, everyone needs to follow Thenedra on social media. Raising the roots boys. I’m attaching it to my show notes because I really think, you know, again, I’m just so glad I found you. I’m when I reached out to followers, you know, if anyone wanted to come on, obviously I didn’t know your account.

 

00;28;13;25 – 00;28;26;21

Dr. Mona

I you’ve been following me. But then I saw your account. I’m like, oh my gosh, this is amazing. And not just from what this perspective of what we’re talking about, but everything regarding motherhood, your IVF journey. So thanks again. And thank you for everyone who joined us to listen today.

 

00;28;26;23 – 00;28;29;06

Thenedra Roots

Absolutely. Thank you. I appreciate your time.

 

00;28;29;13 – 00;28;45;04

Dr. Mona

Thank you for tuning in for this week’s episode. As always, please leave a review, share this episode with a friend, share it on your social media. Make sure to follow me at PedsDocTalk on Instagram and subscribe to my YouTube channel, PedsDocTalk TV. We’ll talk to you soon.