In this episode, we’re joined by Dr. Aliza Pressman (@raisinggoodhumanspodcast), developmental psychologist, author, and host of the Raising Good Humans podcast, to break down her science-backed framework for parenting: the 5 R’s — Reflection, Regulation, Rules, Repair, and Relationship.

These five simple but powerful principles aren’t just theory — they’re practical tools you can apply to everyday challenges like screen time, sibling fights, and meltdowns. Dr. Pressman shares how these core ideas help build strong, connected relationships with our kids, even when things get messy.

We also talk about:

• Why repair is more powerful than perfection
• How to stay grounded when parenting triggers old wounds
• What makes parenting advice helpful vs. overwhelming
• How to parent with intention, not fear

 

Whether you’re deep in toddler tantrums or navigating the teen years, this episode will help you feel more confident, calm, and connected.

 

Want more? Enjoy the full episode at PedsDocTalk.com

 

00:00 – Welcome to The Follow Up with Dr. Mona

00:32 – Meet Dr. Aliza Pressman and the 5 Principles of Parenting

01:13 – What Are the 5 R’s and Why Do They Matter?

02:08 – Applying the 5 R’s to Real Life (Example: Screen Time)

05:56 – How to Regulate Yourself Before Setting Limits

07:02 – Why It Feels Hard—But Gets Easier

08:35 – Parenting Is a Long Game

09:13 – Finding the Balance Between Advice Overload and Chaos

10:39 – What the Science Says (Without Getting Overwhelmed)

11:48 – Developmental Nuggets That Shift Perspective

12:56 – When In Doubt, Come Back to the 5 R’s

13:07 – Final Words + Where to Learn More from Dr. Aliza

13:18 – Dr. Mona’s Closing Message

 

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on the PedsDocTalk Podcast Sponsorships page of the website.

00;00;00;04 – 00;00;31;21

Dr. Mona

Welcome to the PedsDocTalk podcast, and welcome to the follow up. I’m Doctor Mona, your pediatrician and mom friend. This is your Monday parenting. Pick me up a little moment of calm, clarity and oh good. It’s not just me to start your week. Whether you’re stepping over a Lego minefield or hiding in the pantry with a granola bar you didn’t want to share, today, we’re throwing it back to one of my favorite chats with Doctor Aliza Pressman, developmental psychologist, host of the Raising Good Humans podcast, and author of the Five Principles of Parenting.

 

00;00;31;26 – 00;00;53;17

Dr. Mona

She’s basically a parenting translator, turning all that developmental science into something that actually makes sense when your kid is melting down over a banana that broke in half. In this episode, we break down her five hours and how these simple but powerful principles can help you handle everything from screen time standoffs to sibling SmackDown’s with more confidence and maybe even fewer bribes.

 

00;00;53;22 – 00;00;58;03

Dr. Mona

Let’s get into it.

 

00;00;58;06 – 00;01;12;17

Dr. Mona

You provide five simple principles, and I think if I to be like, there’s only five, but I can’t wait to hear them because I really think they embody, like you said, the entire journey of being a parent. So what are those principles and why do you think that they’re they matter and that they’re useful?

 

00;01;12;19 – 00;01;50;04

Aliza Pressman

The principles are and I chose five that are rooted in the developmental science and that are in our control. I really wanted to make sure that it was like the things that we can actually do something about. So that’s relationship reflection regulation rules and repair. And I think if you decide that our words are not your favorite thing and you change the words, there’s still you’re going to realize like as we walk through anything in this field they go under one of these umbrellas.

 

00;01;50;07 – 00;02;08;00

Aliza Pressman

The like relationship might be attachment. It might be attunement. It might be connection. It might be, something that isn’t in your mind relationship, but it’s relationship. Yeah. So I just I just chose our words to make it easy for the cluttered mind.

 

00;02;08;03 – 00;02;27;11

Dr. Mona

So in the second half of your book, you demonstrate how those five principles of parenting can be applied to common parenting situations throughout the years. But can you walk us through how to apply the five hours that you mentioned using an example? And I’m open to your suggestion. If you don’t have one, we can use Screen Time, but if you have another example, I’m open to that too.

 

00;02;27;13 – 00;02;54;20

Aliza Pressman

I’m happy to use Screen Time, and I think you can use it from screens and toddlers to screen agers to, you know, whatever. Yeah. But the first thing is, like when you think about setting like, what is my limit, what matters to me and what your rules are? And I go through like how to come up with them in the book, but I don’t know what your rules need to be because I don’t share your values necessarily.

 

00;02;54;21 – 00;03;19;15

Aliza Pressman

So I want parents to kind of figure out what their values are and make those rules matter for them. And those are the boundaries and the limits that we set. So let’s say you’ve decided what you’re feeling comfortable with around screens. And one family might say we are screen three. We don’t do screens. And another family says, you know, we do limited screen time and another family says, I don’t want that to be my argument, so I’m not going to pay attention.

 

00;03;19;15 – 00;03;46;11

Aliza Pressman

That will I tell you that the science says you should reduce screen time. Yeah. Like and do I think social media needs tremendous yes I realize I do. But how you go about setting those limits is you need to have a close relationship with your child so that when you set the limits, those limits make sense to them, and they understand that they have nothing to do with your love for them, and that when they break those limits, they break the rules.

 

00;03;46;11 – 00;04;15;29

Aliza Pressman

They do make mistakes. Or you do that, you make repairs that you can come back to being reconnected again and that in between that when you know that your relationship is solid. To say like you maybe connect I know you really love that show. Yeah. And you really want to watch another episode. And so that’s your relationship is like I’m going to connect with you right now because I see your laughing and you’re having a really good time.

 

00;04;16;01 – 00;04;39;17

Aliza Pressman

And also I might reflect either a before I say something or after, why am I so freaked out about screens. What does it mean. What am I worried about as a mother of teenagers. Yeah I know exactly what I’m freaked out about. I’m freaked out that social media is going to mess with them. Yeah. In a way that is irreparable damage.

 

00;04;39;19 – 00;05;10;27

Aliza Pressman

And I need to make sure that I’m not writing an entire story of their future because they’ve been on it for an extra 20 minutes that I didn’t expect. So I need to reflect in order to self-regulate. And then coming in in a close relationship and saying like, hey, whether again whether you’re saying you really love that show to your young one or to your teenager, I know you have like a really good time on this, and I know that it’s how you connect with your friends.

 

00;05;11;00 – 00;05;31;27

Aliza Pressman

My job is to keep you safe. So I have to take a phone right now and it’s bedtime. Or it’s like getting dark or whatever your rule is. And I’m not coming in hot because I’m regulated, so I’ve already taken my breath. I’ve already decided what really matters to me because I reflected. I even thought, like, how would my parents have set a limit when I was a kid?

 

00;05;31;29 – 00;05;56;08

Aliza Pressman

And now if my kid doesn’t like it, I can check that box of like, wait a minute, we have a relationship that can withstand this hard time. I’m feeling pretty good about it because I had a moment to reflect and I’m regulated. I took a breath. I’m not operating from a place of fear. I’m clear on my limits, and we’ll make a reconnection and repair once everybody feels a little bit more calm.

 

00;05;56;11 – 00;06;20;12

Aliza Pressman

Yeah. The end. And so when you get inundated by the news on how terrible screen time is, or you’re worried that your kid is not going to read in kindergarten because they watch too much TV, or you’re scared that your teenager is going to go through major depression and they’ve been on their social media. I want parents to be emboldened to say, hold on.

 

00;06;20;14 – 00;06;43;26

Aliza Pressman

There’s no one size fits all. Let me look at my child. Let me look at their algorithm. Let me think about what their experiences. Let me think about how I can handle that and what boundaries I’m setting. And then we’re good. Yeah, that’s at the end. It doesn’t need to be a bigger story. And it doesn’t. It certainly doesn’t need to turn into like, a whole book.

 

00;06;44;01 – 00;06;45;16

Aliza Pressman

You just need a paragraph.

 

00;06;45;19 – 00;07;02;25

Dr. Mona

Yes. And it’s a moment. Right. It’s at the moment is a paragraph. That whole screen time moment. But like you said, using your principles can really help when you say, okay, this is what the five hours here’s screen time. But that same principles. Let’s apply it to when they refuse food. Why are you upset when they refuse the food?

 

00;07;02;28 – 00;07;24;26

Dr. Mona

About what is that about? Is it because your parents had an issue with food insecurity? What is it? I mean, it’s definitely there’s so many layers there that in a split second and, you know, speaking as a newer parent and, you know, loving the work that you do, I think sometimes people hear this and they think it’s such a difficult thing to do in the moment, but when you start doing it enough, it does just take it to yeah, it becomes second nature.

 

00;07;24;26 – 00;07;38;03

Dr. Mona

Like you said it. We we can tend to say to ourselves, oh, but that’s not going to work or that’s too hard because we don’t do it consistently. But when you do it consistently, I can absolutely relate to it. It actually does work in the long run. Yeah. You know.

 

00;07;38;03 – 00;07;48;02

Aliza Pressman

I think that’s the key phrase is in the long run, because one of the things that we’re always hoping for is like, it doesn’t work, as in, my kid didn’t look at me and say, oh yeah, here’s my.

 

00;07;48;04 – 00;07;49;26

Dr. Mona

Yes. It’s not the. Yeah. That’s not. Yeah.

 

00;07;49;27 – 00;08;08;22

Aliza Pressman

Thanks for giving me that. Listen. But in the long run it’s going to be messy and it’s going to be ugly and it’s gonna be exhausting. But once you become sort of fluent and the whole reason that I sort of separated the book from the science and then the practice was I wanted to repeat myself so many times with different scenarios, because I get it.

 

00;08;08;22 – 00;08;27;12

Aliza Pressman

It’s easy for me to be like, oh yeah, you just do this with the five hours. But I understand that that is because I have many years of experience and practice, so I just want everybody else to just have that. And then you don’t need like, I’m going to take a class on just screen time. I’m going to take a class on just how to deal with potty training.

 

00;08;27;12 – 00;08;35;07

Aliza Pressman

I’m going to do just tears in school, because each time you go through that, those principles and you realize it’s the same.

 

00;08;35;09 – 00;08;55;11

Dr. Mona

Talk to you forever about the beauty of parenting. I share it so deeply, the struggle and how hard it is, but also just it is amazing to be able to foster that. And I don’t want my kids to grow fast. There’s no rush that I have because I know how fast it goes. As a pediatrician, seeing my babies now be nine years old after looking at my yeah, like they grow.

 

00;08;55;11 – 00;09;13;08

Dr. Mona

And I am excited for that journey when you know that these principles exist and that you can take it step by step, that although teenagers are different than the toddler years, there’s a lot of developmental similarities between kids that are teenagers and the autonomy, desire and all of that. Of course, your approach is going to be a little different.

 

00;09;13;19 – 00;09;33;04

Dr. Mona

I know you spoke earlier and we talked about the inundation of, you know, parenting advice available out there. And so finding that sweet spot between micromanagement and chaos, how does your book, which is a parenting book, giving information, how does it actually help parents rely less on parenting advice?

 

00;09;33;07 – 00;10;11;14

Aliza Pressman

Well, the first thing I think it does is it lays out the science and kind of simplifies it. Like it’s not that complicated. So you can keep going back to the same principles and apply them in every setting. And then you stop needing anything. Yeah. Like ideally of course, if there’s an emergency, if there’s something that’s very off topic or unusual, you should of course seek out support an expert and a pediatrician and say like, hey, I’m out of this doesn’t feel right, like something’s going on.

 

00;10;11;17 – 00;10;39;03

Aliza Pressman

But most things are very easy to navigate. Going back to the same principles, and it’s just a matter of believing it. It’s just a matter of saying like, wait, that’s it, like I did it. That’s the response. You’re not necessarily, again, getting the thank you for being such an awesome parent every time. And like, oh yes, I will be the perfect kid.

 

00;10;39;06 – 00;11;08;09

Aliza Pressman

Yeah, but you are doing the thing that you need to be doing from your end. You’re cleaning your side of the street in this relationship. And I do very much care about the balance between the chaos of not giving information and the rigidity of the too much information. So I, I hope that this book and generally my tone and, and any of the work that I do, is that really boring in the middle amount of information?

 

00;11;08;11 – 00;11;30;05

Aliza Pressman

What you need to know, but what is actually relevant and helpful and the rest? Sometimes it’s fun to learn about. Like there are times if you and I are talking about child development, maybe we are going to get really in the weeds because it’s fascinating to us and it’s not going to stress us out because it’s just more academically interesting, frankly.

 

00;11;30;07 – 00;11;48;01

Aliza Pressman

But that’s different. And so I provide a little bit of that, like I want if you have a four year old for you to know that your child’s probably gotten to the developmental stage of theory of mind and understanding that different people have different perspectives and how cool that stage is compared to, you know, your two year old.

 

00;11;48;01 – 00;12;17;21

Aliza Pressman

You could be like making all sorts of assumptions that we all view the world the same way. That’s so cool. How does that apply to all parents? Well, it might make you think your two year old is a little bit less manipulative than you might be saying they are, and it might make you feel a little bit more comfortable with how that your 4 or 5 year old has figured out how to tell a fib because they’re like, yeah, well, it turns out I can take the perspective of another person and see what they might want me to say.

 

00;12;17;21 – 00;12;56;09

Aliza Pressman

And I could say it. So I think it’s helpful. But I also recognize that if you said to me, this is too much, this is too much in the weeds, like I don’t really want to know that information that we can go back to the five hours. So I don’t know if I answered the question other than to say I was pretty choosy about the information that I gave, and I included things that are interesting and might be relevant to specific topics, specific pain points or challenges, but that ultimately I want everybody to feel safe knowing that if you just lean on the five principles, obviously that’s not the only thing that I put in

 

00;12;56;09 – 00;13;06;27

Aliza Pressman

the book. But just if you lean on that and you’re overwhelmed with all the information out there, that you’re good, that you’re going to be doing the thing that you need to be doing.

 

00;13;07;00 – 00;13;18;18

Dr. Mona

Yeah. Well, I mean, this in combination with your show, your podcast and all the resources that you do, I think really embody that.

 

00;13;18;20 – 00;13;40;00

Dr. Mona

And that’s your follow up, just a small dose of the real relatable and eye opening conversations we love to have here. If you smiled, nodded or had an moment, go ahead and download, follow and share this episode with a friend. Let’s grow this village together for more everyday parenting wins and real talk. Hang out with us on Instagram at the PedsDocTalk podcast.

 

00;13;40;07 – 00;13;55;19

Dr. Mona

Want more? Dive into the full episode and more at PedsDocTalk.com. Because parenting is better with support. And remember, consistency is key. Humor is medicine and follow ups are everything. I’m Doctor Mona. See you next time for your next dose.