Traveling with kids can be daunting, especially traveling by plane. I welcome Preethi Harbuck who is a mom of six, avid traveler, and creator of @localpassportfamily a blog and social media platform to support families as they travel to discuss:

• Why lowering expectations matters in travel
• Things you should always have on board
• Reframing when you’re feeling anxious about traveling by plane with kids

Learn more about Preethi Harbuck and Local Passport Family at localpassportfamily.com and on Instagram @localpassportfamily

And check out the Global Children’s Book Club, a free monthly virtual book club highlighting a different country each month.

00;00;01;02 – 00;00;21;11

Preethi Harbuck

The quickest way to have a miserable travel experience is to have wildly high expectations, because they will typically not be met. Kids are capable of so much. I am a huge fan of setting high expectations for children in general, in terms of what they are physically capable of, in terms of what they can learn. They are sponges. They are excited.

 

00;00;21;11 – 00;00;45;29

Preethi Harbuck

They are excited to learn and excited to explore. But when we have expectations that are too high or not age appropriate, that is a really good way to make it stressful for both our child and for us. So I feel like whenever we try to lower those expectations of the perfect situation that we can accomplish, we create opportunities for everyone to thrive, for everyone to reach often higher expectations.

 

00;00;46;01 – 00;01;09;26

Dr. Mona

Welcome to PedsDocTalk Podcast, a podcast that continues to grow because of you and your reviews and a podcast where I get to welcome the most amazing guests to chat about all things parenting, child health, child development, and also parental health and mental health. Today’s guest is one of my social media friends with her book, and she’s joining me to talk about five tips on traveling by plane with kids.

 

00;01;09;27 – 00;01;11;21

Dr. Mona

Thank you for joining me today.

 

00;01;11;23 – 00;01;14;12

Preethi Harbuck

Thank you so much for having me. I’m so excited to chat.

 

00;01;14;14 – 00;01;21;05

Dr. Mona

Well, I can’t remember when I discovered your platform on social media called Local Passport Family. Correct?

 

00;01;21;08 – 00;01;22;10

Preethi Harbuck

Haha, exactly, yes.

 

00;01;22;14 – 00;01;28;07

Dr. Mona

And tell us a little bit more about yourself, what you share on that platform as well. For anyone who’s not familiar.

 

00;01;28;09 – 00;01;54;24

Preethi Harbuck

Absolutely. So like you mentioned, my name is pretty and I share a family travel blog and Instagram account, but it’s a little bit different from normal everyday family travel. I do love sharing destination inspiration tips tricks for travel, but I also love sharing those in a way that is inclusive of a wide variety of families and especially helps provide more access and accessibility for travel and the outdoors, and particular to families of color and other families for marginalized communities.

 

00;01;54;24 – 00;02;15;08

Preethi Harbuck

So it’s very important to me to incorporate that advocacy piece and to open up the outdoors and other experiences, other cultures, and to people from all backgrounds and experiences. I also love sharing about those different cultures and using travel as an opportunity for education, inspiration, insight, and advocacy for families.

 

00;02;15;10 – 00;02;36;11

Dr. Mona

Well, I hope to have you on again on the show to chat about ways that travel promotes development and obviously skills that children can learn. Because I know you’re also a mother of how many children? I don’t think people are for children. Yes, it’s children, so it’s awesome watching you and your travels, not only for what you just mentioned, but also for all the tips and tricks you provide traveling with so many different children of different ages.

 

00;02;36;15 – 00;02;52;08

Dr. Mona

And so I love that. I love the inclusivity you provide. I love the tips and tricks that you provide, looking at safety, looking at, you know, going international and what to expect. So a wealth of information. So for anyone who’s not familiar you’re going to want to follow a local passport family and check out her blog as well.

 

00;02;52;15 – 00;03;00;04

Dr. Mona

But we’re chatting today about traveling by plane with kids. Now, you have traveled by many different means, I’m sure, with your children.

 

00;03;00;06 – 00;03;03;05

Preethi Harbuck

Indeed, yes, pretty much anyone that you can think of.

 

00;03;03;08 – 00;03;18;19

Dr. Mona

Yes, I’m sure. And we’re talking about just five tips on traveling by plane with kids. And it was an important thing that we talk about this because parents, if they’ve never done a plane trip with their child, do feel a sense of worry of like, how is this going to go? What’s going to happen? They’re going to cry.

 

00;03;18;19 – 00;03;28;15

Dr. Mona

The people are going to stare at me or stare at me. There’s a lot of feelings, so I would love to hear just your top five tips. Of course, there probably way more than this, but kind of for people to get started.

 

00;03;28;18 – 00;03;50;20

Preethi Harbuck

Absolutely. I feel like the last few years especially have been kind of unique. You know, plane travel hasn’t happened as much. And I know I have felt out of practice even in the last little while, you know? And so once you get back into it, it feels a little bit overwhelming at first, often. And so hopefully these tips help make it feel a little bit more accessible, a little more simple, and encourage more people to try it out when given the opportunity.

 

00;03;50;20 – 00;04;07;28

Preethi Harbuck

So my very first tip is to know your kid. Parents are the experts with their kid, and I know that that is something that you have shared a lot as well, especially as a pediatrician. You’re the expert on children’s health. Parents are the experts on their particular children, and that’s true for travel as well. You know, you know your child.

 

00;04;08;03 – 00;04;30;13

Preethi Harbuck

You know what is going to be a good fit in terms of the type of experience, in terms of tips and tricks that will help them, in particular on a flight, whether they are going to be comfortable in a car seat for the entire ride. Obviously, I always recommend using a car seat if possible, because it’s the safest way to transport a child on a plane, but sometimes that just doesn’t work for some families or some families who never use car seats in general, who don’t have access to a car seat.

 

00;04;30;14 – 00;04;46;25

Preethi Harbuck

You know, so you know your child best. You know what’s going to work for them on that flight. You know, if a morning flight is going to work, well, if they’re going to nap during the day, if they’re likely to sleep overnight, there’s just so many different aspects to it where I really hope that parents have confidence knowing that they know their child.

 

00;04;46;27 – 00;04;47;24

Preethi Harbuck

Oh, I love that one.

 

00;04;47;24 – 00;05;02;21

Dr. Mona

And what a great way to start. We could just end it right there and be like, you know, your child. Because that’s in every aspect of parenting, especially with travel. And I think it’s so hard sometimes because when you see advice from people, whether it’s about parenting or travel, you see people say, well, don’t do this and don’t do that.

 

00;05;02;22 – 00;05;23;11

Dr. Mona

Like I’m going to use the example of screens like we don’t typically use screens for Ryan at restaurants on the go. It’s not something we typically do for us. But when we travel on airplanes, there is a pass on screens which another family may not do that. And we know that that works for Ryan. And it’s so much about that, that saying, hey, I’m going to look at my what works best for my kid.

 

00;05;23;11 – 00;05;45;18

Dr. Mona

I’m also going to look at my rules and maybe breaking them sometimes that obviously serving the best interest of everyone. And I also love how you mentioned about the car seat thing. I also agree that car seats on airplanes are the most ideal situation, but like you said already, with your platform, you also recognize that it’s not always possible for families, whether it’s cost, whether it’s where they’re traveling, they don’t have one.

 

00;05;45;23 – 00;06;05;09

Dr. Mona

But I love that you mentioned that so already. Thank you for the understanding of safety, but also inclusivity, because I think there can be some judgment either way. Right. Like people who take the car seat on, why are you taking the car seat on people who don’t take it on? Why are you not taking it on? So I love your platform also, and I love you because you really understand the nuance of parenting and people’s choices.

 

00;06;05;12 – 00;06;34;09

Preethi Harbuck

Absolutely. And I feel like so often those who are judged the most are shamed the most for making an ideal parental choices, which we all do at times. But those who are the most judged for them are the people who typically are from marginalized communities in some way or another. You know, if you’re traveling as a single parent for a funeral, maybe, you know, if you have some other physical or mental challenge or disability with your child, and you have to have a screen to make it through that experience, you know, those are often the people who bear the brunt of that judgment.

 

00;06;34;09 – 00;06;41;18

Preethi Harbuck

And so I think it’s really important that we recognize that there are no perfect situations for every parent and for every child.

 

00;06;41;25 – 00;06;45;02

Dr. Mona

Yeah. Well, this is a great number one. And then what’s next on that list?

 

00;06;45;05 – 00;07;09;27

Preethi Harbuck

Absolutely. So the second one kind of piggybacks off of that. It’s lower your expectations. So I feel like the quickest way to have a miserable travel experience is to have wildly high expectations, because they will typically not be met. Kids are capable of so much. I am a huge fan of setting high expectations for children in general, in terms of what they are physically capable of, in terms of what they can learn.

 

00;07;10;02 – 00;07;33;04

Preethi Harbuck

They are sponges, they are excited, they’re excited to learn and excited to explore. But when we have expectations that are too high or not age appropriate, that is a really good way to make it stressful for both our child and for us. So I feel like whenever we try to lower those expectations of the perfect situation that we can accomplish, we create opportunities for everyone to thrive.

 

00;07;33;04 – 00;07;36;13

Preethi Harbuck

For everyone to reach often higher expectations.

 

00;07;36;15 – 00;07;50;27

Dr. Mona

And also one of the biggest things, an example I would give is that you expect, 18 month old to sit still the entire time, or you expect even just so you take a car seat on board. You expect your 18 month old to sit there the entire time. Like, obviously we’re doing these things with the hope that, yes, it’s going to happen, maybe.

 

00;07;50;27 – 00;08;03;02

Dr. Mona

But yeah, lowering the expectations because then what happens is that when it doesn’t matter, expectation is that you feel guilty. You feel like, oh my gosh, I made a mistake. I’m this terrible parent. The guilt sets in and then no one’s having a fun time. And I’ve actually.

 

00;08;03;02 – 00;08;04;16

Preethi Harbuck

Been like, how do we all.

 

00;08;04;23 – 00;08;23;07

Dr. Mona

Yeah, like meaning especially with travel. Like I actually had really bad travel anxiety with my in, and a lot of it was because of the pandemic. We never traveled with him in that first year. We wanted to, but the pandemic happened and no one was traveling. And then when we finally traveled at 14 months, he was a wild child, like, you know, joking around.

 

00;08;23;07 – 00;08;43;19

Dr. Mona

He’s very busy, like most toddlers are. And it was very overstimulating for me. And I realized, like you said, it was that expectation. Like, why am I expecting this 14 month old to be able to sit still on a plane when he doesn’t sit still on at home? You know, and a lot of it was feeling judgment from other people, all of the things that we talked about already.

 

00;08;43;26 – 00;08;54;09

Dr. Mona

But yeah, it’s so such an important thing in travel and in parenting to just kind of appreciate the things that they do, but also really manage it so that we’re not disappointed and we give them more opportunities to thrive, like you mentioned.

 

00;08;54;11 – 00;09;19;11

Preethi Harbuck

Exactly. And there’s something else I’ve thought about with you mentioning screens. There’s another account that I follow called The Gamer Educator, and they talk a lot about the data behind screens and how they can be beneficial for children, but how they can also be beneficial for parents, you know, inherently games matter as well. And I think we do a disservice to our children and to ourselves when we only consider the needs of our children, when we only consider the expectations based on what is good for them.

 

00;09;19;11 – 00;09;38;03

Preethi Harbuck

I think it’s important to remember that travel and life is for the parents as well. You know, our mental health matters, our experiences matter, you know, so a lot of times we travel with our kids in mind, but we’re also considering our own needs as parents, our needs as a whole family, the siblings, the babies, the older kids.

 

00;09;38;03 – 00;09;46;27

Preethi Harbuck

You know, it’s a balance of everyone’s needs. And when we can take into account everyone’s needs and creating those expectations, it’s beneficial for the entire family.

 

00;09;46;29 – 00;09;51;05

Dr. Mona

Absolutely. Already off to a great start with these two. What would be number three?

 

00;09;51;07 – 00;10;12;14

Preethi Harbuck

Absolutely. So number three is being prepared with food and drink. I feel like that can be one of the most challenging things with traveling with little ones, especially who either may have special dietary needs, especially if they are newer babies who are just starting to try foods, or if they are older children who might be challenged with picky eating, who might not be comfortable in new places, or new eating situations.

 

00;10;12;18 – 00;10;27;05

Preethi Harbuck

I always like to be prepared with a few things that we know that we can eat that is accessible to us, even if we’re, you know, running through the airport and don’t have time to stop for food. You always want to have something on hand. I always like to travel with either a sippy cup or a water bottle, depending on the age of my child.

 

00;10;27;08 – 00;10;43;15

Preethi Harbuck

It is much easier on a plane, especially because you do not want to deal with spilled cups and laps and the piping. So it just is a lot simpler for us when we have a contained sort of solution to hold liquids. So those are a couple of things that are always helpful for us.

 

00;10;43;18 – 00;10;50;06

Dr. Mona

Yeah. And you, in terms of maybe I’ll get to this, what do you recommend packing in like the carry on bags for you or your children.

 

00;10;50;08 – 00;11;16;16

Preethi Harbuck

Yeah. So I always pack the food and drink. So that is probably the number one more than, you know, almost anything else, including clothing, whatever else. You know, as long as we have snacks, snacks usually count as an activity as well. Yeah. So yeah, I tend to go pretty low on the activities actually. I find that my kids tend to be stimulated by so many things when they’re flying by the seat back card by the barf bag is that, you know, buy a cup of ice, different things like that.

 

00;11;16;19 – 00;11;34;18

Preethi Harbuck

And so I like to let my kids take the time to really soak in those different textures, the different experiences, the different things that they’re seeing around them. Before introducing a bunch of other activities, you know, and that doesn’t work for everyone. Some people like to pack a new activity for every hour or gift, wrap it and have them open it up.

 

00;11;34;23 – 00;11;54;21

Preethi Harbuck

And if that works for you, fantastic. That goes back to knowing your child and knowing if they really thrive on those, new experiences. My children tend to do better when we do pack activities with activities that are familiar to them and comfortable to them that they can immerse themselves in doing for longer periods of time, instead of just kind of a quick fix with something.

 

00;11;54;21 – 00;12;12;01

Preethi Harbuck

Right? So I will usually pack a small bag of Legos for a couple of my younger kids, you know, just like a small Ziploc bag. And they will spend, you know, hour is just playing with those few bags of Legos or wiki sticks. Same thing. You know, something that is open ended and allows them to immerse themselves in that activity for an extended period of time.

 

00;12;12;03 – 00;12;25;06

Dr. Mona

Yeah, and I love it. Like you said, you see a lot of people talk about the gift wrapping. And I was like, that sounds great, but that’s a lot of mental work for me to prepare. And already the anxiety of having to pack and do all the other stuff and then forgetting to feeling like you have to do that and again, you’re normalizing that.

 

00;12;25;06 – 00;12;27;06

Dr. Mona

You don’t have to do any of this. It’s all just kind.

 

00;12;27;06 – 00;12;37;29

Preethi Harbuck

Of a worship. You know? I think that’s just that’s fine too. Yeah. Especially with a lot of kids. Like we try to travel as minimally as possible. So I’m quite interested in packing a bunch of extra things like that.

 

00;12;38;02 – 00;12;42;16

Dr. Mona

So awesome. And then already so this is three things. What would be number four?

 

00;12;42;18 – 00;13;04;13

Preethi Harbuck

Number four is remember your priority is your child. And your child’s job is not to soothe other adults. Other adults are capable of soothing themselves. They should have developed that skill by now. You know, that is part of being a grownup. Knowing your capacity, your boundaries, and creating a situation for yourself that allows you to have a comfortable experience while playing a public vehicle.

 

00;13;04;19 – 00;13;25;25

Preethi Harbuck

Your responsibility is your child. Of course, we should be respectful of other people. I would never go out of my way to create a situation where we are disruptive to other people around us, to other passengers. I would never create a situation where I just let my child run wild. However, my primary responsibility is to my child, not to the other passengers on the plane.

 

00;13;25;27 – 00;13;52;15

Preethi Harbuck

And I think it’s important to remember that, you know, children are children. They’re the ones that we are beholden to. They’re the ones whose needs we are responsible to address and protect. And after we do those, after we do our best to take care of their needs, then we can think about the others around us. And that just helps me feel a little bit more relaxed knowing that my responsibility is to these six little people, and then everyone else comes next.

 

00;13;52;15 – 00;14;03;03

Preethi Harbuck

You know, that doesn’t mean they’re not important. That doesn’t mean that I’m going to let my children’s needs, you know, take precedence over everyone else’s. That just means what I do is, with my children in mind.

 

00;14;03;06 – 00;14;20;23

Dr. Mona

Well, this is so important because I think a lot of the judgment and the fear of flying is not even just about flying. It’s about the fact that what are people going to say when my child who doesn’t have the emotional regulation yet of hopefully not always use the term, hopefully loosely? Because you’re right, some adults don’t have it and they are upset and I’ve seen it.

 

00;14;20;23 – 00;14;37;29

Dr. Mona

I’ve been there where, you know, adults getting angry at little children on flights or in restaurants or in other places where children are allowed. Children are humans are allowed to go to a lot of the places we go to. But yeah, I think a lot of that judgment is that fear. That fear is coming from the judgment of what other people are going to say.

 

00;14;37;29 – 00;14;54;09

Dr. Mona

And you say it so beautifully on how, hey, this is your kids. Focus on them. Everybody else needs to regulate themselves. I think when people hear that, they sometimes forget that. That doesn’t mean that you’re allowing your child to run up and down the aisle and hit people on the head, or jump up and down on a tray table.

 

00;14;54;10 – 00;14;55;21

Preethi Harbuck

That’s not good for your kid.

 

00;14;55;21 – 00;14;57;21

Dr. Mona

It’s it’s not safe.

 

00;14;57;24 – 00;15;04;01

Preethi Harbuck

Right? Usually when we’re addressing our kids needs, that helps everybody else as well. You know, those go hand in hand.

 

00;15;04;04 – 00;15;21;07

Dr. Mona

But it’s so important to remember that you’re setting boundaries, but also understanding that your child is developmentally where they are. Like, if a child’s crying, they’re going to cry, they’re going to cry on the ground. They’re going to cry in an airplane. Like you can always control when a child is going to cry, you can predict, okay, like you mentioned, snacks or, you know, we’ll have these activities.

 

00;15;21;09 – 00;15;28;15

Preethi Harbuck

We can work to create situations and environments where they are going to thrive. But at the end of the day, we can’t control our children’s behavior. Yeah.

 

00;15;28;15 – 00;15;42;23

Dr. Mona

And I think that fear really stops a lot of people from wanting to travel because they’re like, it’s just going to be so much more of a headache. That goes in line with your number two, lowering the expectations. You’re the expert on the kid and just being prepared as best as you can. So all of these are so beautifully connected.

 

00;15;42;23 – 00;15;45;25

Dr. Mona

And then what’s that top five or the next one?

 

00;15;45;27 – 00;16;01;10

Preethi Harbuck

Before we go on to that, I always think too about how and I said this before, but our children are often more physically capable than we expect and less emotionally capable than we expect. You know? So I feel like a lot of times I’m surprised by what my kids can accomplish physically. I’m like, oh.

 

00;16;01;16 – 00;16;02;05

Dr. Mona

Oh.

 

00;16;02;07 – 00;16;21;00

Preethi Harbuck

Five year old is easily rolling the wheelie bag and, you know, carrying his own backpack and doing the things, you know, but then we tend to be surprised when they’re emotionally dysregulated, when they don’t have the emotional capacity to get through a 12 hour flight or, you know, less sleep or whatever. You know, they’re emotionally still young and still sensitive.

 

00;16;21;00 – 00;16;27;24

Preethi Harbuck

And I think we need to be respectful of that as well and create situations where we can help them emotionally in addition to physically.

 

00;16;27;27 – 00;16;28;19

Dr. Mona

Yeah. Love it.

 

00;16;28;20 – 00;16;46;13

Preethi Harbuck

Verbally connecting over to number five know that it will end. You know, no flight has gone on forever and ever. You know, there’s never been a flight in the history of the world that has just not ended. You will likely never see the other passengers on the plane ever again. It will end. You will be free of them.

 

00;16;46;13 – 00;17;11;02

Preethi Harbuck

And most passengers, 99% of other passengers, tend to be supportive and helpful and kind anyway. So I hope more than anything that by listening to this, other parents feel confident and safe in traveling as well. You know that they don’t feel fearful that they recognize that other people generally want to help. Other people are generally kind and good, and even if they’re not, it’s going to be over pretty soon anyway.

 

00;17;11;04 – 00;17;19;21

Dr. Mona

Yeah, that was actually a beautiful final message. I was going to ask you if you had a final message, but that was great. Is there anything else you wanted to add as a take home? That was wonderful.

 

00;17;19;23 – 00;17;42;13

Preethi Harbuck

I mean, I feel like that kind of sums it up, you know? And it’s worth it. The small inconvenience or the challenges of the actual flight are generally for getting you somewhere that you want to be, either for a vacation or to be with family is wonderful, joyful time. Or sometimes during sad times. You know, it’s a tool and a resource and a gift that we have that allows us to connect to other peoples and other places around the globe.

 

00;17;42;15 – 00;18;01;20

Dr. Mona

And I, as someone who had travel anxiety with a child, meaning I was nervous about all these things that we’re talking about, the judgment that he’s not going to sit still. All of that. I can honestly say that now he’s three years old and I enjoy it, and I always say, like a lot of parenting is understanding that in order for our children to understand experiences, they have to experience them, right?

 

00;18;01;20 – 00;18;17;08

Dr. Mona

Like, how is my child ever going to learn what happens in an airplane if I just say, I’m never going to take him? No. Yes. I respect families who say, I want to wait till they’re a little bit older. Maybe that’s the personal decision. Finances. I’m not saying that everyone has to travel by plane, but if you’re serious reservations.

 

00;18;17;08 – 00;18;36;23

Dr. Mona

I don’t want to deal with what other people are going to say, and it’s just going to be too hard. I love what you just mentioned, what you’re going to get to do when you get to your destination. Unfortunately, you can’t always drive to everywhere you want to go. And so it’s like I always look to that. And any time I’ve had a difficult flight with Ryan, I always think about the destination and I’m like, well, we had so much fun.

 

00;18;36;23 – 00;18;41;01

Dr. Mona

Like it was a great time and it gets better as they get older. And with practice.

 

00;18;41;01 – 00;18;55;10

Preethi Harbuck

Travel is a skill like so many others. You know, we all get better at it. With practice. The kids get better, the parents get better at it. You know? And just like the flight will end, the kids will grow out of that stage as well. You know, we’ll get better either with growth or with practice or both.

 

00;18;55;13 – 00;19;08;23

Dr. Mona

Yeah. I’m like excited now. Like they used to be that first few times were just like, oh. And now I’m like, let’s go. And you know, and and of course it’s a balance of age. So exposure but it’s a balance of all of those things. And I love this conversation. Thank you again.

 

00;19;08;26 – 00;19;11;03

Preethi Harbuck

Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it.

 

00;19;11;04 – 00;19;18;14

Dr. Mona

Where can people find you to stay connected? I know we address the your Instagram handle on your blog, but if you can tell everyone again and I’ll be adding that to my show notes also.

 

00;19;18;16 – 00;19;31;06

Preethi Harbuck

Yes, absolutely. So you can find me at local passport family on Instagram. Local passport family.com is my blog and I’m also currently working on a book with National Geographic. I’m looking at 50 road trips for families and so be sure to check me out there as well.

 

00;19;31;08 – 00;19;50;16

Dr. Mona

Amazing! As I said already, I love following not only for all the things that she puts out there for family life, but also for traveling, the parks, the outdoor, indoor, the inclusivity. It’s such an amazing account and resource, so make sure you check it out. I’ll be linking her Instagram account and website on the show notes. And thanks again for joining us.

 

00;19;50;18 – 00;19;51;26

Preethi Harbuck

Thank you for having me.

 

00;19;51;29 – 00;20;08;21

Dr. Mona

And for everyone listening. Make sure if you love this conversation, to leave a review and rating, and make sure to call out the guests that you really love. I hope to have Preethi on again to talk about more things related to travel and the benefits of travel, but the way you guys leave reviews and the way you leave ratings really helps as podcasts continue to grow.

 

00;20;08;25 – 00;20;11;21

Dr. Mona

So thank you and I cannot wait to welcome another guest next week.

 

00;20;11;21 – 00;20;27;11

Dr. Mona

Thank you for tuning in for this week’s episode. As always, please leave a review. Share this episode with a friend. Share it on your social media. Make sure to follow me at PedsDocTalk on Instagram and subscribe to my YouTube channel, PedsDocTalk TV. We’ll talk to you soon.