The term self-care makes me cringe. Especially when its used with a hasthag: #selfcare.

In this episode I discuss the fundamental issues with self care and offer a perspective on self-compassion and why this is so much more important for us.

• Why is self-care sometimes unattainable
• The guilt surrounding self-care
• What is self-compassion
• My main priorities for self-care and why I believe it’s vital.
• And so much more

00;00;08;27 – 00;00;30;22

Dr. Mona

Welcome back to the podcast and the finding Joy series. This is my third episode in the finding Joy series. I have done one on going part time as a working mom and also finding joy as a parent in a pandemic. And I feel like I have the ideas to do these episodes. And then something happens in my day and in my life and I’m like, okay, this is a good time to record this.

 

00;00;30;22 – 00;00;59;13

Dr. Mona

So this is when I record these episodes, when I am feeling impassioned about these topics, feeling like, maybe you need to hear this too. So on this episode, I am talking about the term self-care. I have actually grown to loathe this term. The self-care industry in itself is a multibillion dollar industry on social media. You know, light some candles and do this and meditate all that.

 

00;00;59;15 – 00;01;23;15

Dr. Mona

It’s great. It’s important. I think it’s very, very useful. On social media, it’s women looking perfect all the time who use the hashtag self-care. You know, when they’re getting their nails done or their hair done. And yeah, the use of the self-care hashtag has made me hate the term self-care so much that I, like, actually need some self-care to overcome the annoyance I have with the term self-care.

 

00;01;23;21 – 00;01;45;25

Dr. Mona

You know? Got it. Okay. Yeah, it’s it’s what it is. But it really just comes down to understanding that, yes, self-care is important. It is. But we also have to rephrase it on what we look at in terms of self-care. I believe that self-care is impossible as a mom. Add on any extra kids. If you have one child, it’s already difficult.

 

00;01;46;03 – 00;02;06;16

Dr. Mona

When you add on another child, it gets more difficult, so you keep adding on kids. Self-care is going to seem almost impossible. You add on the responsibilities that we have, such as work if you’re working mom, household chores to do, list all the things that we have to do to keep the family go in and everything that we have to do, it seems unattainable.

 

00;02;06;19 – 00;02;25;28

Dr. Mona

And then what happens? So you feel like, okay, I’m seeing everyone do practice self-care and see that it’s important, but I don’t have the time. And then you start to feel guilty when you can’t accomplish self-care that you are being preached to do. The importance of self-care. Yes, I know the importance of self-care, but I can’t find the time.

 

00;02;25;28 – 00;02;51;25

Dr. Mona

I feel like I’m just constantly drowning to find and carve out those moments of self-care. So in this episode, I’m not only talking about self-care, but I’m talking about the issues I have with it and also how to create more self-care, passion, and why that’s more important to me than self-care. The reality is, we all have different resources, and we all have a different definition of what self-care looks like.

 

00;02;52;02 – 00;03;12;10

Dr. Mona

And yet we sometimes hold ourselves to a standard created by others. Or you compare your self-care to others. And that’s what I don’t want you all to do. On this finding Joy series, I’m going to be going over things like milestone anxiety, comparison, the things that we do that really rob our joy as parents, especially as moms because I’m a mom too.

 

00;03;12;17 – 00;03;37;07

Dr. Mona

And oh, comparison is the worst. And I feel like now we’re comparing our self-care. So what are the things that you see on social media? Maybe your friends are doing that are, you know, DM self-care, bubble baths, getting your nails done, getting your hair done, getting things done for you, for your physical well-being. But I’m really going to go back to the importance of your mental well-being.

 

00;03;37;09 – 00;03;57;07

Dr. Mona

Yes, these things are great, right? Like going to get your nails done and going to get your hair done, and going to do all the physical things that gets you away from your responsibilities are good. But is your mind is your mind actually removing yourself from all the things you have to do? That is the key. Self-care has to involve mental peace.

 

00;03;57;07 – 00;04;23;23

Dr. Mona

It has to involve the things that really will help you reset. So if you go to get your nails done, but then you’re on your phone looking at social media and looking at things that don’t bring you joy, or you are constantly making a list for your children that is actually not self-care. Self-care and it’s entity has to be where you can steal your mind or do something for your body, like exercise or something to move that energy.

 

00;04;23;25 – 00;04;45;02

Dr. Mona

Because as moms, we do a lot. We think about a lot, and we have a lot of energy in our bodies. What I mean by that is that we have a lot of sometimes stagnant energy. You know, you feel like overwhelmed or antsy or I got to do this and I got to do this. We got to move that energy somewhere, whether it’s through exercise, going for a walk with your child if you don’t have any child care.

 

00;04;45;04 – 00;05;08;08

Dr. Mona

But we also have to learn to also retrain and still our mind when you are on social media and you’re looking at all these women, get their nails done and workout in and going on a girls trip, you may ask yourself, well, I can’t do any of that. Not only do I not have the resources, whether it’s financial or time off, I may not have childcare or help to do any of that.

 

00;05;08;10 – 00;05;31;13

Dr. Mona

And then you go into the spa. Well, they’re doing that, but why am I not? And that’s a whole different finding Joy conversation about comparison. Self-care is yours. Self-compassion is also yours. And it’s going to bring you more self-care. There are a few fundamental issues I have with self-care. Number one, it seems impossible when you have no help.

 

00;05;31;15 – 00;05;56;23

Dr. Mona

This is true for so many of us in this pandemic, right? Childcare is a mess. Your job if you’re working, may be over stressful for you. You know you’re just feeling overwhelmed. Social circles are not what they used to be pre-pandemic. We have to figure out, okay, play dates and risk and dadada. It can seem like there is no amount of self-care that is going to fix the lack of support and lack of social structure that we kind of need.

 

00;05;56;25 – 00;06;23;23

Dr. Mona

So it’s when I talk about self-compassion, it’s understanding that it’s understanding that I may want to do these things, and I would love to do these things. But I have to also understand that I need to figure out what’s best for my resources, what’s best for me, and not compare it to someone else’s definition of self-care. The number two issue I have with self-care is when we have tumbled into a spiral of exhaustion.

 

00;06;23;25 – 00;06;43;14

Dr. Mona

There is no amount of meditation or lighting a candle that’s going to fix it. When you enter that spiral of overwhelm, it can be hard to get out. I mean, this is actually neuro psychiatry. It’s how our brain is wired. So you start to think about something and you’re worried about X, Y, and Z, and then now you’re worried about the worry.

 

00;06;43;14 – 00;07;05;06

Dr. Mona

And it’s like a spiral of anxiety. I call it like your anxiety has its own anxiety. It’s it’s not healthy. And those spirals is what can cause you to lose your joy in motherhood, not be present in the moment. So things like lighting a candle and like doing any of these little things for self-care, it can almost feel like you’re trying to patch a leak with scotch tape.

 

00;07;05;08 – 00;07;21;25

Dr. Mona

It’s going to barely keep it together. Maybe you’re just for a little bit. You’re going to put this in and it’s going to barely keep it together. But you need to go back down to, well, what do I need to do to sustain in the long term? And that goes back to that self-compassion piece, that understanding that this is my situation.

 

00;07;21;27 – 00;07;51;11

Dr. Mona

How am I going to navigate this? Have some grace for yourself and say, you know what? This is a difficult time. Number three, with the issue with self-care is we confuse needing self-care with an actual need for professional help. A good rule of thumb is if you are doing your usual self-care practices and you are still feeling a level of distress, such as feelings of guilt, anxiety, overwhelm, unable to sleep for weeks on end where it’s not just a day to day thing.

 

00;07;51;14 – 00;08;10;20

Dr. Mona

Intrusive thoughts, lack of motivation, difficulty concentrating. You’re now at a point where this is not a one off because we’re all entitled to one off days, one off few days, one off weeks. But if this is becoming your norm, where you know yourself best and you say I do not feel right, it is time to seek professional support.

 

00;08;10;21 – 00;08;34;29

Dr. Mona

Now I know what you’re thinking. How am I supposed to do this? My life is so busy, but I want you to think of how important these things are for your long run. Sustainability. Seeing a therapist may not need to be every week. I know it can be very pricey if it’s not covered by insurance, but even just every month, you need to talk to someone who’s trained in mental health if you are feeling completely lost.

 

00;08;34;29 – 00;08;58;22

Dr. Mona

I’ve spoken about this in a lot of my finding Joy episodes, but it’s so vital to recognize and have that insight in saying this is really tough for me right now. I am not the person I am usually, and I’m speaking honestly like I’ve been doing pretty great from an emotional standpoint. I would say since I was eight months postpartum, most of you know that I went through depression and anxiety eight months postpartum.

 

00;08;58;24 – 00;09;19;15

Dr. Mona

I navigated through that. I saw a therapist, and I actually started to feel really great. Things were going really good and New Year hit. A lot of great things have happened, but also a lot of not so great things have happened, and it triggered a lot of anxiety that is from repressed things that happened two years ago, maybe in my childhood.

 

00;09;19;15 – 00;09;39;24

Dr. Mona

It’s stuff that we don’t recognize. So I’m starting to see a therapist again. I’m actually seeing a psychiatrist. I want to do something called CBT cognitive Behavioral therapy. I want to look into this and I’m grateful for the resource. I also to look at financial cost I can’t afford every week sessions I have. I have to think about my balance of my resources with also what I need.

 

00;09;39;24 – 00;10;03;25

Dr. Mona

So I’m thinking about doing once a month or every two weeks based on the cost. But it’s important to understand that just because you’re doing self-care doesn’t mean that you’re in a state of peace, because it comes down to what your mind is doing. We all may define self-care differently or need different outlets. I find myself care activities to be working out to get that physical energy out.

 

00;10;03;25 – 00;10;25;19

Dr. Mona

Remember, when you are holding on to thoughts and energy, it’s in your brain. It needs to move somewhere. So whether it’s through 5 minutes or 20 minutes of physical activity or writing in a journal, which I love, because you have the physical ability to write your energy and your emotions out versus just typing that physical movement of a pen to paper gets the energy out.

 

00;10;25;19 – 00;10;53;19

Dr. Mona

What we’re trying to do is remove the energy that’s causing us angst, or causing us anxiety, or causing us discomfort and feeling like we’re not ourselves. One of my most important ways of finding self-care is when I am doing something on it and uninterrupted, where I’m sitting or in my room, whatever it may be. No one yelling mama, no questions being asked for, my husband, no dogs barking, nothing, just doing stuff for myself.

 

00;10;53;22 – 00;11;14;12

Dr. Mona

I have a career and a platform that is a giving field. I am always giving. I give at work, I give for my family and then I also give on social media. So it’s important that I get those moments of self-care where my mind can rest. Usually for me it means meditation. Meditation is not easy for everyone because it’s hard for our brain to calm itself.

 

00;11;14;12 – 00;11;43;24

Dr. Mona

It’s exhausting and it feels uncomfortable. But the reality is, meditation works because in the long run, it trains your brain to reset. In those moments. But it’s impossible for me to do any of these self-care activities when I have Ryan in the home. If Ryan is in the home and he’s awake, it is really hard for me to do self-care activities such as working out, such as taking a moment because inevitably I hear his screams or I hear his mama mama and I love that.

 

00;11;43;24 – 00;11;59;20

Dr. Mona

But I also need the mind space and the ability to just block out and be on my own. It’s what I need for self-care. Or I’ll be doing a peloton ride, or my husband’s watching him, and all of a sudden he ends up in my space and he is trying to climb on the bike and he’s trying to watch me and run.

 

00;11;59;20 – 00;12;30;12

Dr. Mona

And I love it. I love that he loves me, but I also need that mental break for anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes. And this is going to look so different for you. But I encourage you to think about the things that you can do to give you some mental peace, whether that’s sitting in a car for five minutes before you go into your home or pick up your child from childcare or whatever it is, whether that’s meditating, whether that’s moving your body, I need you to really maximize that for yourself.

 

00;12;30;14 – 00;12;49;21

Dr. Mona

Number five, we feel guilty about self-care when we don’t do it because we feel like we are letting ourselves down. Kill the guilt right? We feel like I didn’t do my self-care. I, I need to do it. I can’t, I don’t have the time. A checklist we can’t accomplish, and it is the worst thing we can do, especially when you’re dealing with overwhelming anxiety.

 

00;12;49;21 – 00;13;12;09

Dr. Mona

Or I have to do this, or I’m thinking about Covid, or I’m thinking about X, Y, and Z. Cue the need for more self-care. And there’s a vicious cycle being created. And this is all exhausting. And this is the fundamental issues with self-care in that terminology. It’s not that we don’t need it, it’s that we also have to remember that, in my opinion, the best self-care is when we have mental peace.

 

00;13;12;11 – 00;13;43;25

Dr. Mona

So things like exercising uninterrupted things like meditating, things like just sitting alone, things like going for a walk without your cell phone. Remember, I am always I’m on my cell phone a lot. I have a business that is on Instagram. I am constantly on emails devices, but I also recognize the need to shut that down. That shutdown is so important because if you’re constantly wired to a phone, you’re constantly going to be wired in your brain and cell phones have increased anxiety.

 

00;13;43;25 – 00;14;04;21

Dr. Mona

We have research to prove this. It’s increased depression. Social media has increased anxiety and depression. I honestly feel like if I were to pull all my moms that are on social media regularly and then pull all my moms in my office who don’t go on social media, I would see a stark difference between anxiety and depression. All of these things.

 

00;14;04;23 – 00;14;35;05

Dr. Mona

Social media is a blessing, but it’s also a curse in the way that we get subconscious comparison game. We subconsciously feel like we’re not doing enough. We subconsciously get more anxious with all the things that we read without even sometimes realizing it. So rather than focusing solely on self-care, I want you to focus on self-compassion. Focus on giving yourself some understanding for the bad days and the bad moments, and also that you may not be able to do self-care every day.

 

00;14;35;12 – 00;15;00;26

Dr. Mona

Tell yourself, okay, I know I have to do these things for my mental health. I know it’s important that I work out, but stop creating the expectation that it’s going to happen every day. It may not happen every day. Set realistic expectations I always say it’s important to set expectations that are reasonable and then surprise yourself. I think sometimes feel like people feel like if you set low expectations that you’re not striving for greatness, that’s not what this means.

 

00;15;01;02 – 00;15;19;11

Dr. Mona

You can strive for greatness, but you also have to look at your resources. If you are so busy and can’t work out every day, or can’t meditate every day because you have to get your kids ready, and you’re trying to think about ways that you can incorporate it into your schedule. If they go to school, maybe I’m going to exercise and meditate for a total of 25 minutes.

 

00;15;19;11 – 00;15;45;10

Dr. Mona

I do a 20 minute workout. I do a five minute meditation. Right. You can do this after you drop them off. It’s what I’ve started to do more of so that I can get those very important mental clarity pieces when my child is not in the house. And then today I got a call that he has diarrhea. So we had to pick them up from school and it cascaded that spiral of overwhelm and I’m being honest when I say this, that anxiety overwhelm of oh my gosh, he’s sick.

 

00;15;45;10 – 00;16;03;05

Dr. Mona

Okay, what’s going on with this illness? Again, these back to backs are killing us. I mean, we just want him to be okay, but we also have to work. We also have no childcare help outside of childcare in the group setting. So it’s this understanding that I have to show some self-compassion for myself and understanding that this is the moment I’m in.

 

00;16;03;08 – 00;16;24;02

Dr. Mona

How am I going to navigate this in the now? How do I tell my brain that this is not a forever? It won’t be a forever? You’re going to get to back to the time where things don’t feel overwhelming, and that is really hard for me to do. And it takes training, right? It takes me reprograming and rewiring my brain through meditation, through other things with reframing, which I will go into in so many more episodes.

 

00;16;24;05 – 00;16;47;13

Dr. Mona

So here are some of my favorite ways to practice self-compassion. Number one recognize burnout. You are the only one who knows this, and everyone is so different. You know, I’ll see moms come into my office and just looking from the outside, they have seven children. They seem to be just so content and happy. And I’m like, awesome. And then I see a mom who has one child and is overwhelmed.

 

00;16;47;15 – 00;17;06;25

Dr. Mona

And I don’t know everything about those resources. I don’t know anything about these families that I would want to know, but besides just what I’m talking to them in the office. But it also does come down to the mindset of that mom. It does. I mean, I think we forget how powerful our mindset is and reframing. How am I looking at these situations?

 

00;17;06;25 – 00;17;22;23

Dr. Mona

Do I look at these situations as fear and dread, or do I look at it as a moment and that I’m human and it’s going to pass? You need to speak to your partner if you have one, and if you don’t have a partner, building the things for you when your child is napping or goes down to sleep.

 

00;17;22;25 – 00;17;40;09

Dr. Mona

I always have a tip that the first thing you need to do when it’s nap time or bedtime is get. Get rid of all of the activities that you need to get done because it helps you for the day, right? Whether that’s dishes or cleaning up the toys, you don’t have to do that. That’s not a requirement. But once you have done that, you need to reset your soul.

 

00;17;40;17 – 00;18;08;16

Dr. Mona

You need to focus on no more than 30 minutes. If you don’t have the time of moving your body, whether that’s yoga, whether that’s doing stretches, whether that’s going, for a walk, if you have help when the child’s napping, whether that is meditation, you need to move your body. There are home programs to move your body. There is no excuse not to because rather than scrolling social media, rather than doing other things, I need you to protect your mental health.

 

00;18;08;18 – 00;18;27;11

Dr. Mona

And these things can give you that fire back. This is about long term maintenance, so that we don’t end up into the cycle of overwhelmed. And I was telling my husband that I feel like I was doing all of this for so long, and then I neglected it for about six months. I got so busy with pizza dog talk, so busy with mom life that I neglected my working out.

 

00;18;27;11 – 00;18;50;09

Dr. Mona

I neglected the meditation. I neglected the things that gave me peace in my mind. And now I’m back at it. And it’s not easy to get back into things. It’s like working out right when you don’t work out for a week. It’s like all the months that you’ve done just feel futile. But it does matter when you do get a moment, whether it’s during a nap or bedtime or whatever it is, focus on the small accomplishments for the day.

 

00;18;50;12 – 00;19;10;29

Dr. Mona

I cleaned up the toys or did the dishes. You don’t need to do everything, but give yourself just a little verbal internal nod for accomplishing something you did today. You don’t need a big red carpet ruled out for you, because I don’t want this to be that. You always are searching for validation from other people. The only person that matters in your mental space is you.

 

00;19;11;03 – 00;19;30;01

Dr. Mona

You are the person who takes up 24 hours a day, seven days a week, real estate in your mind. So saying that this person needs to do this or this person needs to say this about me, it doesn’t help. You got to learn to celebrate yourself. And that is how we can show our self self-compassion and focus on the things you did today, and not the things you didn’t.

 

00;19;30;03 – 00;19;54;13

Dr. Mona

As mothers, we often forget all the good things that we do because it’s much easier for our brain to focus on negatives. This is how the brain is programed. You are driving and you see a car crash on the side of the road. You’re more likely to be rubbernecking and noticing that versus just continuing to drive. On a normal day, our brain is programed to see negative energy and to see negative things.

 

00;19;54;20 – 00;20;19;09

Dr. Mona

It’s why people end up watching the news. We watch the news to get the negative, negative, negative. But this is not helpful. It doesn’t serve a purpose to constantly hear negative things. So recognize that this is happening. Show yourself compassion by feeding the dopamine. Feed your dopamine with things that are good that happen during the day. By doing this, you’re not denying that the bad things happen.

 

00;20;19;09 – 00;20;35;13

Dr. Mona

Remember, you are just making a choice. The bad things happen. But hey, what were the good things? And remember, I talk about that in episode 100 with the finding Joy in a pandemic. Maybe your kiddo laughed today at something that you did. Maybe you didn’t yell as much today. Maybe you made an improvement in how you managed something.

 

00;20;35;16 – 00;20;53;10

Dr. Mona

Maybe you yelled, but you apologized. There’s going to be something in your day that you can tell yourself, well, I’m so proud of myself for doing this today. I did something that I didn’t do before and you need to reflect on that. That is why, at the end of the day, I ask that, you know, shutting down your cell phone.

 

00;20;53;10 – 00;21;10;04

Dr. Mona

So just say your bed times 11, shutting down your cell phone 1030, and really either journaling and writing it all out or just self-reflect for the day. And I like journaling. It may not work for a lot of people, but it’s that physical ability to write your feelings down and let it out of your body and mind and into the open.

 

00;21;10;10 – 00;21;34;19

Dr. Mona

And the physical process of writing in a journal can really help move the energy, that energy that stagnant, that’s causing us to feel overwhelmed. The other thing is practice reframing. When you’re practicing reframing, you are doing this for all the things that did make you feel upset today. Rather than scrolling social, which again, I took the first time I said this.

 

00;21;34;19 – 00;21;50;20

Dr. Mona

But it’s important because I love social media, because it brought me to so many of you. But I also know that there are limitations. Unbeknownst to you, you are going to see it and maybe think, oh man, I don’t. I didn’t do that or I should have done that. First. Follow accounts that inspire you and that make you feel like a better mom or better person.

 

00;21;50;25 – 00;22;11;21

Dr. Mona

Don’t follow accounts that make you feel shittier, but by reframing how you do this is you take. At the end of the day, journaling is a great idea, or just talking to yourself and you write all the things that maybe didn’t go your way in the day. Things that caused you angst, like I said. And I want you to write an example.

 

00;22;11;23 – 00;22;32;08

Dr. Mona

For example, for me, I’ll be announcing the soon, but I’m going through we’re going through IVF and it’s caused me a lot of anxiety, the scheduling, the how to make it work with work and bringing up trauma from my delivery. I mean, there’s so many things on my head. So I wrote anxiety, IVF. And then in the reframe, I wrote all the things to reframe.

 

00;22;32;10 – 00;22;47;07

Dr. Mona

I said that I am so blessed to have a child that I love. I’m so blessed to have my health. I trust my body to do what it needs to do, and I understand that I can’t control it. I can’t control when I’m going to get my schedule. I can’t control if I’m going to be able to make that schedule.

 

00;22;47;10 – 00;23;09;13

Dr. Mona

But what I do know is that I will have to take off time from work. I will work with them on what I need to do, and that my health and my family is my priority. And that is what I do with the reframing. So every night when you’re feeling like I had a overwhelming day, journal, if you do not have an overwhelming day because those days are going to exist, you can say, I had a really great day.

 

00;23;09;20 – 00;23;30;02

Dr. Mona

But always talk about gratitude in your journal exercises because what we’re trying to do is feed the brain the positive chemicals. We’re trying to feed, the dopamine we’re trying to feed the things that make us feel good about ourselves. And that is about self-compassion, right? I love myself, I did something really great today, and just because I love myself doesn’t mean I’m perfect.

 

00;23;30;02 – 00;23;48;11

Dr. Mona

It means that I’m going to grow. And the day may not have been perfect, but I’m going to learn from it. And that is really powerful. Another bonus is say it to yourself out loud. I know it sounds really weird, but I did this and my dog was like, what’s going on? Why is my dog mom? Talking out loud?

 

00;23;48;13 – 00;24;06;14

Dr. Mona

But I would write it down and when I do the reframe, I would just talk to myself and say, the reframe. You are strong. Your body is capable. You have science on your side. It will work if it’s meant to work. And I know that’s hard sometimes to hear, but by talking to yourself, it’s almost like you’re talking to a friend.

 

00;24;06;16 – 00;24;30;23

Dr. Mona

Your tone can get excited, your tone can get sassy. But when you say it to yourself, it makes you believe it more outloud versus just writing it to be like, okay, this is how I’m supposed to do. You’re taking ownership. You are showing yourself, yeah, I can do this. And you are controlling the narrative. So much of mindfulness and so much of mental health is controlling the narrative, controlling your story.

 

00;24;30;26 – 00;24;49;27

Dr. Mona

And that is what you’re doing by reframing are saying that here is the fat, here are the facts. The facts are that this happened. The facts are that this happened. Everything else besides the facts is your story. And when it’s your story, it’s it can be changed. So your child is sick, right? That’s the fact your child needs to stay off from daycare.

 

00;24;50;02 – 00;25;09;28

Dr. Mona

That’s the fact that’s happening to me right now. I got upset, I showed myself some compassion. I said, okay, it’s what it is now. The reality, you can tell yourself, is that means that I’m going to have to reschedule everything. I’m going to call it from work. It means how long is this going to be? But what you can also tell yourself is that this may be just a day.

 

00;25;10;01 – 00;25;30;28

Dr. Mona

I have to focus on my child. My child’s sick and he needs me. And that is the most important thing is you have to control the reality. And in order to control the reality, you have to control your narrative. Facts are one thing, but narrative is another. The last thing is, don’t put too much pressure on you to self care a certain way.

 

00;25;31;00 – 00;25;54;09

Dr. Mona

What works for you may not work for someone else, but it does come down to two essentials. In my opinion. Physically moving your body to some degree every day, five times a week, whatever you can make possible in your schedule. Physical movement really helps channel that energy that can stay stagnant in our body. I sometimes only do five minute exercises.

 

00;25;54;09 – 00;26;12;26

Dr. Mona

I do a 15 minute, 20 minute. It does not have to be a half an hour. It has to be, you know, what you can feasibly do in your schedule and you can carve out that time. Like I said, think about your day. Think about all the things that you do in your day and think about the moments where you are sitting every other day or five times a week.

 

00;26;12;26 – 00;26;36;12

Dr. Mona

Think about can I fit in a ten minute workout? Whether it’s on peloton, whether you put up a YouTube video, remember, you don’t have to pay an arm and a leg to have physical activity. Move your body to get that energy going. And then the other thing is, take out that energy with something like meditation, journaling, or taking a moment away from cell phones.

 

00;26;36;14 – 00;26;53;29

Dr. Mona

Whether that means going for a walk with your dog in your child, self-care does not have to involve you being alone. Yes, I would love that. Yes, I would love that mental break. But sometimes it means going for a stroll, chatting about the things that you want to chat. You doing what you need to do to get outside into nature.

 

00;26;54;01 – 00;27;18;22

Dr. Mona

Because nature is also a healer as well. So rather than trying to fit into self-care and the idea I need to do this and then do this every day, fit in self-compassion, celebrate the things that you did do well or that are going well in your life. You may need to dig deep on some days. Some days you may have a throw away day.

 

00;27;18;22 – 00;27;38;25

Dr. Mona

I’ve said that on episode 100, but you have to do this without comparing your self-care with others or another day or another moment you had. I think we get into that cycle of man yesterday. It was so great. And why is this like that? Days and moments are fleeting. What is not fleeting is the mindset that you create for yourself.

 

00;27;38;27 – 00;28;00;22

Dr. Mona

The story and narrative you tell yourself. This may be happening, but you know what? We are going to be okay, I have this. I am capable of taking care of my sick child. I am capable of knowing that we have doctors and, you know, hospitals and pediatricians offices to help me if I need it. I am capable, I know what I am capable of, and it takes training to do that.

 

00;28;00;27 – 00;28;30;22

Dr. Mona

But I know you can. In the end, self-care is giving the world the best of you instead of what’s left of you. And in order to reach that place of self-care, we have to have self-care passion. First. We have to understand that we are not human. We have to understand that there may be bad and good days, and understanding and learning to let go of expectations, to show yourself some grace so you can navigate these really hard times.

 

00;28;30;25 – 00;28;54;22

Dr. Mona

I hope you found this episode helpful. I love the finding Joy series. I love that I can share some of my personal stories. I love that I can give you some feedback into creating that joy. Again, the goal is for us to become at a state of being content with our life, that we love our life for what it is and what it’s going to show us, but that we understand that there are ups and downs.

 

00;28;54;25 – 00;29;15;05

Dr. Mona

If you have any topics that you want me to bring up on these finding Joy episodes, like, you know, I’m feeling overwhelmed with this or I feel like, how can I reframe? I want you to call it into (954) 526-2641. I will use it as a topic. I will create an episode discussing how to reframe the big picture on how we parent our kids.

 

00;29;15;05 – 00;29;25;18

Dr. Mona

This is what these episodes are about. If you found it enjoyable, make sure you leave a review or a rating wherever you can and share it on social media. And I will talk to you next time.